TTCAL (6/28)

[mosdub]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.



Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.



**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**



How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: If you're an American, what are you doing for the 4th of July?  If not, what are you looking forward to this coming week?

[mosdub]

How are you doing? Overall - okay. Right this moment - not good.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC I guess

Diagnosis (if applicable): PMP, higher chance for another.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): (OPP/kids mentioned) I was just prepping and cleaning my house. My cousin and her toddler are coming to stay with us for a week. Then a dear friend called to ask if we wanted to hang out on the 4th of July (she has another toddler) . I told her I didn't know because my cousin was going to be staying with us. Our other friends from across the country will ALSO be in town and they have a LO whose birthday is on the same day as my EDD, but a year older. I told MH about how our friend wanted us over and he said "well, if we could bring company". I said "yeah, then all of the little ones can play together!" and then it struck me like a bullet through my core that I would have had a nearly 12 month old now. And he/she would be able to play with the other the 1-2 year olds we know. And now I'm sad and angry and fuck this. Also, my cousin is pregnant. This week might suck harder than I thought it would.

QOTW: If you're an American, what are you doing for the 4th of July? If not, what are you looking forward to this coming week? Ugh, see above. Hopefully whatever we end up doing I can have my pregnant cousin DD so I can imbibe.

[irish14]

Sorry for the rough time, mosdub - hang in there, all the hugs and delicious summer bbq drinks

[irish14]

How are you doing? Pretty good actually

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): benched til post loss AF, and for blood testing since I had 2 in a row.

Diagnosis (if applicable): na

Updates/questions: not much this week. My OB let me put off betas for 2 weeks - they were 52 last week. Once I hit 0 she'll do a panel.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): this is the first week I haven't been super down about stuff. Infrequent triggers but I've been able to think about other things, which is nice. I think the bench is a much needed mental break right now. So this isn't so much a vent as a glad I don't need to this week. Hoping family over the weekend doesn't start asking about #2 bc they don't know about the losses.

QOTW: If you're an American, what are you doing for the 4th of July? If not, what are you looking forward to this coming week? Weekend at the lake with family. They live not super close so will be nice to see everyone.

[icedtea]

mosdub, I'm sorry

[mosdub]

irish14 thanks girl. Glad you're feeling a little break this week. I also hope family doesn't ask about #2. Not sure how you feel about sharing your losses with family, but I found it to be helpful. I don't get much of that kind of prodding from anyone. I had a loss at 20 weeks though, so most people knew about the loss whether I wanted them to or not. Either way, it might be helpful - but only if you feel safe/comfortable doing so.

[mosdub]

Thanks ladies. I can't believe how this stuff can make you ugly cry over a year after everything. I feel ridiculous even though I know it's okay and normal.

[irish14]

Jun 28, 2016 17:31:04 GMT -5 mosdub said:

irish14 thanks girl. Glad you're feeling a little break this week. I also hope family doesn't ask about #2. Not sure how you feel about sharing your losses with family, but I found it to be helpful. I don't get much of that kind of prodding from anyone. I had a loss at 20 weeks though, so most people knew about the loss whether I wanted them to or not. Either way, it might be helpful - but only if you feel safe/comfortable doing so.

Yeah, I told most of the people in my life. My parents, no, bc of anxiety issues and other background that I think would make it astronomically more difficult for them to handle. So basically, DH's family and many of my close friends know, but my fam doesn't. I was really glad I told people - I think it really helped me deal with it.

[mosdub]

Jun 28, 2016 17:36:24 GMT -5 irish14 said:

Jun 28, 2016 17:31:04 GMT -5 mosdub said:

irish14 thanks girl. Glad you're feeling a little break this week. I also hope family doesn't ask about #2. Not sure how you feel about sharing your losses with family, but I found it to be helpful. I don't get much of that kind of prodding from anyone. I had a loss at 20 weeks though, so most people knew about the loss whether I wanted them to or not. Either way, it might be helpful - but only if you feel safe/comfortable doing so.

Yeah, I told most of the people in my life. My parents, no, bc of anxiety issues and other background that I think would make it astronomically more difficult for them to handle. So basically, DH's family and many of my close friends know, but my fam doesn't. I was really glad I told people - I think it really helped me deal with it.

I'm glad you have a support group!  Hope the questions about a second don't come up - or if they do, that you can handle them without a problem! 

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? Fine I guess

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, CD3 in C13/M10 AL

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A, slowly undergoing IF testing with my OB

Updates/questions: So my OB is OOT for the next few weeks so my SHG is being rescheduled for next cycle. Pretty bummed that testing is put on hold another whole cycle.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing new

QOTW: No plans as of yet. I'm sure it will change though.

[kayladawn91]

mosdub Friday was the anniversary of my EDD and I was bummed thinking about how I would have had a 1 yr old right now and I have so many friends with kids around that age. It is so hard and it doesn't look like it will ever get easier. Hugs friend.

irish14 I'm glad you're having an okay week!

[nic1231]

*trigger warning regarding loss and rainbow baby


*If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

Hi! This is my first post over here. My name is Nicole and my first pregnancy was a loss of a child. My daughter was born with HLHS. She lives for 20 hours before passing away. It will be 9 years in July

Her brother was born 11 months later and is a healthy 8 year old boy.

How are you doing? Well, bring nervous about the upcoming anniversary

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): will be ttc soon

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions: hopefully I did the trigger correct, any suggestions on posting correctly please let me know

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: If you're an American, what are you doing for the 4th of July?  If not, what are you looking forward to this coming week? We will be watching fireworks and that's about it lol

[wannabmama]

Hugs mosdub holidays and celebrations do seem to heighten things a lot. I hope you have a wonderful weekend even with the challenges.
Glad you are doing ok irish14 I hope you have a great time at the lake!
kayladawn91 ugh!! I totally understand the frustration with all the waiting! So annoying.
Welcome nic1231 I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found us, though!
@samrs22 I have had those moments, too, recently...I think I am trying to protect myself in case it never happens, then I feel guilt for thinking that bc I also know I want kids so badly.

[wannabmama]

How are you doing? Ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions: nothing much

Debbie downer (a place to vent): nothing much, just annoyed with more waiting...but it's also nice to just not be thinking much of TTC thinking

QOTW: If you're an American, what are you doing for the 4th of July? If not, what are you looking forward to this coming week? We are going to PA for a family reunion. Mostly to spend time with my gma. But my cousins are pretty fun now that we are all adults and the house it's at is on a lake so hopefully some boat time will happen and will be a nice kind of mellow weekend.

[irish14]

kayladawn91 sorry for the delays, that is super lame.

nic1231 welcome to the check in. Sorry you're here but it's a good group I'm sorry for your loss and congrats on your rainbow

@samrs22 I am right there with you. After 2 I'm like, 3rd time's the charm, right?!?

wannabmama have fun at the lake! Lakes are awesome. I feel so Midwest when I espouse my love of going to the lake.

[jlincoln]

mosdub - big hugs.
irish14 - I'm still waiting on first AF after loss. My last beta was taken on 6/6 at 39 and my RE didn't want me to come in again until I get AF. I'm still sitting here waiting patiently. I agree that it is a nice break though. We are also going to the lake - have fun.
Welcome nic1231, I'm so sorry for your loss.
@samrs22 - we are always stretched thin on the weekend and the same goes for this weekend, although it will be a little more relaxing being out of town.
wannabmama - enjoy your mellow weekend.

[irish14]

jlincoln hope AF gets here soon for both of us!

[jlincoln]

**OPP mentioned below**

How are you doing? I'm doing better each day. Luckily haven't had many triggers lately.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched - still waiting on first AF after loss.

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a - although I have thin lining and egg quality is questionable.

Updates/questions: Last beta was taken on 6/6 and it was 39. RE isn't having me do any more until I get AF. So, just waiting.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My sister announced her pregnancy yesterday and I am just so happy for them. I hoped that she would have her third. I've had multiple friends reach out to me asking if I was ok, which was nice. The only thing that I wasn't OK with is when she told me that it took them one month....she knows better, but I just wish she would have kept that to herself!

QOTW: If you're an American, what are you doing for the 4th of July? If not, what are you looking forward to this coming week? We are going to the lake with friends! Excited!

[kayladawn91]

Welcome nic1231, I'm sorry for the loss of your LO.

@samrs22 I hope you and YH get some time to relax at home this weekend.

wannabmama that sounds like a fun weekend! Enjoy!

jlincoln I hope you get AF soon so you can move on

[pinkcat]

Big hugs mosdub, I hope next week goes by quickly!

irish14 Glad you are feeling OK this week and a mental break is always nice to have!

kayladawn91 Sorry for more waiting, that is so frustrating!!

Welcome nic1231, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hope you get a relaxing weekend @samrs22!

wannabmama Have fun at the lake this weekend! Hopefully with the busy summer you've had August will get here quickly.

jlincoln Have fun at the lake this weekend!

AFM, I haven't been checking in as often because I've been sad. I'm so happy for all the recent BFPs and the grads of GKU, but I just feel wistful and want to be pregnant. CD 1 today is making me more emotional so I apologize for my Dear Diary post! I had really high hopes that our last untreated cycle would work and we wouldn't need to move forward with treatment, but very early temp drops and a 10 day LP made it clear early on it wasn't going to work.

So, I start Femara on Friday and I'm a little nervous since I don't know what to expect. I also don't have very high hopes- I ovulate on my own already and from what I've read the chances of success for Femara and TI if you already ovulate aren't that great. I feel like I'm just doing it to get through the next 3 cycles, so we can start IUIs.

We only have July left to get pregnant before my loss EDD, and it's making me so sad. I thought for "sure" I'd be pregnant again by then. Womp womp.

[caer]

Sending you so many (((hugs))) mosdub. You'll be in my thoughts this week.

I'm glad you're doing ok irish14! I hope you have a great time at the lake.

More hugs coming your way kayladawn91. Also sending some good vibes for this cycle.

Welcome nic1231. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thinking of you @samrs22 and sending some extra hugs. I hope you have a quiet, relaxing holiday weekend.

What part of PA are you heading to wannabmama?

I hope AF shows up soon jlincoln. I hope you have a great time at the lake!


pinkcat - oh, hi life twin. I'm also unexplained IF and doing my first medicated cycle with Femara (plus injectables). Last cycle was really hard because even though I knew it was likely my reality, it was hard to reach the treatment phase. Sending (((hugs)) and good thoughts for this cycle.

[wannabmama]

caer about an hour outside Pittsburg

pinkcat staying busy definitely helps the time move along more quickly!!

[caer]

Jun 29, 2016 15:31:48 GMT -5 wannabmama said:

caer about an hour outside Pittsburg

pinkcat staying busy definitely helps the time move along more quickly!!

I love the Pittsburgh area! I hope you have fun.

[caer]

How are you doing? Ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): MMC, unexplained IF

Updates/questions: we're doing our first medicated TI cycle.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): most of my bad feels are IF related right now, I think. I did realize we only have three cycles before our EDD and that makes me sad.

QOTW: If you're an American, what are you doing for the 4th of July? If not, what are you looking forward to this coming week?
We're staying home. Normally we go to the same resort every 4th but I have a monitoring appointment on the 3rd, so travel is out this year.

[kayladawn91]

caer most of my sadness seems to be about IF these days as well. Hugs and GL with this first medicated cycle!

[doodler]

Hi ladies. I've been on vacation and not really on here much. I'm back at work today(big sad face) and so I'll be on the computer more. I'm going to come back later when I have more time but in the meantime I just want to give big hugs to everyone that needs them.

[kayladawn91]

Hugs @samrs22. I feel the same way when I go to things, I don't even like to go to family functions anymore.

[kayladawn91]

Jul 3, 2016 15:57:50 GMT -5 @samrs22 said:

kayladawn91 I didn't expect to be this person. All the jerks telling me to be positive made me think that I would bounce back and already be pregnant/ have a kid right now. I guess my due date in 2 weeks is getting to me

Yeah I hear you on that. I just passed the 1st anniversary of my EDD. I definitely thought I would be pregnant again by now. Due dates are tough and your feelings are normal. Do something nice for yourself that day if it will help.

[caer]

(((Hugs))) @samrs22.

[doodler]

@samrs22 I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. I know how hard it is when you are approaching your EDD. I just had my first one in April. It really sent me into a tailspin. My head was in such a bad place that I ended up getting my period twice that month(which has never ever happened before) from all of the stress. I hope that your chat with your hubs brought you some comfort. (Hugs)