Woe is me...DH is never home.

[weeklyplanner]

Does anyone else's SO work insane hours? 

 DH just informed me that it will be another night where he doesn't get in until after 10pm....he leaves for work at 8am. Everything is also last minute. For example, at 5pm he won't know if he's leaving at 6pmor later. I'm just feeling sorry for myself because it's annoying to cook dinner and then just have him scarf it down cold when he walks in.  (I don't know why he just doesn't eat something by work and expense it anyway). Also, the days are long to be alone with a baby all day.  I love being with LO, but it's lonely.  I was trying to go to dinner with friends (first time since baby is born) tomorrow night and my mom is sick so she can't watch DS.  DH can't 100% guarantee he'll be able to leave work at 5:30pm, but he's trying.  So, that blows too.  And, he feels terrible that he only sees LO about 10-20 minutes a day. 

I should add that when DH is around is a huge help.  So, it's not like I'm blaming him or anything.  Just a shitty situation and I felt like venting.

[cdseno]

Feb 9, 2015 20:50:05 GMT -5 weeklyplanner said:

Does anyone else's SO work insane hours? 

 DH just informed me that it will be another night where he doesn't get in until after 10pm....he leaves for work at 8am. Everything is also last minute. For example, at 5pm he won't know if he's leaving at 6pmor later. I'm just feeling sorry for myself because it's annoying to cook dinner and then just have him scarf it down cold when he walks in.  (I don't know why he just doesn't eat something by work and expense it anyway). Also, the days are long to be alone with a baby all day.  I love being with LO, but it's lonely.  I was trying to go to dinner with friends (first time since baby is born) tomorrow night and my mom is sick so she can't watch DS.  DH can't 100% guarantee he'll be able to leave work at 5:30pm, but he's trying.  So, that blows too.  And, he feels terrible that he only sees LO about 10-20 minutes a day. 

I should add that when DH is around is a huge help.  So, it's not like I'm blaming him or anything.  Just a shitty situation and I felt like venting.

This is my life for the last 7 years. Before we had kids it wasn't a big deal because I could do whatever or go visit him at work, but once J was born it started to suck. The last restaurant he worked at there were days he went in at noon and would get home at 1 or 2am then sleep until he had to wake up and go back in. That job almost ruined our marriage. Now it isn't as bad, but the other day he went in at 7:30 and got home at 9:30 because they were busy and he couldn't leave. The random hours suck. You have all my sympathy. It is so hard to get out when they can't guarantee they will be home at a certain time, and then I always feel bad leaving on his days off because I feel like we should be spending time together. Most nights I just eat whatever, but H loves leftovers so I don't worry about him too much. 

[wickednomnoms]

This is pretty much my life exactly. SO left @ 7am this morning and is still not home yet, it is almost 9pm here. His hours vary but he usually works atleast 10-12 hour days. I also work 2 nights per week so not only does he have limited time with LO but we barely see eachother either. I work every other weekend and he sometimes has to work OT on weekends. When we are home together we're running errands or doing grocery shopping. Something needs to change. ...we really need a night out! Hopefully when it's not snowing every freaking day and the weather gets nicer it will be a bit easier. I'm hoping we can atleast go for a family walk with the dog at night or something. And not be stuck inside with LO all day, it is terribly boring

Also, I'm pretty depressed that my best friend just moved to CA. We've been friends for 20+ years and she has a kid and gets it...I feel like all my friends are at such a different place than I am and no one makes the effort anymore. The few "mom friends" I do have I never see between kids being sick, weather and just being busy.

[islandlover]

Yep, I feel ya. DH just walked into the house at almost 10 pm and left this morning at 8 am. It sucks!

[peggygarbe]

DH and I work opposite schedules - he's a 9-5er and I work restaurant hours at night from 3-11 (but just Tuesday's-Friday's) so we see each other very little during the week, but the weekends are strictly family time, so it somewhat makes up for it, but it can be stressful at times

[pineapplemae]

Same here. H got in at 4am, slept until 11, went back in at 3, and won't get home until 4 to do it all over again... Until his schedule changes and then it's a new shit show to get used to. It sucks and you have every reason to feel sad about it.

[mandapanda1382]

My husband travels a lot. He's been gone 4 of the last nine days. It gets very lonely.

[weeklyplanner]

Feb 9, 2015 22:03:04 GMT -5 mandapanda1382 said:

My husband travels a lot. He's been gone 4 of the last nine days. It gets very lonely.

DH used to travel a ton--like 2 weeks out of every month. The only thing I liked better than our current situation was that I knew he wasn't coming home and I could just go about my day/week. But, traveling spouses is super lonely because at least now I have him to chat to at 2am When LO is making noise on the monitor.

[daisylola11]

Wow, I was really in a depressing funk today and reading this made me realize what it was... I so sympathize with you OP! It's so hard to spend such little time with our SO because of work and now more so with our LOs here. The days he does have off he rests/naps and we run our errands. It's making me sad/angry to see him so tired and stressed all the time and spends very little time with DS. And there is no end in sight either...

[mandapanda1382]

Yeah, I had no problem with him being gone before we had a baby. Now it's different.

[gingy]

Yep, I know how that goes. H is at an office on 8 hr shifts which is rare for his department. Most are 12s or 10s. I am so thankful he isn't on that kind of schedule, although some days can turn in to 10s or 12s. But, the possible shifts are from 5a-2p, 2p-10:30 and 10p-5:30a. The office is on a monthly rotation and right now he's at the bottom of the rotation, so last month he was on graves with non consecutive days off. This month he's back to swings with mostly consecutive days off. Days off get really tricky because it's hard to get weekends, so it's hard to do things with friends and family because most people don't have Wednesday and Thursdays off. Plus weekdays are generally when story time and other activities are which takes away from our family time and limits the activities I can do when he's working.
I can also sympathize with the last minute long hours. With H being in law enforcement, you're really at the mercy of what happens on shift. There have been many times I've gotten texts saying he will be late many times. It's even worse when you have plans because then it's almost a guarantee that he will be held over.
Can you look into getting a babysitter so you can get out in situations like this? It does get lonely for sure. I'm hoping it will get easier when LO gets older and can interact more. Right now I just feel like I talk to myself all day.

[gingy]

So, case in point, just when you think you can predict the schedule, you get a call that his hours for tomorrow only are going to be different.
This is the biggest reason I chose to stay home. We've done the two ships in the night thing because of opposite schedules for many years and it's really tough on a marriage. I can't imagine having both of us working with this wonky schedule AND a baby thrown in there. Any of you who do that must be master communicators!

[merry]

DH is gone 4-5 days at a time then home 2-3 days usually and I work full time. He usually bids to work weekend so that we don't need or sitter as much during the week. It means I don't see him as much but financially it makes sense. There are times when it is difficult without him (when the kids aren't sleeping well etc) but we manage pretty well most of the time.

[yogini kiki]

Feb 9, 2015 20:50:05 GMT -5 weeklyplanner said:

Does anyone else's SO work insane hours? 

 DH just informed me that it will be another night where he doesn't get in until after 10pm....he leaves for work at 8am. Everything is also last minute. For example, at 5pm he won't know if he's leaving at 6pmor later. I'm just feeling sorry for myself because it's annoying to cook dinner and then just have him scarf it down cold when he walks in.  (I don't know why he just doesn't eat something by work and expense it anyway). Also, the days are long to be alone with a baby all day.  I love being with LO, but it's lonely.  I was trying to go to dinner with friends (first time since baby is born) tomorrow night and my mom is sick so she can't watch DS.  DH can't 100% guarantee he'll be able to leave work at 5:30pm, but he's trying.  So, that blows too.  And, he feels terrible that he only sees LO about 10-20 minutes a day. 

I should add that when DH is around is a huge help.  So, it's not like I'm blaming him or anything.  Just a shitty situation and I felt like venting.

vent away.  that sucks hard.  i am so sorry!

[harleyquinn]

DH used to go to work around 7:20 am and not get home till 10pm or later. He quit his second job though because he literally never had a day off and it was wearing on our marraige and affecting our kids. Now he gets home around 5pm and i can cook dinner for everyone...so much nicer.

[weeklyplanner]

Feb 10, 2015 14:14:24 GMT -5 harleyquinn said:

DH used to go to work around 7:20 am and not get home till 10pm or later. He quit his second job though because he literally never had a day off and it was wearing on our marraige and affecting our kids. Now he gets home around 5pm and i can cook dinner for everyone...so much nicer.

Glad to hear you guys were able to change your schedule!

[weeklyplanner]

Feb 10, 2015 12:44:22 GMT -5 @yodasmom said:

We work opposite shifts--I usually work 7am-2:30pm, DH usually works 4pm-1am. We don't even have the same days off (I'm off on weekends, he's usually off in the middle of the week), so we don't see much of each other anymore. I know it makes sense so we don't have to pay for daycare and/or impose on family, but I miss the guy!

Lots of hugs all around, screwy working hours suck! I think the unexpected extra time definitely sounds harder than opposite shifts.

That sounds incredibly hard on everyone. I'm so sorry! I get what you mean about it making sense, but it's still rough.

[Deleted]

Props to you ladies. DH is out of the country this week and after four days I am exhausted. It is definitely helping me appreciate having him around as much as he is. He works from home a lot and sometimes I feel like we have too much together time. However, I am realizing it is better than the alternative!

[harleyquinn]

Feb 10, 2015 14:21:01 GMT -5 weeklyplanner said:

Feb 10, 2015 14:14:24 GMT -5 harleyquinn said:

DH used to go to work around 7:20 am and not get home till 10pm or later. He quit his second job though because he literally never had a day off and it was wearing on our marraige and affecting our kids. Now he gets home around 5pm and i can cook dinner for everyone...so much nicer.

Glad to hear you guys were able to change your schedule!

it was really hard when he worked all day everyday. He would keep Itty bit up later so he could spend time with her which made her difficult during the day, DS was acting out because he didn't feel like he had a male role model around. When DH would get home he'd want me to cuddle and hang out with him. It was nice having the second paycheck but it wasn't worth sacrificing our family.

it's been a lot better since he's been home since I've gotten very sick recently and have required much more of his help, especially this past weekend when I was almost hospitalized.

[redhorizon343]

I'm in the same boat! It's 9 pm here right now. Haven't seen DH since 8 am. The inconsistency is what gets me.

[vk]

H works 12 hour shifts 6pm-6am on a rotating schedule. So week 1 he works Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Week 2 he works Wednesday, Thursday. I work 6am-2pm. Some days I only see him for an hour if I am lucky. Even on his off days he is sleeping a good portion that I am awake so it is hard. We have to pack two weekends worth of stuff into one weekend and that is what I dislike the most.

[harleyquinn]

Feb 11, 2015 1:21:19 GMT -5 DoesItComeInPink said:

Dec 31, 1969 19:00:14 GMT -5:

it was really hard when he worked all day everyday. He would keep Itty bit up later so he could spend time with her which made her difficult during the day, DS was acting out because he didn't feel like he had a male role model around. When DH would get home he'd want me to cuddle and hang out with him. It was nice having the second paycheck but it wasn't worth sacrificing our family.

it's been a lot better since he's been home since I've gotten very sick recently and have required much more of his help, especially this past weekend when I was almost hospitalized.

Are you ok?

I'm starting to do better now. It was a pretty bad weekend though.