I'm starting this discussion

[Deleted]

MH woke me up to let me know he was going over a friend's house, but i'm probably going back to bed. It's way too early on a Saturday to be awake.

Topic of Discussion:

How do you handle living with a S/O who is on a different sleep schedule?

[teachermomtobe]

I'm fortunate that MH and I are on pretty similar sleep schedules except for summer when I don't work. I hear him getting ready but he tries to be quiet and I go back to sleep easily. My friend and her husband have separate bedrooms and always have. They have a baby now and the baby sleeps in her room. She gets up earlier than he does for work so that works for them. Personally, I would never do that but to each his own.

[teachermomtobe]

Oh and I also meant to add, your H could have easily left you a note instead of waking you up to tell you he was going out. I'd push for that in moments where a discussion isn't necessary.

[Deleted]

May 14, 2016 6:53:14 GMT -5 teachermomtobe said:

Oh and I also meant to add, your H could have easily left you a note instead of waking you up to tell you he was going out. I'd push for that in moments where a discussion isn't necessary.

Yeah, i've tried this. He thinks he's being sweet by kissing me good bye. Nope, not really

[wannabmama]

MH falls asleep on the couch as soon as we're done with dinner almost every night. I go up to bed around 10, usually. Then, he wakes up around 3am and is usually up until 5 or so when he goes back to bed. I get up at 5:30-ish. I'm a champion sleeper so his moving around rarely bothers me. I'm a little annoyed that he falls asleep so early. But now I've gotten used to the bed to myself. Once or twice a week he comes up and I definitely sleep less good those nights.
On the weekends he often comes up around 5/5:30 to snuggle...which is fine except then I'm wide awake and he falls back to sleep. Like this morning...I got up around 6 bc he woke me at 5:30 and now he's still sleeping. I kind of like being up early...though I was looking forward to the big breakfast he was saying he was going to make me until his voice trailed off and I realized he was dead asleep. I've just learned to accept it. I guess if he is up at night it might be useful if there's ever a baby...

[wannabmama]

May 14, 2016 7:01:40 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

May 14, 2016 6:53:14 GMT -5 teachermomtobe said:

Oh and I also meant to add, your H could have easily left you a note instead of waking you up to tell you he was going out. I'd push for that in moments where a discussion isn't necessary.

Yeah, i've tried this. He thinks he's being sweet by kissing me good bye. Nope, not really

MH had to get up at 4:30 to catch a plane a couple weeks ago...instead he got up at 3:30 and made coffee, lounged around the house...and came to give me kisses at least three times, waking me a little each time. Dude, I don't have to be awake right now. Go. Away.

[wildflower810]

H works 2nd shift, so 2p-11p. He goes to bed around like 2 am, and then sleeps in until 8:30-9:30. It's not a terrible schedule... except that my day is dictated by a small human so I have no flexibility in when I sleep. I go to bed before H gets home every day, and at some point he comes to bed. Sometimes it wakes me up, sometimes it doesn't.

The hardest part are the mornings. I'm dragging myself out of bed to start my day, making breakfast, containing a toddler, eating, cleaning up, etc, etc... and he's sleeping. I try to remind myself that he was up late, but often he's up late playing computer games so sympathy is lacking.

I also struggle with solo dinner/bed time. By the time kiddo is in bed, I usually have a huge pile of chores, but want to do none of them.

[wildflower810]

H goes back to 1st shift in July and I cannot freaking wait.

[mikaela20]

We don't have opposite shifts but we do have slightly different work hours and have different sleeping schedules. I work business hours 9-5pm and DH works 11am and gets home around 8:30 -9pm during the week and he goes to bed hours later. I like to be in bed at 10pm and I wake up at 7am. Sometimes he guilts me into staying up passed my bedtime because he doesn't see me alot. Or I obviously stay up for sex nights. But I feel so tired the next day. I wish I only needed 6 hours sleep. The only day we get together is really Saturday. And he gets home earlier Sunday so at least we get 2 good evenings together.

He was a bartender when we met, so ive always been used to having different schedules. The only difference is I need my sleep now.

I suffer from anxiety so my mind goes to worst case scenarios which makes goodbyes essential no matter the time. Every goodbye has meaning in my mind. But I'm also a good sleeper and can fall asleep right away from being woken up.

I have no solutions- this is just our normal.

[mosdub]

[mosdub]

MH and I have fairly similar schedules. I get up to go to work at 5:30am, he gets up at 7:45am. I get home at 4:00, he gets home at 4:30. I usually am exhausted and want to sleep around 9pm and when he tries to guilt me or ask why I'm so tired all the time I remind him I wake up on an average of 2.5 hours earlier than he does.

[daisy818]

We're on slightly different sleep schedules - I like to go to sleep earlier, and I wake up first (since he's not employed at the moment). So most nights look like this - we watch some TV, turn on the 10 pm news, I fall asleep on the couch between 10:30 and 11 pm, and he stays up till about 1. When he's ready to go to bed, he wakes me up and we go to bed together. This works for us because I can fall asleep anywhere under any conditions - lights on, TV on, etc. In the mornings I try to be quiet when I get ready, and he usually gets up right before I leave to take care of the dog and get started on his day. At first he hated that I was sleeping on the couch, but I explained that I preferred sleeping on the couch (it's quite comfy) over going to bed alone. So now he rolls with it.

[onesweetworld]

May 14, 2016 7:01:40 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

May 14, 2016 6:53:14 GMT -5 teachermomtobe said:

Oh and I also meant to add, your H could have easily left you a note instead of waking you up to tell you he was going out. I'd push for that in moments where a discussion isn't necessary.

Yeah, i've tried this. He thinks he's being sweet by kissing me good bye. Nope, not really

Every fucking morning. Dude leave me alone.

[lilsneezy]

MH is a night person and I'm more of a morning person. 8am-12ish is my quiet time. I like my quiet time.

[lilsneezy]

I would probably be a little mad if MH left without saying goodbye lol. I always think "what if it's the last time we see each other" because I'm crazy like that.

[Deleted]

It's terrible but the later MH stays up at night, the later I need to stay up when he goes to bed. I just want to be left alone at night.

He has his time in the morning. I should get mine at night

[wildflower810]

I used to be really picky about H kissing me goodbye every morning. But then kid happened and sleep became gold and waking up the kid was an inexcusable offense.

Now my anxiety is about H getting home at night in the winter. I used to wake up at 1 or 2 am panicking when he wasn't in bed and checking my phone. Thankfully when we upgraded our phones I can selectively silence it and so texts and calls from H will always be on even when everything else is silenced. It's helped a lot knowing that he can get ahold of me whenever.

[onesweetworld]

H and I are on different schedules. Give me my late nights. H goes to bed around 9 or 10 and gets up at 430. Sometimes I'll get up to pee at 430 or 6am when he wakes me and I'll go back to sleep until 8 or 10am depending on when I have to work. I fight with H all the time because he tells me I'm lazy because I sleep in. No dude, I went to bed at 2 AM because I am a night owl.

[lilsneezy]

May 14, 2016 9:50:11 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

It's terrible but the later MH stays up at night, the later I need to stay up when he goes to bed. I just want to be left alone at night.

He has his time in the morning. I should get mine at night

Everyone deserves a little 'me' time.

[daisy818]

Reading these comments made me worry, so I just asked DH if it bothers him if I kiss him goodbye before leaving when he's still asleep. He was like, you do that? Yes, hun, I did that Thursday. If he has no recollection, I think that means I'm good

Edited bc he probably would be upset if I hissed him goodbye instead of kissed him goodbye. 

[PepperPottsJ]

Ugh MH does the kiss me goodbye and wake me up thing... Dude no, if I didn't explicitly ask you to wake me up, i do not mother fucking want to be awake. He gets super butt hurt about it

[icedtea]

H and I are mostly on the same schedule, though he has to get up a bit earlier. I like to stay up a bit later, but I know he prefers us to go to bed at the same time so we try to do that. I insist that he kisses me before he leaves in the morning, but it doesn't really wake me up.

We've dealt with him being on shift work (7am-7pm, and 7pm-7am), though, and it sucks. He's not a happy person when he's on 12 hour days (or nights), and that affects everything. We're hoping it doesn't happen again.

[PirateCat]

I work 8-5 but my H's schedule is much more flexible. Except we share a car so his schedule is mostly weather-dependent. I bike to work when the weather is nice but otherwise he drops me off at work and picks me up. I always kiss him goodbye if I leave before him to bike. I'm now thinking I should ask him if he wants me to stop doing that...

[moutonrouge]

I'm more of a morning person, and MH is definitely a night owl. Up until recently, I would go to bed around 10/11 and get up at 6, and MH would come in around 1 and sleep until 8ish. We got home from work around the same time. But he took a new job recently and its a lot more demanding. Plus we moved so now we have the same longish commute. On the up side, he goes to bed and wakes up when I do. On the downside, sometimes he gets home after I'm asleep. Our new place has a lot more natural light coming into the bedroom, so we have been getting up a lot earlier on the weekends and keeping a more consistent schedule. So now we spend more time together on the weekends than we used to.

[housecarder]

I had to have a CTJ talk with my husband about stuff like calling me in the middle of the day when I was on nights. On my days off I didn't care if he kissed me goodbye, on days I worked I got home after he left. But he would often call on his lunch break to tell me the most random shit and I was like "Look, I love you, but I don't call you at 3 am to tell you crap. Wait until you get home".

[Deleted]

May 14, 2016 10:21:35 GMT -5 PepperPottsJ said:

Ugh MH does the kiss me goodbye and wake me up thing... Dude no, if I didn't explicitly ask you to wake me up, i do not mother fucking want to be awake. He gets super butt hurt about it

How did we end up marrying morning people? It makes no sense.