Trigger warning: death of a grandparent

[waffles]

lildis, I'm so sorry.

I don't have much wisdom. We haven't gone through the death of a family member that DS knows yet. My GMIL is 93 and her health is declining so I know this is something we'll be addressing in the future, too.

[namastebiotches]

First, sorry to hear that lildis.
Did DD see her a lot?
If she did, I'm not really sure how I'd go about it tbh.

[supertrooper1]

I'm sorry.

[skategirl128]

I'm so sorry lildis

We've dealt with death with DS when he was 3 when his dad died. He didn't grasp it either (and I was totally beside myself as it was so part of it is honestly a blur).

I used the resources that the funeral home had. The hospital social workers also helped in my situation. Obviously that's not usually a resource but palliative care does have resources for children. Between them I received books and ways to talk to DS. My pediatrician was also phenomenal with resources and support. I'm sure you could reach out to them too.

We are Catholic so I did talk about heaven and how his dad is in heaven watching over us. We talked about how we had to say goodbye to daddy on earth but that he lives in our hearts now. I did take him briefly to the viewing but not to the cemetery. Both were done at the suggestion of the pediatrician regarding what DS was able to understand. He talked to his dad at the viewing-we were so careful to be sure that no one ever told him his dad was sleeping. That was stressed in almost everything I read. I was honest with DS (as much as I could be at 3) that daddy got very sick after an operation and he needed to go to heaven (again my pediatrician helped a lot with what to say and how).

Conversations were had almost daily (but this was loss of a parent) when he would cry for daddy, etc. It took a lot of patience and reassurance and I followed DSs lead. I still do. He writes letters now and sends them up to heaven via balloon. I have his picture in DSs room.

Please let me know if you need anything. I can send book titles, etc.

More love sent your way!

[helenahhandbasket]

I think skategirl128 has a lot of wisdom and insight here (unfortunately) .

Hugs to you, good luck , this is a difficult situation.

[Deleted]

I am sorry lildis family.

When DH's grandmother died, DD was too young to understand. We have pictures in our house of people that are no longer with us. Some of them she met, some of them she didn't. She 'understands' that when people are dead you can no longer visit them and that that makes us sad. It comes up now and again in conversations.

Like others have said I would let her take the lead, answer any questions she may have on her level (and related to your own beliefs) and give her the option of coming to the wake or funeral. If she's been close to her great-grandma, maybe she'd like to draw or make something to 'give' her, like some put flowers on the coffin at the burial.

Love and good thoughts to all of you.

[cam]

Hugs!