TTCAL Check-In 5/17

[kayladawn91]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.







Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.







**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**







How are you doing?



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):



Diagnosis (if applicable):



Updates/questions:



Debbie downer (a place to vent):


GTKY: Let's talk about the good (I'm trying to have a positive week!). What is something positive that's going on now, has happened recently, or you're looking forward to?

[ladytiffany24]

How are you doing? Not too bad.



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC



Diagnosis (if applicable): None, CP in April



Updates/questions: Nothing today!



Debbie downer (a place to vent): I don't have the best feeling about this cycle so I'm just trying to keep my mind occupied so I don't get too anxious or stressed about the TWW.


GTKY: Let's talk about the good (I'm trying to have a positive week!). What is something positive that's going on now, has happened recently, or you're looking forward to?
Hmmm...not a ton right now. But, in an effort to be more positive, I am excited that we're going on a mini-vacay to Pigeon Forge over Memorial Day weekend!

[doodler]

How are you doing? I'm ok.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC- CD1. We weren't trying last month, just happened to hit a day in FW. So next month will be the real deal.

Diagnosis (if applicable): Uncornuate Uterus, RPL, AMA

Updates/questions: Nothing really.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm good right now!

GTKY: Let's talk about the good (I'm trying to have a positive week!). What is something positive that's going on now, has happened recently, or you're looking forward to? I'm looking forward to summer. My school is an 11 month school, but we do get off at 1:30 during July. I'm also looking forward to our end of year crab feast. Free crabs!

[Rama]

How are you doing? Mixed

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP

Updates/questions: RE appointment this afternoon.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Just the cost of treatment sucks.

GTKY: Let's talk about the good (I'm trying to have a positive week!). What is something positive that's going on now, has happened recently, or you're looking forward to? ETA: Shit, sorry. Should have done this in the first place. Spoiler for Trigger

SPOILER: Click to show

Baby LED!

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? I had a bad week last week but I'm trying to start this one off better

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, WTO, CD9 (Cycle 12, Month 14 AL)

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: Just waiting on my appointment next Monday where we'll go over bloodwork, do an ultrasound, and talk about next steps. I'm hoping it will lead to some kind of answer very soon.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Last week was horrible all around and I'm trying to start off this week better. I'm trying my best to stay away from triggers so I can't even bring myself to open the Grad thread today and I've been posting on FB, but not looking through my newsfeed. I just feel so sad all the time and I need a break from all the triggers.

GTKY: Let's talk about the good (I'm trying to have a positive week!). What is something positive that's going on now, has happened recently, or you're looking forward to? I am SO looking forward to summer. 16 more school days left!!

[caer]

Yay for an upcoming vacation ladytiffany24!

I'm glad you're doing good right now doodler.

Good luck with your appointment today Rama. I agree, the cost of treatment blows. My RE is having us do a couple of natural cycles before moving on to either TI or IUI but we've already started looking at home equity loans because we have zero coverage. It just sucks that it can cost so much money to do something that is normally free. (((Hugs)))

[caer]

(((Hugs))) kayladawn91. I think it's perfectly ok to do what you need to do to protect yourself right now. I deleted IG months ago and have unfollowed a bunch of people on FB. Sometimes you just need to take a break from difficult reminders. Be gentle with yourself.

[caer]

How are you doing? Ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): MMC, AMA, Unexplained IF

Updates/questions: I'm in my first TWW since my loss.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I've been having a lot of anticipatory anxiety about this cycle not working out and the possibility of moving onto treatment this summer. I'm trying really hard to work on being present in the moment and trying to remember that right now, I'm ok. I'll get through whatever happens when it actually happens.

GTKY: Let's talk about the good (I'm trying to have a positive week!). What is something positive that's going on now, has happened recently, or you're looking forward to?
I found out this week that my brother may be moving closer to home! He's lived on the opposite coast for almost 10 years. We're really close and I can't wait to spend more time with him and my niece.

[kayladawn91]

I love Pigeon Forge ladytiffany24. We went for Easter and had a lot of fun!

doodler So do you have the whole month of August off then?

Rama GL at your appt!

caer that great that you'll be closer to your brother. I love living near my family.

[doodler]

kayladawn91 we get 1.5 weeks in June and 2.5 weeks in August. It sucks, lol.

[wannabmama]

How are you doing? OK

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC the old fashioned way for the time being

Diagnosis (if applicable): MFI, and I'm a poor responder with suspected diminished ovarian reserve thanks to being AMA.

Updates/questions: just did cd3 bw, shg is next week

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I've just been thinking a lot recently about what life will be like if it never happens for us. It makes me sad, H isn't as upset as I am about it, but I worry that as he gets older it will weigh on him more (he's five years younger than I am). It's making me scared to try again because each try gets us one try closer to calling it quits on trying, if that makes sense.

GTKY: Let's talk about the good (I'm trying to have a positive week!). What is something positive that's going on now, has happened recently, or you're looking forward to? Since I'm not cycling in June, I'm hoping to do a horse show since I can't do that cycling or KU. I'm also insanely ready to get the F out of this job! One way or another, that should happen by the end of June if not before! I bought a desk for my office yesterday and got insanely excited for that first day that it's me working for me only!

[wannabmama]

Mini vacay sounds nice ladytiffany24 !
doodler bummer for the year round school...but 1:30 is pretty nice!
Hope the RE appt goes well Rama !
Glad your summer countdown is on kayladawn91 I'm sorry you're being bombarded with triggers and having a rough time. I hope this is a better week!
That would be great if your brother moves closer caer !

[caer]

wannabmama - I must have missed an update on your job. Are you starting your own firm?

[wannabmama]

May 17, 2016 13:19:11 GMT -5 caer said:

wannabmama - I must have missed an update on your job. Are you starting your own firm?

Thinking so...I hate my current job with a burning passion. I've been looking for over a year for something else and just nothing seems to be the right thing. So...I think I'm going to try it on my own. I've always wanted to run my own business. I'm still putting out feelers for other jobs but I think I'm most excited about trying my own. I just hope it's not a colossal failure...but even if it is, at least I tried!

[caer]

May 17, 2016 13:24:03 GMT -5 wannabmama said:

May 17, 2016 13:19:11 GMT -5 caer said:

wannabmama - I must have missed an update on your job. Are you starting your own firm?

Thinking so...I hate my current job with a burning passion. I've been looking for over a year for something else and just nothing seems to be the right thing. So...I think I'm going to try it on my own. I've always wanted to run my own business. I'm still putting out feelers for other jobs but I think I'm most excited about trying my own. I just hope it's not a colossal failure...but even if it is, at least I tried!

I know you haven't been happy in your current job for awhile so I'm happy to hear you have a plan to get out. How exciting! Best of luck with it all!

[hydrangea1019]

SPOILER: Click to show

kayladawn91 thanks for starting! I took about a month break from fb, and it did wonders for my mental health. I'm back on now, but that break was so worth it. I hope it helps you!
ladytiffany24 the end of the TWW always stresses me out. I hope it stays calm for you
doodler glad you're doing ok
Rama the cost of treatment is ridiculous! I hope your appt goes smoothly today.
wannabmama ((hugs)) it's really hard, I hope you guys don't get to the point of calling it quits

AFM,

How are you? I'm ok
Status: recently decided NTNP for about 3-4 cycles
Diagnosis: polyps and MFI
Updates: I posted this in the GKU IF checkin.... I've got three polyps that need to be removed, however my insurance covers nothing with the RE and they don't take our insurance. I'm in the middle of switching jobs and I'm hoping the new insurance will allow him to do the polypectomy, rather than another d&c with my gyn.
Debbie downer: nothing really. I feel like I should be bummed about NTNP but it's kind of relaxing...
GTKY: I'm getting a new job! I'm pretty stoked! I just wish HR would call me to let me know my start date lol

[wannabmama]

May 17, 2016 13:27:31 GMT -5 caer said:

May 17, 2016 13:24:03 GMT -5 wannabmama said:

Thinking so...I hate my current job with a burning passion. I've been looking for over a year for something else and just nothing seems to be the right thing. So...I think I'm going to try it on my own. I've always wanted to run my own business. I'm still putting out feelers for other jobs but I think I'm most excited about trying my own. I just hope it's not a colossal failure...but even if it is, at least I tried!

I know you haven't been happy in your current job for awhile so I'm happy to hear you have a plan to get out. How exciting! Best of luck with it all!

Thanks!!
I'm literally trying to get the nerve up to go give my boss my exit date right now (I want to do a week long, all day course early in June so I either need to leave before that or work something out to take the week unpaid and come back until the end of June)...I've been trying for two days. He brushed me off twice yesterday and was gone all morning today. Now he's back but his door is closed...nothing is ever simple.

[wannabmama]

Congrats on the new job hydrangea1019 !!

[caer]

May 17, 2016 13:51:33 GMT -5 wannabmama said:

May 17, 2016 13:27:31 GMT -5 caer said:

I know you haven't been happy in your current job for awhile so I'm happy to hear you have a plan to get out. How exciting! Best of luck with it all!

Thanks!!
I'm literally trying to get the nerve up to go give my boss my exit date right now (I want to do a week long, all day course early in June so I either need to leave before that or work something out to take the week unpaid and come back until the end of June)...I've been trying for two days. He brushed me off twice yesterday and was gone all morning today. Now he's back but his door is closed...nothing is ever simple.

Good luck! It took me weeks to tell my boss I was leaving. It's such a tough conversation to have. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible!

[kayladawn91]

Hugs wannabmama

Congrats on the job hydrangea1019! I hope the new insurance is better for you too!

[kayladawn91]

Question: Did any of your SOs see a urologist when you got to the point of testing? My OB recommended MH see one to rule out any issues that may be stemming from him. He's willing to call and make an appointment but is asking me what they'll likely do. Will it probably be coded as IF? Does anyone have these answers?

[notagoddess]

kayladawn91, my OB wrote a script for a SA for my husband. It came back normal so they are not investigating further. I think the urologist is only if there is an issue with the SA.

[kayladawn91]

May 18, 2016 11:16:44 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

kayladawn91, my OB wrote a script for a SA for my husband. It came back normal so they are not investigating further. I think the urologist is only if there is an issue with the SA.

Who did the SA?

[notagoddess]

May 18, 2016 11:17:24 GMT -5 kayladawn91 said:

May 18, 2016 11:16:44 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

kayladawn91 , my OB wrote a script for a SA for my husband. It came back normal so they are not investigating further. I think the urologist is only if there is an issue with the SA.

Who did the SA?

It was done at the lab at the local hospital. It was coded as IF but it was a reasonable price. I can try to find it... brb.

[notagoddess]

May 18, 2016 11:21:22 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

May 18, 2016 11:17:24 GMT -5 kayladawn91 said:

Who did the SA?

It was done at the lab at the local hospital. It was coded as IF but it was a reasonable price. I can try to find it... brb.

The lab charged $70 but insurance paid $50.72.

[notagoddess]

How are you doing? I'm really sad about TTC. I have some big life decisions, changes, and opportunities coming up so I do have plenty of distractions in my life.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - Cycle 15 TTCAL

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unexplained infertility, resected uterine septum

Updates/questions: I feel like my life has too many unknowns. I'm graduating soon and I have no idea where I'll find a job. We are in the process of buying a house here, but if I find a job far away, we would back out probably. But if I knew I could get pregnant, I would take the house and wait longer until a job showed up here. It would be hard to move back to Boston and live in a 1-br apt instead of a nice house with a yard, all set up for a kid. It's hard to make a coherent decision with so many unknowns, so I'm applying everywhere and as for the house, we're still waiting for bank approval. I just wished I could know now whether I can have a baby, and when that baby will come.

Sorry, I'm rambling. Basically, I have no idea: if and when I'll have a child, when and where I'll find a job, and where I'll be living in a few months. It's very stressful.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm so sad my parents don't get it. My mom said the other day that I'm going to have better chances to get pregnant in 6 months or a year, when my life is more settled. As if 6-12 months more of TTCAL wouldn't be extraordinarily painful and demoralizing. As if another 12 months of IF wouldn't mean my chances of conceiving were that much smaller.

GTKY: Let's talk about the good (I'm trying to have a positive week!). What is something positive that's going on now, has happened recently, or you're looking forward to? We got a used car this week. It's going to make it much easier to get to work, interviews, and doctor's appointments. I'm so grateful for it!

[kayladawn91]

May 18, 2016 11:23:34 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

May 18, 2016 11:21:22 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

It was done at the lab at the local hospital. It was coded as IF but it was a reasonable price. I can try to find it... brb.

The lab charged $70 but insurance paid $50.72.

Oh that's not as bad as I was thinking. Hm. Maybe I'll just wait until my appt on Monday and ask her about it. I don't really want him to go through the process of getting in with a urologist if there's a simpler way to get an SA. Thanks for the info!

Eta words

[kayladawn91]

notagoddess. It's hard to plan for big things like that with all of the unknowns and it's hard when people close to you don't get it. My family wouldn't understand either which is why I have kept them in the dark about everything so far. Sending you hugs. I hope you're able to come to some solution about where to live/work that you can be happy with.

[pinkcat]

I somehow missed this thread yesterday- hi everyone! Hugs for everyone having a rough week

AFM, we finally have our appointment Friday with my OB to discuss the tests she'll run vs the ones she'll refer me to an RE for. I am pretty nervous- not about the testing so much, but just about how this is going to affect DH and I's relationship. He has a vague understanding that I track cycles but we never really discuss any of the specifics. I was trying to keep it so that our sex life didn't become solely about TTC, and I'm worried about how going through testing/treatments is going to change that. But, I'm also excited because maybe we are finally getting closer to a take home baby....so my feelings are filling mixed! Either way I just want Friday to get here so that we have some type of plan and can move forward.

[kayladawn91]

May 18, 2016 11:53:05 GMT -5 pinkcat said:

I somehow missed this thread yesterday- hi everyone! Hugs for everyone having a rough week

AFM, we finally have our appointment Friday with my OB to discuss the tests she'll run vs the ones she'll refer me to an RE for. I am pretty nervous- not about the testing so much, but just about how this is going to affect DH and I's relationship. He has a vague understanding that I track cycles but we never really discuss any of the specifics. I was trying to keep it so that our sex life didn't become solely about TTC, and I'm worried about how going through testing/treatments is going to change that. But, I'm also excited because maybe we are finally getting closer to a take home baby....so my feelings are filling mixed! Either way I just want Friday to get here so that we have some type of plan and can move forward.

GL at your appt pinkcat! I also worry about how testing will effect our relationship. Right now he says he completely supports what I want and will go through whatever testing and stuff he needs to in order to get us a take-home baby. But I'm wondering how he will actually feel as we proceed.