Who's visiting in the hospital?

[ArgyleEnigma]

A lot of S+TMs mentioned hospital visitors. How many is too many? How many visitors did you have at the hospital? At home?

My preference would be none or one set of visitors, but this is not realistic. Both sets of grandparents are definitely invited. How about siblings? My hospital allows people to visit in pairs, so that would require three additional visits. Also, we have friends whose children we've all seen the day they were born-- we brought them food--so they should be invited too. The list seems to be getting long.

On the other hand, if they come in the hospital, maybe they won't visit at home right away, and that visit would most certainly be longer.

Give me your plans, wisdom, and stories, please.

[sandandsea]

We only had our parents and my sister at the hospital. I had friends stop by my house a couple of weeks later. They brought dinner and it was nice to catch up. I didn't feel like it was too many at the hospital either as they took turns and weren't there forever. They also had to leave for all dr visits.

[babyzebra]

I know I'm definitely in the minority here on this topic, but I don't really mind visitors at the hospital or house. I'll probably have my parents (who will have DS), sister, BIL, FIL and his GF come to visit at the hospital and house. Friends will likely visit at the house but a few may come to the hospital. My hospital has a policy that children under 12 who aren't the sibling of the baby can't come and visit in the hospital, so I'll have to wait to see my niece and nephew when we get home. That makes me kind of sad, but I can understand why that policy exists.

[frecklesnbrains]

Nobody, I think. My dad and stepmom live 2 hours away. If they want to make the drive then they're welcome. I don't think anyone else will make the effort, which is fine by us!

[nitecheese]

At the hospital we'll have my in-laws (they live five minutes away), my mom, and possibly my BIL and his partner if they're in town.

That's who came when DS was born, so I am assuming it will be the same this time around.

My dad, step-mom, and step-dad are all coming out once we're home from the hospital.

I'm with babyzebra in that I don't really mind visitors.

[2dogs2kids]

I want DS to visit on the hospital. Also grandparents and my brother. Other than that I don't want any visitors in the hospital.

With DS people showed up uninvited (DH aunt, cousins, my best friend, etc). I didn't mind visitors at home because they were actually invited and I told them when to come. No one over stayed their welcome. Well except MIL, but that was a separate issue.

[greysonsmom]

DS was born at 11pm so MIL and FIL only stayed about an hour. My sisters and DH's sister and her BF stayed a couple hours. I wish they would have left with my in laws I was tired. The next day I didn't mind visitors, I was bored and the food was awful so I always had people bring food. MIL came back the following day and I also had three friends visit.

[cattuccino]

I think it's completely okay to see how you're even feeling. Depending how long labour is, or timing, you may very well not be up to visitors and that's okay. Or maybe you want everyone to come.
You might not have a long stay and people may not get a chance.

Immediate family/grandparents and my brother visited us with DD. This left for time for bonding with DD and and DH and working on latching etc.

Baby is your baby not a prize to be showed off and be on display and passed around during his/her first hours/days. You're also not going to be feeling (or looking if you encounter the swelling I did) your best and emotions could be all over the place.

I had friends say they would visit and they didn't and I was then disappointed.
So try think about what works for you and your H and what makes you happy.

This time i really just want DD, my dad and I suppose DH's parents. And I'd like to know when they're coming.

[soultrane]

I prefer visitors at the hospital to visitors at home too, because at the hospital it's pretty easy to kick them out. There's so much happening that provides natural ways to very nicely say "get out" - nurse checks, doctor checks, LC visits, baby has to go to the nursery for tests, and of course visiting hours.

I'm adamant about DS being our first visitor so once he meets his brother anyone else is welcome to come too. FIL will most likely be the one bringing him to the hospital, and I'm sure that my mom and stepdad will make the trip to come see us, especially since they won't have handicap accessibility issues at the hospital. Depending on when everything happens, my dad and girlfriend may come to see us too. Normally, I would expect my sister to be there but her due date is a week before mine, so we'll both have our hands full when these two babies arrive!

[Flair Underwood]

First and foremost - DD.

Then MIL (who will drive me bananas, but that's okay)... and then my parents.

We'll call DH's aunt and a long-time family friend, but that's it!

[txmommy14]

Yikes-probably a lot. DH's entire family, my mom, and lots of friends will likely stop by when in hospital and when we get home. It was a constant stream last time. I usually don't mind, but I'm hoping for visitors to just stay for a little less time this time and maybe not so many in the hospital. FIL will bring up DS as the first visitor, that's the most important thing!

[microworm]

No visitors until after the baby is born and we have had time to get situated.

First visitors will be my parents with DS. He will be staying with them.

Next visitors will be my ILs, provided they don't have dinner plans because those trumped visitation last time (don't get me started).

BIL might come with my ILs or might come with his girlfriend. The ILs have beef with her and don't "accept her" so last time she never came and I was OK with that because she is a handful.

My best friend will visit at some point.

That should be all.

[Flair Underwood]

Apr 27, 2016 8:14:11 GMT -5 microworm said:

Next visitors will be my ILs, provided they don't have dinner plans because those trumped visitation last time (don't get me started).

Times like these I think that private board would do us good!

[nitecheese]

Apr 27, 2016 8:14:11 GMT -5 microworm said:

Next visitors will be my ILs, provided they don't have dinner plans because those trumped visitation last time (don't get me started).

I actually said, "What the fuck?" upon reading that sentence. And again after rereading it. 

[microworm]

Apr 27, 2016 8:19:47 GMT -5 nitecheese said:

Apr 27, 2016 8:14:11 GMT -5 microworm said:

Next visitors will be my ILs, provided they don't have dinner plans because those trumped visitation last time (don't get me started).

I actually said, "What the fuck?" upon reading that sentence. And again after rereading it. 

That's what was going through my head when MH put FIL on the phone and he told me that "well we had this meat smoking all day so we can't come until tomorrow. You understand, right?" As blood gushed out of my vag.

Smoked meat >>>> DS

[nitecheese]

Apr 27, 2016 8:23:06 GMT -5 microworm said:

Apr 27, 2016 8:19:47 GMT -5 nitecheese said:

Smoked meat >>>> DS

Ded. Just ded. Cannot stop laughing.

[athn64]

Currently out hospital has a 6 visitor max and no one under age 18. Hopefully that will he gone by delivery (usual flu time restrictions here)

If they are, my mom will bring DD first. Then my dad and brothers can visit. My aunt and uncle also visited last time.

No ILS at the hospital. They live too far away. Thank God. Last time MIL was the first one in with her sister that I did know while I was trying to nurse DD and my boobs were out.

[athn64]

As always microworm, your FIL sucks

[frecklesnbrains]

microworm, your ILs sound like most of my relatives. "Sure, it's all exciting that you're having a baby, but I need to go on a Buddist medidation retreat" (my mother). "Sure, it's all exciting that you're having a baby, but I have to plant the garden" (my stepmother). "Sure, it's all exciting that you're having a baby, but I have to go drink beer and hit on girls who are much younger than me" (my brother).

[vivela]

I assuming my parents, who live close by. His parents live a flight away, so it really depends on how long labor is and whether DH decides to call them right away, etc. If they get there before we are discharged they can visit.
My grandmother, which also automatically means my aunt because they live together. My aunt is a giant pain in the butt, but what can ya do, I definitely want my grandmother to see him as soon as she wants to.
My sister and her fiancé will probably be there as soon as work allows.
I know our friends won't expect an invite and I'd prefer to be settled at home for those visits with my own space to escape to if I need to feed him or something.

[microworm]

frecklesnbrains commiseration love tit.

[Kevinmac]

ILs will come- since I told MIL no to being in the delivery room

My sister, BIL, nephew (depending on if it's his week with my sister) and nieces will

Some good friends will

My aunt might if she is not in Florida

That's probably it and ok by me

[frecklesnbrains]

Apr 27, 2016 9:41:12 GMT -5 microworm said:

frecklesnbrains commiseration love tit.

Seriously, my EDD is June 7 and my mother booked a trip to Europe until May 29 and then a meditation retreat in California from May 30-June 5. She then sent me an email telling me that I was under "strict instructions not to have the baby until after the due date" so she could come visit. I'm not sure if she was joking or being serious, but either way I'm so annoyed with her.

[ArgyleEnigma]

frecklesnbrains, wow. Wow.

[nitecheese]

Apr 27, 2016 10:07:16 GMT -5 frecklesnbrains said:

Apr 27, 2016 9:41:12 GMT -5 microworm said:

frecklesnbrains commiseration love tit.

Seriously, my EDD is June 7 and my mother booked a trip to Europe until May 29 and then a meditation retreat in California from May 30-June 5. She then sent me an email telling me that I was under "strict instructions not to have the baby until after the due date" so she could come visit. I'm not sure if she was joking or being serious, but either way I'm so annoyed with her.

MOTY. Not to be mean or overstep bounds, but will she insist on a special snowflake name for the kids to call her? She sounds like the type. 

[nymama917]

With DD1 we had my parents, my inlaws, and one of my BIL. They came up when I was in labor (my water broke at home so it was a sure thing baby was coming). They stayed until she was born (at 1 AM) and it took a while to stitch me so my FIL and BIL came in to see her as soon as they could and then got on the road back to Philly because they are both doctors and had to work in the morning. then my parents and MIL came up and stayed not very long because it was the middle of the night. The next day my parents and MIL came back then MIL left and my parents popped in and out throughout the day. We didn't have any other hospital visitors and I was a little bored. We had inlaws back over the first weekend home including all 3 BIL and my husbands grand parents. Then friends rotated in on the weekends after. I enjoyed the visitors, but that's my personality. There were definitely times my husband was ready to kick everyone out.

[bgkc4]

My mother will likely be present during labor and delivery along with DH. I honestly don't even want anyone else to know I'm in labor. I want to wait until after the baby is born and see how I'm feeling. Then I will invite MIL and SIL to the hospital. My father wont care to visit in the hospital. He's ambivalent about it. He'll be much more into visiting when the baby is older and can walk/talk. I will see everyone else at the house when I'm up to it.

[frecklesnbrains]

Apr 27, 2016 10:12:21 GMT -5 nitecheese said:

Apr 27, 2016 10:07:16 GMT -5 frecklesnbrains said:

Seriously, my EDD is June 7 and my mother booked a trip to Europe until May 29 and then a meditation retreat in California from May 30-June 5. She then sent me an email telling me that I was under "strict instructions not to have the baby until after the due date" so she could come visit. I'm not sure if she was joking or being serious, but either way I'm so annoyed with her.

MOTY. Not to be mean or overstep bounds, but will she insist on a special snowflake name for the kids to call her? She sounds like the type. 

Hahaha! She's "Nana" to my niece, so I assume that's what she'll be. I learned a long, long time ago not to expect anything from my mother unless it's convenient for her. She's a "free spirit". My parents divorced when I was 10 and she left me and my sister to be raised by my dad while she ran off to "find herself" and got remarried to the man she was cheating on my father with. I've forgiven her for that, but I still keep my expectations low because I know I always end up getting hurt.

And now you can all charge me a hefty therapist fee for unloading all that on you

[woodengirl07]

I'm not planning on calling anyone until baby is here and I have had a few minutes (or hours, we'll see) to get "ready" for visitors. I don't want a bunch of people in the waiting room while I'm in labor I'll tell ya.

After that my parents, my ILs, and my sister for sure. Idk if DH's brother and family or DH's grandma will be able to come but they can if they want. Pretty much every person in my and DH's family lives within 15-20 min of the hospital so I feel like they might be itching to all come. But who knows. (Our family is very small)

This is all theory, since I'm a FTM, but I feel like it will be easier to see people in the hospital instead of them coming to our house the next day or something.

[greysonsmom]

Wow frecklesnbrains your mom is just out to win the MOTY trophy huh. I'm sorry she hasn't been more supportive your whole life.