mrscjmb I'm sorry you're so frustrated with DS and you feel guilty about. I'm starting to wonder if I want another kid, I don't know how any of you ladies are able to juggle a newborn and a toddler and I don't want to resent DD ever. I have a lot of respect for all that you put up with every day!
And now, please forgive me for being insensitive but this is what has been in my head since reading your post this morning.
Sorry, I couldn't help it! Hope you're amused and don't think I'm horrible!!
Don't even think about this now. A toddler and a newborn probably sounds terrible to you right now but it might not down the road. It sucked at first for us but now I love having both and DS is the greatest big brother. Not everyone feels resentment so you might not either.
I'm so ducking sick of mommy guilty, and society's hang up of the week being pressed onto mothers in an attempt to make us second guess our decisions, or to make us feel like shitty mothers. Want to know what? The shitty mothers are the ones beating their children, taking drugs and neglecting their children, or refusing to vaccinate because of their own arrogance. Every woman on this board is a fantastic mother, and that's agnostic of how your child is being fed. You love your child, you hurt when they hurt, you cry when they're inconsolable, and you worry about them when they're out of your sight. You're all kick ass mothers and fuck anyone who says, "but...", or, "have you considered...." in an attempt to guilt you due to their own hang ups and preoccupations.
I agree with this. However, I do feel guilty about how he's being raised right now...but only because I legitimately WANT to spend all the time in the world with him, and because when we get home from day care, he's exhausted and I don't get much awake time with him (I really can't wait until it's just him and me all day tomorrow, as exhausted as I will be). It has nothing to do with people pressuring me, or stigma, or any of that. I also feel guilty about the situation because I have unrealistic expectations, and day care will not give him the standard of care he would get at home with me. Not that they're neglectful or anything, but they're basically SAHMs of 3-4 kids each, every single day. That's fucking hard work.
I see the guilt, but feel it's insanely unproductive and can lead to a ton of depression. You're doing the best with your situation, and there's nothing wrong with daycare. Perhaps you don't think it's optimal, but feeling guilt about that everyday is going to tear you apart.
I feel guilty for my choice also, but I know I need to work through it and embrace the people who will be with my baby everyday, because right now I have no other choice. In my mind, what are the options,... Accept it and do my best to do so, take a shit load of Xanax to deal with the depression, yet my child may very well be flourishing, so why be depressed, or wonder if I made a mistake having a baby who will either have a nanny or be on daycare. The healthiest option is to to my best to stop guilting myself, and accept that he can flourish, even if it's not under my eye 24/7.
My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional. 5 BFPs.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
Since we've been having so many snow days, and since DD has been kind of a butt lately, I was totally psyched for the nanny to get here on Wednesday. Normally I take forever to leave but this week I was just like "K BYE."
I think it does really take a village. I'm confessing this but I don't feel any guilt. It seems like it's been a common theme today but I need to take care of me first sometimes so that I can do a better job of taking care of her.
I wouldnt dump it before you smell it. It's good at room temp for 4-6 hours. If it smells alright, use it! Don't waste the liquid gold!
Even after you take it out of the fridge it is good?? i though there was a one hour rule there? After 4 months of doing this you think I would have this down, but no.
Only for formula. You can even reuse bm after baby drank out of the bottle (though I limit it to the next feeding).
I do this too with ugly clothes other people buy E. Although, my in-laws got him a Green Bay Packer outfit that was WAY too big and really kind of ugly (although I love the Packers) but it was the only one he had, so H insisted he wear it during the Packer playoff games. I once made up that I had him in it, but then peed through his diaper, so I had to take it off. Whoops!
DD got a Steelers outfit that said 0-3 but I swear was 3-6. It was too big for the regular season so I put her in it for the playoff game against the Ravens just in case it was her last chance to wear it, and it was. We put pictures up on facebook so her Aunt who bought it could see that she wore it. DH put her in it one more time and told her to go ahead and spit up all over it because they're bums lol he didn't use any bibs that day.
Eta: It was an adorable outfit, just the wrong size size. The Packers outfit made me think of it.
Dude, was it official NFL merch? Because my mom got me a sleeper that is Steelers (ok, she got APurp the sleeper, not me, but I didn't want to erase that, and now I'm wasting even more time typing about it), and it's 3-6, but I SWEAR to christ it's at least 12M. I fold clothes compared to each other instead of in sizes. That way she wears everything. Because Gerber 12M are seriously the same size as some of her Newborn shit. So, that 3-6 month sleeper is in the 12M pile, since it's literally the same size as the other 12M stuff.
Even after you take it out of the fridge it is good?? i though there was a one hour rule there? After 4 months of doing this you think I would have this down, but no.
Only for formula. You can even reuse bm after baby drank out of the bottle (though I limit it to the next feeding).
DD got a Steelers outfit that said 0-3 but I swear was 3-6. It was too big for the regular season so I put her in it for the playoff game against the Ravens just in case it was her last chance to wear it, and it was. We put pictures up on facebook so her Aunt who bought it could see that she wore it. DH put her in it one more time and told her to go ahead and spit up all over it because they're bums lol he didn't use any bibs that day.
Eta: It was an adorable outfit, just the wrong size size. The Packers outfit made me think of it.
Dude, was it official NFL merch? Because my mom got me a sleeper that is Steelers (ok, she got APurp the sleeper, not me, but I didn't want to erase that, and now I'm wasting even more time typing about it), and it's 3-6, but I SWEAR to christ it's at least 12M. I fold clothes compared to each other instead of in sizes. That way she wears everything. Because Gerber 12M are seriously the same size as some of her Newborn shit. So, that 3-6 month sleeper is in the 12M pile, since it's literally the same size as the other 12M stuff.
My dad got DD a Steelers cheerleading outfit. I can't wait until she fits in it!
I wish more people had poop Confessions. I sound like a sicko compared to you guys... Well maybe not compared to applegrape (wait it was applegrape who had the trash can poop right?)
OK I have a real one, it's kind of a three parter.
DH put on some sympathy weight during my pregnancy. This was in addition to weight he gained from working in an office after previously having a very physically active job as a FedEx driver. The other night we were having sexy time and I totally thought about him when he was in really good shape a few years ago. I feel kind of awful about it because he's been trying hard to get back into shape and he really doesn't look bad now, he just looked REALLY good then. He would be miserable if he knew this, he's gotten really self-conscious about his body lately.
The second part of this is that when DH worked at FedEx I used to fantasize about him surprising me and coming home on his lunch break. Like, I'd answer the door and he'd be there in his uniform and he'd say something cheesy along the lines of "I have a package for you" or something equally porntastic. What can I say, he wore the uniform well and we were living in Florida so he always wore shorts and he has very attractive legs so..... To this day I have a habit of checking out FedEx guys.
Third part. Today he started messaging me that he might quit his job and go back to FedEx because he feels like he's not going anywhere with the company he works for. So now I'm kind of encouraging him to leave the job he went back to school and got his master's (and a butt load of student loan debt) for in favor of a job he could have gotten straight out of high school with a CDL. But he could potentially make more money than he does now so it's not that bad. Plus, one of his weight loss goals is to fit back into his FedEx shorts, which I would obviously enjoy
Mother's should not be made to feel guilty for retaining some sense of self and for doing shit for themselves that does not harm their child. If you want to give up your entire life and devote every single moment of your waking day to your child because you think that will make them a "better person" or better than the child of someone who decided that she didn't stop existing the day she gave birth, be my guest. But don't act like you're superior for doing so, because all you're trying to do is make other people feel guilty for their choice. My son may end up always being my greatest achievement, but at the end of the day I can still be my own greatest achievement, which is part him, and part myself. I didn't lose me when he took his first breath, regardless of people thinking I should have.
SAME STORY.
I feel like I'm not a good mom because I like going to work and I like running on the treadmill, and sometimes I forget I have a kid. My life hasn't changed a ton, so i feel like I'm doin' it wrong. But, I actually think I'm doin' a pretty fucking good job.
Along the same lines, I truly don't understand when moms are like "I can't even PEE or SHOWER." Why? We've had this discussion before. I get it. But. Let the kid cry and fucking go to the bathroom, Jesus.
I agree with this. However, I do feel guilty about how he's being raised right now...but only because I legitimately WANT to spend all the time in the world with him, and because when we get home from day care, he's exhausted and I don't get much awake time with him (I really can't wait until it's just him and me all day tomorrow, as exhausted as I will be). It has nothing to do with people pressuring me, or stigma, or any of that. I also feel guilty about the situation because I have unrealistic expectations, and day care will not give him the standard of care he would get at home with me. Not that they're neglectful or anything, but they're basically SAHMs of 3-4 kids each, every single day. That's fucking hard work.
I see the guilt, but feel it's insanely unproductive and can lead to a ton of depression. You're doing the best with your situation, and there's nothing wrong with daycare. Perhaps you don't think it's optimal, but feeling guilt about that everyday is going to tear you apart.
I feel guilty for my choice also, but I know I need to work through it and embrace the people who will be with my baby everyday, because right now I have no other choice. In my mind, what are the options,... Accept it and do my best to do so, take a shit load of Xanax to deal with the depression, yet my child may very well be flourishing, so why be depressed, or wonder if I made a mistake having a baby who will either have a nanny or be on daycare. The healthiest option is to to my best to stop guilting myself, and accept that he can flourish, even if it's not under my eye 24/7.
This.
Also, I personally feel like that guilt eases after a while and once you are into the "swing of parenting" so to speak. Eventually you stop looking at things negatively because it just becomes your new norm. Lots of FTM's on here are still getting used to parenting and feelings of guilt are normal, whether it be geared towards daycare, formula, etc.
darwinfish worded it well - either accept that this is your life and your kid is in daycare or feel depressed about it. You can choose.
I personally think that my son is as wonderful as he is because of ALL the people that help care for him while I'm at work. He has the best of ALL worlds because he's exposed to so many different people and experiences.
I wish more people had poop Confessions. I sound like a sicko compared to you guys... Well maybe not compared to applegrape (wait it was applegrape who had the trash can poop right?)
Dude, I have shit on my floor twice and the real kicker is I did it on purpose. I was so constipated after I had DS and was crying in pain from trying to shit so the only thing that was comfortable was standing up next to the bathroom sink so I did some Lamaze breathing and shit on my floor. Then I put it all in a grocery bag and had to take it to the garbage can.
There's a confession for you! (And picture me winking like Kristen in my avatar after doing it!)
Post by theresat858 on Feb 6, 2015 13:45:28 GMT -5
swise22 start rotating your stash before it gets too old.
--- I don't get having a huge freezer stash unless you EP. What's the point? If you don't keep pumping at work, you won't have the supply to nurse baby on weekends -- and for me, it's the nursing that makes the pita of pumping worth it. So it's not like I could stop pumping at work at 8 months or something.
I don't know how much I have but its just a cushion, and that's all it needs to be. Maybe 50-100oz? I'd only worry about more if I were going out of town for days.
Mother's should not be made to feel guilty for retaining some sense of self and for doing shit for themselves that does not harm their child. If you want to give up your entire life and devote every single moment of your waking day to your child because you think that will make them a "better person" or better than the child of someone who decided that she didn't stop existing the day she gave birth, be my guest. But don't act like you're superior for doing so, because all you're trying to do is make other people feel guilty for their choice. My son may end up always being my greatest achievement, but at the end of the day I can still be my own greatest achievement, which is part him, and part myself. I didn't lose me when he took his first breath, regardless of people thinking I should have.
SAME STORY.
I feel like I'm not a good mom because I like going to work and I like running on the treadmill, and sometimes I forget I have a kid. My life hasn't changed a ton, so i feel like I'm doin' it wrong. But, I actually think I'm doin' a pretty fucking good job.
Along the same lines, I truly don't understand when moms are like "I can't even PEE or SHOWER." Why? We've had this discussion before. I get it. But. Let the kid cry and fucking go to the bathroom, Jesus.
This post is what makes me KNOW you are definitely doing it RIGHT! You've got this mom shit down gurl!
I agree with this. However, I do feel guilty about how he's being raised right now...but only because I legitimately WANT to spend all the time in the world with him, and because when we get home from day care, he's exhausted and I don't get much awake time with him (I really can't wait until it's just him and me all day tomorrow, as exhausted as I will be). It has nothing to do with people pressuring me, or stigma, or any of that. I also feel guilty about the situation because I have unrealistic expectations, and day care will not give him the standard of care he would get at home with me. Not that they're neglectful or anything, but they're basically SAHMs of 3-4 kids each, every single day. That's fucking hard work.
I see the guilt, but feel it's insanely unproductive and can lead to a ton of depression. You're doing the best with your situation, and there's nothing wrong with daycare. Perhaps you don't think it's optimal, but feeling guilt about that everyday is going to tear you apart.
I feel guilty for my choice also, but I know I need to work through it and embrace the people who will be with my baby everyday, because right now I have no other choice. In my mind, what are the options,... Accept it and do my best to do so, take a shit load of Xanax to deal with the depression, yet my child may very well be flourishing, so why be depressed, or wonder if I made a mistake having a baby who will either have a nanny or be on daycare. The healthiest option is to to my best to stop guilting myself, and accept that he can flourish, even if it's not under my eye 24/7.
FFFC: Even if I were a fucking millionaire, I'd still take my kid to daycare and work, at least part time.
I love my baby. But I have zero desire to be with her 24 hours a day. I don't want to be with ANYONE for 24 hours a day.
I wish more people had poop Confessions. I sound like a sicko compared to you guys... Well maybe not compared to applegrape (wait it was applegrape who had the trash can poop right?)
I shit my pants in the car one time because I was afraid to ask my stepmom to stop somewhere. I was 5. I'm lol'ing because I know that is SOOO not the equivalent level of poop-fession you were hoping for.
Post by theresat858 on Feb 6, 2015 13:47:27 GMT -5
Can't.keep.up. Re being a working mom, for me, I'm a better mom because of it. My kids get my full attention (mostly) when we are together and I couldn't do that if it was all day long.
swise22 start rotating your stash before it gets too old.
--- I don't get having a huge freezer stash unless you EP. What's the point? If you don't keep pumping at work, you won't have the supply to nurse baby on weekends -- and for me, it's the nursing that makes the pita of pumping worth it. So it's not like I could stop pumping at work at 8 months or something.
I don't know how much I have but its just a cushion, and that's all it needs to be. Maybe 50-100oz? I'd only worry about more if I were going out of town for days.
I wish more people had poop Confessions. I sound like a sicko compared to you guys... Well maybe not compared to applegrape (wait it was applegrape who had the trash can poop right?)
I remember pooping my pants when I was around 10, because for some reason, I hated pooping. It's not that exciting of an FFFC, because it wasn't like, in a jacuzzi, but does this make you feel a tiny bit better? I don't get it, either, because I LOVE pooping now.
Also, I swallowed a penny when I was in 6th grade and I had to go through my poop for a week to find it.
nicb13 thank you!! Maybe I should try that to help with my constipation...
I guess another fffc is I often times have to put my poo in the trash. It would never fit in that tiny toilet hole. My h has no idea. One time when he still lived at his parents house he left to pick up ss and I was there alone, so I pooped, bagged it, and put it in the neighbors trash can LOL. I'm so fucking gross.
DD got a Steelers outfit that said 0-3 but I swear was 3-6. It was too big for the regular season so I put her in it for the playoff game against the Ravens just in case it was her last chance to wear it, and it was. We put pictures up on facebook so her Aunt who bought it could see that she wore it. DH put her in it one more time and told her to go ahead and spit up all over it because they're bums lol he didn't use any bibs that day.
Eta: It was an adorable outfit, just the wrong size size. The Packers outfit made me think of it.
Dude, was it official NFL merch? Because my mom got me a sleeper that is Steelers (ok, she got APurp the sleeper, not me, but I didn't want to erase that, and now I'm wasting even more time typing about it), and it's 3-6, but I SWEAR to christ it's at least 12M. I fold clothes compared to each other instead of in sizes. That way she wears everything. Because Gerber 12M are seriously the same size as some of her Newborn shit. So, that 3-6 month sleeper is in the 12M pile, since it's literally the same size as the other 12M stuff.
Yep, official NHL. If it was the next size up I'd consider saving it for next season. Apparently they want our children to be linebackers from the get go cause that stuff is ginormous!
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