TTCAL (July 5th)

[pinkcat]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.



Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.



**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**



How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken?

[wannabmama]

How are you doing? Ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): old eggs, slow swimmers

Updates/questions: seems like so long since we did IVF #1...at the time I was all ready to jump right in and do again. Now with so much time passing, I'm getting more and more wary of doing it again. I know I will do it again and it will be fine. But right now...ugh.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I guess what I put above should be here instead, ha!

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken? Hmmm, probably my honeymoon (St. John) we just had so much fun and it is so beautiful and relaxing. I did a trip to Guatemala with my bff years ago and that was probably my last big trip just with a girlfriend, so it has a special place in my heart, too (and it was really beautiful and fun, too)!

[pinkcat]

How are you doing? OK.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, first medicated cycle.

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unexplained IF.

Updates/questions: This is our first medicated cycle- we are doing Femara and TI. I just took my last pill this morning.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): There have been soooo many births/pregnancy announcements in my family and circle of friends. I am happy for them all, but it's really starting to get me down. I just really, really want to be pregnant.

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken? This is a hard one! Our honeymoon in Antigua was so relaxing and it was so beautiful, I really loved it there. Our trip to Paris in April though felt like a dream- it really felt like a perfect trip.

[pinkcat]

wannabmama August is when you will start IVF #2, right? (Sorry if I'm remembering that wrong!) I totally understand being wary again, especially with all that you've had going on- but good luck as you get ready for it!!

[jlincoln]

wannabmama - I know the feeling of being weary of jumping in to IVF again. I'm debating on how long I want to wait.
pinkcat - we are just about to begin our first medicated cycle after loss. Kind of looking forward to doing something. I've always wanted to go to Paris!

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - finally off the bench, AF came on Sunday.

Diagnosis (if applicable): poor egg quality, thin lining.

Updates/questions: My RE wants us to do an HSG this month, so we will do that next week and then our first medicated cycle will be next cycle.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): With finally getting AF after my MC in May, it was bittersweet. A reminder of what we lost, but also relief that we can finally move on. And I'm so over all the pregnancy announcements.

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken? Probably out Hawaii tour - went to Oahu, Kauai and Maui for a week and a half (a few days at each island).

[caer]

I'm sorry you're dreading doing IVF again wannabmama. Sending you good thoughts as you get ready to move forward.

(((Hugs))) pinkcat. The pregnancy announcements have been overwhelming in my world, too. It sucks.

I'm glad AF showed and you can move on jlincoln. (((Hugs))) for the bittersweet feels.

[caer]

How are you doing? Ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): MMC and unexplained IF

Updates/questions: today is O on our first medicated cycle.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): this morning was rough. We had to BD because it was on our TI schedule and it didn't work right away, if you know what I mean. That's never happened before. Then we got in a fight about it. And I keep seeing/hearing PG people complain about morning sickness and weight gain and all of that. I keep thinking that I should be almost 30 weeks pregnant and I would kill for those to be my biggest worries.

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken?
The cruise we took in April is up there. We got the fancy cabin and did a lot of really fun activities. I loved Bermuda.

[diamondsndaisies]

How are you doing? alright. We took flowers out to their grave this weekend. We haven't gotten a headstone for them yet so it was nice to see something out there.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): 1st cycle TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: none at the moment.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I have had normal cycles for the last several months and now this one wants to be all over the damn place.

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken? hm.... definitely my honeymoon to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. It was an adult only all-inclusive resort and it was so nice to get DH to myself for a few days. It was also the 1st time I had been out of the country and I had never seen the ocean so it was a lot of 1sts for me.

[doodler]

wannabmama good luck with the next IVF cycle
pinkcat I hope this cycle goes well for you!
jlincoln I'm glad that you can start to move forward now.
caer scheduled sex sucks. I'm sorry.
diamondsndaisies big hugs. My cycle went wonky when I burned the bench too. Come on bodies, get with it!

How are you doing? Fine right now.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, 7dpo

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unicorn uterus, RPL, AMA

Updates/questions: I'm fully on the crazy train for this cycle so I'm dreading the letdown if I get a negative in a few days.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm good!

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken? My Mom took me on a European tour when I graduated high school. We went to England, France, Germany, Austria, Italy, and Switzerland. It was amazing, but I definitely didn't appreciate it like I should have. Darn teenage self!

[caer]

FX for you doodler!

Many hugs diamondsndaisies. It sucks when your cycle wants to be a jerk.

[kayladawn91]

wannabmama sorry you're not feeling like doing another IVF cycle. Big hugs.

pinkcat I'm with you on the pregnancy announcements. And babies. So many new babes on my newsfeed.

jlincoln I'm glad AF showed and you're able to move on

caer hearing people complain about pregnancy is hard for me too, hugs

diamondsndaisies I hate when my body throws me for a loop. Big hugs.

doodler FX for you!

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? Okay I guess.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - WTO in C13/M16 AL

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A, very slowly undergoing IF testing

Updates/questions: Nothing new. Just waiting out this cycle and hoping for the best. Will continue IF testing with an SHG next cycle.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing this week, I'm trying to just look forward to my vacation in a couple of weeks. Trying to focus on the positive.

QOTW: H and I went to the east coast in the summer of 2014. We stayed in Charleston and that was fun. But I also enjoyed our honeymoon in Mexico. The all-inclusive resort was amazing.

[ladytiffany24]

wannabmama, good luck with your next IVF cycle!
pinkcat, I'm dealing with the same thing in my family and circle of friends. It's so frustrating. I'm happy for everyone but it just exacerbates the fact that I'm not pregnant. Hugs!
jlincoln, Hugs for your first AF after MC.
caer, So many hugs! TTC sex can really take a toll on a relationship. I'm sure you guys will get it all figured out!
diamondsndaisies, So many hugs. This cycle has been a little weird for me too. Especially with temps all over the place. FX your body gets with the program.
doodler, FX so hard for you!
kayladawn91, I'm so jealous of your vacation plans! Hopefully that will be a nice way to take your mind off of things.



How are you doing? Not too bad.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): None, CP in April

Updates/questions: Nothing really right now. We've been so busy with visitors and then going out of town that I my mind has been pretty preoccupied.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Trying to hard not to stress about this cycle like I do with every other one but it's not working. I get so crazy about trying to get the timing right.

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken?
Our honeymoon was amazing. We did a cruise to the Southern Caribbean. Also, we did a West Coast trip where we rented a mustang convertible and drove the Pacific Coast Highway while making lots of stops along the way. It was beautiful!

[ironbaby]

Can I stick my toes in here?

TMI Warning: Tuesday I got the call from the RE that my 3rd set of betas had dropped to 45 from 177. I had been bleeding pretty constantly, but I felt like it had been tapering off and maybe we were in the clear. By Tuesday night I had awful cramps, and Wednesday I stayed home from work as the cramps worsened. I passed some tissue late afternoon which scared me, as I wasn't expecting that with a CP. I was 5 weeks, 5 days.

The doctor says we can try IUI/Clomid again as soon as I get my first period, so we're hanging on to the idea that at least we have hope that that treatment protocol works for us. This was our first loss.

How are you doing? scared, very sad

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): benched just for this cycle

Diagnosis (if applicable): unexplained IF, CP - cause unknown

Updates/questions: Is there anything else I should expect?

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I don't have words for this yet.

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken?
I got to go to Machu Picchu with my parents and brother, and it was absolutely magical.

[caer]

No, no, no ironbaby. I'm so sorry. I hate this so much for you. It's so fucking unfair. I didn't have a natural miscarriage but I did have bleeding for several weeks. I noticed there is a recent question about natural miscarriages on the loss board. People were sharing their experiences and maybe it would be helpful. Sending you the biggest (((hugs)))

[ladytiffany24]

ironbaby, I am so so incredibly sorry. I feel like all I can offer at this point is lots of internet hugs. Please be kind to yourself.

[wannabmama]

I'm so so sorry ironbaby. It just fucking sucks.
Just anecdotal, but after my first CP my next cycle was really strange, with a 6 day LP. Otherwise things got back to normal pretty quickly.
Hugs to you, love.

[diamondsndaisies]

Im so sorry ironbaby, My heart hurts for you. So many hugs for you dear.

[doodler]

ironbaby I am so sorry. It fucking sucks that you find yourself here. My natural loss was a bit later at 8 weeks. Everyone is different, but I only spotted before the actual miscarriage happened. After that I bled heavily for about 7 days and spotted for a long time. I ended up getting my cycle back pretty quickly and I think I O'd on about cd19 after the loss. My next few periods were very, very heavy and I passed some decent sized clots.

Please take care of yourself. We are here if you need to vent, or cry, yell, or anything. We will answer any questions you have or just listen if you need us to.

[kayladawn91]

Shit ironbaby. I am so so sorry for your loss and I hate that this has happened.

[ironbaby]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome and kind words.

I find myself very confused, mostly. I've been bleeding for almost 2 weeks at this point, with no end in sight, and given I got my positive after the bleeding started, I don't know when to consider this cycle starting. I'm not too concerned, just eager for the bleeding to end.

[doodler]

ironbaby, If I had to guess, I would say that cd1 was probably the day you passed the tissue. That was what I was told. After my first loss I was in such a bad place that I didn't temp or track anything for weeks. Afterwards I was disappointed because it was hard to know when I O'd. I just dearly wanted to know that the cycle from hell was over and I was nearing an end. With the last loss, even though it sucked and I didn't want to, I forced myself to temp and OPK so that I would know.

That information might not be comforting to you but for me it helped keep me sane because I knew what was going on(somewhat) with my body.

[mosdub]

I'm so sorry ironbaby. Know that you aren't alone and that we are all here for you. If you need to dear diary you can do it here

[ironbaby]

doodler, thanks for that information. I was pretty anti-temping, but last night I realized that I wanted to know when my next period would start so I could feel prepared, so I started temping again today. Glad to know you wanted the info too!

[jax1182014]

ironbaby If you don't mind me jumping in.. I'm very sorry for your loss. I had a CP in February. Is your doctor doing HCG draws every few days? I took a month off from tracking anything but I'd say that you can start tracking after the HCG is close to zero or when your doctor stops sending you to get them.

[ironbaby]

Jul 7, 2016 14:09:29 GMT -5 jax1182014 said:

ironbaby If you don't mind me jumping in.. I'm very sorry for your loss. I had a CP in February. Is your doctor doing HCG draws every few days? I took a month off from tracking anything but I'd say that you can start tracking after the HCG is close to zero or when your doctor stops sending you to get them.

They will track to 0. I am supposed to go in next Tuesday, and we will see at that point if I need to come again. I plan to test monday, and if it's still positive, I'll reschedule for later.

[jax1182014]

ironbaby sounds like you and your doctor have a good plan. Treat yourself to something special tonight.

[irish14]

Omg I've been totally not on here at all over the holiday. Spotty service in the boonies at the lake. Joining the party a little late.

ironbaby I'm sorry for your loss, I hope the temping gives you some info that makes you feel a little better. After mine I tried to stop thinking about when stuff would happen (yeah that totally worked... Not...), I can totally see how it might help.

How are you doing? Pretty decent

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): bench bench ba bench bench

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a. nmc, mmc

Updates/questions: had betas again today, about 4 wks out from d&c. Hoping they're at or close to 0. They were 52 2 weeks ago, so fx for progress. No sign of AF yet.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): downer part: our plan had been to tell everyone 4th of July weekend, so that was lame. I thought about it a little less than I thought I would, though, with all the family around to have fun with, so that's good, at least. When I said something about it to DH he got kind of exasperated - I know it's mostly because there's nothing he can do to make it better, and that frustrates him, but it was a lame response. Luckily he's usually really good about stuff. But at this point I feel like I have to just drop it with him because it doesn't help anything to mention it - even if I want to talk about it, he doesn't, really.

I think my month or two break may turn into just taking the summer off. It's actually been nice not thinking about TTC, and I think DH and I both need the reprieve. I've said that in here before, so really it's nothing new, just that the break is going as well as can be expected.

QOTW: What's your favorite vacation that you've taken? Ooh this is hard. When I was a kid we did a family vacation to Washington, D.C. that was awesome. I love love vacations that are educational but also super fun.

I also went to Lake Como, Italy a couple of years ago. That was magnificent.

[pinkcat]

I'm so sorry to see you over here ironbaby. A CP is such a mindfuck and it is so confusing and upsetting. I'm sad you are here, but know we are all here for you and this group has been a great since of support. Hugs.