Yes. Girls. But I'm not ruling out any potential wives just yet 😉 I get what you're saying. I still sometimes feel like women give their MIL's a harder time than they would their own moms for the same stuff. Which is a total double standard. So, maybe I won't experience it to that extent. But things like being overly invested in your grandkids or wanting to be a bigger part of your life all sound like positives to me. I might be in my feels missing my own parents though. Plus #wine.
If it makes you feel any better, I really really tried to be friendly with my MIL. She's just a pod person. I'm sure if I had someone normal as an in law, I could have made a go of it. Just be a decent person. And if someone marries your kid, it's okay to call or text them. Especially if they've been together for over a decade (seriously, she's never called or texted me).
This is so strange to me. I text pics and videos of my kids to my ILs all the time. We talk on the phone, plan visits, make fun of my husband. They are like my second parents. If "DH" and I ever get married, I would strongly consider having FIL walk me down the aisle.
Are we still confessing? My MIL just texted me and it warmed my heart. We have a great relationship. That being said, I am so afraid to be a future MIL to someone. I hear so many stories of people hating their ILs and how they eat crackers and what not. I'm sure some of it is them truly being awful, but a lot of times it feels like petty bullshit. I would be so hurt if my kids cut me out of their lives or my grandchildren's lives because of a spouse that doesn't see eye-to-eye with me.
Agreed. I think rules for being an awesome MIL are:
1. Don't talk about your child's sex life.
2. That's about it.
So I explained temping to my MIL, and showed her my chart on FF forgetting that it tracked when MH and I have sex. She was like what do those random AM and PMs mean, then paused for a second.
I figure it's only fair because she cornered me about why my SIL and I weren't telling her what kind of daytime girls only party SIL was throwing. While MH and I are eating breakfast she says, It's a sex toy party, isn't it. Then proceeds to tell us that her friends referred to sex toy parties as fuckerware parties. So gross. We were eating pancakes. My defenses were down.
I agree with normadix about it being more of a mom of boys issues. My MiL actually told me I was taking her little boy away from her. But H has a great relationship with my parents.
My husband is an only child and his mom is slightly obsessed with him. Sometimes I think she wishes it was just her, my husband and our kids. As a mom of a boy though, I totally get it.
If it makes you feel any better, I really really tried to be friendly with my MIL. She's just a pod person. I'm sure if I had someone normal as an in law, I could have made a go of it. Just be a decent person. And if someone marries your kid, it's okay to call or text them. Especially if they've been together for over a decade (seriously, she's never called or texted me).
This is so strange to me. I text pics and videos of my kids to my ILs all the time. We talk on the phone, plan visits, make fun of my husband. They are like my second parents. If "DH" and I ever get married, I would strongly consider having FIL walk me down the aisle.
You want strange? I can oblige. DH has said "I love you" and hugged my mom more than he's done with his own. In his whole life. Pod people. They are pod people. Or really impressive robots.
Yes. Girls. But I'm not ruling out any potential wives just yet 😉 I get what you're saying. I still sometimes feel like women give their MIL's a harder time than they would their own moms for the same stuff. Which is a total double standard. So, maybe I won't experience it to that extent. But things like being overly invested in your grandkids or wanting to be a bigger part of your life all sound like positives to me. I might be in my feels missing my own parents though. Plus #wine.
If it makes you feel any better, I really really tried to be friendly with my MIL. She's just a pod person. I'm sure if I had someone normal as an in law, I could have made a go of it. Just be a decent person. And if someone marries your kid, it's okay to call or text them. Especially if they've been together for over a decade (seriously, she's never called or texted me).
Mine is the same and it makes me sad. Like I remember really wanting her to want to be involved with dress shopping for our wedding, or really anything (and we dated 7/8 yrs before we got married). She just never had an interest in having that kind of relationship with me.
I mean, she has done other things/said really rude things (i.e. saying "guess it is too late for an abortion" at my baby shower with DS in front of my entire family and my friends - and she knew he was 100% planned, not that it even matters).
Anyway, for me, since I won't have any girls myself I really hope to have a great relationship with future DILs. I don't think it is that hard. Like just be nice, don't make them feel like shit, make them feel like part of the family.
This is so strange to me. I text pics and videos of my kids to my ILs all the time. We talk on the phone, plan visits, make fun of my husband. They are like my second parents. If "DH" and I ever get married, I would strongly consider having FIL walk me down the aisle.
You want strange? I can oblige. DH has said "I love you" and hugged my mom more than he's done with his own. In his whole life. Pod people. They are pod people. Or really impressive robots.
Your thanksgiving story already confirmed this for me. Glad YH has your family to show him what family is all about.
You want strange? I can oblige. DH has said "I love you" and hugged my mom more than he's done with his own. In his whole life. Pod people. They are pod people. Or really impressive robots.
Your thanksgiving story already confirmed this for me. Glad YH has your family to show him what family is all about.
Me too. My family is weird. And broken. And fucked up. But there's so much love. And so many stories.
Yeah, I've cried many a tears over her comments. Final straw was probably about 2 yrs ago when she kept calling me Jen. Jen is not my name. And wouldn't apologize, or try very hard to just get my damn name right despite knowing me for a decade.
So...I've given up and at this point just using it as a "what not to do" with my own boys. But I admit that it sometimes still makes me sad.
Yeah, I've cried many a tears over her comments. Final straw was probably about 2 yrs ago when she kept calling me Jen. Jen is not my name. And wouldn't apologize, or try very hard to just get my damn name right despite knowing me for a decade.
So...I've given up and at this point just using it as a "what not to do" with my own boys. But I admit that it sometimes still makes me sad.
::whispers:: Is your name really Jem?
I'm sorry. I know the topic is serious. I couldn't help it.
I mean we have a gun in the house (unloaded and locked seperate from ammo) and I can totally see not allowing my child to run around with a gun replica/pointing one at other people. However, my question was more are we supposed to have those same rules when it comes to nerf guns? Kellbell you may not have an answer to this but if anyone does please answer. Thanks.
At this point my house is a no-nerf gun house. DS is 3.5. Might change the rules later, but no for now. I have a couple he recieved as gifts put away. He has never seen them.
Is it weird that I almost tagged you in because I know you've expressed being anti-gun and would have a good way to explain it to a child? Thanks for answering. I told H today that W will most likely not be allowed replica guns and he gave the biggest sigh one has ever heard but he did understand my pov.
I don't know how I feel about nerf guns but that's probably because H and I really enjoy them, and they use them in his office to blow off steam, so we just see them as something that's fun and silly. I guess we'll figure it out as ds gets older. I just kind of wanted to red what the "norm" is so I could have a point of reference.
Yeah, I've cried many a tears over her comments. Final straw was probably about 2 yrs ago when she kept calling me Jen. Jen is not my name. And wouldn't apologize, or try very hard to just get my damn name right despite knowing me for a decade.
So...I've given up and at this point just using it as a "what not to do" with my own boys. But I admit that it sometimes still makes me sad.
::whispers:: Is your name really Jem?
I'm sorry. I know the topic is serious. I couldn't help it.
Are we still confessing? My MIL just texted me and it warmed my heart. We have a great relationship. That being said, I am so afraid to be a future MIL to someone. I hear so many stories of people hating their ILs and how they eat crackers and what not. I'm sure some of it is them truly being awful, but a lot of times it feels like petty bullshit. I would be so hurt if my kids cut me out of their lives or my grandchildren's lives because of a spouse that doesn't see eye-to-eye with me.
I've noticed the biggest issues seem to be between guy's moms and their spouses and you have girls, yes? Of course it can still happen but I feel like it happens more between a wife and her MIL (not son and his MIL) if that makes sense.
My MIL eats crackers for me, I don't keep them out of our lives at all but she has never made an effort to really know me and doesn't even have my ph# so it is on DH to communicate with them. That said, since I will have 2 boys I've been making all the mental notes of what I will and won't do with a serious future girlfriend and/or DIL.
AND I think people with terrible MILs make excellent MILs. I have a small sample but so far my theory holds.
I mean we have a gun in the house (unloaded and locked seperate from ammo) and I can totally see not allowing my child to run around with a gun replica/pointing one at other people. However, my question was more are we supposed to have those same rules when it comes to nerf guns? Kellbell you may not have an answer to this but if anyone does please answer. Thanks.
That will depend on your own family dynamics and even the gun culture of where you live
We have firearms, we have nerf guns and we have airsoft guns, and they all have different rules due to the nature of them. Air soft don't get shot at people just like real firearms don't get shot at anything that you don't want to harm. cause air soft pellets (and paint balls ) can hurt tissue and eyeballs.
nerf guns by nature are for shooting at people, esp the ones with Velcro on the end with the vests that the Velcro stick to. but some people don't even like water guns to be shot at people. so YMMV
Thank you. I grew up in a very anti-gun area and now live in a very pro one. My thinking was along your lines but then I wanted to make sure I wasn't being naïve and going to get my son hurt from my lack of knowledge on the topic. Also, I don't know what ymmv means.
Yeah, I've cried many a tears over her comments. Final straw was probably about 2 yrs ago when she kept calling me Jen. Jen is not my name. And wouldn't apologize, or try very hard to just get my damn name right despite knowing me for a decade.
So...I've given up and at this point just using it as a "what not to do" with my own boys. But I admit that it sometimes still makes me sad.
Not on the same level, but my ILs still occasionally spell my name wrong. I've known them for 10+ years. It happens juuuuuuust often enough that I feel like they do it on purpose.
Agreed. I think rules for being an awesome MIL are:
1. Don't talk about your child's sex life.
2. That's about it.
So I explained temping to my MIL, and showed her my chart on FF forgetting that it tracked when MH and I have sex. She was like what do those random AM and PMs mean, then paused for a second.
I figure it's only fair because she cornered me about why my SIL and I weren't telling her what kind of daytime girls only party SIL was throwing. While MH and I are eating breakfast she says, It's a sex toy party, isn't it. Then proceeds to tell us that her friends referred to sex toy parties as fuckerware parties. So gross. We were eating pancakes. My defenses were down.
So I explained temping to my MIL, and showed her my chart on FF forgetting that it tracked when MH and I have sex. She was like what do those random AM and PMs mean, then paused for a second.
I figure it's only fair because she cornered me about why my SIL and I weren't telling her what kind of daytime girls only party SIL was throwing. While MH and I are eating breakfast she says, It's a sex toy party, isn't it. Then proceeds to tell us that her friends referred to sex toy parties as fuckerware parties. So gross. We were eating pancakes. My defenses were down.
I've noticed the biggest issues seem to be between guy's moms and their spouses and you have girls, yes? Of course it can still happen but I feel like it happens more between a wife and her MIL (not son and his MIL) if that makes sense.
My MIL eats crackers for me, I don't keep them out of our lives at all but she has never made an effort to really know me and doesn't even have my ph# so it is on DH to communicate with them. That said, since I will have 2 boys I've been making all the mental notes of what I will and won't do with a serious future girlfriend and/or DIL.
AND I think people with terrible MILs make excellent MILs. I have a small sample but so far my theory holds.
Agree. My MILs MIL is a nightmare but she's wonderful.
I look at it as free immune system boost. Fevers do not signify a contagious disease much of the time either.
I'm 8 hours behind but exactly what do you mean by "much of the time"?
Because if a kid has a fever, there is an extremely high likelihood he has a contagious illness, whether it is the flu or just a cold.
Like... Where did you pick up this info?
Most fevers in our house have been caused by ear infections. Immunizations can cause fevers. Some would argue teething can cause a fever (I disagree but it is a scapegoat I see quite frequently).
I love my MIL but have issues with my parents being civil to my H. My mom pretends to like him, but she refuses to spell his last name correctly. And my dad can't get his first name right. His first name is extremely common. Last name is 11 letter, very German, but dammit woman we've been married almost 6 years!!! I probably get more offended than I should, it just seems so disrespectful. (He could give 2 fucks)
Also, she will randomly send me $100 and say "you go do something nice for YOU for once" (mainly before I had kids...weird) like he locked me in the dungeon or something. It's really strange to me. I do what I want, when I want and the money is our money. If I don't go get my hair done for 6 months it's because I don't feel like it!
"I can't fathom a reason that you'd lie. But people also inject cement and superglue in their asses, so sometimes I'm just at a loss about people's decision-making abilities."-rocksforludo
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