~Loss Check-in 5/13~

[shandorfml2]

Been a while... (((hugs)) to any new mamas who are/have recently joined us. 

Welcome to the Loss check-in! This is a board-wide check-in for all of us who have suffered a late term pregnancy or child loss. As this is a board-wide check-in and we are all at different stages in our grief, please remember to post warnings for any subjects related to pregnancy or living children.

I am also so sorry to have to welcome any new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Also if you're ever in need of a check-in and one hasn't been posted recently, feel free to get one started. (You can copy and paste this post if you want).



1. Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately?


2. Have you set any goals for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?


3. Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?

4. QOTW: How was your Mother's day?

[iheartbroccoli]

Thanks shandorfml2! How are you doing?

1. Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately?
I've been doing a lot of work on Theo's baby book. It can be really hard, but focusing on the more positive memories of my pregnancy has been helpful. And I can't wait to have his baby book out for people to flip through when they visit.

2. Have you set any goals for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I'm focusing on getting as physically healthy as I can for whenever we're able to start trying again. I can't control everything, but I'm trying to focus on what I can control.

3. Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?
The comments people make. Today I was passing a coworker in the hall and she asked me how I was doing. I said ok. Then she looked pointedly at my stomach for a few seconds and asked if I was pregnant.

Sigh.

4. QOTW: How was your Mother's day?
Mother's Day was incredibly hard, but MH got me an amazing gift. He went to Build A Bear and made me a Theo bear and I love it. Theo would have been 5 months exactly on Mother's Day. I didn't fully realize it until a couple days later, so the days after Mother's Day were much harder for me.

[shandorfml2]

iheartbroccoli, aw, how sweet of your H...love the bear idea. Hugs, you made it through your first mothers day. I hate the random comments. I'm getting "when are you trying for #2?" Ugh. My rainbow is #2, not #1. Ana will always be #1.

[wrenofthesea]

iheartbroccoli that is so sweet and special that YH made a Theo bear. I am sorry that Mother's day and the days after were really hard for you. I am also really sorry about what your coworker said. Sometimes I just don't understand people who think it is ok to say and ask certain things.

[alisona429]

I'm new here.  Lost my beautiful daughter Meredith at 39+3 weeks on 4/29.  Another amazing mother pointed me to this board for support.
 
1. Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately?  I'm started therapy with a counselor but looking specifically for a grief counselor and someone specializing in PTSD...I'm new to grief so just trying to get through each day.
  Going to GriefShare has helped and I have been talking to other mom's who've lost their babies on the phone - this helps immensely - about the only thing that helps is talking to other women who've been through this.



2. Have you set any goals for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?


I am returning to my job on June 13th.  It will be hard, but I think it will help.  Being home in an empty house with no baby is...excruciating.  Being out on a walk without my baby is...excruciating.  Hopefully being at work will help.


3. Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?
  I have great friends and family but hate when people are trying to fix my grief...specifically my SIL who is very uncomfortable with unhappiness/grief and whom nothing terrible has ever happened to.  If she texts it's always advice like, come over and play with my girls, it will make you feel better; it will get better with time; you're so strong, you're gonna be ok.  I know she's saying these things because she wants me to move on, but I just want her to shut up.


4. QOTW: How was your Mother's day?  Mother's day was hard.  I hid out.  My mom has been with me mostly every day since I lost her, so I wished her a happy mother's day.  My husband bought me a necklace with Meredith's name engraved on it for Mother's day and I wear it and kiss it constantly.

[flutterfly88]

alisona429 I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious Meredith. I did grief share also, although almost a year after I lost my boy.

Are you gradually returning to work, or are you jumping back in full speed ahead? It may be helpful for you if you're able to do a couple of short days to ease yourself in (if your job is flexible). That's what I did and it really helped.

Re your SIL- If you can, I would ask a mutual friend or more understanding family member speak to her about how not helpful her words are, or get someone to share these articles with her:

stillstandingmag.com/2014/01/6-things-never-say-bereaved-parent/

www.scribblesandcrumbs.com/2014/11/27/357/

[rslh10]

alisona429 I am so so happy you decided to join. These ladies are life savers. They get it (unfortunately), but I wouldn't have made it through my darkest days without them.

I love hearing about Meredith. Please feel free to share whatever you want to, whenever you want to.

I think of you and M a lot. I'm so happy we found each other, but sad in how it happened. (((Hugs))) friend.

[shandorfml2]

Welcome alisona429, glad you found us. So sorry for the loss of your sweet Meredith. Love the necklace, so sweet. I have one with my daughter's name as well. I lost my daughter at 37 weeks, no known cause. This board was a life saver in those early days. Hang in there. We get it. The first few months are the most painful.

[iheartbroccoli]

alisona429 I'm glad you found your way over here. Everyone here is incredibly supportive, we are here for whatever you need.

I've also found that talking to others who have been through it to be really helpful. Good luck with returning to work. I went back about 2.5 months after Theo was born and died, and it was really mixed for me. I hope your transition back goes smoothly. Are your boss and coworkers supportive of you?

Big hugs.