Help me decide about my Doula

[mrsdee1982]

Hey ladies.  Not to distract from the other dramarama going on here today, but I need some help.  I would normally put this on the private board, but you know...

Anyways, with C I used a Doula.  She was amazing.  She helped me get through 37 hours of pitocin contractions without an epidural, and then helped me get through 2 hours of pushing after another 10 hours of medicated labor.  She is also one of the highest sought after LC's in my area.  She has been available via text message and FB messenger to me for any questions I have since C was born.  She was rad!  

So, originally DH and I had thought we would ask her to be our Doula again.  But now I am having 2nd thoughts.  Here is why:

1) I am not as "anti-epidural" this time around.  I am already telling myself that if my body stalls in the dilation process like it did last time, I am hoping on the epidural bus.  So, I feel like if I already sense that there is a decent chance I'd like to get an epidural, then I would be wasting a Doula's time.  Does that make sense?

2) I loved her as a Doula.  That being said, she has posted recently some things on her personal FB page that are very different than what I believe.  I'm talking anti-vaxer propaganda, homophobic (hiding behind the guise of religion) propaganda, Trump support, anti-BLM stuff.  This all sits with me very, very poorly.  It kind of makes me not want to associate with her.

But, DH has argued for her saying:

1) We can be honest with her and let her know that an epidural is on our possibility list, if I feel like I need it.  But, she got us 37 hours without one.  Perhaps, if this is an easier labor than before, she can get us all the way this time.

2) While he agrees that the things she supports are very different from what we support, she has never pushed those views onto us (i.e., she's never discouraged us to vax C) and that what she believes in her personal life has no bearing on her professional life and she is, without a doubt, a HUGE presence in the Doula/LC community in our area and a good person to have on our side.

So, WWYD?  Would you ask her to work with you again?  Or would you go it you're own this time?  

[alayne926]

I would probably go without this time since your viewpoint has changed a bit as far as your labor options and knowing more about her personally.

[beersandweirs]

I would probably go without her this time as well, I think I would have a hard time overcoming what I learned about her since the last time.

[ashbash]

My view differs from the other ladies coming from the other side being a birth class teacher/ coach.
First this is why I dont use my personal fb for this stuff, not that I post any of that cray cray but I dont bring my personal stuff to "work" and wouldnt want something like that to interfere with my work. If it wasnt an issue with her bringing it up before then I could separate it from her professional self.

Second, there are many other uses besides not getting an epi for a doula. She can help you move/ position you to help engage baby in an optimal place before getting the epi and being flat on your back. She could be there for you if something comes up with DD that your H needs needs to tend to, if you do have an easier labor (fingers crossed!) then she would be great to have. And like you mentioned the post partum resources she gives are helpful.

[blueskiessmiling]

While I know it's hard to not reframe your opinion of her as a person, she seems as though you've been pleased with her services professionally. I agree with ashbash that doulas can still be helpful even with an epidural. I would broach the epidural subject now, and if she seems unsupportive, than skip it. Otherwise, I would keep her. If her viewpoints aren't carried over into her professional area, I don't really see that as a reason to pass her up.

ETA: by skip IT, I meant using a doula...not skipping the epidural

[belle0720]

Jul 19, 2016 15:27:02 GMT -5 mrsdee1982 said:

2) I loved her as a Doula.  That being said, she has posted recently some things on her personal FB page that are very different than what I believe.  I'm talking anti-vaxer propaganda, homophobic (hiding behind the guise of religion) propaganda, Trump support, anti-BLM stuff.  This all sits with me very, very poorly.  It kind of makes me not want to associate with her.

I don't really have advice on the Doula vs. Midwife/Doctor route. But I probably would not use that specific Doula. The above personal views would not affect her job as a doula, but I just have a hard time seeing past this kind of stuff once I'm aware of it. Kind of like the whole Instant Pot thing, knowing that they would not stand against the use of the "R" word, I would rather buy a different company's Pressure Cooker.  

[ombradellarosa]

+1 to not being able to see past the offensive issues. I feel like a doula is someone you need to relate to on a personal basis and she has very important view different from you. But at the same time my ILs hold a lot of the same views and I still associate with them, but of course I'm stuck with them so I just try not to bring that stuff up if we disagree.

I will say I had an epidural and I wish I'd had a doula. My mom said she would advocate for me so I wouldn't need one, but she didn't. I feel like if there's a really good one that's worth a lot.

So, sorry, I guess my opinion is not very helpful.

[3dimesdown]

If you're open to an epidural, I wouldn't use a doula.

But I also don't really care about people's personal views, especially when it comes to my or my family's health. You better believe if I found the best doctor in the city for a major medical procedure, I would not care at all that he wanted to deport all immigrants and build a wall. So if you decide a doula is important to your medical care, I'd use the best, despite differing opinions.

[jillywilly]

I agree with 3dimesdown. If you want to use a doula in general this go round, if you were happy with her services, her personal opinions shouldn't matter, and it could be comforting to have that familiar face with you.
But, if you're thinking of going the epidural route, not sure how necessary a doula is, especially if you have strong other support to help you (and with C). But then, a doula was never even really on my radar last time, so take that with a grain of salt.

[carolyngrace]

I would get a different doula! Most doulas are happy to work with you even with an epidural and there's plenty of laboring that can happen before that point!

[baytosa2013]

Eh I suppose it would really depend on how staunch you are in your political views. Meaning do you believe certain things but agree that others have the right to their opinions as long as not imposed on you? If so then I could probably look past posts on her personal page if she provided me a good service before. It sounds like one thing that might make your decision easier is to just talk to her about her views on epidurals. If she seems against them or not super supportive then I'd probably pass. You need someone who will support you no matter your choice of meds or no meds.

[Deleted]

I would get a different doula. The anti vax movement and all the other stuff would make me not able to unsee what I have seen

[Deleted]

Also I have friends that had a doula and had the epidural so I can see how it benefits you to have that extra support

[silv3rlining]

I'd say it just depends on how much knowing her personal views affect you. Her views could match the other staff delivering your baby and you wouldn't even know,but if knowing her views makes you see her differently/not trust her then I think that's a huge thing to consider. As far as having a doula and thinking about getting an epidural those shouldn't contradict one another. The doula is there to advocate for you and support you however if best for *you.* I know women that even have doulas for CS. Talk to her about the possibility of an epidural and see where she stands on it. Btw I was adamantly against an epi with DS and ended up with one and was open to the idea with DD, had a super fast and easy delivery with no pain meds.