I don't know where I belong. *Loss mentioned*

[sandj918]

Hi. I'm SandJ. I'm 20 weeks pregnant with a little girl and just received devastating news that she has anencephaly and will either pass away before birth or shortly after. Technically I haven't had a late term loss yet but I also don't belong in a BMB board anymore. I started planning her funeral last night and it's just so....wrong. How am I suppose to come home without my daughter? I'm so sorry if this is not the venue for this.

[iheartbroccoli]

Big hugs. I am so, so sorry sandj918.

You are welcome here, and I am so sorry to have to say that, but I am glad you have found us.

I am so sorry you have to plan her funeral, it's unspeakable to have to do that. I was a shell of myself when I planned Theo's funeral. Would you like to share anything about your daughter (name, etc.)? This community is so incredibly supportive, the women here have helped me so much.

So many hugs.

[sandj918]

Thank you ladies. I feel like I'm in such a fog right now. I keep thinking I'll wake up from this nightmare but the end never comes. I never in a million years thought my H and I would be planning our daughter's funeral.

[shandorfml2]

I am so, so sorry sandj918,. No mama should have to hear that news. My suggestion would be take a lot of pictures, they will mean a lot to you down the road. love her, snuggle her and make memories. ((hugs)) we are here if you need us.

[bananas22]

I'm so sorry. I completely understand wanting the nightmare to end. I still have days where the loss of Everett still doesn't feel real. We lost Everett suddenly, so I didn't have time to prepare but some things I'm grateful for are the pictures we took of him and being able to slowly go back into reality afterwards. It gave my H and I time to process and talk immediately afterwards when our emotions were a jumbled mess.

One other thing I did was order a Molly.Bear. It's a bear that is the same weight as your baby and it can have details added that remind you of your baby. We haven't gotten ours yet (the wait list is 6-8months) but I'm excited to get it.

[rslh10]

I am so very sorry about your Daughter. I will also Echo NILMDTS. They took photos of Kenley, and those photos are some of my most valued possessions. I will be receiving my Molly Bear within a few weeks, and I cannot wait to hold it.

No mother should go through the heartbreak of burying/cremating her child. (((Hugs))) this community will be strong for you when you are unable to be.

We are here for you. What is your daughters name, if you want to share it.

[sandj918]

Her name is Elizabeth. Thank you for asking.

[rslh10]

Sept 7, 2016 19:13:00 GMT -5 sandj918 said:

Her name is Elizabeth. Thank you for asking.

What a beautiful name. Thinking of you and sweet Elizabeth.

[heartpresidents]

I'm so sorry sandj918, sending hugs for you and your sweet Elizabeth.

[suziq]

So sorry that you are having to go through this. Thoughts and prayers for you and Elizabeth.

[wrenofthesea]

I am so sorry sandj918. I will be thinking of you, Elizabeth, and your family.

I think others have provided some good advice, especially when it comes to taking photos or other mementos. Some days it is really hard to look at them but other days I love being able to see her little hands and feet again. Planning a funeral for your child is so difficult and hard. I remember being at the hospital (we lost our daughter suddenly sometime just before or after the start of labor) and having a social worker asking me about which funeral home and whether we wanted a burial or cremation. She asked a few times because we didn't know and I just wanted to scream at her that I should be trying to decide on pediatrician's and which daycare she should go to. No parent should be having to make these decisions and it is so unfair.

Lots and lots of hugs.

[peaseblossom55]

I am so very sorry and saddened for what you are going through. Elizabeth is a beautiful name. I also recommend NILMDTS and having a Molly bear. I was able to get foot prints/hand prints from two of my angels. I was also able to order a necklace for both of my angels engraved with their foot prints. Sending you so many hugs, this board is a great comfort and support.

[littleowl913]

I'm so sorry sandj918. So many hugs. I tried to plan Ronin's funeral but I kept breaking down everytime I spoke with someone. I ended up asking my dad to make calls etc.

[mrswheelo]

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. A friend of mine went through something similar. She said knowing and being able to prepare some ahead of time, helped her process things and gave her closure.
I hope you are able to find some peace as well.
Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a person. It sucks. It hurts. And it's so horribly unfair. I hope you and your family are able to lean on eachother during this time.
Each of us here has suffered the unimaginable and are here for you if you need to talk.

[aprilz81]

I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you. Jan17 has had a rough go of it but I know I take a very small amount of comfort in knowing that I'm not going through this alone.

We are getting ready to start planning our daughter's funeral and you're right, it isn't fair that we should have to do this. It sucks and there is no other word for it.