Parenting quotes (funnies)

[TJ]

Let's have another edition of things you never thought you would hear yourself say as a parent, or funny things you didn't realize you would have to explain as a parent. These always make me giggle, and I'm in a foul mood today so I could use the laughs.

[TJ]

E, let's not poke our sister in her eyeball.

P, we don't eat paper towels.

E, please don't put the cat in the pack n play.

P, please don't put the cat in your mouth.

[chiwifey]

C, don't pee in your train box...

[ruthie]

Ooooo, I love these!

"Pick in private." (In reference to the insane amount of nose picking around here)

"No, Dad doesn't poop in the car. He poops in the potty." (They pooped in the car and insisted that everyone else do the same.)

"Come on, bud. You can do it. I know it's super hard, but you gotta push that poop out."

"Little friend, you need to tell your brother to stop being a dinosaur if it bothers you."

"Well, at least he wasn't the one in the ER this time." (DS1 sent my husband to the ER with a horrific eye injury. At least we hit our deductible!!)

[Deleted]

"Please don't poke Mommy in the eyeballs."

"Seriously, why are so fixated on poking Mommy in the eyeballs?"

"We don't eat cat fur."

"No sitting on your sister!"

"We don't eat garland." (Seriously, does this stuff multiply as it sheds? I'm still finding the occasional strand!)

"It's food, not poison." (When food is being resisted.)

[di0607]

I swear these are true:

"Hands!" (Reminding my well endowed 4 year old to stop touching himself)

"No! You may not wrap your penis around the pencil!" (Head-palm)

[imoverit]

No i will not throw a cookie at your butt crack.

Yes max eats poop but we can't.

[TJ]

I should know better than to read these at work. They just crack me up.

[babyksmommy]

"Don't lick your Auntie"

"Let go of your penis"

"Don't smash your sister"

"Don't grab the dog's butt"

[Robeano]

Hannah after hubby had some nasty gas.

H "poopy?"
Me "although smelly your father is not poopy."

I should also mention she walked over to hubby and lifted his bathrobe in the back while asking if he was poopy.

[TJ]

Feb 9, 2015 13:56:27 GMT -5 Robeano said:

Hannah after hubby had some nasty gas.

H "poopy?"
Me "although smelly your father is not poopy."

I should also mention she walked over to hubby and lifted his bathrobe in the back while asking if he was poopy.

This reminds me that I got gas in my car this weekend.  MH used to always fill my car up for me, and would take E with him sometimes.  E asked me what we were doing and I told her we were getting gas.  Here's what happened next:

E: Gas?
Me: Gas.
E: Gas?
Me: Gas.
E: Daddy gas?
Me: Tee hee, no mommy gas.
E: Oh.  Mommy gas is perfect!  I love it!
Me:  Thanks E, it IS perfect, isn't it?

[Deleted]

"Get your foot out of the cat's butt, please." (She was sitting down with her legs out in front of her with one foot shoved up against the cat's butt.)

"No, honey, we don't high-five the cat."

"Can you roar at Grandpa?" (Roaring at Grandpa over FaceTime is a favorite activity.)

"Please leave your sister's poopy diaper alone."

"Seriously, that diaper is gross. Leave it alone."

"Stop stealing the wipe box!"

[Deleted]

"Get your fingers out of your butt " (in the tub)

[mnj05]

Pee in the sink, not on the rug. (Bath time)

[TJ]

Feb 14, 2015 9:01:21 GMT -5 @ducky719 said:

"Get your fingers out of your butt " (in the tub)

Interestingly, I just had to tell E that we don't put our fingers in our butt at the dinner table.

[karabear4409]

TJ wins!

[kmc84]

Feb 14, 2015 18:29:46 GMT -5 TJ said:

Feb 14, 2015 9:01:21 GMT -5 @ducky719 said:

"Get your fingers out of your butt " (in the tub)

Interestingly, I just had to tell E that we don't put our fingers in our butt at the dinner table.

How about 'we don't put our fingers in mommy's butt'? oh yes, I really said that. I got out of the shower and was drying off when little fingers were suddenly present! Unfortunately I jumped, so now she thinks it's funny

[Deleted]

Lol, kmc84!!! Kids are sneaky little buggers aren't they? They just show up and bam! Sneak attack.

[leahb12]

While at a rest stop on a road trip, I had both kids in the stall with me (DH was not with us), DS1 yelled, "Mommy, where's your big penis?" The rest stop was crowded, so there were a few snickers. I told him we would talk about the difference between boys and girls while not at a rest stop.