1st Anniversary of a loss

[peaseblossom55]

I can't believe on 8/26 it will be a year since my loss of DD#1.  I am definitely not working that day.  I am just not sure what to do that day.  I thought about releasing a balloon with a note inside but am concerned about the environmental impact ( I know it's just one balloon but still).  I also thought about baking a cake for her.  The next day is also the 1 month anniversary of yet another loss.  If you have anything you have done or are planning to do I'd love to here.

Thank you all so much!

[rslh10]

((Hugs)) I can't believe it's been a year already. That breaks my heart into a million pieces. I want to release balloons for K on her birthday, so that's my plan. I hope you're able to find something that suits you and your H well. ((Hugs)) I think about your sweet A very often

[dadalou]

We do something special every month for "Nathaniel Day". Each month is something different. On his first birthday we had a big party with food and cake and had people bring board books to donate to our local library. For his second birthday we had a smaller party with mostly just family. We volunteered at a place near us that packs food for starving children in other parts of the world and then we had dinner and cake afterwards. We will definitely have cake every year (we did for his half birthday too). We will probably do something else too, but that will most likely be different every year.

[peaseblossom55]

Aug 14, 2016 16:54:58 GMT -5 dadalou said:

We do something special every month for "Nathaniel Day". Each month is something different. On his first birthday we had a big party with food and cake and had people bring board books to donate to our local library. For his second birthday we had a smaller party with mostly just family. We volunteered at a place near us that packs food for starving children in other parts of the world and then we had dinner and cake afterwards. We will definitely have cake every year (we did for his half birthday too). We will probably do something else too, but that will most likely be different every year.

I love these ideas so much. Thank you!!

[peaseblossom55]

Aug 14, 2016 14:23:46 GMT -5 rslh10 said:

((Hugs)) I can't believe it's been a year already. That breaks my heart into a million pieces. I want to release balloons for K on her birthday, so that's my plan. I hope you're able to find something that suits you and your H well. ((Hugs)) I think about your sweet A very often

It feels like yesterday and forever ago. I think we will at least include a balloon release. I think of K often as well. The thought of them being friends in heaven makes me so happy.

[wrenofthesea]

On Lillian's first birthday my husband and I planted a dogwood tree in our front yard. It is in a spot where you can see the water and is a good place to hang out and spend time. She was cremated and so we placed some of her ashes in with the tree, not all just a little. We also wrote her some little notes and hung them on the tree and decorated it with ribbons and beads. Around the base we decorated it with rocks and shells. Whenever we go to the beach or somewhere and see some special shells or rocks we bring them back to place around her tree. Later we went down to our beach and we wrote her name in shells and had some candles and watched the sunset. My MIL made a small wreath in the shape of a heart from herbs and flowers in her garden. We made a little raft from driftwood and placed the wreath on it with some shells and floated it off.

I not sure what we will do this year. Probably something again at our beach and will decorate and write notes for her tree. Unfortunately her tree seems to have some sort of fungus, I guess it is common in dogwoods recently and I am upset about it. It was doing so great and looked to be getting all these blossoms and leaves in the spring and then it just didn't. MH thinks maybe we can just trim the branches off that are not doing so great but there is a chance the tree is gone which is disturbing to me. So, I don't know if I want to wait it out or get it out and plant something new that won't possibly die.

[peaseblossom55]

wrenofthesea, how beautiful I love the idea of the beach and the tree. I mentioned a tree to H at one point. H was too worried something bad would happen to the tree, or we would move. I love the idea of going to the beach. Thank you!

[elephantmomma]

peaseblossom55, just a quick note regarding trees. I had the same concern about a tree, since we are renters right now. But some colleagues just sent us a magnolia tree in memory of my baby boy Sidney, along with a large pot. I believe it can be an indoor tree for quite some time, and then we can bring it with us when we move. The other option we'd thought about in case we moved was planting a tree at another special place (if there is a park you like to go to, a religious congregation etc). Thinking of you and your little one.

[peaseblossom55]

Aug 15, 2016 11:32:48 GMT -5 elephantmomma said:

peaseblossom55 , just a quick note regarding trees. I had the same concern about a tree, since we are renters right now. But some colleagues just sent us a magnolia tree in memory of my baby boy Sidney, along with a large pot. I believe it can be an indoor tree for quite some time, and then we can bring it with us when we move. The other option we'd thought about in case we moved was planting a tree at another special place (if there is a park you like to go to, a religious congregation etc). Thinking of you and your little one.

Thank you so much.  We own our home and have no plans of moving, H was overly concerned about the tree being ruined somehow, so I let it go.   I'll have to ask how he feels about an indoor tree/plant. 

[shandorfml2]

Big hugs sweetie, that is very hard.
For Ana's first birthday we got together with friends and family for dinner, had cupcakes and did a balloon release. Also brought a birthday balloon to her grave. For her second birthday I just made a cake, it was much smaller. My Mom had recently died and I was pregnant with my rainbow. For her third birthday, we went out to dinner, i made a butterfly cake, we did flying wish paper (safe for environment). we got a giant 3 balloon and brought it to her grave.

Will be thinking of you

[rslh10]

wrenofthesea we planted a dogwood for K and it took a turn for the worse. It was nice and green, then one day leaves started turning brown. Now, the leaves have fallen off and some of the branches are brown. I'm scared it's gone, but, I'm planning to leave it until next spring and keep my fingers crossed it blooms.

[wrenofthesea]

rslh10 I am sorry your dogwood also took a turn for the worse. I wish I would have known earlier that there was this fungus going around dogwoods, then we would've picked a different kind of tree or at least gotten a more established dogwood instead of a little sapling. Ours perked up over the summer and some of the branches have green leaves and we did have two flowers (out of the 12+ buds we saw in the early spring). So perhaps it is surviving but I am still not sure if I want to wait it out or change out the tree on her second birthday in October.

shandorfml2 I haven't heard of wish paper before so I had to look it up. I really like that idea and think I will incorporate that into her 2nd birthday this year.

[happyin14]

My loss was different because Jack was 2.5 years old. But - in case it's helpful. On his birthday, we always release a balloon with a note from his dad and I. I don't care about the environment that day... I need to do it. And we go away every year somewhere new and fun - to try and truly celebrate Jack's birthday.

For the anniversary of his death, it's a more subdued day. We actually just had our third anniversary a week ago. I watch Jack videos and look at his photos and talk about him with my husband. We cry. We go away - usually to a beach to just be away.

It's a hard day and I let it be hard. Also - my brain (I've noticed now) starts to shut down a few days in advance - so it might be a good idea to take the day before off of work also. I just get cloudy and grumpy and don't want to deal with people. I don't apologize for it either. It is what it is.

[peaseblossom55]

Aug 16, 2016 8:17:52 GMT -5 cardhard said:

I think baking a cake and writing a note to your DD is a great idea. If she is buried, you could leave the note at the cemetery. Other ideas would be planting something for her, making a donation in her name to your favorite charity, or finding somewhere to volunteer in her honor. If you belong to a church, maybe contact them and see if they will say mass/service in memory of your DD on her birthday.

I will be thinking about you next week and hoping you have a peaceful day.

Thank you so much.  I love the idea of doing a charity donation in her name.  We did have her cremated so no cemetery.

[peaseblossom55]

Aug 16, 2016 10:41:27 GMT -5 shandorfml2 said:

Big hugs sweetie, that is very hard.
For Ana's first birthday we got together with friends and family for dinner, had cupcakes and did a balloon release. Also brought a birthday balloon to her grave. For her second birthday I just made a cake, it was much smaller. My Mom had recently died and I was pregnant with my rainbow. For her third birthday, we went out to dinner, i made a butterfly cake, we did flying wish paper (safe for environment). we got a giant 3 balloon and brought it to her grave.

Will be thinking of you

I just looked up flying wish paper.  I love this idea, thank you

[peaseblossom55]

Aug 16, 2016 12:46:25 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

My loss was different because Jack was 2.5 years old. But - in case it's helpful. On his birthday, we always release a balloon with a note from his dad and I. I don't care about the environment that day... I need to do it. And we go away every year somewhere new and fun - to try and truly celebrate Jack's birthday.

For the anniversary of his death, it's a more subdued day. We actually just had our third anniversary a week ago. I watch Jack videos and look at his photos and talk about him with my husband. We cry. We go away - usually to a beach to just be away.

It's a hard day and I let it be hard. Also - my brain (I've noticed now) starts to shut down a few days in advance - so it might be a good idea to take the day before off of work also. I just get cloudy and grumpy and don't want to deal with people. I don't apologize for it either. It is what it is.

I'm so sorry for the loss of Jack. I like the idea of going away.  If not this year but in future years.  Thank you.

[rslh10]

Aug 16, 2016 13:06:23 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Aug 16, 2016 12:46:25 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

My loss was different because Jack was 2.5 years old. But - in case it's helpful. On his birthday, we always release a balloon with a note from his dad and I. I don't care about the environment that day... I need to do it. And we go away every year somewhere new and fun - to try and truly celebrate Jack's birthday.

For the anniversary of his death, it's a more subdued day. We actually just had our third anniversary a week ago. I watch Jack videos and look at his photos and talk about him with my husband. We cry. We go away - usually to a beach to just be away.

It's a hard day and I let it be hard. Also - my brain (I've noticed now) starts to shut down a few days in advance - so it might be a good idea to take the day before off of work also. I just get cloudy and grumpy and don't want to deal with people. I don't apologize for it either. It is what it is.

I'm so sorry for the loss of Jack. I like the idea of going away.  If not this year but in future years.  Thank you.

+1 I want to go somewhere and pretend Christmas doesn't exist this year but it's impossible. I know the holidays this year and going to be tainted with all the thoughts of what should be, and what isn't and never will be.

[peaseblossom55]

Aug 16, 2016 13:37:22 GMT -5 rslh10 said:

Aug 16, 2016 13:06:23 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

I'm so sorry for the loss of Jack. I like the idea of going away.  If not this year but in future years.  Thank you.

+1 I want to go somewhere and pretend Christmas doesn't exist this year but it's impossible. I know the holidays this year and going to be tainted with all the thoughts of what should be, and what isn't and never will be.

So many hugs to you.  Anne.liese's due date was New Year's Day, and the holidays were so tough and always will be for me.  Even if Duck is expected around then too, I will once again face what should be and missing her sister.  I hope some how over the time, the holiday season hurt less and less.  I don't even know if it's possible....