TTCAL Check-in 5/24

[kayladawn91]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.







Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.







**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**







How are you doing?



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):



Diagnosis (if applicable):



Updates/questions:



Debbie downer (a place to vent):


QOTW: What is your favorite warm weather activity?

[Rama]

How are you doing? Pretty good

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - Treatment to Conceive

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP

Updates/questions: HSG went smoothly yesterday. There's a slight fold or maybe scar tissue on the right side tube, but the dye spilled easily both ways. Appt Friday afternoon!

Debbie downer (a place to vent): spoiler for trigger

SPOILER: Click to show

Caring for and loving Elly's baby has made me really wistful. I can't wait until I get a baby I can keep.

QOTW: What is your favorite warm weather activity? I'm not a fan of warm weather, so probably not being out in it. ;) Bit if that doesn't count, then something involving water. Washing the car, running in sprinklers, water balloon/super soaker fights, pools/lakes/rivers/beaches, all that jazz.

[caer]

I'm glad your HSG went well Rama! Good luck with your appointment on Friday.

[caer]

How are you doing? Ok. A little stressed, I guess.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): MMC, unexplained IF

Updates/questions: Nothing new except I'm at the end of my first AL TWW. I'm 9 DPO.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I guess I'm worried that I'm going to be really devastated if this cycle doesn't work out. I have no reason to expect it to because it took so long in the first place. But I just really, really want another chance. I know I need to be patient but this first AL cycle is hard.

QOTW: What is your favorite warm weather activity?
Swim. Or sit on my deck with some wine.

[wannabmama]

How are you doing? Meh.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): AMA, MFI...

Updates/questions: I have my SHG/SIS whatever it is on Thursday, hopefully all is ok. My cd3 bw was largely unchanged from a year ago so I guess that's good.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm starting to give up hope. I think the timing issues and long wait between the last IVF and when we can try again has made me apathetic. All the joy and mystery and thrill has been taken away and now all I do is calculate dates, everything is scientific. And...it still doesn't work.

QOTW: What is your favorite warm weather activity? I loooooooove the warm weather. It's hard to decide on a favorite. I think a good beach day...but the yard with the pups and a good book and some wine is right up there.

[wannabmama]

Rama glad the hsg went well! Good luck with the appt Friday!
caer hugs. I felt so frantic after my losses and those cycles were definitely tough.

[mosdub]

Rama Wistful is the perfect word. I think that captures my feelings a lot of the time. I'm not necessarily sad or jealous - but the longing. Glad you could be there for Elly and babe Glad your HSG went smoothly, and hope Friday offers more hope and direction.

caer my first AL cycle was last month and I agree it's hard. I went from ridiculously hopeful to forcing myself to imagine a bfn so I would keep myself grounded emotionally.

wannabmama I'm so sorry you're feeling apathetic It's hard not to after being through so much and now IF treatments. Hang in there

How are you doing? Fine right now

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Previous partial molar, slightly higher chance of another.

Updates/questions: Nothing this week

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing really. I've started to see people from my BMB come back here and it hasn't made me sad but made me reflective I guess.

QOTW: What is your favorite warm weather activity? I get exhausted from direct sunlight, so I love sitting out on really warm overcast day. Overcast, 85 with wind is PERFECT. Ahhh. (Sit's outside on patio as she types this in 85 degrees with overcast and slight breeze)

[caer]

I hope your HSG goes well wannabmama! I'm glad your BW results came back ok. I'm sorry you're feeling apathetic. I really, really hate what the struggle to get/stay pregnant can do to us. Sending (((hugs)))

I'm glad you're doing ok mosdub. Your summer day sounds nice to me.

[kayladawn91]

Rama I'm glad the HSG went well! Hope your appt goes well!

caer just sending hugs!

wannabmama hugs. I hope everything looks okay on your SHG.

mosdub I think it's okay if seeing people from your BMB does make you sad. I know it makes me sad.

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? I'm alright I guess


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC 0 Cycle 12/Month 14 AL


Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a


Updates/questions: I had my US and got results from BW yesterday. BW was good except for low Vitamin D, but she noticed a cyst on my left ovary on the US. It was small and I don't have any pain so she just wants to do a repeat US in about a month to check on it. To my knowledge, I've never had a cyst before so I'm not really sure if I should be worried or not. She wants to do an SHG on CD 8 or 9 next cycle to check my tubes and clear out any blockages and then I guess we'll see what happens and what next steps she recommends. She didn't seem super concerned since I'm "only 25" which was something she kept saying and was kind of annoying. She also recommended again that MH should see a urologist. So this cycle and next will just be natural. I'm fine with undergoing testing, especially since she's coding it so insurance will cover it but I'm still hoping this happens naturally so I don't have to undergo any treatment.


Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing really. Just kind of feeling numb to this whole process right now.


QOTW: What is your favorite warm weather activity? Going to the beach! I don't have a nice beach near me, ours is kind of gross, but we always try to make a trip across the state to stay near the beach. I love it so much.

[mosdub]

kayladawn91 I think cysts are fairly normal and don't often affect fertility (right people?) especially if they are small. I also find the "you're young and healthy" comments annoying. Testing can't hurt - I also have low Vit D as well as low Iron.

[kayladawn91]

May 24, 2016 20:27:00 GMT -5 mosdub said:

kayladawn91 I think cysts are fairly normal and don't often affect fertility (right people?) especially if they are small. I also find the "you're young and healthy" comments annoying. Testing can't hurt - I also have low Vit D as well as low Iron.

Right. As if my age lessens my struggle or desire to be a mother.

[doodler]

Rama I'm glad that they were able to fit you in the for HSG and that it went well. Also, I totally get you with the downer. I feel the same way about my BFF who is due in June.

caer the rollercoaster of emotions for those first cycles after the loss were really hard for me too.

wannabmama I'm sorry. I literally just had the same thought the other day. Kind of different in the sense that we haven't needed treatment so far to get pregnant, but similar in the sense that at this point, the thought of being pregnant is more terrifying than anything else. It makes me sad.

mosdub can I come share your gorgeous weather! I think we skipped right over spring here!

kayladawn91 Do you mean HSG? Disclaimer- I could def be wrong about this, but I thought that the SHG is where they fill your ute with fluid to check for uterine anomalies and doesn't involve your tubes.
Also, I got a similar line from the OB about being only 34. WTF! She said if I was closer to 39 or 40 she would be more concerned but that I still have plenty of time. I was like uh lady you are crazy and took myself right to the RE!

[doodler]

How are you doing? Pretty good. I had a random bad day on Sunday but other than that I am ok.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unicornuate Uterus, AMA, RPL

Updates/questions: Nothing right now.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm good, I'm just dead scared to get pregnant again ya'll. This is our first cycle trying again and my anxiety is ramping up.

QOTW: What is your favorite warm weather activity? Cookouts, long walks, laying on the beach.

[kayladawn91]

doodler I at first thought I heard wrong but all of the info she gave me is for an SHG. I guess they can check for abnormalities and check the tubes. My understanding is that they put bubbles in the saline and then on the screen they can see if the fluid goes through the tubes okay.

[ladytiffany24]

I'm behind this week!

Rama, glad your HSG went well!
caer, First cycle AL is definitely tough. And more of a mind fuck in lots of ways! Hope it turns out well for you!
wannabmama, Hang in there! Hugs.
mosdub, glad you're doing okay!
kayladawn91, I'm sorry that it sounds like your doctor doesn't have the best bedside manner. Who cares if you're "only 25." That shouldn't diminish your journey in the least bit!
doodler, Totally understand you're fears.

[ladytiffany24]

How are you doing? Not too bad. I can feel myself putting a lot of stock into this cycle for some reason. I wish I wouldn't do that.


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC


Diagnosis (if applicable): None, CP in April 2016


Updates/questions: Nothing really today


Debbie downer (a place to vent): We had such good timing this time around. Like really couldnt' have been better. So I think that's why I'm probably putting lots of stock into this cycle. And why I feel like I'll be pretty down if it didn't work. Trying to keep myself in check.


QOTW: What is your favorite warm weather activity?
Probably just sitting outside on our deck in a lounge chair with a drink, listening to some music! I like an occasional relaxation day by the pool too!

[Bulma]

How are you doing? Ok today. This month has been ups and downs though.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Officially: Unknown Unofficially: Ridiculously long cycles with maybe four or five periods a year

Updates/questions: Nothing right now

Debbie downer (a place to vent): This month has been very depressing. I had my first PG in August that I lost at the very end of the month and this would've been around the time I would have had a baby. I know I can't keep thinking about what might have been, but it's hard not to when you've waited for so long and then it's taken from you. I had a break down at work on mother's day when my boss asked me if I was ok. I try not to cry at work, but I couldn't help it.

QOTW: What is your favorite warm weather activity? Sitting on my patio and looking at Google Earth to see which of my new neighbors have pools so I can befriend them before it gets to be 110 outside.

[mosdub]

Bulma Sorry you've had such a rough month. EDDs are hard to get through, and it's hard not to think about what could/should/would have been.

Also, lol to your QOTW answer - that's some sneaky sleuthing right there!

[kayladawn91]

Bulma hugs for your EDD. I also LOLd at your answer to QOTW. Ha!

[wannabmama]

Bulma EDDs are tough, so many milestones involved with this rough process. I did lol at the QOTW though...MH is obsessed with google earth. I think I just came up with a new task for him on it

[doodler]

Bulma all of your feelings are valid and ok. My first EDD was in April and it was really bad. The stress of it even messed up my cycle and threw me into a second period for that month, which has never, ever happened.

[kayladawn91]

I am so sorry for your loss @samrs22. There's nothing I can say to make this easier, but just know you're in my thoughts. {Hugs}

[doodler]

@samrs22 I am so sorry. It's so fucking unfair. We are here for you and sending all the love.

[Rama]

@samrs22 Fuck. I'm so sorry. I'd be a wreck, too. *Hugs tight* Kudos to your friend for being awesome; great support like that is hard to find.

[wannabmama]

Oh @samrs22 I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself. I'm glad you have a friend to bring you drinks pizza and chocolate and let you cry it out some. I'm sending you tons of healing thoughts and hugs.

[caer]

So many (((hugs))) @samrs22. I'm very sorry.

[ladytiffany24]

I'm so so sorry @samrs22! All the hugs to you!

[notagoddess]

I'm so sorry @samrs22. I hate that this is happening to you. Take care of yourself during this time. You're in my thoughts.

[anaberry]

Im doing much better, and yet randomly I started crying to my Husband last night about our loss. I guess this means I have longer bouts of being OK and then short but intense bouts of acute sadness...
Status: benched
I had my first post d&c period this last week and it was just ridiculous. I stained everything i sat on, irrespective of the pad i used- the blood was all just to fresh and watery i guess? It made me wonder how much worse it would had been had I had the miscarriage naturally..... Im glad its over
Questions- could you ladies please tell me what your favorite cycle tracker is? I hate "monthly cycles" its just so stupid,. It keeps defaulting to the "pregnant" status all the time and i hate it.
Debbie downer: i went to two baby showers this week, and learned that another two friends are pregnant. Obviously I am happy for them, but it makes me feel the loss that more real.
Favorite summer activity: the pool! Or the beach!
I am my best in water!!