Can we talk about potty training?

[melw629]

I think I broke my toddler. 

He's been interested in the potty off and on for a while, liked to sit on the toilet, talks about it all the time. Last week, he asked to pee on the potty when he actually had to go. We didn't make it, and he peed in his diaper before we got there. Later in the day he ran away from me diaper-less at bath time, and accidentally peed on the carpet. That made him really upset, and he wanted to clean it up right away. I didn't get angry at him, I tried to reassure him that it was an accident and it was ok, and we cleaned it up together. Ever since then, he has been TERRIFIED of not having a diaper on him. As soon as I take his dirty diaper off at diaper changes, he begs for a clean one and tries to cover himself with his hand. At bath time today, he was crying, panicking, and covering himself with his hand. He wouldn't sit down in the tub, and wouldn't move his hands for me to wash them. It broke my heart to see him so scared. He kept saying "messes, messes," like he's terrified of another accident. I don't know what to do. I've backed off on talking about the potty, but I don't know how to help him with this sudden fear of making messes. I have never ever gotten upset at him for an accidental mess, so I certainly hope he's not afraid that he'll be in trouble for it.

Anyone have any books, resources, or ideas that might help? We weren't even trying to potty train yet, but I think we're even farther from it now if possible.

[jt2378]

That's rough, I'm sorry, poor little guy! I don't have any ideas or advice because we haven't really started anything. She shows a little interest and likes to pass me toilet paper but thats about it. I think what you are doing sounds just fine, it might just be a stage or having the accident threw him off a little. I guess i would just keep reassuring him its okay and accidents will happen but its hard to reason with them sometimes. Hope this phase passes soon for you!

[melw629]

Thanks all! I guess we'll just keep handling it the way we have been and hope it passes. I realized that last week, when he had his accident, was probably the first time he'd ever seen himself pee. Maybe that scared him? How do you even teach anatomy to a 21-month-old?

@kait20122014 thanks for the commiseration. I hope A gets over her fear soon. I'm glad she's still willing to sit on the potty at diaper changes.

anniebn thanks for the book recommendation. I think I'll get that one, and maybe hold on to it for a bit if he's not ready to read it yet.

@adulruna the concept of "messes" came from his cousin, who's a month and a half younger. And he loves helping me clean, so making the mess himself was probably particularly distressing. Right now we don't have daycare or even an occasional babysitter, so I can't think of any other source for it.

[judyblume14]

Aw, melw629, poor little guy. I don't think you broke him. He's a toddler and he's learning. I'd hold off a little on OTing, unless he asks to sit on the potty. Hang in there. They're still pretty young!

[doglover31]

melw629, Poor C, I think you are doing the right thing and backing off of potty training if he is seeming scared now. I have no other advice to give. I'm at a loss of how to start potty training...

[vavavictoria]

I don't have any great advice but V is scared of the potty so I can offer a little solidarity. I've read that if we push it when they are too young it can screw things up so of course I popped her on the potty for a poop too soon and now she's scared. I think the best plan is like everyone says and back off for a bit.

[spacedcadet]

We just got a potty that g likes to sit on. Last night I had him sit on it before his bath so he did. Then he got up, crouched down and peed on the towel that was right in front of the potty. So... We have a ways to go. lol.