Sick children - 2 working parents

[callmeKD]

we switch off - ie who doesn't have meetings, who can work from home, can we split the day, etc. my mom lives 2 hours away so if we have enough notice, she can usually make the drive.

[sudokufan]

Yeah, we have this issue and it sucks. We don't have family nearby, and all our friends work the same type of schedule we do. So when DS is sick, there's always some negotiation involved--who called out last, who has meetings, who has a big deliverable due, is one of us ALSO sick, etc. But all of those things being equal, it will probably be me calling out; he makes more a year, so there's that, and he's a manager while I'm a worker bee, he has a career progression and I don't. I'm making the choice to stay at the dead end job I have precisely because of the flexibility I have to take sick days, but I do often feel like my work suffers and I hate that.

[k3am]

Technically, we switch off. In reality, I take off more than he does because (a) I'm closer, (b) my job is more flexible, and (c) he makes more money than I do. So if it were to effect work, we want it to be the lesser paid person.

On days where I absolutely can't, he knows that he needs to rearrange things. We've had days where I came into work in the mornings and he'd stay home with her, then he'd drop her off here on his way into the office and I'd head home.

It's a PITA, but we can (usually) make it work. We have yet to rely on something like care.com and probably never will.

[mischiefmama]

I usually end up being the one taking off.  My boss is a lot more lenient about that type of thing.  At 18 months I believe DH has stayed home with him once.  No help here, sorry.  

[sandandsea]

We play it by ear and see who has more flexibility that day. We both can work pretty autonomously and early/late hours or from home, aside from a few meetings. Often, I'll go to work early, leave around lunch and WFH in the afternoon and DH will go in around lunch and stay late. We don't live near any family and I hate pawing a sick child off on a friend. Thankfully, it's worked out for us so far and DS has rarely been sick enough to stay home from school (vomiting/pink eye, etc. he's mostly just had little sniffles and we send him anyway).

[mae0111]

Honestly, we have a nanny. So unless it's something awful like when we all got rotavirus, she tends to come. If they're really sick, like when DD1 had the flu a few weeks ago, DH and I switched off working from home, so that someone was available to run to the dr if needed, or we could stay home while DD1 slept and DD2 could go to activities.

If our nanny can't make it (which is rare due to illness *knock wood*, but more frequently lately due weather) DH and I both work from home and juggle. Sometimes DD1 has school, and we can usually extend the day a bit, and then DD2 naps for 3 hours a day. Between waking up early, switching off, and working late, it typically works out.

If DH is traveling (which is starting to pick up now), it's all me. My parents may jump in for an hour, or maybe pick DD1 up from school, but I try not to lean on them unless I'm really stuck.

[mustardseed2007]

We switch off and it depends on what's going on with work. We really do try to make it 50-50. We also fill in gaps with family. In our back pocket is a nanny service that does sick care, but so far we haven't had to use them yet. From what I understand it's 25 dollars to the service and then $15/hour or so for the actual nanny.

[twinmomma]

Even though I make a lot more, it generally ends up being me because I can "work from home" when they're napping. DH is a teacher so we always battle over "Sub plans suck to make" when it might be a possibility that he has to stay home and that battle gets exhausting time after time. But, we have a nanny/family care right now so we rarely have to take the day off ourselves. I'm a bit worried about this when we switch to day care next year.

[seadragon2013]

We have this issue as well. I'm a fulltime lecturer and have about 16 working hours each week that I have to teach - no canceling unless there is a dire emergency if I want to keep the job. The rest of my time is flexible. My H is the breadwinner and gets a limited (though generous) amount of PTO each year. We try to save as much of his PTO as possible for vacations. He is allowed to work from home, but facetime is also important in his position.

Anyway, if I am not teaching, I will take the whole day off to stay home with DS and finish my work on nights and weekends. If I am teaching half a day, DH will cover half and then I will rush home to relieve him (he then works from home). On the one day that I teach for 8 hours, he has to just suck it up and take time off. I also do research - if I have a pressing deadline, we will sometimes both stay home and alternate who is on DS duty every couple of hours.

Figuring out who takes time off has been the #1 source of fights in our household for the last month because DS has been sick all.the.time. We always figure it out, even though it sometimes takes some negotiating.

[supertrooper1]

Neither DH or I can WFH, so we try to take turns. He's a teacher so it creates a lot of work for him making sub plans, but he'd rather miss a day of work. I'm trying to build up my sick leave in case we have #2, but it seems like DS always gets sick when DH has a meeting or a day he can't miss work.

It's always tough because even though we have 2 retired grandparents within an hour of us, DH doesn't trust them to watch DS. So we always have an argument over who will have to stay home. And I'm all for sending DS to DC whenever he's not too sick because he always plays and forgets that he's sick. But DH wanted to keep him home over a bad diaper rash one time or the time that DS was over his illness but was tired. And of course it was going to be me because he had a meeting.

[dglvrk2]

I'm a teacher. H works from home right now and has always had a more flexible schedule than me. He makes more money too, but can make it whenever he works. Thus, he usually stays at home when our girls are sick. If it goes for multiple days, we take turns. Sub plans are lame, but my head is not at work if one of my daughters is really ill.

[acmama]

Usually DH stays home. I'm a teacher and sub plans are a pain! His job is more flexible. Some days, like today, we end up splitting the day based on his meeting schedule.

[shakinros]

We can both work from home if need be for sick days or snow closures. We usually split the day. I watch her from 8a-1p(ish) till she goes down for nap. Then he watches her from 3(ish)-6p while I work. We both work during nap.

We don't have family nearby either. My H has been working out of town more recently, so that sucks. Cause it's all me then, and though I have the more flexible job and make half as much as he does, I hate feeling like I'm underperforming.

[jlaok]

DH usually does it because he gets 4 times the leave that I do. Since I WFH I am okay staying with DS when he's sick because I can still get work done. It is much harder to do with DD. My mom will help out in a pinch but I usually only ask if DH is out of town.

[welly01]

I take more time off because I have more PTO, but we try to keep it as equal as possible. Like if DS has to stay home for more than 1 day, I make DH stay home the next day so I'm not missing 2 days in a row. We've also been really lucky lately because my mom is between jobs so she's been available to come stay with him. But if he needs to go home during the day, I'm always the one that picks him up.

Its definitely a struggle and so, so stressful when they are sick for more than 1 day. I think the best you can do is communicate with your DH, compromise as much as possible, and just do the best you can.

[RiseAndWine]

I echo what many PPs said - for us it's based on deliverables, meetings and who took off more recently. This has come up with us a lot lately for various reasons and it's actually DH pulling more of the staying home weight because I am an AVP and he's a Director. I have way more meetings and he has a looser telecommute policy where he can call into all his meetings remotely. But I do heavy lifting in other ways such as all the doctors appointments and daycare drop off/pick-ups, vet visits, etc. so it balances out.

[laketide]

For us it just depends on the day. My mom helps a lot which really is a huge help and is why we are still able to take a vacation. If she can't it's typically me unless I have something huge scheduled. My job is much more flexible and I just prefer being the one home with her if she's sick anyway.

[librarychica]

We have a nanny so unless it's a serious illness, she handles it.

If the nanny is out we split the day, ideally. This keeps resentment low Otherwise it is whoever has the more flexible schedule that day. If we have sufficient notice we might ask my mom.

[jil]

DH and I work opposite schedules most days. If it happened on a day we both are working and our babysitter wasn't comfortable, I would probably stay home. I work 6-8.5 hour shifts while DH works 12s.

I hope your DD is feeling better soon.

[CoverGirl82]

We try to switch off, but it's easier for me to WFH, and I generally have fewer meetings, so I end up staying home more often. My parents live 45 minutes away and are retired, so in a real pinch, we could call them. (Although I don't like to expose them to illnesses, so I don't think we've called them to help out for a sick day in years.)

As PP's said, it can be stressful and a struggle sometimes. Hang in there, and hope your DD feels better soon!

[liziz]

We essentially have a nanny (it's in-home daycare, but she only takes care of our baby plus her own 9 year old), and I've only kept LO home because I was sick, and it was more work to get everything ready, drive her to DC, and pump all day than to just keep her with me.

Today, LO had mega spit-up (vomit?) once during breakfast, and again in the car on the way to DC. Last I heard, she was getting a bath there, and seemed pretty happy.

We are so so so thankful for our situation!

That being said, right now it would be me that stays home with sick baby, because I have the milk. (Unless I had something super mega important going on that day)
H has a more flexible job than I do (IT, so often there is after hours work to be done), so I hope in the future he'll take at least half of the sick days!

[lingeringwithcoffee]

I've usually been the one to stay home with DD, mostly because of mom-guilt. I'm a teacher, so I get a decent amount of sick days per year, but since we do not have paid maternity leave I want to save as many as possible since we want to have another baby in the future. So, DH has stayed home with her a few days in the past few months, and will be the one to stay home unless he has meetings he has to attend because his boss has agreed to let him work from home some.

[anewadventure]

Feb 9, 2015 16:09:05 GMT -5 thirdtimemomma said:

How do you handle it when it's a work day and a child is sick?  DD2 was sick today and my husband says we will try to trade off but inevitably I end up being on with her more.  We are lucky in that I work from home full time and he can when need be - but he also makes more than me and has a more demanding job so I tend to put my job second to his.   I'm just feeling like with the snow closings delays professional days and illness that I keep falling behind and I want to do good work.... And we have #3 on the way.  

He can stay at work late but i can't - I'm the one picking the kids up and running them to their activities.  This morning he said you sound stressed and I said im allowed to feel that way!

looking to commiserate or for advice... I do have a sitter I can ask to help but she's $22/ hour!!!  It is hard to find help for sick kids spur of the moment and today the sitter was unavailable.

thanks!

from reading your responses i think your two best bets would be to:

(1) line up a cheaper sitter option that you are comfortable with. if you're not comfortable, you won't use the sitter

(2) have a serious talk with your husband about exactly what you told us, and how you are feeling. even if you don't end up at 50/50 you could certainly end up with a better split than you currently have and feel like you are getting more support from him so that you aren't so stressed out.

good luck!

[lynn0514]

FWIW, I think this is a highly individual issue, which is going to differ from couple to couple. For us, DH has actually stayed home on sick days more, because I'm hoarding my leave for my next maternity leave. But after that, I'll probably stay home more often. My job is extremely flexible, and it's just no big deal to take a day off, if needed.

I agree with anewadventure that a good idea would be to discuss the situation with your DH, and try to achieve a more equitable split. Even if it's not quite 50/50, maybe he can be more flexible on the days that you really can't/don't want to call out. Maybe he can also start doing some of the running of the kids to their activities, too? Even if he's just responsible for one evening every week, I think that's more than fair, and would give you some time to either catch up on work, or do something for yourself so you feel less stressed.

[sctiger]

I usually take the day off. I'm on a school schedule so it makes more sense because I don't have to think about saving vacation for summer and holidays. I'd rather take a day here and there and let my husband save his vacation days.

[Deleted]

We have no family close either, so we take turns- usually whoever will get "in trouble" the least (i.e., whoever has less meetings or less appointments, etc.) It definitely can get stressful when both of us have a lot going on.

[RiseAndWine]

I just have to chime in and say I can't believe how many family members everyone has helping out. I think that's really great! I have two sisters close by, as well as my mom and my dad and step mom. Nobody EVER helps. We have had family as babysitters 4 times total in DS's 21 mos of life. They have never offered to help watch him if we're in a jam or pick him up from daycare or anything.

Are your families offering? Or do you ask them when you're in a bind?

[twinmomma]

Feb 10, 2015 20:53:58 GMT -5 RiseAndWine said:

I just have to chime in and say I can't believe how many family members everyone has helping out. I think that's really great! I have two sisters close by, as well as my mom and my dad and step mom. Nobody EVER helps. We have had family as babysitters 4 times total in DS's 21 mos of life. They have never offered to help watch him if we're in a jam or pick him up from daycare or anything.

Are your families offering? Or do you ask them when you're in a bind?

My dad and MIL are primary caregivers some of the days each week, so that kind of makes it easier. But, our families both just operate in a way where no one bats an eye when I call up and say "Crap, I have a meeting, can you come over/stay late" or things like that. It's just how our families operate. I literally had someone at my house every day for a month after the girls were born early so that I would have a second set of hands when DH had to go back to work and finish out the school year. My mom had a calendar set up as soon as we found out when we were coming home - my siblings, aunts, grandmothers, MIL, etc... were all in the rotation. But, we live a mile and a half from both sets of parents, so that makes it easy. My family is very hands-on and "mobilizes" when someone needs help. It can be a blessing and a curse. Have you ever seen that Everybody Loves Raymond bit about living in the radius? Ya. That's our life. lol

[smalltownmoon]

Right now I WFH days so its me. DH works overnights so he physically can't do it but if he had to, he has the most sick time to do these things.

[smalltownmoon]

RiseAndWine My mom helps out a lot. None of my siblings or his ever offer any assistance. My dad totally would but he works a regular m-f job. But my mom will seriously come down anytime I need a break or if we need a date night.