Receiving gifts

[tjanca22]

This is a little long winded, but here goes:
My MIL emailed me on Friday asking if I had heard about the Orbit car seat/stroller. I replied back saying that yes, I had heard of it, but due to price and functionality of it, we most likely would go with another brand like Chicco or Brittax and that the Orbit wouldn't be going in a registry. This evening DH and I get an email saying that the car seat/stroller has been covered.
Part of me is glad that she's so willing to buy us a much needed baby item, but the logical part of me is like, do you know how much you could buy for that? She purchased the newborn seat and stroller frame, which is nice, but additional bases and toddler seats are so much more than we would ever want to spend. It's already been purchased and is en route to our house.
Should I just be thankful (like the one half of me is saying), or is there a polite way to say we really would have liked to have some input in such a personal taste item? How would you handle this?
TIA

[leenziepops]

Could you get DH to explain that her gift of the Orbit is amazing but you can't afford future uogrades? Sounds reasonable but then again sometimes I'm too logical regarding gifts and offended friends when i wanted them to swap a 2nd toaster for a kettle after my bridal shower. ... good luck

[PurpleIris]

I think if you say something depends on if this is a pattern with her. Is this a one-off "I'm so excited for my grandchild I just want to do something special" or does she consistently ignore what you tell her and do her own thing? I'd probably let this one slide and give a nice thank you, but if something similar happens in the future where she just disregards your input, I'd put my foot down.

[carolyngrace]

My MIL did something similar lately when she purchased us a $500 headboard after I said we could really use that money towards other things and didn't prioritize having such a nice piece of furniture right now. She replied that "it's a gift and an investment" and she really wanted to give it to us. So (after getting feedback on TB actually) we let her.

You situation is different because of the different things YOU'LL need to buy as a result of her gift. I've never looked into that kind of stroller, but can you register for the additional parts you'll need? I would guess the frame is the most expensive part?

Agree with PP that unless this is a pattern I would just accept it and move on this time.

[Bluedaisy]

I think since you already mentioned how it was out of your budget there isn't much point saying more. Maybe she plans to buy the upgrades when you are ready for them? I second what others have said to put the pieces on your registry.

[Deleted]

Part of me thinks this is very generous of her, but the other part thinks it's pretty inconsiderate because of how much YOU will have to spend now to get the upgrades. Maybe have your DH have a talk with her explaining that it's just TOO much. That even though you appreciate the gift, you really had your heart set on XYZ...

FWIW DH and I had already picked out a travel system that we wanted to buy (Britax). Then my MIL declared that SHE will be the one buying the stroller for us. I told her that was a nice offer, but the system we wanted was $400. Then she started yelling at us because that was too expensive for her. She's so annoying and I refuse to downgrade just to accommodate her. I'm perfectly happy buying my own stroller, and she can just buy something else for the baby!

[mrskblack11]

If this is a one time occurrence and she doesn't normally go out and buy you items without your input, I would graciously accept the gift. I would put the other items you need like the car seat base and toddler seat on your registry. Are these two items more than what you would have paid for the original stroller, infant seat, additional base and toddler seat that you wanted? If the two items are more than what you originally budgeted for the entire set then I can understand your concern. I still think you should accept the gift from your MIL, but if you really don't want the stroller she picked out you will just have to be honest with her about your financial concerns.

[Widget123]

This would piss me off, not because of the money spent, but because she potentially got you something different from the one you really wanted and now you cant go out and buy the one you really wanted without itbeing weird. If this is a one time thing, i agree with PP to let it go, otherwise you better believe i would set her straight vs set a precedent for this sort of thing in the future

[tjanca22]

Thank you everyone for the input!

My MIL has a tendency of doing these types of things and then somehow making us regret it later on. For example, last Christmas she said that she was going to give us $500 towards a down payment on a car. We bought her a gift, she didn't like it, but refused to return it, so donated it to goodwill and subtracted the amount of our gift from the $500 check, so we ended up with a $447.84 check. She also sent us a $2400, 3'x5' rug from Afghanistan for our wedding (she volunteered to deploy 4 months before our wedding knowing she would miss our wedding). I still have yet to use this rug after 3 years! I don't always understand her thought process and neither does DH. She's also the type to not speak to us for 4 months when we say something that makes her angry (true story).

From the limited research that I've done, it looks like additional bases cost around $220 and toddler seats cost around $320. I've seen a lot of mixed reviews on if people like them or not. I just hope we are the type that likes this one since I'm thinking we are going to go the route of accepting the gift and adding the other bases and toddler seats to our registry, even though these items will cost more than our original pick. Thanks again guys!

[dmoney]

I personally think its great that she has offered to buy you a stroller, but something of that price and a safety feature that you will be using daily needs to be a decision that you and DH make. We just registered on Saturday night and specifically did not put a stroller or car seat on our registry just yet because we wanted to make sure we did our research first. We believe we have found the one that we want but it is all going to come down to how heavy the car seat is, and how easy the stroller folds and unfolds since I will be taking the baby to day care every day and picking her up. If its to heavy for me to use then its a no go. I know that it is already enroute to your house, but can you set it up, see if it works for you, and if not return it. Explain to her why you are returning it and hope she will understand that this is a decision you and DH have to be the sole deciders on?

[billyhorrible]

Feb 9, 2015 10:15:07 GMT -5 tjanca22 said:

From the limited research that I've done, it looks like additional bases cost around $220 and toddler seats cost around $320. I've seen a lot of mixed reviews on if people like them or not. I just hope we are the type that likes this one since I'm thinking we are going to go the route of accepting the gift and adding the other bases and toddler seats to our registry, even though these items will cost more than our original pick. Thanks again guys!

I think this is your best bet.  With a baby you are bound to get gifts you don't want/didn't register for.  It sounds to me like she asked about whether you would be interested in the Orbit, and you said yes, but price was an issue.  If so, then she believes she got you something you want/would use.  It's not the same as if she had picked up a used umbrella stroller at a garage sale. 

When it comes to gifts, the appropriate response is a grateful thank you.  If it's an item you really don't want/can't use (like if you researched the Orbit and found out it throws the baby across the room) then you are within your rights to express the gratitude and explain that you had picked out something different for a specific reason - and that doesn't sound like the case here. 

[tjanca22]

@demanda88,you are more than welcome to have the rug she bought for us as a wedding gift!! It goes with nothing in my house and has the price tag still on it.

[leenziepops]

Feb 9, 2015 10:15:07 GMT -5 tjanca22 said:

Thank you everyone for the input!

My MIL has a tendency of doing these types of things and then somehow making us regret it later on. For example, last Christmas she said that she was going to give us $500 towards a down payment on a car. We bought her a gift, she didn't like it, but refused to return it, so donated it to goodwill and subtracted the amount of our gift from the $500 check, so we ended up with a $447.84 check. She also sent us a $2400, 3'x5' rug from Afghanistan for our wedding (she volunteered to deploy 4 months before our wedding knowing she would miss our wedding). I still have yet to use this rug after 3 years! I don't always understand her thought process and neither does DH. She's also the type to not speak to us for 4 months when we say something that makes her angry (true story).

From the limited research that I've done, it looks like additional bases cost around $220 and toddler seats cost around $320. I've seen a lot of mixed reviews on if people like them or not. I just hope we are the type that likes this one since I'm thinking we are going to go the route of accepting the gift and adding the other bases and toddler seats to our registry, even though these items will cost more than our original pick. Thanks again guys!

OK from what you wrote here, it doesn't sound like a good idea to bring it up with her. Hopefully you can work with what she gave you. feeling annoyed for you. 

[belle0720]

I think PPs have it covered but I'll add my two cents.

I think bigger ticket items like strollers, car seats, cribs, etc are definitely a personal choice and if my MIL asked me about a certain one and I told her we were planning to go with something different, it would annoy me if she went ahead and bought it. I'd thank her for the gift and tell her that we really appreciated the thought. Then I'd return it and exchange it for the item that I really wanted. If she ever asked why we weren't using that item, I'd explain that while it was lovely, it just wasn't the right stroller system for you guys.

I also can't imagine why you'd buy someone a $2,400 rug unless it was something they had registered for. That's just a lot of money for an extremely taste specific item.

Then again, I was confused when my dad and his wife bought us leopard print high-heeled bathroom accessories for Christmas last year when we had just gotten married and registered for all white bathroom towels. Why wouldn't you want to buy something for someone that you are sure they will like?