In-laws...
Aug 2, 2016 13:29:19 GMT -5
Post by brachysira on Aug 2, 2016 13:29:19 GMT -5
I'm not just complaining, but asking your advice...
I saw this in my grandparents towards the end of their lives too... My FIL is a bit non-mobile--he gets around but not quickly and doesn't do stairs. This means he is always asking MIL to do things for him, but he's not that nice about it. He's exacting, which I guess is fine if you're on your own, but is unacceptable when you're asking for help... Pretty much, he's not asking, but demanding, and then snitty with her for not knowing exactly what he expects or not doing it exactly as he wants. I hate to watch it and I hate to expose my children to it. Better that we host them, as then there isn't aren't hosting duties on their end for him to be bossy about although he still finds plenty of demands to make of her. Problem is, DH is like this a bit...like, I am not going to handle a lot of things without his input because he would be really unhappy with the way I did it, even if it's fine the way I did it. I need to handle more and call him on this more. But it's not a huge issue with us, as he knows better than to criticize things like cleaning, dinner, and kids most of the time, and we barely have time for anything else. I just wonder if I should point out the dysfunctional way the in-laws are, or if that would not be good. I don't know if it's recent because FIL is less mobile, and if maybe DH could intervene to help what seems to me to be borderline abusive behavior on the part of his father, or if at least it would help DH have some insight into his own behavior, or if it will just make DH embarrassed and sad for his family.
I saw this in my grandparents towards the end of their lives too... My FIL is a bit non-mobile--he gets around but not quickly and doesn't do stairs. This means he is always asking MIL to do things for him, but he's not that nice about it. He's exacting, which I guess is fine if you're on your own, but is unacceptable when you're asking for help... Pretty much, he's not asking, but demanding, and then snitty with her for not knowing exactly what he expects or not doing it exactly as he wants. I hate to watch it and I hate to expose my children to it. Better that we host them, as then there isn't aren't hosting duties on their end for him to be bossy about although he still finds plenty of demands to make of her. Problem is, DH is like this a bit...like, I am not going to handle a lot of things without his input because he would be really unhappy with the way I did it, even if it's fine the way I did it. I need to handle more and call him on this more. But it's not a huge issue with us, as he knows better than to criticize things like cleaning, dinner, and kids most of the time, and we barely have time for anything else. I just wonder if I should point out the dysfunctional way the in-laws are, or if that would not be good. I don't know if it's recent because FIL is less mobile, and if maybe DH could intervene to help what seems to me to be borderline abusive behavior on the part of his father, or if at least it would help DH have some insight into his own behavior, or if it will just make DH embarrassed and sad for his family.
