PgAL (er...PAL?) check-in

[redt]

I felt like it was time for a check-in again. I have really appreciated the support from you guys throughout this journey. How is everyone doing?

[redt]

I don't really know what I expected to happen after I finally had my rainbow...although my losses don't consume me the way they used to, the pain is not gone. Seeing DS grow and develop makes me think of my angels often, and wonder what they would have been like. I still find myself annoyed at people complaining about pregnancy/parenting, and it still stings when people decide to TTC, then get KU and have a baby right away. I guess that will never go away. I worry that something will happen to DS but I feel like that's normal parent worry.

A story you will appreciate: When my parents moved out of our childhood home several years ago, I saved a few things from my old room, one of which was a bedside table lamp I'd had as long as I could remember. It has a mama bear tucking her baby bear into bed. As the years went on, my parents asked me to get rid of as much stuff as I could. Last year, I went through my stuff again, and found the lamp. I had saved it to put in my baby's nursery one day, but at that point, we had been TTC for 4 years and had had 5 losses. In tears, I threw it out.

Last month, I mentioned to my family that aw man, it would've been nice to have saved it, although at the time, I couldn't. Turns out, my sister fished it out of the trash and hid it in her dresser, hoping I could use it someday. It just arrived in the mail.

[mrssqueegy]

redt and now I'm crying. So amazing. ❤️

[mrssqueegy]

I'm already worrying about trying for a third. We had IF with our first and RPL with our second. Wondering what problems we can have this next time.

[redt]

mrssqueegy ❤️❤️ Yeah we would love to try for another child someday but who knows how that would go. We also have frosties on the other side of the Atlantic so...try on out own? Figure out a way to use them? Hopefully you won't have any trouble ttc #3

[mrsw26]

redt omg your sister. That is the sweetest thing!

[mrsw26]

August is a hard month for me as this would've been a due date (the 13th, 2015). Logically I know that if that pregnancy worked out, DS wouldn't be here but it doesn't take the sadness away.

[redt]

((Hugs)) mrsw26 I totally understand. It's sad, but you know that your LO wouldn't be here if that hadn't happened! Thinking of your angel.

[westiemom]

redt that is a beautiful story!

mrsw26 hugs this month.


I'm doing good parenting for the most part. I really worry about something happening but I'm keeping it in check. I am becoming so worried about trying for a sibling. Like mrssqueegy we also death with IF and RPL. It's really on my mind lately.

[CattyNattyRN]

redt seriously what a blessing of a sister! So sweet!!

We are hopeful to have several siblings in the future, and I'm already thinking about that too. But, we only had a loss, no IF or RPL. We do however have our loss date coming up, August 23. I'm having lots of flashback dreams since FB put the "2 years ago, 1 year ago" things.. It's either when I was still pregnant with out loss or approaching the 1 year anniversary. Ugh. I'm feeling grateful but also kinda selfish that I'm still feeling so lost without Tucker. :/ Henry is perfect and I'm so lucky to have him, but I still want his big brother here with us.

[yorkielove83]

Aug 1, 2016 17:58:17 GMT -5 redt said:

I don't really know what I expected to happen after I finally had my rainbow...although my losses don't consume me the way they used to, the pain is not gone. Seeing DS grow and develop makes me think of my angels often, and wonder what they would have been like. I still find myself annoyed at people complaining about pregnancy/parenting, and it still stings when people decide to TTC, then get KU and have a baby right away. I guess that will never go away. I worry that something will happen to DS but I feel like that's normal parent worry.

A story you will appreciate: When my parents moved out of our childhood home several years ago, I saved a few things from my old room, one of which was a bedside table lamp I'd had as long as I could remember. It has a mama bear tucking her baby bear into bed. As the years went on, my parents asked me to get rid of as much stuff as I could. Last year, I went through my stuff again, and found the lamp. I had saved it to put in my baby's nursery one day, but at that point, we had been TTC for 4 years and had had 5 losses. In tears, I threw it out.

Last month, I mentioned to my family that aw man, it would've been nice to have saved it, although at the time, I couldn't. Turns out, my sister fished it out of the trash and hid it in her dresser, hoping I could use it someday. It just arrived in the mail.

Tears streaming... that's so sweet!

[starfishy]

redt I love that!

I still think about my angel baby often. I'm so thankful for the sweet wonderful girl I have. And I know I wouldn't have her if I didn't have the miscarriage.
I definitely have different anxiety with this baby than I did with my first.
Sunday is J's christening. And she will wear the guardian angel pin on her dress that was given to me at the hospital after my miscarriage. I brought it with me to all the appointments and to the birth. I will always believe that the baby I lost has been the guardian angel for Josie.

[gahorseygal]

redt that is so special. thank you for sharing

Is someone cutting onions??

[mrsw26]

Hugs CattyNattyRN