Intro...Hi....

[4furrypaws]

Hi ladies...It's time for me to come out of lurking.

Our long road is in my siggy but here is the tldr: 

*Warning. Losses*

Four early M/Cs
Three failed IVFs
AMA, DOR, I am a carrier of a Balanced Translocation

We were very fortunate to have some insurance coverage for the three IVF cycles. But we've reached our lifetime max so anything we do moving forward is OOP. Just one more stress to add right...

*Warning. Venting*

I'm having a very hard time with the fact that financially we will only be able to have one more shot and that DEgg is probably our best chance at having a healthy embie. I'm adopted and I think this is making it harder for me. The fact that I have no "genetically" linked people in my life...now my one chance of having that with a child is not going to be possible. 

I KNOW that I would be the one carrying, nourishing, bonding etc with the baby. I know that the small bit of DNA doesn't/won't matter. It certainly has never mattered to me with my Mom and Dad. They are my parents, that's just that. But there is something that just hurts my heart, knowing I'll never truely have anyone that I truely look like. I'll have no genetic link to anyone. 

I've been told by my acupuncturist who has had several clients use DEgg that once you go into labor it never crosses your mind again. I'm sure that is true. I do believe that. 

My Mom said as soon as they held me they never thought about it again. I know that's how it would be.

I'm just so bitter anymore. So so angry. And sad. 

I think my H is having a hard time with this as well. He doesn't talk about it hardly at all. I've asked him if I should start looking into pricing/gathering info on DEggs and he isn't ready for it yet. I don't know how to talk to him about it. 

...so, I'm here to hopefully learn and support you ladies. I hate that any of us are in the situation. I wish so much I could change it for us all. 

Some random things about me for those of you I don't know...
I volunteer at a local no kill animal shelter
I left my job of 15 years at the end of last year to begin IVF
We have two kits and two pups
H has a drag car which is 'second job'
I like DIY stuff, sewing, gardening..anything creative

[eroticantibiotic]

(((Hugs))) It is a very hard process, to wrap your head around using a donor. There are always young women ready to donate so this is something you and your H can wrestle with for a bit. It took me 1 year from my RE's suggestion to my decision to do it, but then my H was onboard with whatever I was willing to do.

It might help you to research epigenetics because it is surprising how much you will influence the expression of the fetus's genes as you carry the pregnancy. If you decide to use a donor, sure, she gives you a 1 cell donation, but the resulting child would never be who they are without you.

The Czech Republic has reasonably priced donor egg IVF packages, if you are able to travel. My H can't take that much time off, so we paid ~4x the cost for a 6 donor guarantee program at Sha.dy Gro.ve.

[dukegirlsc]

4furrypaws, all the (((hugs))) I agree with what eroticantibiotic, said, there is time for you and your DH to think things through and to come up with a plan. We were told from the start that DEgg might be in our future due to my age so being the type of person that I am I had been researching it in the background all along, just in case. When our worst fears came true I knew which direction we wanted to go. We worked with an agency and had a fresh donor. I wanted the embryos PGS tested no matter what (my loss brain just couldn't handle them not being tested) so we did a FET. I can honestly say that I don't think about them coming from someone else, it's just not something I dwell on. I understand your feelings about wanting the genetic connection though. I hope you can take some time and research your options, donor egg or others, but that you will be a peace with the decision when you make it. We are all here for you.

[longhornwino0907]

**TW: loss mentioned**

4furrypaws, all the hugs. Talking with my therapist on a regular basis has helped me come to terms with carrying a donor egg baby. And even before we had the IVF, she was instrumental in helping me wrap my brain around what we were doing and how to best cope with any feelings I had about the situation. I can honestly say that I (almost) never think about the fact that my babies are donor egg babies. It crosses my mind very infrequently, and I felt no less pain than a genetic mother when we lost our Cate. She was and is MY baby, not the donor's. Same with her sister. I love them both more fiercely than I ever could have imagined, and I haven't even met them yet!

Hang in there. If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer!