Older sibling adjustment

[TnT10]

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay?

What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them?

If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it?

[TnT10]

At first DD1 was adjusting well but it seems things are going downhill now. She has started refusing naptime and just acting awful all of the sudden. I've been trying to give her a little leeway but at 4 weeks her behavior needs to chill. I'm going to start reading Positive Discipline The First Three Years tomorrow to try to get ahead of this.

I just wanted to see how the transition is going for everyone else!

[melody330]

Granted ds2 is just a week old, so I fully expect there to be a lot of changes soon. Especially since DH goes back to work today.

I plan on doing a lot of redirecting. Ds1 is only 2.5. I don't expect him to be able to help or be gentle without severe guidance. Right now our biggest issue seems to be when I'm getting baby to latch. Ds1 wants to come over and watch baby drink mommas milk, but he pulls his legs or arms or tries to pat his head.

Right now my biggest redirection is Melissa&Doug water wow books. He has one I just pulled out and he's obsessed. I just ordered two more. He will only get to use these when I need to redirect him from baby.

I'll check back in at the end of Friday and let you know how solo parenting all day goes though lol.

[potter713]

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay?
Most of the time DS1 is completely in love with DS2 but can be a little rough. DS1 just turned 4 so most of the time I can just tell him to be careful and he adjusts himself. Once in a while he gets jealous and says he doesn't want a brother. He was also getting upset every time DS2 got something from a visitor and he didn't. I couldn't really fix that problem though.

What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them?
I'm trying to tend to his needs first and make sure we are still going out and doing things. Sometimes it means the baby cries for a few minutes longer but DS1 hates hearing him cry so he usually tells me that DS2 needs me.

If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it?
We just introduced a bucket reward system with the little Pom Pom fuzzy craft balls. For good behavior (putting his toys away, eating his dinner which is a daily struggle, behaving when we are out, etc.) and doing his "chores" (he feeds the dog and empties the silverware from the dishwasher) he earns a ball. Poor behavior (hitting, talking back, etc.) he loses one. We let him pick a reward for when his bucket is full. He chose going to the water park. We introduced it about a week ago and it's 1/2 full already.

[housecarder]

potter713 I have a rough love son too. He turned 4 in February.

[housecarder]

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay?

DD is wonderful, but she has a 2 year old sister at her dad's too. The only issue is she wants to hold them all the time and especially when people are visiting and holding them. I have to explain that we need to let them sleep a lot.

DS is pretty good, although a bit more whiney about not being able to do things we once did (I can't take him to the pool as often and the park is out because of how hot it is). He doesn't understand how gentle he needs to be in handling them.

What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them?

We got them both Fire tablets and headphones on prime day and they help when the babies are sleeping and I need the kids to have a quiet activity. I also try to do solo things with them, such as have H watch the babies and take them grocery shopping or do the bedtime routine.

If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it?

Honestly the tablet has been the best for this because DS has a few favorite games on it that are purely fun, so if he gets too whiney or loud (we've been working on inside voices) he loses certain apps for the morning or entire day. He can still play his educational games but it usually corrects the behavior quickly when he can't play Dino Hunter. Lol

[glaze]

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay? They are adjusting way better than I expected. DS (5.5) is a little more whiney and sensitive but otherwise fine. Or biggest problem with DD (2.5) is that she loves the baby a little too much. She was already in her terrible twos before the baby came, that hasn't changed. In this aspect it's much easier going from 2 to 3 because the older 2 have each other to play with so I don't have the guilt I had the last time about not having enough time for the older one.

What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them? My mom takes them when she can and gives them a lot of attention. I make sure to spend time with them when I'm able to, H does too. I make sure when they ask for something/help to respond right away if I can.

If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it? We have reward charts for good behavior. We do time-outs and talks for bad behavior.

[TnT10]

Do you think the reward charts are effective at two? I'm definitely on board to give it a shot! Maybe we will start to incorporate little dates for her or something too.

Thanks for sharing ladies, hopefully things keep going well for everyone!

[cabbagecabbage]

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay? I'd say she's doing well for a 4yo, better than I'd worried she might be. Definitely some jealousy, some attention seeking, and a little regressing. But she loves her brother and is wonderful to him and gentle and loving.


What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them? I'm trying to cuddle her and love on her. I snuggle her at bedtime every night. I'm also trying to keep her busy and praise her for helping.


If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it? I'm trying to be kind and loving. She has been crying a lot, claiming she is hurt, and needing hugs. She has been potty trained for two years but somehow peed on the bathroom floor twice last week. I try and give her lots of love and never point out that she's regressing or acting like a baby. The only behavior that I can't stand is screaching/yelling. She is loud for negative attention, especially when the baby is sleeping. She screams or yells or play cries. She gets yelled at for that because I seriously can't handle it. The rest I act as if it's normal and give her kisses and tell her she's ok.

[tootsie]

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay? It's going pretty well. She's been pretty whiny but she's 3.5, so it's kind of par for the course. DD1 thrives out on routine, so obviously things are out of each and it bogs her. She was crying really pitifully in bed the other night and told me "I just want you."

What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them?
I'm trying to give her one on one attention, still doing bedtime, and acquiescing to some requests that I normally wouldn't. She loves helping, so I always ask her if she wants to help me change diapers.

If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it? I'm just trying to have lots of patience with her and give her positive reinforcement. I know her world has been turned upside down and she's doing the best she can.

[katelou]

Even with her going to summer camp every morning, I still want to strangle her multiple times a day.

She really loves baby R and that's awesome. She's 4 so there's such a big age gap that she's not jealous. But on a normal day she's super demanding, high-strung, easily bored, craves constant attention and stimulation... so basically exhausting. Despite 3 hours of summer camp she's bored out of her mind immediately when she gets home.

I feel like I am yelling at her or telling her no constantly. She won't stop kissing/hugging Baby R while she's asleep, won't keep her voice down, won't stop messing with/turning on all of the baby gear (white noise machine, pump, clean pacis, diapers- I gave her free reign of the baby toys and books but that didnt help). She also begs for elaborate activities constantly (no we are not baking a cake at 6 AM. No you may not pump the gas into the car. No we are not going to do the science kit 20 minutes before bedtime while the baby is crying) which is not new, but now I am saying no 100% of the time instead of just most of the time.

I kept her bedtime and rest time routines the same (reading, prayers and singing in bed) and make time to play with her every day, but it's never enough. New sticker books and activity books have helped but it's still rough. I feel awful that I am so frustrated by her. School starts in August 16 and I cannot wait.

[Ray]

The kids are doing really well, but they are 9 and 11 so it's a lot different I think that if we had young ones. Our oldest just wants to hold him and carry him and help out a lot. The younger one is happy to report when he's up, crying etc but isn't very hands on.

Their mom also had a baby last year so that helps.

Honestly we're not doing much different. They are old enough to go over to the neighbours and play on their own to keep busy. I just try let them be involved with him as much as they like.

[jewelsofthenile]

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay? I can tell she gets jealous and is testing more limits. I cant redirect her or punish her as easily while holding or feeding Ds. She is very gentle and loving with him though.

What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them?
Try to have alone time every day. A lot of hugs and kisses. Although she would prefer my undivided attention at all times so I get frustrated and feel guilty.

If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it? Saying no a lot. I need better options. I think she is getting away with more than she should.

[ellebelle]

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay?

I think she's adjusting as well as can be for a 4.5 year old who isn't getting all the attention anymore. She loves being with her sister and around me so she's stuck to us like glue.

What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them?

Trying to spend at least half an hour of 1:1 time with her during one of the baby's naps or while the ILs hold the baby. We went out to Chuck E Cheese and the children's museum since DD2 has been born, which is tough on me with our BFing troubles and trying to nurse in public but I'm trying. Otherwise lots of iPad/TV time too.

If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it?

Telling her "no", telling her it won't always be this way but right now the baby needs me and needs to eat all the time so that she gets better (we sort of explained jaundice). She seems to get it.

[lostinfaith225]

Finally have a moment to respond

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay?
Ds really loves dd. He always wants to know where she is. Loves playing on the play mat with her, helping with her. But I can tell it is bothering him when I can't get to his needs like I used to as quickly.
I have a ton of mom guilt.

What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them?
Dh and I are really trying to include him with dd. I try to get some one on one time every day. Dh and I are taking him on a special outing to the State Fair Saturday. Paw Patrol is there. You can meet the characters.

If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it? We stick with same discipline.

[harlowjune1984]

How's it going for your older sibling, are they adjusting okay?
So far, so good. She is obsessed with her. The only thing we are having a little bit of a hard time with, is DD is weepy a lot more....but that started two weeks before Junie was born. Most of it is stemming from the fact that I was less mobile the last few weeks so we did less together, and now I am recovering from a RCS, so she said that she is upset that we can't have fun anymore while I am healing.
What things are you doing to try to make it easier on them?
Keeping her schedule the same when it comes to extracurriculars and naps. Letting her help a lot, letting her pick out the outfits (which she loves doing), trying to let her help make decisions when it comes to the baby....so she feels like a big helper.
If you're older child is acting out, how are you handling it?
Not really acting out, but she is arguing a little more when we ask her to do something. I try and ignore it for the most part, and continue telling her that she needs to do what we are wanting her to do, and keep discipline the same (and always follow through). We had a feeling there would be some tough moments here and there since she was the only child for almost five years (and the only grandchild), I would say that overall she is doing pretty good.