Wednesday Rants?!

[newmomma8]

Let's here some news.

[newmomma8]

So both kids fell asleep on me around 7pm in the recliner. I finally ask DH (once he finished his game on his ipad) to take G so I could lay T on her Minnie couch so I could eat,...8pm at this point.

Fast forward to me eating and DH rocking G in the recliner. He was apparently in an awkward position to pull the handle to raise the footrest, so he asked me to come do it. I THOUGHT HE WAS JOKING. So I said "why, you don't do it for me?!" and I kept on eating my dinner. So all of a sudden he flings the footrest up and mumbles something. I asked him what was wrong and what happened and he said something low so I couldn't hear it. I asked him several more times what he said and he wouldn't repeat it. So I asked what happened and why the hell he was so mad and he says "well I asked you to put the footrest up for me so I wouldn't wake G up and you said no because I don't do it for you". I immediately get pissed and tell him I thought he was joking and he still acted pissy so I got the stuff ready for the night and took the kids upstairs to lay in bed since they were waking up again.

Am I wrong for thinking that he overreacted by flipping out and getting so dang mad? After all I do by myself while he is gone, and he gets furious over me not getting up to open the footrest of the chair while I'm FINALLY eating my dinner at 8pm?? Needless to say, I woke up still mad that he blew up and I still haven't really spoken to him. I think he was way out of line and I need time to cool down before anything more gets said that shouldn't.

[NellieOleson]

newmomma8 - I've recently started to believe that the secret to a happy marriage is to let the small stuff go. I've never been very good about it, but I'm trying to get better. Something like "you didn't put the footrest down for me" can either be a brief, passing annoyance or a huge disruptive butting of heads. It takes a lot of patience and self control to keep your emotions in check in moments like that - especially when everyone is tired from kids and work. From what you've said about your husband before, he doesn't sound like he's the best in situations like that. I think he did overreact, but I also know it's difficult to be a mature and calm when you feel some real or imagined slight and your defenses come up.

[14joa31]

newmomma8 - he was being a douche canoe - word of the month alert! He should have said "You're right, I never do it for you - but please help me now and I will help you do it forever!!" In a perfect world he would have said that. So you are completely justified in your annoyance. You had to deal with so much puke and poo yesterday - I think he could chill out a bit for you.

I also want to say that going unappreciated is a huge pet peeve of mine. If DH gets home from a work trip and the house is clean AND the kids are both intact - he should freaking praise me and say he's grateful for me. My love language is words of affirmation! I reminded him of this at dinner last week. And he said he realized he hasn't been as forthcoming with words of affirmation as he should be.

Has everyone taken the love languages test???

[newmomma8]

Jul 13, 2016 10:19:18 GMT -5 NellieOleson said:

newmomma8 - I've recently started to believe that the secret to a happy marriage is to let the small stuff go. I've never been very good about it, but I'm trying to get better. Something like "you didn't put the footrest down for me" can either be a brief, passing annoyance or a huge disruptive butting of heads. It takes a lot of patience and self control to keep your emotions in check in moments like that - especially when everyone is tired from kids and work. From what you've said about your husband before, he doesn't sound like he's the best in situations like that. I think he did overreact, but I also know it's difficult to be a mature and calm when you feel some real or imagined slight and your defenses come up.

I usually let this kind of stuff go, but I finally got to sit down at 8pm to eat dinner and he got mad because I wouldn't get up and "open" the footrest for him. It was down and he wanted me to get up and go over there to put it up so he could lay back and recline.

I also thought he was joking. Had I thought he was serious, I am the type of person that would have stopped eating, walked over there and opened the recliner for him to lay back because G was asleep on him. But the fit he pitched was so over the top it just infuriated me more.

[14joa31]

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts is a NY Times best selling book by Dr. Gary Chapman. The test to discover your love language is online, but you have to provide your email address ... or you can buy the book! Here's the scoop:

Unhappiness in marriage often has a simple root cause: we speak different love languages, believes Dr. Gary Chapman. While working as a marriage counselor for more than 30 years, he identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. In a friendly, often humorous style, he unpacks each one. Some husbands or wives may crave focused attention; another needs regular praise. Gifts are highly important to one spouse, while another sees fixing a leaky faucet, ironing a shirt, or cooking a meal as filling their "love tank." Some partners might find physical touch makes them feel valued: holding hands, giving back rubs, and sexual contact. Chapman illustrates each love language with real-life examples from his counseling practice.

How do you discover your spouse’s – and your own – love language? Chapman’s short questionnaires are one of several ways to find out. Throughout the book, he also includes application questions that can be answered more extensively in the beautifully detailed companion leather journal (an exclusive Amazon.com set). Each section of the journal corresponds with a chapter from the book, offering opportunities for deeper reflection on your marriage.

[NellieOleson]

Jul 13, 2016 10:42:57 GMT -5 newmomma8 said:

Jul 13, 2016 10:19:18 GMT -5 NellieOleson said:

newmomma8 - I've recently started to believe that the secret to a happy marriage is to let the small stuff go. I've never been very good about it, but I'm trying to get better. Something like "you didn't put the footrest down for me" can either be a brief, passing annoyance or a huge disruptive butting of heads. It takes a lot of patience and self control to keep your emotions in check in moments like that - especially when everyone is tired from kids and work. From what you've said about your husband before, he doesn't sound like he's the best in situations like that. I think he did overreact, but I also know it's difficult to be a mature and calm when you feel some real or imagined slight and your defenses come up.

I usually let this kind of stuff go, but I finally got to sit down at 8pm to eat dinner and he got mad because I wouldn't get up and "open" the footrest for him. It was down and he wanted me to get up and go over there to put it up so he could lay back and recline.

I also thought he was joking. Had I thought he was serious, I am the type of person that would have stopped eating, walked over there and opened the recliner for him to lay back because G was asleep on him. But the fit he pitched was so over the top it just infuriated me more.

To clarify: I wasn't trying to say only you should let it go -- he should have let it go!

Ideal scenario: he asks you to lift footrest, you think he's joking. He gets annoyed, but realizes it's a minor thing and not worth getting pissed about and cools off quickly. Then, if you happened to sense his annoyance you just let it go and realize he'll probably be over it in a few minutes.

You both had some miscommunication and let it get out of hand. It sounds like you just feel unappreciated in general, so a lot of your anger might stem from that, not this situation in particular.

[crimsonandclover]

14joa31, feeling underappreciated can be a huge cause of resentment! I notice such a big difference in my own attitude when DH says something about appreciating me.

We went through the love language book when we were dating. I "speak" in acts of service and "receive" (feel loved) in words of affirmation. DH speaks in act of service and receives in physical touch. So we're both busy doing 5 million things for each other and neither of us feels loved It does help to have some sort of system that helps you realize how your spouse feels unloved when you feel like you're constantly expressing it. Like, how can my DH think I'm neglecting him when I'm watching our kids, doing my chores, and half of the time doing his as well so he doesn't have to? How can he miss that? Here's the irony: when I do the dishes for him, he doesn't feel loved by that, but he feels way more loved if I just give him a little shoulder rub while he's doing the dishes or hug him from behind for a minute.

Lesson: I need to stop doing the dishes

[crimsonandclover]

My rant for the day:

People need to grow the heck up. There is utterly ridiculous, unnecessary drama going on with the parents' council for preschool. Seriously. DH is now in charge of the 3 city-run preschools (including ours) in our town. Once a year, the presidents of the 3 parents' councils get invited for a meeting to talk about concerns, questions, whatever. He told his secretary to send out invitations to the people (well, positions) that had been invited last year.

The president came up to me this morning and said - why was our vice-president also invited when she's only had the position for 13 days (the previous one moved away with her daughter) and the vice-presidents from the other preschools weren't invited? Was it because the new VP's father-in-law used to be the mayor in a town close by?
Wuuuuut??
I said no, it was because there must have been a miscommunication with the secretary. Andplusalso, I'm not my husband, talk to him.

Anyway, turns out all the other VPs were invited and our president's information was just wrong. Awesome. And there was so much drama surrounding this - like she and one of the other presidents had been coming up with these insane conspiracy-theory reasons for why our VP had been invited and not the others (her FIL was a mayor... or maybe because she pushed her way in... or maybe she called our mayor and said she wanted to be invited... no, no, and no.).

Grow. Up. Who care who's invited? And if you do care, then take it up with someone who is actually involved, don't talk about them behind their back and grill their wife.

/rant

[14joa31]

crimsonandclover - clearly, this woman peaked in middle school and is mentally trapped there - so bizarre. Grow up, or else move to a different dimension (not ours).

I like to give and receive words of affirmation, and DH likes to receive physical touch. I have to keep reminding myself to hug him, rub his shoulders, take his hand, etc. because physical touch is actually my least favorite love language - go figure!!

[Lollipop]

I'm trying to find a driver's ed course that I can afford. The original one I wanted to take is almost $900. They'll let me do 3 equal payments. The less expensive ones are about $500, but the websites say nothing about payment plans, which leads me to believe that they want it all upfront. Once I get that paid for and done, I'm going to look into buying myself a car. And getting a gym membership. 

[NellieOleson]

I just let my baby CIO for her nap. I don't think I'm cut out for this! She was fighting sleep last night at bedtime and for both her naps today, though, and I seriously didn't know what else to do. :/

How are naps going for everyone else these days? Everyone on 3 a day? What times are naps for your babies?

We do 3 naps a day - one about 2 hours after she wakes up, then another 2 hours after that, then I try to push the third to three hours later, but she gets so tired.

On days she wakes up at 5 it's tough because she will wake up from her third nap at 1:30 or so and be a complete wreck by her 6:00 bedtime. She absolutely refuses a 4th nap no matter how tired she is unless we are in the car or stroller.

All of this is dependent on whether we are out for activities or not, though. First nap is almost always at home, second and/or third are often on the go.

[Lollipop]

Also, I have no idea what my love language is. I should take the test. It would be interesting to find out

[14joa31]

NellieOleson - we are still on cat naps over here! She doesn't have a regular nap schedule - some days she barely naps at all. The trade-off is that (knock on wood) she falls asleep on the bottle every night around 9pm and we just lay her in the crib. So bed time is no big deal.

[silverspoon]

NellieOleson We are on no schedule. I think he gets about 3 naps a day, but they vary greatly in length. They can be 15 minutes or an hour and a half. I never know.

[NellieOleson]

Jul 13, 2016 14:21:16 GMT -5 14joa31 said:

NellieOleson - we are still on cat naps over here! She doesn't have a regular nap schedule - some days she barely naps at all. The trade-off is that (knock on wood) she falls asleep on the bottle every night around 9pm and we just lay her in the crib. So bed time is no big deal.

I definitely like having a nap routine for the day, but man I wish my kid would still cat nap sometimes. She will just get exhausted and be yawning, rubbing her eyes, looking punch-drunk, and miserable until she goes down for a nap or bedtime.

Usually it's pretty straightforward and easy, but not so much the last couple days.

[newmomma8]

If anyone comes across Enfamil coupons, mainly for nutramigen, can y'all pass them along? We just got put on it and it's so dang expensive!!!

[tinydancer]

newmomma8, I don't think you're wrong that he overreacted. It sounds like the whole exchange was just a big miscommunication, but that there are other underlying tensions. Personally, the whole ipad game thing while you're working your butt off (I know you've mentioned this before) would drive me crazy. I hope things get better.

14joa31, that love languages test sounds super interesting - I'm going to take it someday.

kelltothekell, I've been thinking about babyproofing too. My LO is working so hard at crawling, and he can scoot himself around a bit by rolling. Today I turned away for about a minute and when I looked back he had is head in the dog's water bowl (not drinking it, thank goodness). I wasn't planning on babyproofing here since we're moving in mid-September, but our house is super not child friendly.

crimsonandclover, that woman sounds super annoying!

NellieOleson, according to my nanny, my LO usually takes about 5 naps during the day :-) But I think it's roughly 3 naps, sometimes he just takes 2 20 minute naps back to back or something like that. When he's with me, it's a lot of napping on the go. He'll go to sleep without a fuss when we're out, but if we're at home and I'm trying to get him to nap in the crib it can take some cajoling. Especially because we quit the paci this weekend. He had been using it just for sleep.

We also inadvertently did a little CIO because he woke up when I was in the shower the other night and I just decided to go with it. He cried for about 15 minutes and then went to sleep. Since then, we've done it a couple more times, with 10-15 minutes of crying and sometimes a check or two. Fortunately, he's usually falls asleep nursing and goes down with no fuss at bedtime and in the middle of the night.

[tinydancer]

I'm so busy with work right now. And I'm headed to a wedding and to visit my parents this weekend. This time I'm travelling solo with the stroller in addition to the car seat, so here's hoping I can haul everything through the airport.

[NellieOleson]

tinydancer - My dd2 has always gone down for naps and bed super easy with nursing, too. Just recently, though, she fights it at nap time. She will go to sleep right away at bedtime, but now will wake up 30 minutes later, and multiple times after that until she finally does a long stretch (anywhere from 4 to 7 hours). I'm not against CIO, but I'm not really for it either. I just can't spend so much time on her sleep when I have dd1 to take care of as well. It especially sucks because dd2 gets more freaked out and sad/pissed off when I go in for checks, so I think if we end up doing CIO on a regular basis it would have to be leaving her in there to work it out on her own, which I totally hate!

Being a parent is hard sometimes. Okay, all the time, but some times are harder than others.

Good luck with your travels!

[tinydancer]

NellieOleson, my LO is the same - checks just seem to make him more upset. I read about some of the no cry methods, but I don't think those would work for us because I imagine that picking him up and then putting him down again would make it worse. Sigh. Someday they'll be teenagers and we'll think they sleep too much, right?

[NellieOleson]

Jul 13, 2016 21:15:05 GMT -5 tinydancer said:

NellieOleson, my LO is the same - checks just seem to make him more upset. I read about some of the no cry methods, but I don't think those would work for us because I imagine that picking him up and then putting him down again would make it worse. Sigh. Someday they'll be teenagers and we'll think they sleep too much, right?

I tried the No Cry Sleep Solution with dd1, and it didn't work at all for night, but some of the suggestions really helped with getting her to nap longer. Dd1 was a horrible sleeper, though, who was basically inconsolable without a boob in her mouth. At least we're not there with dd2. (Yet.)

[sjames2015]

Hello everyone. We just got back from camping. There was enough service for a text or two that was about all. I have not read all the threads but I'm working on it. It was nice to be unplugged for the most part. Here are a few pics .

[NellieOleson]

kelltothekell - My 2 year old only weighs 25 pounds so imagining her napping in the RNP is pretty hilarious.

She would never nap on her own, either. I would have to lie down with her, nurse her to sleep, and then sneak out. It was fine when she was a baby, but got really lame when she was a year and older. I'm trying to avoid a similar situation with dd2, but it's so hard listening to her cry. Sigh.