Post by greysonsmom on Apr 27, 2016 10:30:27 GMT -5
I have to add my nurses were great! My hospital didn't have visiting hours, as long as people weren't disruptive they could stay. The nurses asked for a code word in case I wanted them to kick anyone out.
Wow frecklesnbrains your mom is just out to win the MOTY trophy huh. I'm sorry she hasn't been more supportive your whole life.
Haha, thanks. My MIL is even worse. But the silver lining is that between the two of them they give DH and I great motivation to be parents who are as loving, supportive, and involved as possible
I think that we will call my parents and DH's parents when we head to the hospital. We've told them that they are welcome to come right away and wait in the family lounge, but we'd like to not have visitors in the room until AFTER the babies are born and we're all settled. So it will likely be my parents and sister, MIL and her H, FIL and his GF, possibly SIL if she isn't working out of state.
I know there will be a few friends who live nearby that will likely visit, which I'm fine with. I would almost rather they visit at the hospital and then let us have our alone time once we get home.
frecklesnbrains, our mothers are polar opposites. Some of my friends have mothers like yours. Growing up their mom's traveled without them, and (the unmarried ones) dated, and they had fun. My mom hasn't dated since her divorce over a decade ago, and she spends most of her time either working, at my house, or taking care of my niece. Sometimes I criticize my mom for being such a martyr. She seriously takes the nurturing thing too far, and will give the shirt off her back to someone - often to her own detriment. I think being kind is important, but it's important to set limits and not be a pushover. My mom literally agreed to adopt a child on a whim, because she couldn't say no! Who does that?! My little sister turned out to be a huge blessing for my family, but I just use that as an example of how my mom takes self-sacrifice to the extreme.
Though, as much as I wish my mom would be more self preserving, I do appreciate that I can always count on her to come through for me. She refuses to go to a friend's wedding on June 8th because I'm due on June 10th and the wedding is 1.5 hours away. My greatest hope as a FTM is that I can strike the right balance between being a "martyr mother" and a "selfish mom." Our moms obviously didn't find that balance. There's a time for nurturing, and a time to live your life on your own terms and do something for yourself.
I should add that my main problem with visitors were the ones that were there during labor (not delivery, thank god). I really wanted my mom there because it was scary and painful. And DH, of course. But everyone else should have GTFO. Instead, it was like a revolving door of people. I just needed some rest.
That won't be happening this time. My parents have to watch DD so they won't be around and my MIL moved FAR FAR AWAY.
My parents, in laws, and most likely my sister will be the surgery waiting area during my c-section. I haven't decided if I will let them go see the baby before me if my surgery takes forever. MH will not be allowed in the OR at this time. We are still working on some details at this point. But, he will be notified when the baby is born and then be escorted to the NICU with her.
With DD, we didn't have anyone visit during labor. My dumbass brother in law walked in on me naked on a birthing ball which was awesome. But, my sister was there when I was pushing and my family and in laws in the waiting room. We ended with a section and my family all saw me and met DD then went home because it was late.
Personally, I hate having visitors at the hospital. I will, however, have DD's be the first visitors...my mom will bring them. They will come after I've had a couple hours with Newbaby. The only other visitors I will allow are my dad, MIL, GMIL & SMIL. My dad and SMIL will be quick and not intrusive.
With DD1, MIL & SFIL and GMIL & GFIL all came right after we got switched to the post partum wing. They walked in as I was nursing DD and MIL & GMIL both come up and get right in DD's face as she's suckling on my boob that's bigger than her head. Uncomfortable. With DD2 things just got worse, so I'm not looking forward to their visit.
With DS1 my parents and mil came the night he was born. They stayed a very short time though. The next day my sister, mother, and g-ma came and brought me lunch.
The rest of my family came to my house over the next couple of days but I stayed in bed and put chairs in my bedroom. It made things short and sweet. I did this with DS2 as well and will do the same this time. If we end up on the hospital I want no one there.
babyzebra that is us too. We only had family but honestly I thought I would want more alone time with DD but we were just so excited to show her off so we let DHs parents come right in and then later that day his sister and BIL and kids came to visit. The next day we had all of them plus aunt and uncle and my mom and grandma. I did have one visitor outside the family come and it was a surprise. My mentor teacher came to see us which I thought was sweet. I ended up with spinal headaches so by the end of the second day I was ready for some time and they were all good about that. This time I know I want DD to meet her first and have some family time that way but after that his parents will be there and same family members at different times. I'm also fine with whoever wants to come help and visit after because I will need a some time to get used to being home with the 2 on my own. I found that i had a really hard time when everyone left last time so some half day help would be great too when it gets close to time for me to be by myself.
Post by pdxlaurens on Apr 27, 2016 21:39:29 GMT -5
My mom will be watching DS while I'm in the hospital but we are planning on having MH go get him and then an hour or so later my mom will come visit and take him home again with her so we get a little sibling time before my mom is there. My dad and his wife will probably come by and my brother and SIL. MH's family all live out of state and are very needy so they aren't invited until a couple weeks later. They were a source of stress after DS and I'm not going there again. I doubt we'll have other hospital visitors, maybe a friend or 2. My BFF is a 5 hour flight away and instead of coming right away she's going to come stay for a few days around week 5 or 6 when MH goes back to work to give me some backup. She'd have been welcome sooner (unlike most other people) but I'm excited about our plan to have her come help me transition to being alone with 2 kids.
Post by manybellsdown on Apr 27, 2016 22:15:41 GMT -5
I have a potentially awkward question for STMs and more... if your children are staying with your parents or in-laws, and you want them to bring the children to meet the new baby for the first, how do you kick them out to then have a moment as a family for the first time?
I presume DD will be staying with my in-laws (though, sort of like freckles, they have a European trip booked until four days before my due date). DD loves them, they love her, and it's all very great. But my MIL is really very good at making annoying comments. They are particularly annoying lately because hormones, which I'm guessing will remain a problem after giving birth. Is there any real way to have her bring DD but then leave the room so we can have some time with just the four of us? Too much to ask?
Post by packerfan4life on Apr 27, 2016 22:19:06 GMT -5
Circumstances were obviously different for DD as we were the visitors. The only other people there were her Birthmom and people from the agency.
For this baby I'll have H and DD (provided she's not sick and they don't have any restrictions on kids). I have two close friends who actually both work in the hospital I'm delivering at so I'm sure they'll stop by. Our families live halfway across the country and won't be coming to visit until the end of July.
ETA I have no idea when or if H's family will visit. MIL mentioned coming to visit months ago but nothing since so I kind of doubt she will
My mom will be watching DS while I'm in the hospital but we are planning on having MH go get him and then an hour or so later my mom will come visit and take him home again with her so we get a little sibling time before my mom is there. My dad and his wife will probably come by and my brother and SIL. MH's family all live out of state and are very needy so they aren't invited until a couple weeks later. They were a source of stress after DS and I'm not going there again. I doubt we'll have other hospital visitors, maybe a friend or 2. My BFF is a 5 hour flight away and instead of coming right away she's going to come stay for a few days around week 5 or 6 when MH goes back to work to give me some backup. She'd have been welcome sooner (unlike most other people) but I'm excited about our plan to have her come help me transition to being alone with 2 kids.
I obviously posted my question before reading this from you... having H go get the kid and parental units come later! I should have thought of that. I like it!
Post by pdxlaurens on Apr 27, 2016 22:27:30 GMT -5
manybellsdown, it helps that my mom is nervous about driving DS and getting him in the car seat. I figure we'll also tell her it's a break for her so she can go get her mail etc. (she's planning to come to our house, easier than toddler proofing her place).
I have a potentially awkward question for STMs and more... if your children are staying with your parents or in-laws, and you want them to bring the children to meet the new baby for the first, how do you kick them out to then have a moment as a family for the first time?
I presume DD will be staying with my in-laws (though, sort of like freckles, they have a European trip booked until four days before my due date). DD loves them, they love her, and it's all very great. But my MIL is really very good at making annoying comments. They are particularly annoying lately because hormones, which I'm guessing will remain a problem after giving birth. Is there any real way to have her bring DD but then leave the room so we can have some time with just the four of us? Too much to ask?
My BFF will be watching DD and they live right by the hospital so I'll have H go pick her up and bring her. Otherwise I'd have no idea how to do that tactfully
I hope to somehow make folks keep some boundaries.
My H's family thinks watching feeding is no big deal, which I respect but I don't think its for me. My SIL would BF all the time in public and sitting right next to her FIL, etc. So I don't know how to convey that I'm not into that myself.
Also, my other SILs came over when we got our keys and walked into our house for the first time. It was really annoying to not get to experience that ourselves and have to share it. I totally imagine them coming to our house with us from the hospital or worse- if my dad who has a key lets them in and they meet us there? I just want to be able to have some "us time" just the 3 of us, both in the hospital and the first day at home. I'm sure we'll be entertaining after the first day, but I really want that experience of coming home with just the 3 of us. We'll see. DH and I are normally bad about speaking up so I'm not sure how it will go.
I did already set the expectation with a few family members that we won't be inviting people into the delivery room. I just need to stick to my guns.
Post by sandandsea on Apr 28, 2016 10:45:40 GMT -5
I forgot to add, this time, it will only be my mom and DS at the hospital. I want DH to go out and get them after baby comes and we're ready for guests (so maybe an hour later). My mom is good about boundaries and I don't mind her being there, especially since she's the one helping with DS during it alL! My sister and dad are flying in a few days later and ILs are coming a couple of weeks later.
I have a potentially awkward question for STMs and more... if your children are staying with your parents or in-laws, and you want them to bring the children to meet the new baby for the first, how do you kick them out to then have a moment as a family for the first time?
I presume DD will be staying with my in-laws (though, sort of like freckles, they have a European trip booked until four days before my due date). DD loves them, they love her, and it's all very great. But my MIL is really very good at making annoying comments. They are particularly annoying lately because hormones, which I'm guessing will remain a problem after giving birth. Is there any real way to have her bring DD but then leave the room so we can have some time with just the four of us? Too much to ask?
Have your DH leave the hospital to go pickup your kid from the ILs. They can join a a few hours later when you call them.
Post by 2dogs2kids on Apr 28, 2016 12:22:27 GMT -5
manybellsdown Thanks for asking this question! I have no idea how I will be handling this situation. I thought about having DH leave the hospital to go get DS but our house is 45 minutes from the hospital without traffic and depending on time of day it could easily be an hour-hour 20 minutes both ways. We don't even have a solid plan as to who will be watching DS while I'm in labor so I guess I'm putting the cart before the horse in worrying about this situation!
Right now the plan is at the hospital that it will be me, husband, doula, and my parents. His parents may try and come too, tbd. It already seems like a lot with just us and my parents, I imagine any additional folks that join us in the room will just continue to make it more overwhelming... But as long as there's no complications / emergencies, the hospital should let most of them stay in the room during delivery time.
My parents, DH's parents, my kids, maybe my sister and her family, my younger brother. Last time that was it for visitors. DH's siblings didn't come see DD for a long time after she was born and I didn't really care. I guess it depends when the baby is born. We had a lot of visitors when DS1 was born and it was too much. Also, because my labor was awful and I had a really bad tear. I just wanted some rest and people overstayed their welcome.
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