Let's talk about your partner's time off when baby comes....

[requiressnacks]

Hi Ladies, I've started to actually start planning my maternity leave (eek!) and it got me thinking about how long my husband will be taking off. Unfortunately, his company offers zero paid paternity leave, so he has saved two weeks of vacation for when babies get here. He has the opportunity to take more time off, unpaid. So I have a few general questions.....

- Do you know how much time off your partner's will be taking off?

- For the STM's, was it helpful having your partner there? For how long?

- General advice on this topic?

[mrsp121308]

-This time DH is taking off 2 weeks, which is how much vacation time he has set aside.

-With DD1, he took 5 days off from when I went in for induction. With DD2, he was off day of delivery, went to work the next day, off the next 2 days.

I found it really pointless to have him off the day I was just chilling in the hospital, which was why he worked that day with dd2. I just didn't need him there watching tv with me.

This time he's off so much because we have both girls and I'm due around the time of their big ballet production so I'll need him to help with them mostly. The baby is the easy part.

[legalbeagle]

DH took six weeks off with DS. He had four weeks of paid paternity and then added two weeks of vacation. It was definitely needed because he was working crazy hours at the time -- like 10am-3am and lots of weekend work -- so he needed to just be unavailable and out and also SANDY happened five days after I gave birth and a week after I gave birth we had to evacuate from our apartment. (We were not affected as much as some people and I'm very grateful for that.) Also we don't have family that lives close by and so he was my only help. It was a really great time for us to be together -- we watched A LOT of tv while DS slept and the house was always clean/bottles washed/dog walked and someone was always able to take a nap or a shower. It was a rude wake-up call for me when he went back to work! I'm interested to hear what C-section mamas/twin mamas tell you because I was almost totally healed about two weeks after my vaginal delivery but my friends who have had C-sections have said it took them longer. If you have someone who is able to come over and help (MIL?) after he goes back to work I'd think two weeks would be sufficient from a helpfulness perspective but if you can afford it and he wants to be around the babies a bit longer then go for it. It is a special time.

This time DH has a new job and unclear what his company's paternity leave policy is -- probably like 1-2 weeks. His job has better hours now (9-6 and he works late night and on weekends but from home) but he can't really unplug and be unavailable (even when we are on vacation) and I'll have our nanny around too to help while DS is in school. I think he'll probably take two weeks and take one week off and then work from home the second week. It should be okay since Baby 2 is due around the holidays.

[fikafairy67]

For DS, DH only was able to take off a week of work, since he had just started in that position about 6 months prior and didn't have more time saved. It was all vacation time that he used, no paid leave. Since I couldn't drive yet when he went back, if we needed to go anywhere my mom came over and took us (dr appts mostly).

I was only able to take about 7 weeks of leave, since my job at the time was part-time contract work and I had no paid leave at all and couldn't afford longer. I did start back slowly, only working with a few local clients (behavior therapist) while DS stayed with my mom.

The manufacturing company he works for now closes for two weeks over Christmas that he has to use his vacation time for if he wants to get paid, so for right now the plan is to schedule my repeat c-section on Friday the 16th (ideally, since I'm due the 22nd), and then in addition to taking off the 16th, he uses the two weeks he already will have to use for Dec 18-30, and go back Jan 2. If I need more help, my mom is local and willing to come help during the day when DH would need to be back at work. DS will continue to go to daycare during this time so I don't have to worry about a newborn, recovering from a c-section, AND chasing a 4 year old once DH goes back to work. DH will still be handling drop-off and pick-up from daycare whether he's at work or not until I would get the clear to drive again. I told DH that I am taking the full 12 weeks this time, since it's our last LO and since at least 75% of it will be paid using my accrued sick time and vacation time.

This is of course if he is still at this job by the time December rolls around, he's starting the process of looking and applying for other positions now since the company he's at isn't really doing well, AND he's way underpaid. If he's in a new position, we may have to revisit the plan.

[requiressnacks]

Thanks for sharing ladies! It's amazing the difference in what companies offer. Lot's to think about!

[Lucy]

H didn't take any time off when DS was born. He was early and in the NICU for nearly a month, so there was no point. Then when DS came home, H was slammed at work and couldn't take time off.

He did take off a week when DD was born. I was completely freaked when he went back to work because I was home with a 13 month old and a newborn by myself and still recovering from a c-section. It was rough.

This time I'm not as freaked about him not taking as much time off since I'll just have 1 baby instead of a baby and a toddler. He'll probably take a week or 2 "off", but that just means he'll be working from home. It would be nice if he could tie it into holiday time off and take a little extra time off, but going by my previous record, I'm anticipating having a late November baby instead of a mid-December baby.

[babycowbell]

My husband's work is awesome, he gets six weeks fully paid paternity leave plus his vacation time which is five weeks a year. I on the other hand just get short-term disability insurance, which I'm told will likely pay for six weeks at 60% of my salary, then my vacation time which I'll probably have two weeks accrued then. I'm still going to try to budget so I can take 3-4 months.

We don't have a plan yet, but I'm thinking he'll take a couple weeks right away, a week or two during my maternity leave to maybe travel to visit family (if that's not too crazy an idea) then maybe he can use the rest at the end of my maternity leave when I go back to work, so the baby stays out of day care for another month.

I want to talk to the HR people at work about it but I guess that requires me to start telling work people, besides my boss.

[sdgal]

I think DH only has the option to use his vacation. His work doesn't pay into SDI so he doesn't qualify for the state's Paid Family Leave. They will be closed the week after Christmas, but you have to still use vacation days for 3 days of the week. Since he was brand new last year, he actually had to go into the red.

[emilie]

We are very lucky. H works at an awesome company and gets 8 weeks paid paternity leave, and he can also take 6 additional weeks job-protected partially-paid leave through the state of CA. We haven't really discussed yet, but I am hoping he can stay home with me for at least the first couple weeks home and then maybe use the rest later depending on our childcare situation.

[xoxo]

My husband gets 16 weeks paid leave. Last time he took seven weeks. The first month it was really nice to have time together as a family, figuring out life with a newborn together. He also golfed a lot during the end of his leave. I'm not sure how much he'll take this time, probably 4-6 weeks. I only get 12 weeks paid, plus unused vacation.

[Lucy]

I'm amazed at the long paternity leave that some of your H's get. Hooray for great companies!

[brit365]

Seriously, I am so jealous of some of these amazing companies with such great paternity leave policies. DH gets 3 weeks of vacation/sick time each year to be used by the end of the year and that is what has to be used for paternity leave too. So, I'll be lucky if he has about 3 days left to stay home by the time I deliver.

[requiressnacks]

Jun 3, 2016 14:30:46 GMT -5 xoxo said:

My husband gets 16 weeks paid leave. Last time he took seven weeks. The first month it was really nice to have time together as a family, figuring out life with a newborn together. He also golfed a lot during the end of his leave. I'm not sure how much he'll take this time, probably 4-6 weeks. I only get 12 weeks paid, plus unused vacation.

Holy shit! That's amazing!!! Are you in the US?

[xoxo]

Jun 3, 2016 15:23:11 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Jun 3, 2016 14:30:46 GMT -5 xoxo said:

My husband gets 16 weeks paid leave. Last time he took seven weeks. The first month it was really nice to have time together as a family, figuring out life with a newborn together. He also golfed a lot during the end of his leave. I'm not sure how much he'll take this time, probably 4-6 weeks. I only get 12 weeks paid, plus unused vacation.

Holy shit! That's amazing!!! Are you in the US?

I'm not sure if this quoting will work mobile. Yes- we're in the US. He works for a large bank - parental leave is one of the nice perks. However, he might take a new job this year, so it may be moot!

[Lucy]

My H doesn't get a specific amount of time off. Basically he can take the days off he needs to, but he needs to be available to do some work if he needs to as well. So that means he hauls a computer on every vacation we go on, and always ends up having to do a few hours of work a day or two. It really blows because his boss knows he can do this, and still gives him crap for taking days "off".

[wherethelightis]

My husband works from home, and has a very flexible schedule. So he'll be home with me regardless. I get 12 weeks, albeit unpaid minus any vacation I have saved up.

[hmr11913]

I can't believe how much time some of your hubbys get off work - that's amazing and I'm a bit jealous!

For G my husband just happened to have off the Monday/Tuesday that she was born, then he took vacation days on Wednesday/Thursday and returned to work on Friday. He then had deviated septum surgery a few days later (which we were hoping to get in before G was born, but she was early) so once he recovered from that he went back to work again and had the opportunity to work 13 nights in a row as OT. He took it, since the money was amazing, but that was rough. Thankfully, G just napped during the day anyway so I was able to nap w/ her and it wasn't too bad.

This time around DH is at a new job with a fairly large company however I'm pretty sure they don't have any paternity benefits. I'm a little anxious as G will be 17/18 months when baby comes so I'm sure it will be a lot. Hopefully my mom and MIL will be able to help out a bit. I can take 12 weeks off, however only the first 6 are paid (at 80%) and I'm not sure that I'm even returning to work after baby #2 comes.

[kaydee0402]

- Do you know how much time off your partner's will be taking off? Not sure yet, depends on when he gets home. If he doesn't get home until right before/after the baby arrives (worst case scenario), he gets 14 days of post-deployment leave, 10 days for Christmas and then an additional 10 for the baby, giving him a month at home. Not too sure if I'm a fan of that, lol.

- For the STM's, was it helpful having your partner there? For how long? For our first, he was off two weeks. It was helpful due to the fact that I had a c-section and needed help getting around and with DS. But I think that if I had a vaginal birth as planned, he wouldn't have been as needed. Honestly, we spent the majority of time the first two weeks just sleeping and watching crap on Netflix because it was too cold to go outside.

- General advice on this topic? If he can get the time free and clear, sure, why not. However, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle so if he did have to go to work, I would have been fine. But please note that I'm saying this as a mom who only had one kid. This time, I'm going to have a newborn and a toddler who is hyped up on Christmas and daycare closed for a week, so I may be begging for an extra hand.

[kaydee0402]

Jun 3, 2016 8:00:00 GMT -5 mrsp121308 said:

This time he's off so much because we have both girls and I'm due around the time of their big ballet production so I'll need him to help with them mostly. The baby is the easy part.

This.  Seriously.  Newborns just want to sleep.  It's having a toddler this time around that's scaring me, not the new baby, lol.

[redsoxgirl10]

Mine doesn't get paid leave but he has sick days. He can't use more than 5 without a doctors note so we had my doc write a note for three weeks. This was 100% necessary because I had a terrible tear and then got a crazy infection. This isn't normal so if I were you I'd take the 2 weeks paid and then add the unpaid time only if you feel you need it after the baby is born

[Deleted]

Dh already gets the week between Chrismas and New Year off, then I'm not sure what he gets. He works for a small company, but I think they are big enough to qualify for fmla. He can probably work out something with his boss, his company is very family oriented so I'm sure they'll work with him to have some leave that's worthwhile.

[WineNChocolate]

So I usually take 4 months unpaid. Hubs gets like 2 weeks off for paternity. With our DD he was off for a week. To be honest after two weeks I don't think I really need him unless I might of had a c-section. I would asset needing more help. However my mil comes and stays like a month or so. She will definitely do that this time due to my lil one being around. So I guess I will have my mil so that's the real reason he won't be staying out of work longer than 2 weeks. DD also goes to daycare so it would still just be me.

requiressnacks I mean you are having twins too. Probably c-section (assumption)...I would say you might need him around longer if he could.