can we do a PgAL check in?

[callmeKD]

It's been about 10 days since the last check-in was started.

can we do a new one?

how are you feeling - emotionally and/or physically?

GTKY: favorite vacation spot or dream vacation spot?

[caer]

Thank you for posting!! I was just thinking about creating a check-in today.

I'm kind of a wreck. I have my repeat beta tomorrow. It's still really early - I'll be 4 weeks tomorrow - and I don't really feel pregnant. It's tough because with DS I was super sick from week 5 on. With my loss, I felt basically ok right up until my 8 week loss. So my PGAL brain wants to tell me that the lack of symptoms is a bad sign, even though I rationally know that it's still early and every pregnancy is different, etc.

QOTW: I love St. John. It's so beautiful there.

[kinipela7]

caer - sorry you are feeling like this - just know you are definitely in good company

I almost wish I didn't find out so early. The wait is truly agonizing. I had terrible constipation for the first week I found out but since then I feel very normal. I count down the weeks to my ultrasound several times a day. I have had 2 miscarriage dreams already and I keep having flashbacks to my 1st pregnancy's ultrasound when the doc said there was no heartbeat. DH won't be able to come with me to the ultrasound either so I'm extra scared about it! I guess it doesn't help that I am benched from exercise at the moment because I strained my back a few weeks ago. That would definitely help me chill out!

[caer]

(((Hugs))) kinipela7. I can relate to so much of what you said. I also found out super early (3w1d) so it's feels like all the milestones are a million years away. I've also been having flashbacks to our bad ultrasound. I wish this wasn't so hard for so many of us. Sending love your way.

[callmeKD]

Hugs kinipela7 and caer!

[kaits8]

caer, {{hugs}} fingers crossed for your beta tomorrow!

My daily POAS went well this morning; the line is almost darker than the control (13dpo), so that definitely made me breathe a little easier...for now. I'm starting to wonder when I'll feel ok to stop the peeing..but as long as I have Wondfos in my bathroom I will likely continue on.

GTKY: I've barely traveled, so anywhere overseas would be awesome in my book!

[callmeKD]

I was 100% convinced that at today's appointment I would hear the words "there's no heartbeat." I've been mentally preparing myself for weeks. We are headed on vacation and all I can think is please don't let me miscarry while we are gone. This Pgal brain sucks.
Q: I love Maui. We went there for our honeymoon and I can't wait to go back

[caer]

Many hugs callmeKD. I'm constantly expecting the worst, too. It's hard to shake those feelings. I'm glad everything is going well so far and I hope you have a great vacation.

[caer]

I'm really pissed for you Fearsy. I'm sorry they weren't more proactive, given your history and your request. I'm so happy your HCG results were great, though. And I hope this weekend just flies by!

[ladytiffany24]

how are you feeling?
Physically, okay. The fatigue is real. And some sore boobs. Very few random feelings of nausea and some heartburn and headaches.

Emotionally, still terrified. I'm feeling more pregnant than I did with my CP but the PGal brain is taking control. I'll probably be peeing on sticks for a while. The test line was only slightly darker than yesterday. I feel like I'm going to be overly analyzing the pee sticks for a longtime and I hate myself for it. Oh, and I'm still terrified every time I go to the bathroom. I kind of wish I was having my betas taken just so I could know what's going on one way or the other. Is that weird? This is hard.



GTKY: favorite vacation spot or dream vacation spot?
I absolutely love Ft Walton Beach, FL. I'm dying to go to Greece though.

[caer]

I'm sorry you're feeling anxious ladytiffany24. If it makes you feel any better, I've gone to pee stick crazy land. I've been saving them and labeling them. 🙈

Any chance your doctor would do betas if you asked? FWIW, I'm finding they aren't really calming my anxiety because they're just adding more things to be nervous about. But I wouldn't be shy about asking for them if you want them done. Sending all the (((hugs))) your way.

[erinshelley21]

I think I need to be here.

I have been doing okay until today thanks to nausea. I didn't have it this early with ds and today it was pretty much non-existent. The rational part of my brain knows it's because I stayed on top of my hunger level and snacked. The pgal part of my brain was certain that I was no longer pregnant since I didn't feel like I was going to puke. I also thought the nurse wasn't calling me with my betas because she had bad news. Dh Even admitted to being nervous and that says something. And all of this probably triggered by the nightmare that I had last night that I miscarried. This is all so much of a mind fuck that it's incredible.

[ladytiffany24]

Jul 21, 2016 19:58:54 GMT -5 caer said:

I'm sorry you're feeling anxious ladytiffany24. If it makes you feel any better, I've gone to pee stick crazy land. I've been saving them and labeling them. 🙈

Any chance your doctor would do betas if you asked? FWIW, I'm finding they aren't really calming my anxiety because they're just adding more things to be nervous about. But I wouldn't be shy about asking for them if you want them done. Sending all the (((hugs))) your way.

I've been taking pictures of all of my and endlessly comparing them. I feel like if they don't start getting darker soon that I'll start freaking out. 😞

I never really thought of asking my doctor if they could do betas. I suppose it could be worth it to at least ask. But to your point, idk if it would help or only enhance the anxiety. Ugh!

[caer]

It all basically sucks ladytiffany24. Hang in there. FX for nice dark lines soon.

(((Hugs))) erinshelley21. The PGAL and rational parts of my brain have been in a cage match all week. This is hard!

[caer]

Jul 21, 2016 20:04:32 GMT -5 Fearsy said:

Fuck. I hate that there are so many of us who go here. Can we just do a group hug or something?

[glb30]

Great idea callmeKD!

PGaL has been out of control for me. I was absolutely convinced my betas would not double today, and that would be it. Even after a 33 hour doubling time, I'm still on edge bc my HCG seems low (350 at 14dp5dt or approx 19 dpo) and my progesterone dropped from 49 to 31. I wish I could just fast forward through the next 8 weeks.

I'm not happy others feel this way, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I've had 3 m/c and a CP. I was literally shaking for about 2 hours today waiting on my results. They call between 12-3 and it's usually later if the results are not normal. By 2 pm, I was about ready to puke, but then they called and I was okay....u/s scheduled for 7/28.

[kaits8]

caer & ladytiffany24, I hear you on the analyzing pee sticks. I have all of my tests, from 6dpo (yeah, I'm crazy), saved and labeled so I can line them up each time I take another test. Then I take a picture, load it to my laptop, and compare it to how dark my tests were with DD. Me = crazy.

[glb30]

renegadewhit I love that you saw a HB. ❤️

caer good luck! I totally understand your feelings- that was me today. When will you get your result? Still so early- you still have plenty of time to start feeling super sick.

kinipela7 I've also had a few m/c dreams. They are awful. My conscious self is also convinced my subconscious knows something is wrong. So I actually worry the dreams are a sign this pregnancy is not healthy....huge (((hugs)))

kaits8 yay for a nice, dark line

callmeKD I'm so glad your appointment went well. I hope you are able to enjoy your vacation.

Fearsy I saw your betas in the random thread- how far along are you?? I can't believe they forgot to call you, and Id be mad about the progesteone too, but try and take comfort in the awesome beta!

ladytiffany24 I'm terrified of the bathroom, too! I get wanting betas, but they are also there own special kind of hell. I've had 3 and between the first 2, it didn't double in 48 hours- cue panic

erinshelley21 huge (((hugs))). It's such a total mindfuck. Did your nurse end up calling?

[glb30]

Jul 21, 2016 20:36:43 GMT -5 kaits8 said:

caer & ladytiffany24, I hear you on the analyzing pee sticks. I have all of my tests, from 6dpo (yeah, I'm crazy), saved and labeled so I can line them up each time I take another test. Then I take a picture, load it to my laptop, and compare it to how dark my tests were with DD. Me = crazy.

Hahaha. This made me laugh. Im pretty crazy too, but I finally ran out of pee sticks and my H said it was gross I was saving them, so I threw them out. How old is DD?

[erinshelley21]

glb30 she did. She called about 4 hours later than the last 3 times so it threw me off. She said everything is fine and they will see me on 8/11.

[kaits8]

glb30, DD just turned 1. I took my last test with her at 21dpo+/-, so I guess I was crazy even before a loss. In my defense...I didn't intentionally save the pictures of her tests, I realized I had uploaded them to a ttc/pregnancy site and it was still there. That makes it better, right?

[summerrain]

I seriously want to hug everyone, and I'm not a hugger at all. I really say this with sincerity, but I wish there weren't so many of us going through the same fears. Obviously, I am still in panic mode since my numbers weren't very high according to the nurse and my next beta is tomorrow. I am convinced I am going to miscarry this child. My loss at 11.5 weeks totally blindsided me because everything including the heartbeat were great until then and in a weird way I almost preferred it that way. This pins and needles BS is killing me. Every time I go to the bathroom and wipe I pray there is not more blood. I hate going, but I feel like sometimes I go just to see if it's gotten worse. My loss two months ago came so quickly and it was like I was having the worst period of my life so I knew and could grieve. This spotting a cramping is a total mindfuck. I am pregnant right now, but there is no guarantee for tomorrow.

GTKY: Before we were married traveled to Europe to perform for 6 weeks and i have to say that Edinburgh is one of my favorite places I've ever been. Is so gorgeous and the history is incredible.

[callmeKD]

Big hugs to everyone!

[caer]

The waiting - for calls, for ultrasounds, for whatever - is the absolute worst glb30. I'm so happy things look good but I'm sorry for the stress of waiting for that phone call. Sending hugs and good thoughts for continued happy news.

And to answer your question, I should have my results this afternoon. They usually calls between 2-4.

[caer]

Continuing to think of you summerrain. Sending good thoughts and lots of (((hugs)))

[mosdub]

How are you doing:
Physically- I still have no symptoms other than slight cramping but I'm reminding myself that it's normal and not a sign of anything.
Emotionally- I'm okay. I'm 4w1d and am away on vacation until the beginning of next week, so I can't do betas until then. Every time I go to the bathroom I worry about seeing blood (this never happened with my previous loss, but still worried) and if I imagine having another partial molar pregnancy I get nauseated with anxiety. I don't feel pregnant, but it's so early I'm reminding myself that that's okay- some ladies on here and GKU also helped reassure me that it's okay to not have symptoms. We are on a boozey trip with friends so I ended up telling them because I didn't want to fake drink for 4 days- it's nice for them to know but I feel like I'm jinxing myself too.

GTKY: I love Italy! It's so expensive to get there but it's so gorgeous!

[mosdub]

caer I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I hope the betas help to relax you- Lots of people have healthy pregnancies with minimal symptoms! I know you know this but it's still good to hear

kinipela7 the ultrasound wait it torture! I don't have one scheduled yet, but hope when they do they can do it ASAP.

kaits8 if I were home right now instead of traveling is be peeing on all the sticks. I have one test left but I'm kind of too scared to take it. If it's faint I can't do much about it anyway so I'm just going to avoid it.

callmeKD I'm so worried I'll miscarry on this vacation I'm so sorry you're worried about it too, but glad your ultrasound didn't go as you thought it might

Fearsy hope the weekend flies by for you!

ladytiffany24 hugs - I totally understand the bathroom thing. I've had a couple times of some CM action and was positive it was bleeding- using the bathroom is a whole new world of anxiety now.

erinshelley21 the nightmares are the worst

renegadewhit yay for heartbeat!!!

glb30 glad your betas are coming back good!

summerrain I'm sorry for the mindfuck and cramping/spotting, I hope it subsides soon so you can relax a bit more.

[caer]

(((Hugs))) mosdub. Have you read the PGAL mantras? I find them reassuring, especially when I think I'm jinxing myself with something. I hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation!

[ladytiffany24]

caer, I hear everyone talk about these mantras. Where can I find them?

[caer]

Jul 22, 2016 6:33:47 GMT -5 ladytiffany24 said:

caer, I hear everyone talk about these mantras. Where can I find them?

Here you go: goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/1034/pgal-mantras