Things I'll do differently as a STM....

[hmr11913]

Happy Friday! Hollaaaa.... we made it.  

So I know there's a few of us that will be STM's on here (or even more!) and it got me thinking.... are there things that you wished you had done differently the first time? Anything you'll be doing differently this time around? 

One thing that has kind of caused a problem for us, was that I held (and napped) with DD pretty much every single nap of every day for the first 12 weeks while I was on maternity leave. I just loved that closeness and snuggling with her. When I went back to work, we decided on having family members watch her between my mom, SIL, MIL and another close family friend. They also ALL hold her during nap times.... because, who doesn't love to snuggle a sleeping baby?? Well, now that she's getting older it really would be nice for her to nap in her pack & play or her crib... but, she freaks out. Screams and screams and yells mummmmmmaaaaaaaaaaa. (Talk about heart breaking)

At night, she slept in a rock & play next to our bed(so much easier while nursing), then when she got too big we put her pack & play in our room so she sleeps next to us still, and then if she wakes up anywhere between 1-4 then I just let her come and sleep with us. Because of all of this, it also means we "go to bed" (or watch tv) when she does. We need to figure out a better plan of action before #2 comes and ideally I'd like to have them sleeping in a crib from the get-go for naps/bedtime to make it easier on everyone. 



Sooooo, anyone else have any confessions as to things they'll be doing differently? 

[WineNChocolate]

Pacifier...I will try to NOT attach a pacifier to her clothes. Getting rid of that paci is going to take forever!! Its going to be ground shattering. I will try and keep the paci as need not just there whenever squish needs it. Their security blanket.

[hmr11913]

Apr 29, 2016 10:42:11 GMT -5 WineNChocolate said:

Pacifier...I will try to NOT attach a pacifier to her clothes. Getting rid of that paci is going to take forever!! Its going to be ground shattering. I will try and keep the paci as need not just there whenever squish needs it. Their security blanket.

Aww. Was she always that way w/ it? DD has one but only really uses it in the car or at night, and half the time she ends up spitting it back out. She doesn't seem to be attached to anything yet, but maybe that time is coming??

[WineNChocolate]

No it hit probably around 11 months. And I am slowly testing and the response is not so great.

[hmr11913]

Apr 29, 2016 10:49:39 GMT -5 WineNChocolate said:

No it hit probably around 11 months. And I am slowly testing and the response is not so great.

Oh no.... DD will be 11 months Sunday. LOL. 

[kaydee0402]

+1 for the sleeping. We would hold DS during all of his naps and I would snuggle him all night. And I would just lay around and hold him all day, which became a problem if I ever needed to lay him down in order to do something like cook dinner. It made for some habits that were next to impossible to break!

However, I would like to think that those changes will happen organically with the new baby since we will have a toddler who will want and need our attention, so I can't just lay with the new baby and take a two hour nap. I will have to put the baby down in the pack and play and focus on DS during nap time and feeding him lunch, reading, playing...the things a toddler needs his mama to do.

[kaydee0402]

Also, pumping! I will start pumping from the get go so I have a nice freezer stash when I have to return to work...if I return to work.

[birch113]

Apr 29, 2016 10:50:42 GMT -5 hmr11913 said:

Apr 29, 2016 10:49:39 GMT -5 WineNChocolate said:

No it hit probably around 11 months. And I am slowly testing and the response is not so great.

Oh no.... DD will be 11 months Sunday. LOL. 

If it's any consolidation, LO became obsessed with his binky around that time, when his molars started cutting. Once they were through, he is back only using the binky for sleep. Hopefully you find the same!

We do have to kick the binky for sleep, but he's just finally STTN more reliably at 16 months, so I'm not ready to mess with that yet!!

[hmr11913]

Apr 29, 2016 10:56:52 GMT -5 kaydee0402 said:

+1 for the sleeping. We would hold DS during all of his naps and I would snuggle him all night. And I would just lay around and hold him all day, which became a problem if I ever needed to lay him down in order to do something like cook dinner. It made for some habits that were next to impossible to break!

However, I would like to think that those changes will happen organically with the new baby since we will have a toddler who will want and need our attention, so I can't just lay with the new baby and take a two hour nap. I will have to put the baby down in the pack and play and focus on DS during nap time and feeding him lunch, reading, playing...the things a toddler needs his mama to do.

Where does he nap now during the day? Does he sleep in a crib at night? I'm so anxious about these changes... I hate to hear her cry and I'm a big time softie. 

TOTALLY agree on the pumping..... a few of my friends had said not to pump often, and just to pump for what you need for the next day (while going back to work) and that became very stressful.... after a few months, I was barely getting 12oz while at work which is exactly what she ate while I was gone. I had no stash and my supply wasn't great. We only made it just over 6 months and slowly switched her to formula, which she did great on but holy mom guilt. 

[hmr11913]

@kc295905, yeah... I hear ya. That's how we started somewhat co-sleeping, once I learned that you could nurse and be laying down. It was wonderful for sleeping.

[fikafairy67]

+1 for pumping, and +1 for the binky problem. DS had such a dependency on it up through even last year (and he's 3 now ) so we will definitely be pitching it waaaay earlier before LO #2 learns negotiation skills.

I'm also expecting that I will actually get a maternity leave this time, and I want to give breastfeeding/pumping a much more solid effort than what happened for DS. There were a number of factors why it was so difficult for me to BF him, but most of those won't be issues this time around. Like my gallbladder is gone, for one (surgery at 9-10wks pp), and I work somewhere where I have enough saved time to actually take a mostly paid leave, for two.

[eristin]

Apr 29, 2016 10:38:11 GMT -5 hmr11913 said:

Happy Friday! Hollaaaa.... we made it.  

So I know there's a few of us that will be STM's on here (or even more!) and it got me thinking.... are there things that you wished you had done differently the first time? Anything you'll be doing differently this time around? 

One thing that has kind of caused a problem for us, was that I held (and napped) with DD pretty much every single nap of every day for the first 12 weeks while I was on maternity leave. I just loved that closeness and snuggling with her. When I went back to work, we decided on having family members watch her between my mom, SIL, MIL and another close family friend. They also ALL hold her during nap times.... because, who doesn't love to snuggle a sleeping baby?? Well, now that she's getting older it really would be nice for her to nap in her pack & play or her crib... but, she freaks out. Screams and screams and yells mummmmmmaaaaaaaaaaa. (Talk about heart breaking)

At night, she slept in a rock & play next to our bed(so much easier while nursing), then when she got too big we put her pack & play in our room so she sleeps next to us still, and then if she wakes up anywhere between 1-4 then I just let her come and sleep with us. Because of all of this, it also means we "go to bed" (or watch tv) when she does. We need to figure out a better plan of action before #2 comes and ideally I'd like to have them sleeping in a crib from the get-go for naps/bedtime to make it easier on everyone. 



Sooooo, anyone else have any confessions as to things they'll be doing differently? 

Do we live the same life?!

Not sure how I'm going to change this since I value sleep and hate getting up all night during newborn stage... but there's no way child #2 can get as much attention as #1 is!

ETA: we're apparently all in the same boat... maybe its a FTM thing?

[birch113]

What I plan to differently....
1. No binky.
2. If this LO is a boy, I will circumcise at birth. We opted not to circumcise LO, but he had some issues and needed surgery when he turned 6 months. (*not typical - don't panic mamas!!).
3. Be kinder to myself. LO couldn't successfully latch, and I put major pressure on myself EPing.
4. Move LO to his/her crib earlier. LO slept in a PNP in our room until he was 7-8 months old. He slept SO much better once we moved him into his bedroom and crib. It was life changing for his naps, too.

[fikafairy67]

Apr 29, 2016 11:38:33 GMT -5 birch113 said:

What I plan to differently....
1. No binky.
2. If this LO is a boy, I will circumcise at birth. We opted not to circumcise LO, but he had some issues and needed surgery when he turned 6 months. (*not typical - don't panic mamas!!).
3. Be kinder to myself. LO couldn't successfully latch, and I put major pressure on myself EPing.
4. Move LO to his/her crib earlier. LO slept in a PNP in our room until he was 7-8 months old. He slept SO much better once we moved him into his bedroom and crib. It was life changing for his naps, too.

So much this!!!!  I'm going to give BFing a more thoughtful shot this time, knowing what my issues and mistakes were last time, but also with the mindset that formula is fine too if things don't go as planned.  

[purple]

+However many to letting her sleep on me. She's ten months old and still does for naps, and H or I still cuddle her to sleep every night. Our house is on the market so we'll hopefully be moving soon and I've told H we'll have to change then. The new baby just won't have that option, and nor will L when the new baby comes.

I will do my best to breastfeed, but if it doesn't work, I will have to stop trying before eight weeks. And I won't be able to pump four times a day till five months, either. Doing that as a full time mum eith just one baby was hard. Ig would be impossible with a toddler as well.

There is no way the new baby will get as much focused attention as L gets at the moment. But L won't have it after the baby comes either, and she won't remember ever having had it. Second and subsequent children have other advantages!

[birch113]

Apr 29, 2016 11:44:56 GMT -5 fikafairy67 said:

Apr 29, 2016 11:38:33 GMT -5 birch113 said:

What I plan to differently....
1. No binky.
2. If this LO is a boy, I will circumcise at birth. We opted not to circumcise LO, but he had some issues and needed surgery when he turned 6 months. (*not typical - don't panic mamas!!).
3. Be kinder to myself. LO couldn't successfully latch, and I put major pressure on myself EPing.
4. Move LO to his/her crib earlier. LO slept in a PNP in our room until he was 7-8 months old. He slept SO much better once we moved him into his bedroom and crib. It was life changing for his naps, too.

So much this!!!!  I'm going to give BFing a more thoughtful shot this time, knowing what my issues and mistakes were last time, but also with the mindset that formula is fine too if things don't go as planned.  

Exactly. Out first LC wasn't super supportive. The second was great, but we sort of missed our window at that point. I'll absolutely see her immediately this time around!

[hmr11913]

Apr 29, 2016 11:36:38 GMT -5 eristin said:

Apr 29, 2016 10:38:11 GMT -5 hmr11913 said:

That's how I was too... so much easier to just grab them and stay in bed. And now, if/when she wakes up at the wee hours of the morning, I just let her come in bed with us and she falls back asleep in about 5 seconds. It's blissful. 

I'd be happy if she at least took naps by herself. 

[trufflefries]

Not stress the f out over breastfeeding. I made myself crazy with DD and quit after 4 months. I'll do my best this time but I firmly believe fed is best.

[kaydee0402]

Apr 29, 2016 11:13:26 GMT -5 hmr11913 said:

Apr 29, 2016 10:56:52 GMT -5 kaydee0402 said:

+1 for the sleeping. We would hold DS during all of his naps and I would snuggle him all night. And I would just lay around and hold him all day, which became a problem if I ever needed to lay him down in order to do something like cook dinner. It made for some habits that were next to impossible to break!

However, I would like to think that those changes will happen organically with the new baby since we will have a toddler who will want and need our attention, so I can't just lay with the new baby and take a two hour nap. I will have to put the baby down in the pack and play and focus on DS during nap time and feeding him lunch, reading, playing...the things a toddler needs his mama to do.

Where does he nap now during the day? Does he sleep in a crib at night? I'm so anxious about these changes... I hate to hear her cry and I'm a big time softie. 

TOTALLY agree on the pumping..... a few of my friends had said not to pump often, and just to pump for what you need for the next day (while going back to work) and that became very stressful.... after a few months, I was barely getting 12oz while at work which is exactly what she ate while I was gone. I had no stash and my supply wasn't great. We only made it just over 6 months and slowly switched her to formula, which she did great on but holy mom guilt. 

He naps in a crib now thanks to daycare!  Unless DH is home with him.  DH is a softie too so the two of them nap together on the couch.  

[kaydee0402]

trufflefries, I think we just became best friends. I keep telling my sister who just had her baby not to stress and that fed is best

[kaydee0402]

Apr 29, 2016 11:15:38 GMT -5 hmr11913 said:

@kc295905 , yeah... I hear ya. That's how we started somewhat co-sleeping, once I learned that you could nurse and be laying down. It was wonderful for sleeping.

That's how we stared co-sleeping too!  Once you realize how easy it is to just pop a boob in their mouth and go back to sleep, your life changes.  I wish no one had ever shared that trick with me, lol.  It started such bad habits!

[hmr11913]

@usernameedit -- YES. Housework! I was exhausted for the first few weeks, plus G was always at the boob, I slacked big time.... however, this next time I'll be sure to have the cleaning lady come while we're at the hospital. Having a nice clean house to come home to would be very nice.... fresh sheets, all the laundry washed, clean house, plus just having things ready in general since we couldn't before.

[bootsorhearts]

I am not going to EP for this one, sorry baby. If he/she can't figure out how to nurse, it will be formula all the way. With DS I pumped for 9 months. And He gets sick all the time despite that.

[Lucy]

I was SOOO hard on myself over every decision. If something went "wrong" I felt like a complete failure. I wasn't able to breastfeed DS because he was premature and unable to latch and my boobs don't like pumps. I got seriously depressed over that. Now that he's 9 and I can see how smart and healthy he is, I realize that it didn't really matter.

I made a big deal about cloth diapering, even though I hated laundry and with 2 in cloth, it was So. Much. Work. But I HAD to do it, because it was better than the chemicals in disposables, and they'd potty train sooner, etc. Bull... DS refused to potty train until 3 1/2. Even then, he only did it because DD (who is 13 months younger) decided she wanted to use the potty.

I made a lot of things a lot harder on myself then necessary. I plan on being a lot more laid back. My goal is happy and healthy, not perfect.

[purple]

You're so right, Lucy. We're not trying to raise perfect beings!

I have to say I love using cloth at the moment... but that's with one baby. We didn't start till she was about nine weeks. H and I might feel very different about it next winter!

[Lucy]

May 1, 2016 14:50:55 GMT -5 purple said:

You're so right, Lucy . We're not trying to raise perfect beings!

I have to say I love using cloth at the moment... but that's with one baby. We didn't start till she was about nine weeks. H and I might feel very different about it next winter!

I did like using them for the most part. The money savings was huge. The laundry was a pain in the butt for me though. I knew I had issues keeping up with laundry anyway, so it ended up being an added stress that shouldn't have been necessary. 

Also, I've noticed that non-name brand pockets have gotten significantly cheaper in the past 8 years. At the time I could only really afford prefolds and Thirsties covers since I was buying them for 2. I could buy the same number of pockets for what I paid for the prefolds and covers now.