moms of 2+, need your advice

[agm04]

Happy Monday mamas!  Seeking advice for those of you with 2+ kiddos.  We are talking about TTC again, beginning next month.  We are hosting an au pair from Germany, and her visa will expire at the end of March.  If we are lucky enough to get pregnant right away, LO 2 would be due right around that time.  Our au pair is wonderful, and has been with us since DD was 6 months old.  They are very attached to one another, which is something I love.

I'm a little concerned about the transition when our au pair leaves and another one arrives (as is currently the plan) as it is.  Keeping our current au pair isn't an option unfortunately, as she's already extended her visa and there's no option to extend further.  I realize no one can tell me how to plan our family, but for those of you who have already experienced parenting a 2ish year old and the new baby transition, is it crazy to consider having a childcare change at that time?  I've always wanted to have kids close in age, but of course I care about DD's happiness and stability more.  Trying to balance that with the fact that we may have difficulty TTC...if we postpone 6+ months and then have problems, I'll wish we had started sooner.  Any advice?

[dreemkin]

Mom of 2 here but I have no experience with childcare changes because my parents watch(ed) them. But if it was me, I wouldn't plan my pregnancy around an au pair because like you said things might not even happen right away or...whatever. I'd say it might depend on your kid too but if she's leaving anyway then I don't see a reason to wait. There are so many changes going on with a new baby that it could be no big deal for a new au pair (or it could be noticed by DD).

[mishka29]

My girls are two years apart. I guess it's hard for me to speak to this bc DD1 was in daycare and I really had only one kid to manage during the day. On the weekends DH was here to help out. Of course there were stressful times and times when we said we wished we would have waited 6 more months. But we survived and are still surviving! They are starting to play together more and have fun goofing together which will just get better with time.

[dreemkin]

Ps: I love the 2 year age difference!

[dreemkin]

Pps: I think any age gap has its pluses and minuses. You'll figure out what's right for you (or make it work lol). Good luck; it is such a multifaceted decision.

[Deleted]

Former au pair here. I think for your kid to change au pairs will be a little difficult no matter when this happens, especially if she is loved and they have a connection. As long as you are able to prepare her and talk her through it she'll be ok.
Another thing to think about though is you. Will you be able to arrange everything around the au pair leaving/welcome a new au pair into your home at 9 months PG? Or what about with a one week old on your arms? Just something to think about.

To be clear, I think you should start TTC as soon as you like. You never know what happens but either way you'll figure it out when the time comes!

[agm04]

oh thank you guys so much for reassuring me. i was hesitant to even post this bc i don't want to seem all "i can perfectly control baby timing, wheee!" - a big part of my uncertainty is that i know conceiving may take a while and/or some help.

dreemkin and mishka29 LOVE that you both have two daughters that close in age. my sister and i are 20 months apart and we have almost always been the best of friends. it's a big reason i'd like to have kids close in age, and if i'm honest, 2 girls would be AMAZING. (but then so would a boy and a girl!)

@alyllyra how cool. how long were you an au pair, and with how many families? you bring up really good points. i think that if we do get pregnant quickly, i'll have a new au pair start with at least 1-2 months of overlap before our current one departs to ease the transition for all of us (and so that i'm not trying to manage the new one while I'm also trying to prepare for baby 2). the other option would be to wait until the end of my maternity leave to have someone new start, and have my mom come stay until we're ready for someone new.