Talk me down… Update in OP

[taberbtb]

DD is 10 days old and we had our 4th check up with the MW today. She is gaining good, bw=7lbs 14oz, today=8lbs 2oz, but I hadn't expected BF'ing to be so emotionally draining. Before I gave birth it was the most important thing to me to be successful at BF'ing but now I am just ready to quit. We haven't had any major issues (yet) but it is just completely wearing on me.

I wanted the MW today to tell me it's ok to quit but they didn't, probably because I never told them how I felt. Truthfully, I don't really want to, and I know I will regret it if I did but I just feel like I need a break.

Update:

I was at the end of my rope yesterday afternoon so I called my MW to come out and help. She suspects B is/was going through a growth spurt (short, 5 min cluster feeds) and that I am dealing with a bit of over supply. For right now I am feeding on one side and pumping/hand expressing the other since the nipple has a crack on it making it difficult/painful to feed for the next two days. Things are already going better last night and today. Thoughts on this plan?

[casey]

Higs, mama. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.

I get it. You're sore, emotional, exhausted, and this nurturing your babe falls all to you. I remember sitting nursing/rocking my LO, and crying as I typed out a "what did I do?" Post on my BMB around the 10 day mark.

Keep heart. These really are the hardest days. You are likely in the midst of your first growth spurt. They are exhausting, but they don't last forever -- and baby tends to sleep so much better after.

And, sadly, being a new mom is just exhausting. Bf or ff. it gets easier. Really.

The mantra in this community is never quit on a bad day. I believe that. You don't have to decide today. You can reconsider in 3 days. And, if you're not ready to decide then, reconsider in 3 more.

[melody330]

First of all, you are doing a great job. Stop second guessing yourself! That in itself is exhausting. There is no reason to think you will ever have supply issues if you are feeding LO on demand.

As for needing a break....your ONLY job is to nurse baby. Make sure you have help in literally every single other way if you feel overwhelmed. Food shopping can be ordered online by SO and delivered, SO can do dishes and laundry while you are feeding LO (maybe during a typical cluster feeding session). Just because your ass is in the couch doesn't mean you are resting.

Most importantly, keep the lines of communication open between you and your support system. Once when LO was about two weeks old I was so tired, had a house full of out of town guests. I cried so bad that's DH had everyone leave for a few hours. No big deal. I needed to be alone with LO and focus on him. Don't be afraid to tell people what you need

[mmheartspb]

You are doing a wonderful job! Your LO is gaining great!

It is really hard at first emotionally. You are recovering from labor and delivery and hormone changes and it's alot for your body to go through. You can do this! Be kind to yourself. Take it one day at a time or even 1 feeding at a time... that's what helped me through. Also don't be afraid to tell ppl what you need. My DH's job is getting me water, granola bars, burping her and changing diapers in the middle of the night. It helps with the sanity. At one month I'm finally not as overwhelmed with the feedings. *hugs*

[apsalartoll]

You're doing great! Mothering a newborn is really really hard. I think feeling emotionally drained just comes with the territory of having one, even if you're not BFing.

Something that helped me when I was going through the same thing (6 weeks ago, not so long ago) is when I was feeling particular emotionally out of it, I'd hand the baby off to MH, and write down how I was feeling. It really helped me to be able to focus on which thoughts and feelings were really MINE, and not coming from hormones that wouldn't normally be there.

[pooky08]

I remember those days! LO is seven weeks today.. I felt that says 8-15 were the hardest. I was still in pain from my c-section, randomly crying for no reason, bleeding more than I probably should have been, frustrated at my inability to do most things for myself, and now that the "yay I'm a mom and love this little guy SO much!" adrenaline was wearing off, I was just exhausted.

Feeding every two hours, using a nipple shield, it was so much work. I called in reinforcements from out of town to come help. I still wanted to quit, or maybe just have my husband do one bottle of formula so I could sleep.

It gets better. I did what others suggested. I set small goals, with my big goal from the very beginning of making it through six weeks.

My smaller goals were set around growth spurts. The first one was 8-10 days. I didn't realize what was going on at first. I got up with the baby in the morning and he nursed almost constantly for four hours. I was starving.

But I got through it. Then my next goal was the 3 week spurt. I knew what to expect. It was still hard.

I planned for the six week spurt. I cooked extra and restocked my freezer with freezer meals. I earned my husband it was coming.. When it happened I was prepared, and you know what? I could handle those three days. I felt like the 10 day one was so much worse.

It gets better. You can do this. Take it one day at a time. More advice from AmyG was to never give the first bottle of formula in the middle of the night. If you're going to do it, do it during the day when you are less desperate. That helped me the most. Nights are hardest, but that's when you can't give up. Just make it to morning.

[spacedew]

Lots of hugs, you are doing great! It's an emotional toll but it does get better. I agree with what everyone else has said. Your only job is to nurture and nurse your LO. Everything else can wait. Also, if you have a BF group near you I recommend that you go. It's hard after a C-section, and probably requires DH to drive but it's worth it. I wasn't part of an online community when LO was born so I didn't have support there, but it gets you out of the house and into supportive environment. I don't know if it was just that I could see how tied everyone else was and how they also cried at the slightest thing but it kept me going. Don't quit over desperation.

[taberbtb]

I just want to say thank you for your encouraging words. I am going to bookmark this and re-read all of your comments next time I am freling overwhelmed. Which in aa truth will probably be sooner than later.

I tried reaching out to a couple of friends IRL who have LO's as well who both just told me to quit. That wasn't exactly the support I was looking for, so thanks again. Between you guys and DH we are going to keep at it for another day

pooky08 you described what I was feeling perfectly. All I want is for DH (or anyone!) to take one MOTN feeding to give me some relief.

[tacocat]

taberbtb I have a 14 week old. I'm here to tell you, IT GETS EASIER. Sorry for the caps but I mean it! If you can get through the growth spurts, you'll have it made. And believe me them eating for 15 minutes on the boob is way easier than making bottle after bottle just keep swimming...

[mrsamyd]

taberbtb, breastfeeding is really freaking hard. One of my good friends described it really well. She said she just didn't expect the baby to be attached to her boob all.the.time.

Don't quit on a bad day. It gets better! I remember hitting a wall the second week all the happy newness along with any sleep reserves had worn off and I was just exhausted.

You can do it! You reached out, which means you want this and you are trying so hard! Hugs!

[fish8412]

You are doing awesome and keep it up! You are still recovering from labor and delivery. Hormones are crazy and it is normal to be emotional. Like other have said, set small goals and don't quit on a rough day. It does get easier. Feed on demand and try not to give bottles or pacifiers for the first month or so. This will keep your supply up and you will know that LO is getting enough milk. Hang in there!

[sgio7485]

You are doing awesome. I felt the same way last night, we are in the 3 week growth spurt and I am so freaking exhausted I thought about quitting. We can do this! Hugs!

[judyblume14]

You're doing awesome - those first couple of weeks were so hard. So exhausting.

Make tiny goals and never quit on a bad day. Take ALL the help you can get in every other way.

Any time my hubs would grumble about a chore I asked him to do, I'd say "ok, I'll do the laundry. Sit down and pull up your shirt. You nurse her ." It always solicited a chuckle and reminded him that I had the biggest job. He could do everything thing else for a while

Hang in there. I'm 5 months in, had a miserable first few weeks and lived to tell about it.

[jesster88]

You are doing great! Personally letting DH give my LO a bottle of pumped milk once or twice a day has saved my sanity. (My lc recommends introducing a bottle at 2 weeks) I can pump faster than I can BF (especially in the first month) so it becomes a break of sorts.

[wildflower810]

My LO is going to be 11 weeks tomorrow. I nearly quit BFing the first week or two. I am so glad I didn't. We struggled with latching, cracked and bleeding nipples, engorgement (I could have fed quadruplets), and more. The emotional side was there, too. It's hard to have a little person that needs you every hour or two. It's hard to not eat a hot dinner, and to get up all through the night. Your hormones are on a roller coaster and now you have a demand on you that you've never had before. It's okay to give yourself space to be upset, to cry, or to just walk away for a few minutes.

It gets easier! Take things one feed at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow's feed or what might happen next week. We are still using a shield, but bfing has become that natural, easy, bonding experience that everyone promised me it would be. Bfing has a learning curve and you are right in the middle of it. Don't give up when there is still more left to master.

[tomorrowisanotherday]

I'm only 4 weeks in, but it is already easier! Yes it is a lot of work still, but I am getting used to it and the fog of hormones is lifting. I think that is really making life easier in general You are doing a great job and it is such a great thing you are doing for your LO! No one can give the gift of BF to your LO but you. The pps gave great advice; my advice is to follow it

[ashanne88]

Hugs. I've been there too. I remember calling my mom crying around 10 days and asking what I was doing wrong and how I felt like a failure. I had low supply, latching problems, he wanted to nurse for hours and hours, was on a roller coaster of emotions, in pain and exhausted. Like everyone said it gets better. LO is 8 months now and we have a wonderful nursing relationship. I'm so glad I stuck it out. Having DH's support and setting small goals helped me get through. Also it's important to know that if you do decide to stop BF for your own well-being there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

[catlady22]

Hugs! It gets easier! My LO is 3 months and it is so much better. I remember the first two weeks crying and thinking why couldn't DH feed him at least once during the night. Like everyone said, just set short goals and you will be amazed at how quickly they come and go. I can't believe I've made it this far! Good luck!

[liziz]

Like everyone else has said, you're doing great so far!

Call in the reinforcements, and even though they want to just hold your new baby, ask (or tell) them what they can do to help you. Is it bringing you food, or doing laundry, or burping the baby while you run to the bathroom?

ETA: My husband is the champion of MOTN diaper changes (actually, all diaper changes, I figure I handle all the feeding, so he can do most of the diapers). Having him up with me for even a few minutes, and checking that I had everything we needed before going back to bed really made a big difference for my grumpy MOTN self.

[Deleted]

Hang in there! You're doing great!

I was going to add the same thing that liziz said: MH getting up to hand me baby, get me water/ a snack, or change a diaper made a big difference.

Also, I started taking an evening nap and letting DH handle more of the chores around the house in the evening.

[rmg5020]

Been there! It gets better!!!!!!

[jennlin]

having a newborn is hard...you're not alone..it gets easier.

[Deleted]

Be careful pumping if you suspect an oversupply. You don't want to demand more than you need. Bacitracin healed my cracks faster than lanolin. Offering the sore side second until it heals can help that side avoid the more aggressive latch as well.

Personally, I also found during the early growth spurts that if I offered a little sooner than usual or really watched for early hunger cues, it made things easier on both of us. GL!

[fish8412]

Pump to relieve engorgement/pain (not to build supply). Only pump until you feel less full and more comfortable...probably only half an ounce to an ounce. If you pump more than that then you will exacerbate your oversupply issue.

The cracks will heal I promise! I had cracks/scabs in the beginning. Very painful but only temporary. You are doing awesome!! It will get easier!

[doglover31]

Like PP have said the beginning is very hard! ANd I agree with don't ever quit on a bad day. Growth spurts will be challenging. Your job right now is to feed baby, so even if that means you sit on the couch all day. Find some great shows to watch and get your SO to help around the house etc. Huge hugs, I remember what it was like in the beginning. And it is really hard. DS is 5 months old now and there are still some days I struggle.

[ellabee]

I'm glad you called your MW and asked for help. It sounds like you have a plan and it's already starting to make you feel a bit better and more optimistic.

I can totally understand where you are at emotionally. For me, I had so many feelings when I started out - bf'ing was frustrating, overwhelming, exhausting and painful BUT I set small milestones (sometimes just as small as 1 more nursing session, or 1 more try at getting a good latch) and one day at a time slowly morphed into weeks and before I knew it, we were through the growth spurts, the nipples were healed and I had nothing but pride and amazement for how far we made it.

Hang in there. Don't stop asking for help and support!

[mrsamyd]

I think that is a great plan, taberbtb, Getting help, a plan, and validation that you are doing a good job IRL by someone you trust and respect can be all you need to get over the hump! Good luck and thanks for the update! You are doing awesome!

[Deleted]

Feb 10, 2015 20:02:04 GMT -5 taberbtb said:

DD is 10 days old and we had our 4th check up with the MW today. She is gaining good, bw=7lbs 14oz, today=8lbs 2oz, but I hadn't expected BF'ing to be so emotionally draining. Before I gave birth it was the most important thing to me to be successful at BF'ing but now I am just ready to quit. We haven't had any major issues (yet) but it is just completely wearing on me.

I wanted the MW today to tell me it's ok to quit but they didn't, probably because I never told them how I felt. Truthfully, I don't really want to, and I know I will regret it if I did but I just feel like I need a break.

Update:

I was at the end of my rope yesterday afternoon so I called my MW to come out and help. She suspects B is/was going through a growth spurt (short, 5 min cluster feeds) and that I am dealing with a bit of over supply. For right now I am feeding on one side and pumping/hand expressing the other since the nipple has a crack on it making it difficult/painful to feed for the next two days. Things are already going better last night and today. Thoughts on this plan?

taberbtb
So it's some days later. How is it all going now? Any better?
Ma bit of Motrin or bacitracin can really help or apno to get thru the pain
Keep chugging along and keep asking for help

[taberbtb]

@amyg things are going somewhat better. Some feeds are great, others are not. I am nursing DD on both side again, but she nurses so short (about 5 min/side) that based on her dirty diapers I suspect she's getting more foremilk than hind milk. For now I have given up fighting her to keep nursing on the same breast longer and for right now just being happy that she is getting enough milk to satisfy her and keep her diaper counts where they need to be.

On her crappy feeds she might feed only 2-3min/side and even though she's still hungry screams and will not atch at the breast when I try to put her back on. I was then hand expressing and cup feeding to try to get enough into her and she takes the cup no problem. I try burping her but she's so hungry she screams. She's likely still gassy so when I try to put her back on she screams. I have gone back to waking her every two to three hours again to try and combat her being over hungry and me being too full that I drown her at latch. Thoughts?

[Sparkly]

Feb 16, 2015 2:57:51 GMT -5 taberbtb said:

@amyg things are going somewhat better. Some feeds are great, others are not. I am nursing DD on both side again, but she nurses so short (about 5 min/side) that based on her dirty diapers I suspect she's getting more foremilk than hind milk. For now I have given up fighting her to keep nursing on the same breast longer and for right now just being happy that she is getting enough milk to satisfy her and keep her diaper counts where they need to be.

On her crappy feeds she might feed only 2-3min/side and even though she's still hungry screams and will not atch at the breast when I try to put her back on. I was then hand expressing and cup feeding to try to get enough into her and she takes the cup no problem. I try burping her but she's so hungry she screams. She's likely still gassy so when I try to put her back on she screams. I have gone back to waking her every two to three hours again to try and combat her being over hungry and me being too full that I drown her at latch. Thoughts?

I didn't deal with this exact problem, but did have oversupply and forceful let down that often made nursing a challenge in the early weeks. One suggestion I was given a lot was hand express, or manual pump a little off before the feeding, so that 1) she doesn't have to deal with the initial fast let down and 2) you pump off some of that foremilk, and hopefully she gets to the hindmilk sooner. You could also try latching, letting her suck until you get a let down, then unlatching and letting it go into a burp cloth, then latch her back on.

Try other holds/positions for nursing if you haven't. Football hold or laid back (have her tummy to tummy with you) will allow her to have more control over the flow of milk. Anything that keeps her physically in a more upright position. I did football hold on my right breast exclusively for weeks because she just would not latch on or would get totally drowned and freak out at let down.

If this hasn't been recommended yet: kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/fast-letdown/
Best resource out there! (IMO)