TTMA Sharing

[Squishy622]

Our girls are 10.5 months old and have just started with the dreaded sharing issues. They both just lost their minds trying to grab a toy away from each other. Obviously there are not many toys that we have 2 of. Oh wise ones, any advice for me? I know it's going to get so much worse over the next 6 months.

[anakah]

We didn't have many duplicates of toys. Most of the ones we did have two of it didn't matter anyways cause thy had to have that particular one. Whenever fighting over a toy ensued we would take the toy away and tell them that they could play with the toy when they were ready to share again. I'm not sure how well this tactic worked though since they still fight over toys at 5. Lol.

[chiwifey]

My kiddos are doing the same. Typically I try to distract them with different toys altogether and most of the time it works.

[nerdykitten]

We aren't even close to worrying about this with the triplets yet, but I am thinking we will be putting whatever toy they are fighting over in timeout until they are ready to share it instead of fight over it. I think we will be reading lots of books that promote sharing.

[robertjane33]

We just started seriously dealing with this at 18 months. They were fighting over a toy car, so we just took it away. Luckily, it was a cheap enough thing that I could get two of the same things (absolutely identical), so that seems to have solved the problem. But we can't afford to do that with everything, so at this age, it will just be taking things away that they can't share.

[anakah]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that takes toys away. My mom thought I was being mean and not teaching the proper lesson by taking toys away.

[Squishy622]

I like the idea of taking it away if they are fighting- I mean, how else would you fairly decide otherwise?

I have mixed feelings about expecting them to understand the concept of sharing before they're developmentally ready. DD1 went to an RIE-inspired daycare and I liked their philosophy on it. But with twins I can tell already this is going to be a constant battle and I want to reinforce this concept as early as possible. Sigh.

[nomnom]

Opposite ends of the play yard, get them interested in different toys. If they're next to each other they always want the other's toy, even if they already have one.

[schmella]

Jul 21, 2016 15:33:13 GMT -5 Squishy622 said:

I like the idea of taking it away if they are fighting- I mean, how else would you fairly decide otherwise?

I have mixed feelings about expecting them to understand the concept of sharing before they're developmentally ready. DD1 went to an RIE-inspired daycare and I liked their philosophy on it. But with twins I can tell already this is going to be a constant battle and I want to reinforce this concept as early as possible. Sigh.

I 100% agree with you on the sharing before developmentally ready thing. It's something they've had to deal with their entire lives (sharing mommy) and it's unrealistic to expect them to really understand the concept so early. At 8.5 m mine aren't really possessive of things yet, so I just redirect or take a toy away if it's becoming a problem, but MIL was trying to enforce W not taking a toy from A and I'm much more laid back at this point. You wouldn't reprimand a singleton for grabbing at things at this age, so I'm not going to push that just because they are twins. I want to foster curiosity at this age, not squash it!

[anakah]

This could be differences in children's temperament or results of different techniques. With the twins I removed the toy they were fighting over. Same age/development at the time. They mostly understood sharing as they grew and aren't as likely to just take a toy from someone else.

Now ds2 on the other hand, the twins were 2.5 when he came along and I always told the twins not to fight over toys with him because he's a baby. Now that ds2 is 2.5 he is much grabbier with other kids toys. I assume because we've always let him have the toy before. I may have created a monster with this one.

[nomnom]

anakah It's very useful to hear the contrast between your singleton and twins. I'd never thought about it.

Based on the reports here, I'll have to try taking the toy away, too. I may end up with two crying babies, though :-P

[Squishy622]

Jul 21, 2016 17:26:26 GMT -5 @feegan said:

Whoever had the toy originally gets it back and thief baby is offered another toy as I explain that non-thief was playing with it first. Usually non-thief will then offer it to thief and I'll give the new toy to non-thief. They're excited to "share" right now because I've turned it in to a game with me so now they're starting to do it with each other... except they don't always offer said toy back like I do. It's essentially an all day long "intercept and redirect" over here.

MOTY over here doesn't see who had it first half the time! 😬

[anakah]

Jul 22, 2016 11:21:04 GMT -5 Squishy622 said:

Jul 21, 2016 17:26:26 GMT -5 @feegan said:

Whoever had the toy originally gets it back and thief baby is offered another toy as I explain that non-thief was playing with it first. Usually non-thief will then offer it to thief and I'll give the new toy to non-thief. They're excited to "share" right now because I've turned it in to a game with me so now they're starting to do it with each other... except they don't always offer said toy back like I do. It's essentially an all day long "intercept and redirect" over here.

MOTY over here doesn't see who had it first half the time! 😬

Same here. Plus once they start talking it's he said/she said so it's easier to just remove them to root out who is telling the truth.