Nosy In-laws

[dmp25]

My husband and I are trying to save up for a house, so we are living with his parents...

Most of the time they are great, but even the best people are difficult to get along with at times, particularly when there's a baby in the mix.

Occasionally, his mother says things that really bother me or worry me that she will try to be too involved with my baby. It is frustrating because we are not in a position to move out until hopefully next summer, so I feel trapped and fear that I will have to go on the offensive to keep my sanity and my parenting choices free from her influences. 

Earlier on in my pregnancy she actually said, "My house, my baby." Obviously a joke, but still unsettling. 

Throughout my pregnancy she has been speaking to my baby, often almost discounting my presence. ("What does James want to eat tonight?")

And more recently she's been saying things like, "Behave while Grammy's gone." And "I'm his favorite."

I really don't like it, but I don't know what to say. She's trying to be funny and show that she's excited and supportive, but it comes off as creepy and rude to me. 

Does anyone have advice and/or stories of their obnoxious relatives to make me feel better about my situation? 

Thanks!

[venyia]

Boundaries. Just because younlive with her does not give her free reign to treat you like less than human. Make and enforce your personal boundaries. She talks like you aren't there? Ignore her back. Talks to your belly and not you? Tell her the baby has no thoughts or opinions, thanks. She makes comments about "my baby" ir being the favorite? In a supersweet voice tell her you didn't know she was pregnant, too, how exciting!

I dunno if you are on reddit at all, but there is a subreddit called justnoMIL that would give you lots of ideas on how to handle her. I no longer have a shitty MIL to deal with, but I still like to read the stories there.

Basically, you have the reasonable expectation of not feeling uncomfortable in your living space. Good luck.

ETA: forgot the single most important piece... talk to your husband. Make sure he knows how you feel. Do not let him discount your feelings. Enlist his help to deal with his mom. Do not let him brush it off.

[esquette]

Never forget the power of the I-statement. "It makes me uncomfortable when you ________. Please stop." And don't let anybody try to argue your feelings away: "I'm just being funny!!@" "I don't find it funny. It makes me uncomfortable. Please stop."

[countrycotton]

Can we say troll???
1st post ever, and hasn't been online since.

[youdontsay]

Troll or not, I'm dying laughing at justnoMIL on Reddit. Thanks venyia!

[Rama]

Aug 8, 2016 8:34:01 GMT -5 countrycotton said:

Can we say troll???
1st post ever, and hasn't been online since.

Actual first thought was, "Who the hell are you?" (Of the troll, of course. I know who you are, Cotton )

I think you've got the nail on the head.

[agpjt413]

Aug 8, 2016 10:09:31 GMT -5 theophania said:

This is a weird troll post if it's a troll.

As the BMB mod, I was conflicted on whether to delete the post or just let it die down b/c at the time I saw it (which was about 2 hrs after this person posted it), there didn't seem to be a response from the other ladies. Should we let it just die, Theo, or delete in cases like these?

[Rama]

Aug 8, 2016 10:13:46 GMT -5 agpjt413 said:

Aug 8, 2016 10:09:31 GMT -5 theophania said:

This is a weird troll post if it's a troll.

As the BMB mod, I was conflicted on whether to delete the post or just let it die down b/c at the time I saw it (which was about 2 hrs after this person posted it), there didn't seem to be a response from the other ladies. Should we let it just die, Theo, or delete in cases like these?

Meh. I'd say leave it. The reddit link alone is reason enough to keep it. ;)

[agpjt413]

Aug 8, 2016 10:16:25 GMT -5 Rama said:

Aug 8, 2016 10:13:46 GMT -5 agpjt413 said:

As the BMB mod, I was conflicted on whether to delete the post or just let it die down b/c at the time I saw it (which was about 2 hrs after this person posted it), there didn't seem to be a response from the other ladies. Should we let it just die, Theo, or delete in cases like these?

Meh. I'd say leave it. The reddit link alone is reason enough to keep it.

IKR?!?!?

[dc2london]

I was feeling badly for having no clue who this user was. Whew.

[venyia]

I always figure in the case of an unknown user, trolling is possible, but in case they genuinely need some advice, I will throw some out there. It is a pretty strange board to land on randomly just to troll, for sure!

Glad you ladies are enjoying my secret reddit addiction. XD I feel so bad for some of those folks on there....

[dmp25]

Thanks for the input. Not a troll, just expected to get an email when people commented, which is why I hadn't checked back before now. I'm very introverted, so I rarely reach out for help or advice, but am more and more distressed because I was due in July and he's still now here...thought I should join the August club...

[venyia]

dmp25, we are a pretty active bunch here! Just gotta come check back in a few hours after a post, you will usually have some sort of reply. I am sorry you are having troubles and I hugely sympathize with going late with baby. My fear is ending up in labor in September!

[Rama]

Aug 10, 2016 13:55:56 GMT -5 dmp25 said:

Thanks for the input. Not a troll, just expected to get an email when people commented, which is why I hadn't checked back before now. I'm very introverted, so I rarely reach out for help or advice, but am more and more distressed because I was due in July and he's still now here...thought I should join the August club...

Introduce yourself, then. Join some other conversations. We'd like to get to know you, if you'll join us. :)

I promise we're friendly, your very first post being out of left field and not coming back to it to read your responses just hits some of my flags. And now you know that the email notifications don't work so well for threads you start. ;)

[steph]

Hi dmp25. We really are a great group here so feel free to hang out more.

I mentioned in our randoms yesterday that my in laws are both pretty obnoxious. My FIL is flat out crazy. Since I've had my DS (Monday) my FIL has been making me INSANE. it's bad enough that we decided to throw ourselves on lockdown today- no visitors.

We told everyone at about 10am to wait a few hours before coming up to the hospital. When they wheeled me out of recovery a bit after 11- FIL was standing there. Then he started yelling "just tell me if it's a boy or girl" and I flipped out telling the nurse and DH not too.

He sent a group text to us, MIL, my siblings, and parents congratulating us but actually throwing it in everyone's face that he saw the baby.

Since then I've heard about how he has to be a professional baseball player, a pitcher actually about 18472 times.

We named him Christopher Tyler. My FIL decided that everyone is just calling him Tyler. No- no we are not.

I've heard about 50 comments about breastfeeding. About how I can't share my food with DH because I need to "feed his grandson". About how this baby will just "suck 20lbs out of me in no time." It's awkward.

Then he started talking about his skin last night and pointing out that he must have super sensitive skin because he's got a bad rash on his face. I'm not exaggerating when I say the kid has fantastic baby skin. He had two tiny bumps on his face and they're both already gone. My DD was blotchier with bumps. Babies have baby rashes, they were just in a sack of fluid for 9 months. They're beautiful no matter what. But no- the comments.

MIL has a thing for blonde hair blue eyed babes. DH has dark hair/dark eyes. I've got brown hair/ hazel eyes. She swears our kids have light hair and tells everyone about their light hair. Not. Even. Close. She made a comment about how light this ones hair is. It's almost black...

So yeah. There's a few fun ones for you that I hope make you feel better! FIL thinks he's hilarious- I'm looking at this PPD survey trying to remind myself that if I eliminate how fucking crazy he's made me over the past 3 days, my results are quite different.

[dmp25]

Thanks.

I'm Danica, and little James was due 7/30. I'm actually at he hospital now...some down time after trying to get induced last night...so I don't think I'll be posting too much more...contractions, but not painful ones and still not really dialated...I'm super nervous and have crazy anxiety about needles and blood and all things hospital related, so if you could send good thoughts that I won't need a c-section and that it won't be like a 3 day journey or something, that would be great.

[steph]

Good luck!!! I've got anxiety with that stuff too and survived 2 c sections! You'll be okay no matter what once you see that little baby

[venyia]

Good luck and speedy wishes that you are holding baby James in your arms soon!

[dorkusmalorkus]

Good luck!

[dmp25]

Baby's here!

Such a rough journey. Induced Wednesday night, Thursday night baby's heart rate dropped really low, but after they broke my water, he stabilized. However, with each contraction, his heart rate would drop a little. In the morning I was still only 4cm, so we had a c-section.

James Alan
Friday, August 12th
10:03 AM
8 lbs 15 oz
22 1/4 in

Came home yesterday afternoon.

Thanks for your thoughts and advice! ♡

[ameliabird]

Congrats dmp25! Sorry your birth experience wasn't what was planned. Hope you have a smooth recovery