Honest Opinion About Infertility Statement

[maryxc1]

I honestly am not trying to start anything, but would really like an opinion on something. A friend of a friend posted the statement below on Facebook today. In summary, it requests that people be super aware of others who have dealt with infertility or loss. I guess it struck a cord with me because I recently shared an article about how having young kids is a tough time of life. I see nothing wrong with that, though. Yes, there are people who don't get to be parents and the article might upset them. There are also moms out there who are at their wits end and need to hear that they are not in this alone and this phase is completely worth it. I lost my dad to cancer a few years ago. Father's Day sucks, but I deal with it because people need to celebrate with their fathers when they are still here. So my question is, am I just being an insensitive person or are the things she is requesting taking it too far?



"April 24-30 is National Infertility Awareness Week. It is planned each year to pre-empt Mother's Day. I have severe auto-immune issues, and these illnesses + their treatments are not compatible with pregnancy. If you know me, you know I have a lot to say about this topic (about anything, really, but especially this topic). Initially, this was a really long post, but it really boils down to one thing:

Most of the time, living with infertility is just living. But some days are really bad days. Some days there is a negative pregnancy test, a miscarriage, a failed IVF cycle, a PGD with very bad outcome, or a due date that never came to be. Before you send a birth announcement or a shower invitation, surprise someone with a pregnancy announcement, post your gender reveal photos, send that baby poll email, or share that article about just how hard it is to be a mom, know that someone out there wanted to have a baby today, and that baby never came to be. That is a statistical guarantee.

One in eight of your friends will deal with infertility. About 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Another 1% of pregnancies result in a stillbirth. If you think your message won't reach someone who is hurting, you are willfully ignoring the truth. Be kind."

[aggiebug]

I think she is hurting. A lot. And for her Facebook can be quite painful. I think many people who struggle with infertility struggle with emotions when it comes to seeing pregnant women, pregnancy announcements or anything child related.

I try to be compassionate to the friends I know who are struggling with those emotions maybe let them know it's coming first for the big announcements, but other than that I share what I share. Anything I post can hurt someone. My recently divorced friend can be hurt because I post a lovely message about my anniversary, or I post about my mom and someone who lost theirs heart aches a little. Siblings day was incredibly painful for a friend who just lost her brother. I totally get it but most of my friends also understand we all have things to be happy and thankful for and things that hurt everyone's is different. I am quick to offer a kind word and a shoulder to those who are hurting but I am not going to tiptoe through life because of them and my true friends don't want me to.

I say as long as you aren't always playing the martyred mom on FB, etc then you do you. Offer her a kind word of sympathy maybe an open offer to talk and move on.

[maryxc1]

Apr 27, 2016 14:24:13 GMT -5 aggiebug said:

I think she is hurting. A lot. And for her Facebook can be quite painful. I think many people who struggle with infertility struggle with emotions when it comes to seeing pregnant women, pregnancy announcements or anything child related.

I try to be compassionate to the friends I know who are struggling with those emotions maybe let them know it's coming first for the big announcements, but other than that I share what I share. Anything I post can hurt someone. My recently divorced friend can be hurt because I post a lovely message about my anniversary, or I post about my mom and someone who lost theirs heart aches a little. Siblings day was incredibly painful for a friend who just lost her brother. I totally get it but most of my friends also understand we all have things to be happy and thankful for and things that hurt everyone's is different. I am quick to offer a kind word and a shoulder to those who are hurting but I am not going to tiptoe through life because of them and my true friends don't want me to.

I say as long as you are always playing the martyred mom on FB, etc then you do you. Offer her a kind word of sympathy maybe an open offer to talk and move on.

Thanks for the thoughts. I honestly don't know the lady who wrote the post. A friend of mine just shared it because it was one of her friends. It just got me thinking.

[aggiebug]

I think getting you thinking is a good thing let it change your perspective a little but don't let it wrack you with guilt. It always reminds me to show grace to people who act hurtful or rude. You never know what pain they are hiding.

[dreemkin]

It seems like anything said can be offensive to someone. And someone always has it worse. That being said: I have a sister going through infertility and I feel bad over sending pics of the girls or making a big deal about them around her. But I can't stop living my life even though I'm sad for her. Even though its sad for those suffering through that, it doesnt make your rough day with a toddler any easier for you if that makes any sense. I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think your being insensitive.

[kaydee0402]

We dealt with infertility for three years before having DS. Now my best friend is going through it, and I got a surprise BFP a week ago when we weren't even trying. With her, I have made a point of treating her like I wanted to be treated. Rather than calling her and blurting out that I'm pregnant or having her over for a special dinner to announce it to me (one of my friends did this. It was horrible, I felt trapped), I just sent her a text and told her I was pregnant and that we could talk about it (or not) whenever she was ready. However, since she's my best friend and an amazing person, she immediately picked up the phone and called me and shared in my joy.

That being said, when I was going through IF, I never expected anyone to put their joy on hold for me. And being a mom is hard. I'm allowed to bitch about my toddler being difficult because I'm human. Just because I'm complaining doesn't mean he's not still very much wanted or the greatest joy in my life.

Tl;dr, yes, you should be sensitive with friends going through IF when it comes to things like pregnancy announcements. However, if they are a real friend, they will be there to share in your joy just like you are there to share in their sorrow. And, hopefully, eventual joy.