When will you tell people?

[peaseblossom55]

My best friend and H know, that's about it. I honestly don't know when we will share perhaps with our parents after we hear a heart beat.

I'm so afraid of another loss at this point I prefer to hold out as long as possible on telling people until we are sure all is ok with the baby.

[summergirl1211]

Quite a few family members know already and the rest will probably figure it out by the 14th because my cousin is getting married and I'm always drinking wine. Otherwise one good friend knows (she knew I was doing my IUI and asked for an update) and I'll keep it quiet (in person and online) with the rest until after our genetic testing. At least that's the plan right now, which I'm sure might change.

[peaseblossom55]

May 6, 2016 15:32:13 GMT -5 eameselephant said:

May 6, 2016 13:46:42 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

My best friend and H know, that's about it. I honestly don't know when we will share perhaps with our parents after we hear a heart beat.

I'm so afraid of another loss at this point I prefer to hold out as long as possible on telling people until we are sure all is ok with the baby.

I can definitely understand that, and I'm sorry for your previous loss.

Thanks.  I want to be excited and hope this is it, it's still so early perhaps my mind will change as time goes on.

[bazinga]

I told my mom yesterday. She's the only family member who knows about our loss and that we've been trying. Even though it's early I wanted her to know, I think so I have someone to talk to if this doesn't work out...

We probably won't tell others until after we get past 1st tri screening and feel more confident about this being a healthy baby. A couple of weeks ago the RE gave us just a 50% chance of that...

[geekmama]

We've told our parents and my best friend so far. Planning to tell siblings after our second beta check on Monday, if all goes well. We're only telling people at this point who we would be comfortable telling about a loss - until probably about 10 weeks or so. That's when we announced with my son - 10 week u/s when the doctor gave us the all-clear.

[neekoneeko]

I have told my mom, sister and best friend but I think we will wait a long time before telling anyone else. I think we will make a decision after we hear a heartbeat but we aren't in any rush.

[aprilz81]

My parents, DH's parents and my sister and one couple friend know (all also know about our infertility).

Tomorrow we will be telling our church small group (Bible study group) because they also know about our IF. They have been supportive and prayed for us so we want them to know so they can pray with us for a safe and healthy pregnancy.

These are all people who we would want to tell even if we had a loss so we're okay right now. We won't be telling anyone else unless there is a situation where someone needs to know.

We will probably go public around week 12 or so once we are past the initial danger zone.

[thelittleredm]

With DS, we told right away. It's taken so much longer to get this baby that we're telling parents only tomorrow and everyone else week 12 or 13. Mostly because I've become convinced that I'll jinx this if I tell sooner.

[LovesMeSomeCake]

We are split on who to tell. I told my parents, (my dad is a gossip, so he's told who knows who else) but I'm OK with it, because worst case scenario, they'll be there for me and understand. DH however operates on a need to know basis with his family, so wants to hold off till 12 weeks. I don't know if I can keep a secret that long if I'm around them! It's our first, he's the favorite in his family, and his parents will lose their shit. its going to be fun to see. i just started a new job, so i'm super nervous about telling them. which reminds me to look at my leave policy.

[irish14]

May 9, 2016 9:11:26 GMT -5 LovesMeSomeCake said:

. . . i just started a new job, so i'm super nervous about telling them. which reminds me to look at my leave policy.

Speaking of leave policies, did anyone see Last Week Tonight's bit on paid family leave? Rock it, John Oliver. I freaking love him.

[LovesMeSomeCake]

May 9, 2016 9:24:41 GMT -5 irish14 said:

May 9, 2016 9:11:26 GMT -5 LovesMeSomeCake said:

. . . i just started a new job, so i'm super nervous about telling them. which reminds me to look at my leave policy.

Speaking of leave policies, did anyone see Last Week Tonight's bit on paid family leave? Rock it, John Oliver. I freaking love him.

I love john oliver almost as much as cake.  

[osumegs]

Our parents we told yesterday. Siblings we will tell after we hear a heartbeat. After that we will announce in July I think.

[irish14]

I just told someone at work because we were scheduling things for 2017, and I didn't want to be the one who says, yes, let's do this in February then not be around. It's on a need to know basis or people who guess until we tell family, whenever we see them probably in the 8-12 week window.

I actually told quite a few people about my loss in March - nobody new I was KU yet bc only 7 weeks - and it's been sort of freeing. Like, they already know about one, what's the difference if we tell them early this time. Since then I've sort of been on a "why is there a conspiracy of silence" mentality. (I know some people don't care to share, totally fine, I just mean there are many who would talk about it but feel it's socially unacceptable and that sucks.)

[flcl]

May 9, 2016 9:24:41 GMT -5 irish14 said:

May 9, 2016 9:11:26 GMT -5 LovesMeSomeCake said:

. . . i just started a new job, so i'm super nervous about telling them. which reminds me to look at my leave policy.

Speaking of leave policies, did anyone see Last Week Tonight's bit on paid family leave? Rock it, John Oliver. I freaking love him.

Yes! We just caught up on this weekends episode tonight. Love him

[flcl]

I told my parents the day after I tested because they know about our issues with IF and I want their support. I also told 2 of my close friends, again for the same reason. I told you ladies!... And some wonderful women I met in TCF who's been with me through the struggles. I'm waiting to get medical confirmation before deciding who/when to tell next. I guess I'm just nervous.

[LovesMeSomeCake]

May 9, 2016 17:54:19 GMT -5 irish14 said:

I just told someone at work because we were scheduling things for 2017, and I didn't want to be the one who says, yes, let's do this in February then not be around. It's on a need to know basis or people who guess until we tell family, whenever we see them probably in the 8-12 week window.

I actually told quite a few people about my loss in March - nobody new I was KU yet bc only 7 weeks - and it's been sort of freeing. Like, they already know about one, what's the difference if we tell them early this time. Since then I've sort of been on a "why is there a conspiracy of silence" mentality. (I know some people don't care to share, totally fine, I just mean there are many who would talk about it but feel it's socially unacceptable and that sucks.)

 THIS. a million times.

[bepandnick]

We've told a couple close friends so far.

We'll be telling both families at the end of May. We go to the Indy 500 every year and they'll all know as soon as I'm not drinking. So we're going to put E in a big brother shirt and see how long it takes for people to notice.

For work, we'll wait until closer to 2nd tri.

[otepoti]

I've told my mum. And I'm really not sure when to blab to others. I will more than likely let extended family know at the end of the month but I have no idea on whens best for work. Last time I held out until 14 weeks as I was waiting on a contract change and was told I should have let them know sooner so I wasn't at possible risk(I work in a lab but with nothing dangerous). I just don't want a semi awkward conversation really.

[idreamofbacon]

I told my mom yesterday, and a couple of my friends who are also loss moms. Probably not going to tell the world until 8 weeks. Maybe 10. I guess after we see the heartbeat twice.

We saw the heartbeat once last time. I want to see it twice before we tell

[raven]

We told my parents, DH parents, his siblings, my grandma, and my hockey team. I played in a tournament last weekend and wanted them to be understanding if I sat out an extra shift.

[ashtog]

Some of my best friends know, we are revealing to family at Liam's birthday party- he's opening a big brother t shirt and a framed ultrasound photo with help from older siblings. I'll be taking pics and will post those online after

I agree about the culture of silence around early pregnancy and early loss making no sense- why should you have to go through it alone?

[heybulldog56]

I am bursting (almost literally because I am so bloated) at the seams to tell people. At least my parents and siblings. MH is not on board with this idea. He wants to wait. I feel strongly about inclding those closest to me in all aspects of this pregnancy. Having their support is incredibly important. So, after a heart to heart with H, we will hopefully be on the same page and start telling immediate family at around 8-10 weeks.


ETA: my mom is visiting from out of town and is spending the weekend with us. It's going to be so hard to keep quiet about it. I really want to tell her. And I just might... She is my mother, after all.

[geekmama]

I definitely agree about the culture of silence thing. DH is a very private person - he doesn't like talking to people about difficult things - so that's the only reason I'm waiting to tell all of our friends just yet. Last time, the only people who knew before 10 weeks (when I had an ultrasound at the OB's office and he gave me the "all-clear") were our parents. Since then, I've gone public with our infertility struggle, so I've told a few more people this time, seeing as how I'm more willing to be transparent with people. My thought is that these are the people we would want/need support from if we had a loss. DH still refuses to talk to anyone about our infertility issues (even though the issue is with me and not him), so I don't want to make it too difficult on him if we have to tell people about a loss.

[heybulldog56]

geekmama, my dh is the same. I am very open about a lot of things that he considers "too personal".

[meeggaannww]

I am actually the private one in our relationship. Very few people know about our loss irl, and while that is hard it would be even harder for me to talk about it with them.
That being said we told my parents tonight, mainly because they live down the road and were going to catch on very soon as I'm already pretty sick. It's actually nice they know now because my mom has offered to help out with dd and I don't have the pressure of hiding it.
Everyone else can wait. We told grandparents at 12 weeks and everyone else at 20 last time. Not sure we will be able to wait that long this time but it'll still be a while.

[flcl]

May 13, 2016 9:21:19 GMT -5 heybulldog56 said:

I am bursting (almost literally because I am so bloated) at the seams to tell people. At least my parents and siblings. MH is not on board with this idea. He wants to wait. I feel strongly about inclding those closest to me in all aspects of this pregnancy. Having their support is incredibly important. So, after a heart to heart with H, we will hopefully be on the same page and start telling immediate family at around 8-10 weeks.


ETA: my mom is visiting from out of town and is spending the weekend with us. It's going to be so hard to keep quiet about it. I really want to tell her. And I just might... She is my mother, after all.

Do it!! She's your mom. H was totally on board with LO and this pregnancy in letting my mom know before everyone else

[heybulldog56]

flcl I think I am. I don't want to fight the fatigue and pretend like everything is normal when it's not. I also want her to tend to me.... Is that bad? I know she will be more likely to suggest I hang out in the couch or take a nap if she knows I am pregnant. That's awful but... I could really use a break from the toddler.

[thelittleredm]

May 13, 2016 19:36:20 GMT -5 bunny said:

May 13, 2016 18:10:37 GMT -5 heybulldog56 said:

flcl I think I am. I don't want to fight the fatigue and pretend like everything is normal when it's not. I also want her to tend to me.... Is that bad? I know she will be more likely to suggest I hang out in the couch or take a nap if she knows I am pregnant. That's awful but... I could really use a break from the toddler.

I vote take advantage

+1

[flcl]

May 13, 2016 18:10:37 GMT -5 heybulldog56 said:

flcl I think I am. I don't want to fight the fatigue and pretend like everything is normal when it's not. I also want her to tend to me.... Is that bad? I know she will be more likely to suggest I hang out in the couch or take a nap if she knows I am pregnant. That's awful but... I could really use a break from the toddler.

Not awful. Take advantage of the tlc! Exhaustion has hit full force here so I totally get it.

[brazilianpeach]

I was just talking to DH about that. My mom and dad will know Monday after beta. His parents will know this week as well and so will my best friends who were always there throughout our infertility journey. Everybody else will know after 12 weeks.