I'm having a rough time

[mrsmcgooch]

My birthday was last Tuesday, my sister had a baby boy on Thursday (her 3rd), Mother's day was Sunday and this Sunday is my angel's 7 month birthday.  All I really want to do is hide under the covers and cry but I have to go to work and be there for my sunshine.  Thanks for listening me to vent.

[rslh10]

Mother's Day was hard for me as well. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing the best that you can. If you need to take a few minutes to yourself here and there to break down or take a breather, do it. I find myself telling my H that I can't with certain things and wind up crying in my bed.

(((Hugs))) I will be thinking of your angel this Sunday

[mrsmcgooch]

Thank you. I haven't even been to visit my new nephew yet. It's too painful.

[rslh10]

May 10, 2016 17:10:38 GMT -5 mrsmcgooch said:

Thank you. I haven't even been to visit my new nephew yet. It's too painful.

I can relate, on a similar level of course. A childhood friend just had her son (I used to babysit her other son while I was pregnant with K. She brought me food after K died.) and I can't even bring myself to text her. I can barely talk to two very close friends from this site who had their daughters live.

Like I said, similar, but very different. It's ok to not go. I'm sure your sister understands your reasoning...at least I would hope that she does.

How are you feeling when you consider going to see your nephew?

[mrswheelo]

Mother's Day is always tough. My sister gave me a "Happy 1st Mother's Day" card. I smiled and said thank you, but really I wanted to correct her by saying it was my second.
It sucks that you're getting hit with so much at once

My SIL was due the same time as me with my twins. I hated her and didn't so much as look or speak about her baby until he was almost 6 months. I was angry and grieving then. Now, I wish I had been stronger and more reasonable. I love that little guy now. But don't feel bad if you aren't ready to share in your sister's joy. In my experience, being open about how you feel really does make a difference in helping people understand.

[wrenofthesea]

I am sorry you are having a rough time. It is so hard when so many things line up and it feels like it is snowballing. I hope that your sister understands why it is difficult for you to visit your nephew. It took me quite a while before I was able to visit a close friend's baby. I could have tried to push myself to go but I just really wasn't ready and I am glad I waited so when I saw her and held her I didn't immediately burst into a million tears (she was born not too long after my daughter died). Maybe you can tell her that you would love to visit him but want to wait until things calm down or they are home and settled.

Lots of hugs to you as your angel's 7 months birthday approaches.

[wherethelightis]

I completely understand.  My niece is exactly two months older than my son, and she is my sister's only child.  It's a forever reminder of how old my son should be and what he should be doing.  My sister knows it's not her fault that I try to avoid situations with her and her baby.  Right now, it's too hard, but she knows we love them of course. 
I believe it's ok to avoid situations that are triggers for your pain.

[snowbigdeal]

Hugs mrsmcgooch. I'm sorry it's been rough. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Your feelings are normal.

[mommytoava]

mrsmcgooch I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I was having a rough time this weekend too. Mother's Day just brought out a lot of emotions. Be gentle with yourself

[mrsmcgooch]

Thanks ladies. My sister and I are close and her kids are close in age to my DS. Obviously not her or their fault but her kids are kind of a timeline to me because when she announced when she was pregnant with her second DH and I had already been trying for our second. Then DH was diagnosed with cancer and we of course put TTC on hold to focus on his health. She told me she was pregnant about a month and a half after I lost my son.

I love her kids and I know that I will go see him soon but I it just makes me so sad - she's getting to do all the things with her son that I'll never get to do with mine. My son would have had a playmate his age. And truth be told I'm a little jealous because I don't know if I'll ever get to have another baby.

[murrt]

I'm so sorry that you're going through a rough time. All of the major events and anniversaries piling on top of one another is tough for anyone.

Have you seen a therapist? I don't go to mine as regularly anymore but when I have moments, I call her and we do a Skype session. It helps.

Be kind to yourself and don't push yourself to do anything you aren't ready for.

[mrsmcgooch]

murrt - I do see a therapist weekly. It definitely helps.

I was going to go to a stillborn support group too but they only meet once a month on the first Thursday of the month. My mom was going to come with me but it turned out to be the day that my sister went into labor. I'll try again in June.

[shandorfml2]

May 10, 2016 17:53:04 GMT -5 mrswheelo said:

Mother's Day is always tough. My sister gave me a "Happy 1st Mother's Day" card. I smiled and said thank you, but really I wanted to correct her by saying it was my second.
It sucks that you're getting hit with so much at once

My SIL was due the same time as me with my twins. I hated her and didn't so much as look or speak about her baby until he was almost 6 months. I was angry and grieving then. Now, I wish I had been stronger and more reasonable. I love that little guy now. But don't feel bad if you aren't ready to share in your sister's joy. In my experience, being open about how you feel really does make a difference in helping people understand.

Same thing happened to me last year, my sister gave me a "first mothers day" card, that stung. My first mother's day was 2013. 


Sorry you are having a hard time mrsmcgooch,  (big hugs)) it gets easier in time. It took me well over year after losing my daughter to be able to see babies, and it really took until I had my rainbow to not be sad when seeing a new baby.