AW: Help! Telling our parents the baby's name today

[angelasashes]

So conflicted, y'all. I think I've read every opinion there is about revealing the baby's name before birth, and mostly it seems like the best idea to wait until after to do the big reveal. There are SO many good reasons not to tell, and I've been in this camp...kinda. We're set on our name, and so many people ask (rude?!). Most of the time DH and I don't tell the name, but there are some good friends of mine who I knew wouldn't say anything unsupportive, so I told them and was not sorry. DH isn't thrilled I told people...and doesn't know I also told my sister! *cue guilt* My parents are in town this weekend and his are local, and he really wants us to tell them all the name today. I told him we could, partly because I do feel bad that others know and our own parents don't. The problem is...

My MIL is super nosy and overwhelms me on the daily. She more than anyone has been all up in my grill about the baby's name, and she's the one person I feel like I might regret it if she knew. She'd likely be the type to announce it all over FB, wear it out by thinking up her own obnoxious nicknames, expressing lots of opinions about it, etc. I'm afraid she'll end up being so obnoxious that it'll change how I feel about our name. TBH, I'm a brat and also kinda liked having having something she couldn't bully out of me.

Am I the one who's being a big baby, here? At the end of the day, this shouldn't be a decision about her. DH has agreed that if his mom gets outta control about the name, he'll deal with it directly and immediately. I do want people to know our name, I just don't want MIL wrecking it! Words of wisdom, anyone?

FYI: name is Jackson Everett. You all knew before MIL, anyway.

[yianna]

Ignore whatever negative things she has to say - or you may be pleasantly surprised when she tells you how much she loves it.

Good Luck!

[grapefruits]

When I have told people the name we chose, I start by saying "I'm going to tell you the name, but I have two rules: (1) you can't tell anyone else; and (2) you have to love it."

I know it sounds silly, but it does remind them how important their reaction is to you and it allows them to check themselves before reacting. I honestly don't even care if it's a fake reaction; to me, it's better than hearing they don't like or don't love the name.

[Ee]

I love my MIL, but I have to say I regret telling her a little bit! She loves the name, but she has told everyone in town at this point and it drives me a little nuts for her to constantly be "introducing" people to our daughter by name. I know it's because she's excited, but it's a little annoying.

[amelandre]

We have our name for each sex picked out, but are continuing to tell people we won't settle until the baby is born. I am afraid of them wearing the names thin and it took us so long to agree on two names. Besides, it adds something to the long wait at the hospital for the family. Last time they had a time table set up they were placing (small) bets on to guess when baby would be born, boy/girl, how much he/she would weigh, etc.. This time they can add name guesses. They all said it was a lot of fun, and it kept them out of my hair while they were in the waiting room arguing over charts and old wives tales.

[angelasashes]

Just to be clear, there's no way I can tell everyone EXCEPT MIL, right? Like, ever?

[lgsdesigner]

Everyone is going to find out in a few months anyways, so why not just tell them to get them off your back?
Especially since your sister already knows. You might as well give in.

[psmomma718]

I would say either tell all the parents or none of them. If you decide to tell, it might be a good idea to lay out some ground rules for everyone, especially if you don't want her sharing the name with others.

[mayflowers]

Only my sister and one of my BFs knows the name for us. I'd be fine telling people but DH doesn't want to and I don't care enough to argue it.

[snapdragon]

Team "Don't do it!!!!"

I'm sure my MIL would have kept trying to change our minds if she'd heard the name ahead of time, but once it was on the birth certificate she had to love it or pretend to.

Best decision we ever made.

[snapdragon]

Feb 8, 2015 12:24:40 GMT -5 angelasashes said:

Just to be clear, there's no way I can tell everyone EXCEPT MIL, right? Like, ever?

No. Letting it slip to a couple of people is one thing, but keeping it just from MIL and no one else is insulting.

[saltyh2O]

We're with you snapdragon - we kept DS's name a secret until his birthday and will do the same thing with DD. It's no one's business but yours and your husband's OP, and there's something to be said for there being at least one thing that remains a surprise in this day and age of knowing everything way in advance....at least in my opinion.

[mpiemont]

If I had to exert that much energy and brain power on the consequences of revealing our name before the birth of the baby, you can bet I wouldn't be telling anyone.

I don't have a MIL from hell that a lot of women do, so maybe it's just hard for me to wrap my head around.

But regardless, if you're that worried about what you will have to deal with by telling people early, then just don't

Otherwise I'd be like here's the name we picked- we absolutely love it! End of discussion. Our kids' names were never a hot topic or a source of contention or anything dramatic. It was "he's here- his name is X X". The end.

[viola]

I only told ONE of our name choices, the front-runner boy name, to a few people (including our parents). I made sure to give myself the out of, "we're not exactly 100% decided on it" in case we decide against it and so they wouldn't start referring to the baby by that name. They couldn't really do that anyways because we're team green, but everyone thinks it's a boy so I didn't want it to happen in their minds.

[smontz]

We decided to tell everyone the name after we made the final decision purely because people were asking us every 10 minutes if we knew what we were naming her yet. RIGHT after we found out we were having a girl we had a ridiculous amount of people asking if we picked out a name. The annoyingness of people asking so much outweighed the thoughts on waiting until birth. Luckily no one had a negative response. Good luck if you decide to tell all of them today!
PS: I really like the name Jackson Everett!

[Deleted]

This is so interesting. We haven't decided on a name yet, but we have a short list of four that we will choose from. Every time people ask, that's what I tell them, and I'm happy to share the four names. But lately, people have started following up with, "But did you really decide on one and this is just what you're telling people?" And the truthful answer is No! DH and I have different favorites from the list, too! But I don't know why people have this obsession with needing to know beforehand.

[staccajaye]

Feb 8, 2015 13:09:00 GMT -5 saltyh2O said:

We're with you snapdragon - we kept DS's name a secret until his birthday and will do the same thing with DD. It's no one's business but yours and your husband's OP, and there's something to be said for there being at least one thing that remains a surprise in this day and age of knowing everything way in advance....at least in my opinion.

AGREED 100%
Team don't tell until Birth

[Deleted]

We are team don't tell! We have gotten weird reactions to that decision but we would rather people be annoyed with that than bug us about the name we are choosing.

[angelasashes]

Feb 8, 2015 12:24:48 GMT -5 lgsdesigner said:

Everyone is going to find out in a few months anyways, so why not just tell them to get them off your back?
Especially since your sister already knows. You might as well give in.

This is kinda where I'm at. Today so far they've mentioned not knowing the name 5 times.

[angelasashes]

Feb 8, 2015 13:58:11 GMT -5 smontz said:

We decided to tell everyone the name after we made the final decision purely because people were asking us every 10 minutes if we knew what we were naming her yet. RIGHT after we found out we were having a girl we had a ridiculous amount of people asking if we picked out a name. The annoyingness of people asking so much outweighed the thoughts on waiting until birth. Luckily no one had a negative response. Good luck if you decide to tell all of them today!
PS: I really like the name Jackson Everett!

Awww! Thanks!

The same thing has been going on for us with everyone asking about names. Even strangers! So weird.

[smontz]

Feb 8, 2015 18:24:07 GMT -5 angelasashes said:

Feb 8, 2015 13:58:11 GMT -5 smontz said:

We decided to tell everyone the name after we made the final decision purely because people were asking us every 10 minutes if we knew what we were naming her yet. RIGHT after we found out we were having a girl we had a ridiculous amount of people asking if we picked out a name. The annoyingness of people asking so much outweighed the thoughts on waiting until birth. Luckily no one had a negative response. Good luck if you decide to tell all of them today!
PS: I really like the name Jackson Everett!

Awww! Thanks!

The same thing has been going on for us with everyone asking about names. Even strangers! So weird.

Same here! I had parent teacher conferences on Friday and almost every parent asked me if we had a name decided yet. For me, it really is a lot easier being open with what name we decided on. Plus I'm a terrible secret keeper when it comes to things like that! Did you tell them yet? Or did you decide to wait it out?

[scattered]

I had no idea this was even a thing. I couldn't care less if someone doesn't like my kids' names or asked if we had a name picked yet.

[angelasashes]

Feb 8, 2015 15:55:59 GMT -5 @tiggyt753 said:

This is so interesting. We haven't decided on a name yet, but we have a short list of four that we will choose from. Every time people ask, that's what I tell them, and I'm happy to share the four names. But lately, people have started following up with, "But did you really decide on one and this is just what you're telling people?" And the truthful answer is No! DH and I have different favorites from the list, too! But I don't know why people have this obsession with needing to know beforehand.

People feel entitled to know everything! It's so weird.

[angelasashes]

Feb 8, 2015 18:27:27 GMT -5 smontz said:

Feb 8, 2015 18:24:07 GMT -5 angelasashes said:

Awww! Thanks!

The same thing has been going on for us with everyone asking about names. Even strangers! So weird.

Same here! I had parent teacher conferences on Friday and almost every parent asked me if we had a name decided yet. For me, it really is a lot easier being open with what name we decided on. Plus I'm a terrible secret keeper when it comes to things like that! Did you tell them yet? Or did you decide to wait it out?

I'm so bad at keeping secrets. So afraid I'll accidentally let it slip...would rather just be open about it! We haven't said anything yet, but the day is young. I think DH will spill the beans when the time is right and my SIL's kids stop crying. Yay for family day!

[saltyh2O]

Feb 8, 2015 18:31:48 GMT -5 angelasashes said:

Feb 8, 2015 15:55:59 GMT -5 @tiggyt753 said:

This is so interesting. We haven't decided on a name yet, but we have a short list of four that we will choose from. Every time people ask, that's what I tell them, and I'm happy to share the four names. But lately, people have started following up with, "But did you really decide on one and this is just what you're telling people?" And the truthful answer is No! DH and I have different favorites from the list, too! But I don't know why people have this obsession with needing to know beforehand.

People feel entitled to know everything! It's so weird.

Can't resist saying....just because people feel entitled does not mean you are obligated to respond to them. (Rampant entitlement is a soapbox issue of mine these days....but that's another post for another time). ☺️

In the end, you and your DH ought to do what you want to do and what you feel comfortable with, both in telling/not telling and the name you choose as well. Best wishes for a great outcome either way!

[snapdragon]

Feb 8, 2015 18:27:35 GMT -5 scattered said:

I had no idea this was even a thing. I couldn't care less if someone doesn't like my kids' names or asked if we had a name picked yet.

No joke, MIL told us that if we use a certain name that we once off-handedly mentioned we liked (when I wasn't even pregnant), she said if we used that name she wouldn't be able to bond with the baby, and she's been suggesting alternate names ever since.  

It's just not worth the headache.

[angelasashes]

Feb 8, 2015 21:04:38 GMT -5 saltyh2O said:

Feb 8, 2015 18:31:48 GMT -5 angelasashes said:

People feel entitled to know everything! It's so weird.

Can't resist saying....just because people feel entitled does not mean you are obligated to respond to them. (Rampant entitlement is a soapbox issue of mine these days....but that's another post for another time). ☺️

In the end, you and your DH ought to do what you want to do and what you feel comfortable with, both in telling/not telling and the name you choose as well. Best wishes for a great outcome either way!

Thank you! Here's how it turned out: there came a time that was "right," and DH kinda just put it out there. An offhand mention of "baby Jackson." Everyone was so confused at first because we've been just telling them the baby's name was something ridiculous like Ganges Khan whenever asked, but gradually they caught on. Reception to the name was really good! Actually better than I expected in terms of things feeling obnoxious or overwhelming to me. All your well-wishes helped! DH was quick to request no Facebook blasts, and squelched talk of nicknames, too. So far, so good! MIL is over the moon about the baby in general, which isn't the worst thing, I guess! I just have to figure out which buttons I can live with being pushed.

[angelasashes]

Feb 8, 2015 22:59:18 GMT -5 snapdragon said:

Feb 8, 2015 18:27:35 GMT -5 scattered said:

I had no idea this was even a thing. I couldn't care less if someone doesn't like my kids' names or asked if we had a name picked yet.

No joke, MIL told us that if we use a certain name that we once off-handedly mentioned we liked (when I wasn't even pregnant), she said if we used that name she wouldn't be able to bond with the baby, and she's been suggesting alternate names ever since.  

It's just not worth the headache.

Whoa. That's a pretty severe thing for someone to think, let alone actually say to you! That is ALL kinds of crazy!