Can I vent/decompress a little?

[junebug060609]

DS has been a handful this week. I'm hoping it's related to his developing a new skill (opening doors). On the one hand, "Yay for a new skill!"  On the other, "OMFG, do you HAVE to practice this new skill at 3am the other night...or right now at bedtime?"  Part of me wonders if it's the typical 2/3 thing of pushing boundaries, just with an ASD twist. 

I was up until 4am the other night keeping him contained in his room and (relatively) quiet so that he wouldn't wake up his little sister (he still managed to wake her up once)...and then she woke up for the day at 6am.  I know lack of sleeping isn't uncommon with ASD...and I'm praying that isn't the case with DS.  I don't like how short tempered I am when I'm that tired and both kids deserve a better mommy than that   

Anyhow, in addition to the pushing the new trick, which I understand...new stuff is fun!  There's been an uptick in his stimming.  The flapping his ears is pretty much constant, and it sounds like it hurts...kinda turns them red sometimes and has scratched one of them once (fingernail).  Do you think this (the change and uptick in stimming) is just coincidence?  Maybe tied in to an increase in bandwith that I'd assume goes with a new skill like the door thing (he's also started doing a few signs more regularly, has started trying to draw circles, gotten better at copying and following directions and gotten more resourceful when it comes to getting places he shouldn't be...like climbing over the couch to get to the other side of a child fence).  He's also started this leg shaking thing today that's basically like what someone wired on caffeine might do.  Not sure what's up with that, though I do suspect he might've been overtired.  DH was with him while I put DD to bed, and when I came out DS had gone from barely showing signs of sleepiness to manicly overtired. 

In addition to him doing this this week DD has also been cutting a tooth and decided to start walking yesterday.  Nobody is sleeping well, and me least of all.  Seriously feeling like I'm in way over head both in terms of stuff with DS, and also in terms of DH being at sea for most of the summer (aka I'll be solo with these two hooligans pretty much all summer...I'm barely handling it now when DH is home most nights...how the hell will I manage it with DS not in school?).  I know the answer is to just do it, and I will, but I'm not looking forward to the difficult days (am looking forward to the fun times though).

Sorry for the vent.  I guess I figure not only will you guys have good insight, but many of you have also probably felt this way at times. 

[hopecounts]

That's rough.
it's likely the uptick in stimming is a side piece to the new skill/growth going on.
Hopefully it'll die down soon as the new stuff becomes routine.
Can you get a gate to keep him in during the night?
We have one up for DD just to make it a little harder for her to get out but it's mainly a stop sign and a reminder to stay put.
We have a monitor and I usually hear her (it takes a nuclear blast to wake DH up) but it makes me a tiny bit less nervous having it up.
And I have absolutely let her play in her room at 3 am while I dose and listen out via monitor until she falls back asleep.
Mainly because once she sees me it's over as far as she is concerned it's morning and no more sleeping, if I leave her be she usually plays with her elephant lovey, looks at a few books, does some singing, then lays back down and goes back to sleep, works better for all of us

[cam]

Sounds likely the uptick in behaviors are related to the new skills. Hope you get some rest soon. As for the summer, some days you just have to get through the day, and if everyone is fed and safe, that's what counts - worry about the rest on a better day.

[junebug060609]

He has a gate on his room, thankfully. We have had it in place since the first time he managed to open a door. It's just recently that he's gotten good at it. It's good bc I know he'll be contained...but it doesn't take away the possibility of him waking up sister. He opens his door and then shakes the gate.

[mrsbuttinski]

Feb 8, 2015 21:38:06 GMT -5 junebug060609 said:

DS has been a handful this week. I'm hoping it's related to his developing a new skill (opening doors). On the one hand, "Yay for a new skill!"  On the other, "OMFG, do you HAVE to practice this new skill at 3am the other night...or right now at bedtime?"  Part of me wonders if it's the typical 2/3 thing of pushing boundaries, just with an ASD twist. 

"Practicing" a skill as basic as opening a door is probably a stim. Along with flicking switches, it's a pretty common one. Sometimes this morphs into an anxiety driven behavior where the child must be the one to open all doors.

I was up until 4am the other night keeping him contained in his room and (relatively) quiet so that he wouldn't wake up his little sister (he still managed to wake her up once)...and then she woke up for the day at 6am.  I know lack of sleeping isn't uncommon with ASD...and I'm praying that isn't the case with DS.  I don't like how short tempered I am when I'm that tired and both kids deserve a better mommy than that   

This is a tough age, even without sleep deprivation for all involved. Often poor sleep or not enough of it can result in the sorts of behavior one would consider symptomatic of ADHD.

Have you spoken with his dev pedi or a behavior therapist about this. There may be things you can do to improve sleep. One thing is a good routine devoid of electronics; the blue light emitted can interfere with the hormones associated with falling asleep. Your doc may be OK with a trial of melatonin which can be useful for helping a child fall asleep short term while you improve sleep hygiene. In some cases meds might be used; some of the old line antihypertensives like Tenex and Clonodine prescribed for ADHD have a side effect of promoting better sleep when give at night.

Anyhow, in addition to the pushing the new trick, which I understand...new stuff is fun!  There's been an uptick in his stimming. 

Stimming tends to increase as kids approach 4-ish. I think a part of it is the increased bandwidth around being anxious or bored. Watch when stimming occurs; it can be self-soothing when stressed as well as "entertainment when bored". Sometimes it becomes a "go with" behavior to more passive activities like falling asleep or watching TV. I prefer to redirect stimming where possible. Either redirect it by addressing the boredom/anxiety, restrict it to a private place (like the bedroom) or cease the activity that goes with it (severely restrict TV to those times when you can actively watch and engage with him).

The flapping his ears is pretty much constant, and it sounds like it hurts...kinda turns them red sometimes and has scratched one of them once (fingernail).  Do you think this (the change and uptick in stimming) is just coincidence? 

Are the ears red when he starts fussing with them? Temperature changes like coming inside from the cold can cause this. Sometimes food allergies can cause red ears, though you would expect red cheeks with that and perhaps circles under the eyes, too. Certain foods can be triggers for red ears- for DS phenols in things like apples, red grapes and bananas will sometimes cause red ears. They don't hurt, but they might feel warm to the touch. For a kid with sensory issues, "different feeling" might be enough to attract his attention to stimming on them.

Maybe tied in to an increase in bandwith that I'd assume goes with a new skill like the door thing (he's also started doing a few signs more regularly, has started trying to draw circles, gotten better at copying and following directions and gotten more resourceful when it comes to getting places he shouldn't be...like climbing over the couch to get to the other side of a child fence).  He's also started this leg shaking thing today that's basically like what someone wired on caffeine might do.  Not sure what's up with that, though I do suspect he might've been overtired.  DH was with him while I put DD to bed, and when I came out DS had gone from barely showing signs of sleepiness to manicly overtired. 

It could be the stimming is related to increased overall bandwidth and the increased cognition to be stressed (as in anxious or bored). The leg shaking is different. That could be a stim, too. If he were a bit older, it might be a motor tic. Tics usually reveal closer to 5 or 6 and are very common among kids with ASD. Or it could be some sort of clonic spasm (a kind of seizure) which should be brought to the attention of his dev pedi. If you can record this, it would be useful for his doctor. 

In addition to him doing this this week DD has also been cutting a tooth and decided to start walking yesterday.  Nobody is sleeping well, and me least of all.  Seriously feeling like I'm in way over head both in terms of stuff with DS, and also in terms of DH being at sea for most of the summer (aka I'll be solo with these two hooligans pretty much all summer...I'm barely handling it now when DH is home most nights...how the hell will I manage it with DS not in school?).  I know the answer is to just do it, and I will, but I'm not looking forward to the difficult days (am looking forward to the fun times though).

Is your son in a preschool program now? Are their preschool camps where he could be included? Can you advocate for an ESY program to avoid regression? Does your state have some sort of program that offers respite care with a Katie Becket Waiver or perhaps a TSS worker to come in and work with him? Could you hire a mothers helper a couple days a week or a college student who could give you a real break?

Sorry for the vent.  I guess I figure not only will you guys have good insight, but many of you have also probably felt this way at times. 

Vent away.

[junebug060609]

Feb 9, 2015 7:42:52 GMT -5 mrsbuttinski said:

Feb 8, 2015 21:38:06 GMT -5 junebug060609 said:

DS has been a handful this week. I'm hoping it's related to his developing a new skill (opening doors). On the one hand, "Yay for a new skill!"  On the other, "OMFG, do you HAVE to practice this new skill at 3am the other night...or right now at bedtime?"  Part of me wonders if it's the typical 2/3 thing of pushing boundaries, just with an ASD twist. 

"Practicing" a skill as basic as opening a door is probably a stim. Along with flicking switches, it's a pretty common one. Sometimes this morphs into an anxiety driven behavior where the child must be the one to open all doors.

For now it seems like he's actually practicing it.  He seems proud that he can do it. No sign as of yet that he must be the one to open all doors.

I was up until 4am the other night keeping him contained in his room and (relatively) quiet so that he wouldn't wake up his little sister (he still managed to wake her up once)...and then she woke up for the day at 6am.  I know lack of sleeping isn't uncommon with ASD...and I'm praying that isn't the case with DS.  I don't like how short tempered I am when I'm that tired and both kids deserve a better mommy than that   

This is a tough age, even without sleep deprivation for all involved. Often poor sleep or not enough of it can result in the sorts of behavior one would consider symptomatic of ADHD. 

Have you spoken with his dev pedi or a behavior therapist about this. There may be things you can do to improve sleep. One thing is a good routine devoid of electronics; the blue light emitted can interfere with the hormones associated with falling asleep. Your doc may be OK with a trial of melatonin which can be useful for helping a child fall asleep short term while you improve sleep hygiene. In some cases meds might be used; some of the old line antihypertensives like Tenex and Clonodine prescribed for ADHD have a side effect of promoting better sleep when give at night.

I haven't spoken with his dev pedi yet as this is a pretty new thing for him.  Watching it for now to see if it's the novelty of being able to open the door/realizing he could possibly escape to play more.  If it continues, I'll bring it up.  His bedtime routine has been pretty set since he was about 6 months old: bath, pjs, reading books, get a hug and a kiss and into bed.  Right around when the door stuff started he started going through a phase of wanting me in with him to fall asleep.  Didn't realize the timing lined up with that until just now, thought it was just a thing of wanting mommy time (he's big time mommy-centric now and gets jealous of the time I have to devote to DD).  He's had phases in the past of wanting us with him to fall asleep that have passed though. 

Anyhow, in addition to the pushing the new trick, which I understand...new stuff is fun!  There's been an uptick in his stimming. 

Stimming tends to increase as kids approach 4-ish. I think a part of it is the increased bandwidth around being anxious or bored. Watch when stimming occurs; it can be self-soothing when stressed as well as "entertainment when bored". Sometimes it becomes a "go with" behavior to more passive activities like falling asleep or watching TV. I prefer to redirect stimming where possible. Either redirect it by addressing the boredom/anxiety, restrict it to a private place (like the bedroom) or cease the activity that goes with it (severely restrict TV to those times when you can actively watch and engage with him).

It's good to know that it's pretty normal to increase around now.  With him it's both a boredom thing and an overstimulation thing (depends on the situation).  He'll track things with his eyes when bored, for example.  He tends to flap when excited.  Anxiety does seem to be kicking up a little.  Nothing bad yet, but he just seems unsettled a little...most notably the other day when I tried bathing his sister with him (I'll be solo this summer, so trying to streamline things).  He started out ok with it...then needed to get out of the tub...and by the time I could get a diaper and jammies on him he was pacing and flapping his hands.  I've never seen him act like that.  We've tried the bath together since then and it went a little better (trying to figure out what set it off to see if I can work around it). 

The flapping his ears is pretty much constant, and it sounds like it hurts...kinda turns them red sometimes and has scratched one of them once (fingernail).  Do you think this (the change and uptick in stimming) is just coincidence? 

Are the ears red when he starts fussing with them? Temperature changes like coming inside from the cold can cause this. Sometimes food allergies can cause red ears, though you would expect red cheeks with that and perhaps circles under the eyes, too. Certain foods can be triggers for red ears- for DS phenols in things like apples, red grapes and bananas will sometimes cause red ears. They don't hurt, but they might feel warm to the touch. For a kid with sensory issues, "different feeling" might be enough to attract his attention to stimming on them.

They get red when he hits them.  Not a temp change thing as he'll do it even when he hasn't come in from outside.   No red cheeks.  There are circles under his eyes...but I suspect that's related to his not sleeping well.  His therapists and I suspect it's either a sensation thing (liking the way it feels) or an audio thing (he gets a pretty good 'fwap' noise when he does it).

 Maybe tied in to an increase in bandwith that I'd assume goes with a new skill like the door thing (he's also started doing a few signs more regularly, has started trying to draw circles, gotten better at copying and following directions and gotten more resourceful when it comes to getting places he shouldn't be...like climbing over the couch to get to the other side of a child fence).  He's also started this leg shaking thing today that's basically like what someone wired on caffeine might do.  Not sure what's up with that, though I do suspect he might've been overtired.  DH was with him while I put DD to bed, and when I came out DS had gone from barely showing signs of sleepiness to manicly overtired. 

It could be the stimming is related to increased overall bandwidth and the increased cognition to be stressed (as in anxious or bored). The leg shaking is different. That could be a stim, too. If he were a bit older, it might be a motor tic. Tics usually reveal closer to 5 or 6 and are very common among kids with ASD. Or it could be some sort of clonic spasm (a kind of seizure) which should be brought to the attention of his dev pedi. If you can record this, it would be useful for his doctor. 

That's sort of what I'm thinking...and was my concern with the leg shaking as well.  I've only seen it once (yesterday).  Seemed like a stim to me.  He was really wired (manically overtired) and it seemed like a new way to get some of the energy out, if that makes sense.  When DH mentioned it I thought immediately of seizures though as I know they are pretty common with ASD.  Will try and see if I can record it for the pedi.

In addition to him doing this this week DD has also been cutting a tooth and decided to start walking yesterday.  Nobody is sleeping well, and me least of all.  Seriously feeling like I'm in way over head both in terms of stuff with DS, and also in terms of DH being at sea for most of the summer (aka I'll be solo with these two hooligans pretty much all summer...I'm barely handling it now when DH is home most nights...how the hell will I manage it with DS not in school?).  I know the answer is to just do it, and I will, but I'm not looking forward to the difficult days (am looking forward to the fun times though).

Is your son in a preschool program now? Are their preschool camps where he could be included? Can you advocate for an ESY program to avoid regression? Does your state have some sort of program that offers respite care with a Katie Becket Waiver or perhaps a TSS worker to come in and work with him? Could you hire a mothers helper a couple days a week or a college student who could give you a real break?

He is in a preschool program.  I can ask about camps.  What is ESY?  I'd love to avoid regression over the summer.  I'm on the wait list for a respite program with the Navy (thanks for the reminder to call them).  I have his former ABA lady (switched companies to one that won't take our insurance, he LOVED her) to help with babysitting here and there until May.  She's also military and is moving at that time.  I'm considering spending one of the full months DH will be underway up at my parents.  There would be a downfall in that DS would be out of therapy for that time (keep in mind that with us moving by years end there will be an interruption of services then as well)...but he'd also gain some from being around more people and in a new environment.  He's always done well traveling and seems to thrive on the extra attention of another adult (be it his dad when he's home or a grandparent, even his SLP at session).  His newfound door ability will present some challenges there, as would his (by then) toddling sister, but at least I'd have two other sets of hands to help sometimes.  I'm also considering asking my mom to come here...but she'd have to take time off from work and needs the $$.  I don't know about the Becket Waivers or TSS.  I'm nervous about hiring help without experience with autism and/or special needs. 

Sorry for the vent.  I guess I figure not only will you guys have good insight, but many of you have also probably felt this way at times. 

Vent away.

[mrsbuttinski]

ESY is Extended School Year.

It can be offered if you have documented regression over school breaks. There are other reasons, but usually regression is easiest in the preschool years.

[junebug060609]

Feb 9, 2015 9:08:05 GMT -5 mrsbuttinski said:

ESY is Extended School Year.

It can be offered if you have documented regression over school breaks. There are other reasons, but usually regression is easiest in the preschool years.

No documentation of regression over breaks I felt like he was pretty stagnant over the summer last year (started the school program in March), but no proven regression.

[KC thepouchh8r]

For improving sleep we did Epsom salt bath followed by a massage with badgers night night balm.

[akafred]

Feb 9, 2015 10:04:16 GMT -5 KC thepouchh8r said:

For improving sleep we did Epsom salt bath followed by a massage with badgers night night balm.

A couple of oz of tart cherry juice an hour before bedtime is supposed to be good, too. I do notice a difference with Char, but she HATES it.

[junebug060609]

OK, so bedtime is done for tonight. I tried to be on it more with getting him to bed before he got overtired (I nurse DD before her bed, so I can't be perfect with his sometimes). I highly suspect his acting up is related to a combo of being overtired and wanting attention. He just seemed to be amping it up the more I paid attention to him in there (ie the 'get back in your bed' over and over). I ended up leaving the room and standing guard outside his door so he can't practice his new door opening skill. He quieted down relatively quick (20 mins vs last nights 2 hours). I think tomorrow I'll try the normal bedtime routine and just leave like I normally do...and then I'll try camping outside his room like I did today.