STM+: Shit toddlers and kids say...

[SassyPants150]

This morning DD said "Daddy has a tail". I asked her where and she said it was on his body. I pointed at my butt and she laughed and said "No". She then pointed at my vagina region. Looks like DH needs to start locking the bathroom.

So, what funny stuff have your toddlers/kids said ladies? Here's what you get to look forward to!

[rocksforludo]

DD is 2.5 and getting to the point where she consistently pulls random comments out of nowhere. It's probably my favorite part of parenting so far, laughing at the shit that comes out of her mouth.

She's a chatterbox in general, but most of these tend to come out in the morning when I go in to get her after she's woken up. It's like stream of consciousness rambling to get caught up after not having talked for 10 hours, but the best is she always guesses what DH is doing at the moment while I'm up in her room. Recently Dadoo has been "making coffee," "sleeping in his big girl bed," "checking his emails," and my favorite (and probably the most accurate): "pooping on the potty."

[emu0013]

I cleaned the bathrooms yesterday and forgot to flush the blue toilet cleaner and didn't think anything of it until I took DD to school today and she announced to her teacher "my daddy peas blue pee" OMG

[shmee]

My cats have been real dicks lately. The other day, I said "bad kitty!" to one of them, and DD (2.5) ran up to me and scolded me by saying "don't tell my cats they're bad! If you say that again, I will tell Daddy. I will text him on your phone."

Oops, sorry kid!

[willadiesel814]

DS is about 2.5. Yesterday he kept pointing out water towers that we were passing. I told him, "Look that one says Medina!" (ya know.. .the city where we were) He stops, thinks, and the berates me with "Water towers don't talk mommy!" He was so annoyed that I could be so foolish.

[Ee]

A few years ago the little girl I nanny for came up with my all-time favorite insult.

She was playing a game with her friend, and she lost. Tears welling in her eyes, she looks at her friend and says, "Why you... You little... Why you little... FRENCH SHRIMP!!"

My husband and I still use 'French shrimp' as the ultimate insult when we lose a game!

[tabH]

If my 1.5 year old sees me getting undressed where my boobs are bare she points at them and says "BOTTLE?!'.

She has also gone up to my husbands butt, 'sniffed' and said 'EWW!!'! She's a riot.

[jezebk]

My almost 2 year old learned "not nice" at daycare and says it whenever something hurts him or he doesn't get his way (apparently the little kids all say it to each other). He says "not nice wall" to the wall on which he banged his head and "not nice door" to the fridge door that pinched his finger (that was a horrible incident btw). The other day he said "not nice finger" to one of his fingers. Not sure what the finger did he was shaking his other finger at it repeating "not nice finger!" You tell that finger how you feel buddy.

If I ever say "not nice" to him, he gets his feelings all hurt and cries. It is a really bad insult.

[jesskr3]

These are hilarious!! My daughter can barely talk but since we moved out of her dad's house, she's always trying to find him in the most random plsces,like the toilet or closet. This morning she said where daddy, I said at home. She said no no no no no on choo-choo!! It made me laugh!

[Deleted]

Yesterday, DD decided that it was SOs birthday again (it was in January) and that we needed to have cake. I went along with it, and bought a slice of cake from the bakery at Target, put a candle in it, and let her buy him a present (she picked Oreos). She was so excited and ran around singing happy birthday to him all day.

[operageek]

The other day I ate a mini doughnut in the car before picking DD up from daycare. She runs over to me and gives me her usual hug, then gets in really close to my face which I thought was a sweet little nuzzle. She then says very sternly, "What do you smell like?!?" I was taken aback and said nothing, she then says, "I smell doughnuts. How dare you!"

[amelandre]

Feb 6, 2015 10:37:11 GMT -5 willadiesel814 said:

DS is about 2.5. Yesterday he kept pointing out water towers that we were passing. I told him, "Look that one says Medina!" (ya know.. .the city where we were) He stops, thinks, and the berates me with "Water towers don't talk mommy!" He was so annoyed that I could be so foolish.

Heeeey! I used to live in Medina! That's where DH grew up! We met at JoJo's/Dominics hahaha

[rels09]

If our daughter asks why we have to go to work, we usually tell her we need to make money. A couple months ago, my H met us at the playground on his way home from work, and he and DD had this conversation:
DD: Daddy, you got your work shoes on?
H: Yes, I wore my work shoes today because I had to go to work.
DD: Ohhh. You make money??

Also, her latest thing if she doesn't like our reason for something is to tell us, "I don't think so, honey."

[rocksforludo]

Feb 6, 2015 15:18:57 GMT -5 rels09 said:

If our daughter asks why we have to go to work, we usually tell her we need to make money. A couple months ago, my H met us at the playground on his way home from work, and he and DD had this conversation:
DD: Daddy, you got your work shoes on?
H: Yes, I wore my work shoes today because I had to go to work.
DD: Ohhh. You make money??

Also, her latest thing if she doesn't like our reason for something is to tell us, "I don't think so, honey."

Dear lord help me, we're getting into the "why" phase now.  Before it was just "what is that" and "what are you doing?"  We had a daycare conference yesterday and her main care provider used the word inquisitive to describe DD multiple times. 

[willadiesel814]

Feb 6, 2015 15:13:02 GMT -5 amelandre said:

Feb 6, 2015 10:37:11 GMT -5 willadiesel814 said:

DS is about 2.5. Yesterday he kept pointing out water towers that we were passing. I told him, "Look that one says Medina!" (ya know.. .the city where we were) He stops, thinks, and the berates me with "Water towers don't talk mommy!" He was so annoyed that I could be so foolish.

Heeeey! I used to live in Medina! That's where DH grew up! We met at JoJo's/Dominics hahaha

Awesome!! We actually are from Wadsworth but I work in medina. yay a northeast Ohioan!

[lgsdesigner]

These all made my day!

Daily, I am blessed with crazy remarks from both of my kids. Here are my favorites:

DD (she is 3) –
1) When her brother was passing gas in her bedroom: “Something smells really SERIOUS in here!”
2) Seeing me change my clothes: “You have BIG boobies! Look at my boobies. They are small and sad. I want them as big as our house!”
3) Boys and Barbies: “Boys can’t play with Barbie’s because Barbie’s are for girls and if you play with Barbie’s when you are a boy you have to wear a princess tutu.”

DS (he is 6) –
1) Asking my age: “When you were little, there were horses and buggies, right?” (he was dead serious)
2) When he learned I think Marky Mark is cute: “Look at my Transformer’s cup, Mom. It’s Marrrrrrrrky Maaaaaaaaaaaaaark!” They chased me with the cup.
3) When he just got out of the shower: “Look everyone! I have JIGGLES!” then proceeded to swing his balls around. Nice son….nice.

[beebe918]

A few weeks ago I was doing a Doc McStuffins sticker book with my 3 year old cousin and was purposefully putting bandaid sticker over character's eyes etc. She told me she didn't think I was going to be a very good mommy.

[smile55k]

My kid sits in the back seat of the car in the Starbucks drive thru screaming "macchiato!!!" (pronounced like "Mocky-owl") She's 2. I think it means I go to starbucks too much.

[veenie]

I love this thread!

My daughters movie (3 in a month!) quoting have begun. "Momma, what's that amazing smell?" from Frozen, of course. And, ::wrinkles nose:: "SALSA?" from Disputable Me 2

[maggiet19]

Feb 6, 2015 10:01:52 GMT -5 SassyPants150 said:

This morning DD said "Daddy has a tail". I asked her where and she said it was on his body. I pointed at my butt and she laughed and said "No". She then pointed at my vagina region. Looks like DH needs to start locking the bathroom.

So, what funny stuff have your toddlers/kids said ladies? Here's what you get to look forward to!

Just catching up this morning and this made me spit my coffee out! Funny!

[maggiet19]

DD (just turned 4) comes out with all sorts of funny (sometimes not so funny) things.

We were at Publix one time and she randomly told a passing lady, "I run nekked and play with scissors!" Great!

Another time at Publix she told the people in the checkout line, "My mommy has hair on her boompa!" Boompa is her word for someone's personal bits. Nice.

[amelandre]

My son used to be very honest when I would ask him if he had a dirty diaper, but recently he's been saying "NO!" and running away no matter what. I thought this interchange was funny the other day:

Me: Little Man, do you have a stinky butt?
DS: NO!
DH chimes in: Does mommy have a stinky butt?
DS: NO!
DH: Does Gus (our dog) have a stinky butt?
DS: NO!
DH: Does the kitty have a stinky butt?
DS: NO!
DH: Do I have a stinky butt?
DS: .................YEAH!

Haha, I told DH that's why you don't ask kids questions you don't want a truthful answer to!

[snapdragon]

3.5 yo DD1 made me take off her shoes the other day despite the fact that she can do it herself and that I've been trying to explain to her why it's getting hard for me. This time I just did it, and she said "Mommy, the baby is crying." I said, "what baby?" She said, "The baby is crying in your tummy because you're bending over." Then she put her hands on my shoulders and said, "I'm helping you!" She was so proud.

A couple of days ago, 20 month old DD2 pointed at a picture of a glass of wine and said "mom-mom" (MIL) over and over. This was hilarious because she likes to have a glass of wine at dinner but is super defensive about it because DH and I never do, and she thinks we think she's an alcoholic. We don't, but apparently DD does!

[rocksforludo]

The cursing thread reminded me of one more. When DD was younger, she couldn't fully say "fork" or "spoon." Fork sounded like fuck and she couldn't manage to put an 's' on spoon. It was cute until one day we were at Target and there is a big bullseye logo with a fork and spoon over the Pizza Hut counter in the store.

DD stands in the middle of a weekend crowd at Target, points and yells at the top of her lungs "fork and spoon," except it sounds like "fucking poon!!"

[lupineaura]

Just today, from my almost-two-and-a-half-year-old:

My husband: "I'm tried." Zoe, in a serious voice: "You need coffee."

At dinner, she spilled her water. I said, "That's OK, it was an accident." She cheerfully replied, "It's all part of the plan!"