I'm scared (PGal check-in) 7/11

[heytheredelilah]

I saw this on a prior Bmb.  I know there are a lot of us with previous losses or general anxiety about being pregnant even if you haven't had a loss, so I thought I would start a thread to vent.

So how is everyone doing?

[heytheredelilah]

I'll start. PGal brain is really getting to me today. I am so glad I have an ultrasound tomorrow. I really am hoping for a heartbeat, although my RE said it is still ok if it isn't there as long as there is interval growth from last week. I have already made it past two of my losses, but one was relatively late, so I'm not out of the woods yet.

[bluedaisy0627]

Scared. This is how far along I was when I lost my second, so extra nervous. This pregnancy feels so different, but Pgal brain is a bitch.

[kinipela7]

PGAL is the absolute worst! I can't even let myself get too excited until I know there is a heartbeat which I won't know for another MONTH!

[bluedaisy0627]

Jul 11, 2016 13:11:05 GMT -5 Fearsy said:

Today you are pregnant and you love your baby.

My mantra. I must say this 100 times a day. It usually helps me focus on the moment, rather than "what if?".

[bluedaisy0627]

If anyone is into meditation, Meditation Oasis has a free meditation called Pregnancy Meditation - Connecting with Your Baby.

[Deleted]

I haven't had a loss but because of the iud my chance of loss is very high right now.

I try to just put it out of my mind but the closer I get to my appointments every week the worse the "what if" get. I think that if there's a heartbeat/more growth this time I may start to calm down. I guess we'll see.

[britab]

I had an early miscarriage before DD. I was terrified so I didn't let myself think about having a baby 1st tri and I don't want to feel the same this time.

DH doesn't want to talk baby because he's afraid too.

Today I am pregnant with a baby!

[kinipela7]

My appointment isn't until August 9th. I'm surely going to go nuts by then! Also, it's with the same doc that we received the news last time which I feel weird about but they won't let me change it. I had no idea there was anything wrong last time and it just turned out everything was there but the heartbeat. I fear that will happen again! Gah!

[bluedaisy0627]

Jul 12, 2016 19:40:05 GMT -5 kinipela7 said:

My appointment isn't until August 9th. I'm surely going to go nuts by then! Also, it's with the same doc that we received the news last time which I feel weird about but they won't let me change it. I had no idea there was anything wrong last time and it just turned out everything was there but the heartbeat. I fear that will happen again! Gah!

I understand. I have no idea who my appointment is with. I didn't even ask, I was so spaced out. I have only really interacted with one doctor in this practice. She delivered my son at 19 weeks and told me that my second was not viable. I really loved her manner and way she was with us, but I'm nervous that if I see her tomorrow, I will lose it.

*edited because the space bar hated me for a moment.

[muskiefan]

I'm glad there is a check in for us, but I also hate there are so many of us with previous losses.

My heart goes out to everyone with PGAL anxiety, worry, and tempered excitement.

AFM, my first appt is the 28th with a doc whom I love. I know she won't provide any more info than we already have, barring a m/c before then. I am taking it day by day.
I'm finding it harder to not pee on sticks, so I'm allowing myself to do that. H has a sunnier outlook than I do, so he tries to keep my mind from wandering to the familiar, dark place.

[muskiefan]

bluedaisy0627 let us know how your appt goes. Thinking of you today!

[kinipela7]

Good luck bluedaisy0627!!

[bluedaisy0627]

Thanks, ladies. I'm currently sitting in Therapeutic Crisis Intervention training (for about the 25th time - refreshers are required every 3 months), waiting for everyone else to do the physical portion. Thankfully, the two trainers know that I'm pregnant, so I don't have to do most of this part. I just want to go!

Do I remember correctly that someone is supposed to have blood work done today...who is it, and how did it go? They are getting ready to start, so I don't have time to go back and look. Hope it went well!

[summerrain]

I hope it's alright if I revive the thread. My pgal brain is really getting to me. I am good about comforting others, but not so much myself. I was so nervous to intro here because I didn't want to jinx myself and of course I do and then start having spotting. I know people have gone through much more than me and I have two beautiful kids to be thankful for, but I would be so much more thankful for a completely uneventful next 8ish months. I'm just not sure I'm equipped to handle a third loss. No need for a pity party, I'm just trying to talk it out. Thanks for letting me vent.

T's and P's for everyone to get through this.

[caer]

(((Hugs))) summerrain. Have you looked at the PGAL mantras by any chance? They are in a sticky on the CAR board. I have them open on my phone and plan on reading them when it gets tough. Sending you many good thoughts.

[summerrain]

Thanks caer I have seen them before. I definitely need to go reread them. Great idea about the sticky. Thank you.

[summerrain]

Thank you @fearsy . I wish it wasn't such a struggle for so many of us. Good news is the bleeding has stopped for now and I can be positive today!

[bluedaisy0627]

Jul 17, 2016 10:16:16 GMT -5 summerrain said:

Thank you @fearsy . I wish it wasn't such a struggle for so many of us. Good news is the bleeding has stopped for now and I can be positive today!

Glad to hear it has stopped!