***TTCAL 8.23.16***

[PirateCat]

jayhawk84 I'm sorry, what horrible timing for your coworker's news. And I'm sorry that you are not feeling ready or certain about getting back to trying again. It's so hard.

[icedtea]

jayhawk84, I have nothing to say except *hugs* I'm sorry you're going through this.

[kayladawn91]

Back to tag!
ironbaby I'm glad you seem to be doing a little better this week. GL with your IUI!! FX so hard for you!

jlincoln I'm glad the weekend was relaxing for you! FX for you this week.

pinkcat sending hugs your way. I'm sorry for CD1 and for the milestone coming up. I know exactly what you mean about TTC taking over your life. When I was on vacation this summer I only opened FF to put in my temp each morning and it was SO NICE not to think about things TTC related. But when I'm in a normal daily routine I obsess over everything.

PirateCat taking baby steps into this process is fine. The BW and SA will give you somewhere to start and then you can decide if you're ready to go further with testing/treatment. I'm glad you're doing better today.

doodler glad you're doing a little better.

icedtea I'm glad the RE appt went well and you have a plan in place for next cycle!

wannabmama I hope the waiting ends for you soon!

@samrs22 definitely update us after your RE appt! GL!

jayhawk84 sending hugs your way. I'm so sorry for the emotions about getting back to TTC and for the pregnant coworker. For me, that was and still is the worst part. I'm sorry. Take care of yourself.

[honda13]

ironbaby good luck with your IUI!

kayladawn91, sorry about your job. That sucks.

pinkcat, hugs.

doodler, fingers crossed for you this cycle.

jayhawk84, I had a similar even happen recently and I'm so sorry. I understand.

[honda13]

How are you doing? Annoyed



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA, waiting for AF



Diagnosis (if applicable): NA



Updates/questions: Just sitting on the waiting for AF bench. I feel like I can't move on until that happens.



Debbie downer (a place to vent): My bff has been great with my entire miscarriage. She's been there for me and we've gone out for dinner. She's dropped off treats to my house. She texted me a few days ago to tell me she's KU. She's due three days before I would have been. GUT PUNCH! I wasn't in a mental place for her to tell me sooner, but I was also hurt she didn't tell me sooner. Basically, I'm so hurt but I am still happy for her.

***tw lo mentioned***
two years ago same friend had a loss and I found I was pregnant a few weeks later. So roles are reversed this time. She got pregnant very quickly after her loss and I hope the same happens for me. FX FX FX FX FX



QOTW: Which team do you support in the fall? (ie you support the NY Giants )  I don't really do sports.

[wannabmama]

jayhawk84, I am so sorry, I had something similar happen at my previous job and it was definitely a challenge. I wasn't as close with the two CWs, but it was a very small office. Those conflicting feelings are really tough to deal with.

honda13, hugs to you, too. It just really is so hard to balance the happiness for others and the frustrations in our own situations.

[kayladawn91]

Hugs honda13. I hope AF shows soon so you can start to move on.

[PirateCat]

I'm sorry, honda13. It is hard enough without having to deal with a pregnancy of someone who's close to you.

[akraus2015]

ironbaby , how did the IUI go?? Any words of wisdom for me, or what to expect??
jlincoln and doodler , keeping my fingers crossed for you!
kayladawn91 , how did the interview go?
pinkcat , sorry for CD1.
icedtea , I’m glad your RE appointment went well.
jayhawk84 , take your time jumping back in. You’ll know when you are ready.
honda13 , I’m sure it was so hard to hear that from your best friend, but I’m glad she’s a supportive friend and can relate to what you’re going through right now.

How are you doing? I’m doing pretty well. Super busy with work right now, so not much time to think about anything else.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, CD 12

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR, RPL, unexplained secondary IF

Updates/questions: Went in for my mid-cycle scan today. I have 2 follicles on the left and 2 on the right, but they’re still too small for the trigger shot, so I’m waiting for the doctor to call me back this afternoon. Hoping I can do the shot later this week and IUI shortly after.
Question: Is two follicles good?? Or should I have more??

Debbie downer (a place to vent): No DD this week…which is good!

QOTW: Which team do you support in the fall? The Cardinals…because they’re always still playing baseball in the fall.

[icedtea]

akraus2015, I'm not sure about follicle numbers, but I hope you're able to get the shot this week!

[kayladawn91]

akraus2015 I feel like it went well! I should know by the middle of next week! Thanks for asking!

[wannabmama]

Well, here's some shit. I will spoiler it, trigger warning...and warning, it's a long rant/rambling post.

(This is mostly cross posted from 3T/IF.)

SPOILER: Click to show

I was hesitant about where to post, but after sharing so much with you ladies over the last however long we have had this thread, I wanted you to know what's been going on for me the last few days. It's been a frustrating roller coaster.

Recently my LP is about 12-13 days, which meant that CD1 would have been Monday or maybe Tuesday...yesterday no sign of my period, so I thought, hey...maybe I should test. I only had a few blue dye tests in the house (2 ept and one target brand), but figured something is better than nothing. Tested a few times through the day. Got varying levels of positives. In the afternoon, got a pretty strong positive that showed up right away. We weren't trying this month, since we are doing IVF next month--we had sex twice sort of near O, but one was at least five days before (and not really successful) and one was at least a day after O. We weren't thinking too much about being too careful...we have been trying for two years, after all...what are the chances. Famous last words.

Anyway, after the tests, I was cautiously excited last night (even passed up wine at a friend's house, immediately tipping her off). Went out to buy digital so that I could test this am. Woke up, temp still up, no AF...tested...negative. Decided to call doc and get blood work done to be sure (I am 15DPO if my chart is right). Went there, even peed before I went into the blood test to make sure no bleeding, nothing...got blood work. Came back to my office...peed...and I'm bleeding. My body is an asshole. Just got the call and my HCG is at 10 (on CD 14 or 15) so it's a CP...and...now I can't do IVF this cycle and have to wait AGAIN. They won't start me on the IVF until the HCG is negative, and I don't go back until Friday, which is CD3 but my protocol has me do blood work and u/s on CD2 and start meds that night.

I feel so guilty about not being totally careful to not have unprotected sex this cycle. It's just with all the timed sex we have had for two years, when it's a rare time that it is spontaneous and exciting, I didn't stop it...and I thought we were safe on timing. So now I am sad and frustrated with myself and also scared that my body is never going to hold onto a pregnancy--this is at least three times we have been pregnant for just a couple days. And, of course, I am mad, too, that I never get to just see a positive test and think, "Oh yes! I am pregnant!" Instead, I think...that line looks kind of faint, it's probably a chemical.

So, today sucks. Oh yeah, and now we can't go to our cabin in ME that I talk about all the time...it will be right around ER time with our new schedule. So, that's awesome. Our one little vacation that we can possibly afford to do and now we can't even do that. F IF, F losses. F errrrrrryyyything.

[PirateCat]

Oh, wannabmama, I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that this is messing up your IVF cycle. Ugh, why can't things just be easy for once?

Is there any way to change the timing of your vacation to make it work? Of all the times, you really could use and deserve that getaway. When were you planning on going? There are lots of nice and affordable places in the off-season - let me know if there is anything I could do to help you find something.

[doodler]

wannabmama No no noooooo. Fucking A. I am so sorry. That is exactly what happened to me last month.....minus the IVF part. So I can't even imagine how frustrating this is for you.

[wannabmama]

Aug 24, 2016 14:07:16 GMT -5 PirateCat said:

Oh, wannabmama , I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that this is messing up your IVF cycle. Ugh, why can't things just be easy for once?

Is there any way to change the timing of your vacation to make it work? Of all the times, you really could use and deserve that getaway. When were you planning on going? There are lots of nice and affordable places in the off-season - let me know if there is anything I could do to help you find something.

Thanks, I might take you up on suggestions for alternatives; we have this one special cabin that allows the dogs and is just really perfect (and cheap) but they close it up after Columbus Day weekend (which is when we were planning on going).  Unfortunately there's not really any other weekend we can get away right now before that with the few things we have going on and the new IVF schedule.  We were waiting to reserve it to see how money is doing with my new firm, etc., so at least we don't already have it booked and lose out on that or anything.  I think we will just wait and then if the IVF is not successful, we will beg, borrow, and steal to go on a vacation somewhere, at least for a weekend. We really do need it.  But by then it will be mid to late Oct., so not sure where we would want to go.

Oh, I just want to bang my head into a wall. Hey universe, I get it, I have learned my lesson that I can't plan things, control you, try to control my life, etc., I totally get it...can you just cut me a break now, please?!

[PirateCat]

Aug 24, 2016 14:22:36 GMT -5 wannabmama said:

Aug 24, 2016 14:07:16 GMT -5 PirateCat said:

Oh, wannabmama , I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that this is messing up your IVF cycle. Ugh, why can't things just be easy for once?

Is there any way to change the timing of your vacation to make it work? Of all the times, you really could use and deserve that getaway. When were you planning on going? There are lots of nice and affordable places in the off-season - let me know if there is anything I could do to help you find something.

Thanks, I might take you up on suggestions for alternatives; we have this one special cabin that allows the dogs and is just really perfect (and cheap) but they close it up after Columbus Day weekend (which is when we were planning on going).  Unfortunately there's not really any other weekend we can get away right now before that with the few things we have going on and the new IVF schedule.  We were waiting to reserve it to see how money is doing with my new firm, etc., so at least we don't already have it booked and lose out on that or anything.  I think we will just wait and then if the IVF is not successful, we will beg, borrow, and steal to go on a vacation somewhere, at least for a weekend. We really do need it.  But by then it will be mid to late Oct., so not sure where we would want to go.

Oh, I just want to bang my head into a wall. Hey universe, I get it, I have learned my lesson that I can't plan things, control you, try to control my life, etc., I totally get it...can you just cut me a break now, please?!

How long of a drive are you looking to do? Mountain, lake, ocean - any particular preference? Or do you have a particular area that you guys like? If you don't mind sharing, how much does that cabin cost so I know about what you're looking to spend? You can send me a PM if you'd prefer. I can do some digging this weekend and hopefully find some decent options for you to consider. 

You definitely deserve a break.

[wannabmama]

Aug 24, 2016 14:37:19 GMT -5 PirateCat said:

Aug 24, 2016 14:22:36 GMT -5 wannabmama said:

Thanks, I might take you up on suggestions for alternatives; we have this one special cabin that allows the dogs and is just really perfect (and cheap) but they close it up after Columbus Day weekend (which is when we were planning on going).  Unfortunately there's not really any other weekend we can get away right now before that with the few things we have going on and the new IVF schedule.  We were waiting to reserve it to see how money is doing with my new firm, etc., so at least we don't already have it booked and lose out on that or anything.  I think we will just wait and then if the IVF is not successful, we will beg, borrow, and steal to go on a vacation somewhere, at least for a weekend. We really do need it.  But by then it will be mid to late Oct., so not sure where we would want to go.

Oh, I just want to bang my head into a wall. Hey universe, I get it, I have learned my lesson that I can't plan things, control you, try to control my life, etc., I totally get it...can you just cut me a break now, please?!

How long of a drive are you looking to do? Mountain, lake, ocean - any particular preference? Or do you have a particular area that you guys like? If you don't mind sharing, how much does that cabin cost so I know about what you're looking to spend? You can send me a PM if you'd prefer. I can do some digging this weekend and hopefully find some decent options for you to consider. 

You definitely deserve a break.

You are so sweet   I think we are too overwhelmed to really think about it now, want to see how things shake out in the next few weeks.  Once we get our heads screwed back on right, I'll let you know what we are thinking and when we might be able to get away.  I really appreciate the thought so much!!

[PirateCat]

wannabmama, I totally understand. Definitely do let me know when you are ready - I have some ideas for you already.

Many hugs in the meantime.

[wannabmama]

Aug 24, 2016 15:00:00 GMT -5 PirateCat said:

wannabmama , I totally understand. Definitely do let me know when you are ready - I have some ideas for you already.

Many hugs in the meantime.

You're the best!

[icedtea]

wannabmama, I'm so sorry. I send endless hugs and wine. That is so frustrating and painful. I know it's hard, but please try to be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong here, and could not possibly have anticipated this. What a mindfuck.

When you're ready to plan things again, and if you just need to get out of the house Columbus Day weekend, there's an awesome festival in Rhode Island called the Scituate Art Festival.

[wannabmama]

Aug 24, 2016 15:34:53 GMT -5 icedtea said:

wannabmama , I'm so sorry. I send endless hugs and wine. That is so frustrating and painful. I know it's hard, but please try to be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong here, and could not possibly have anticipated this. What a mindfuck.

When you're ready to plan things again, and if you just need to get out of the house Columbus Day weekend, there's an awesome festival in Rhode Island called the Scituate Art Festival.

Thanks! And I will definitely check that festival out, we do love doing little things like that. It could definitely be nice to do something that weekend that can be scheduled around all the IVF "fun".

[jlincoln]

Oh wannabmama! I'm so sorry to be reading this. I know you were complacent leading up to this cycle, then excited and now another delay - big hugs. Of course this would happen. Well, take the break and hopefully you can do some sort of vacation or get-away. I'm sorry for your loss. Like others said - this is definitely not your fault. Big hugs.

[pinkcat]

Oh, wannabmama, I am so sorry. What a mindfuck and I'm so sorry that you are back to waiting. All the hugs to you...we are here for you!

[akraus2015]

wannabmama, I am so sorry. Sending you big hugs.

[akraus2015]

Looks like Saturday is the day! #coolkidsgetbasted

[kayladawn91]

wannabmama I am so sorry. My heart is broken for you. Life can be so unfair sometimes. Sending hugs.

[honda13]

wannabmama, I'm so sorry.  Biggest of hugs.  It's just so not fair.

[jayhawk84]

I am so, so sorry wannabmama,- life is not fair and sometimes it just straight up sucks.

[jayhawk84]

honda13, I'm sorry for what you are going through with your friend. That has to be especially difficult to have those conflicting feelings with someone you are so close to. I hope that you have as quick a rainbow as she did!

akraus2015, good luck on Saturday!

[ironbaby]

wannabmama, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking. Do you have to be delayed a full month, or can they retest betas this week and resume soon?

Sometimes we have to mourn the very real loss of having confidence in our bodies to do what they are supposed to do. They love to screw up our plans.