Already have a kid? TELL ME EVERYTHING.

[doves654]

This post idea came out of my post asking for books/apps, where there was some great advice to focus on early childhood books more. 

I'm a FTM, so I have NO CLUE what is great/not so great in that department. But there are tons of people on this board that aren't FTM! What books/apps/resources/tips did you love with your first kid(s)? What was a waste of time vs what was a total lifesaver? Kind of like a reverse Ask A Grad, if you will 

[cosmicav]

The things I would recommend reading about are: early infancy, baby sleep, and breastfeeding (if that is your plan).

As for pregnancy, I'd do a little research on signs of pre-eclampsia and signs of preterm labor, since both of those are unfortunately pretty common. My first was preterm and I never thought it would happen to me, and then it did. Surprise!

I loved our white noise machine. Also our night light!! So helpful for middle of the night changes/feedings

Even if you don't plan on bed-sharing, read up on how to do it safely. There will be a day that you really just need to sleep and the kid will only do it in your arms... and you'll want to already be informed on the safest way to do so.

This was a stream of consciousness post lol.

[caer]

As for resources, I really liked the book Baby 411. I read it when I was pregnant with DS and it gives a nice easy guide to things like picking a pediatrician, breastfeeding, what a normal diaper looks like, etc.

I also loved the website Lucie's List for registering. They have a downloadable check-list that made it very easy.

The biggest thing I would say is don't get caught up in plans and gadgets before baby arrives. Each baby is different. For example, my kid LOVED his sound machine and I was so excited to send one to my brother for my niece. She hated it. My kid hated the swing and pacifiers. Some can't live without them. I promise you that you'll figure it out. Have some things on hand (like swaddles and pacifiers) to try. But if something isn't working for you, there are always other options and they are only an Amazon prime order away.

[erinshelley21]

We watched Happiest Baby on the Block and found it to be the most effective thing we read/watched before ds was born. We watched it when I was 8.5 months pregnant I think so the info would be somewhat fresh.

Look into Wonder Weeks. There is a book and maybe even an app. A wonder week is when your baby makes a "leap" which means he or she is learning something new. Baby gets fussy, doesn't sleep well, etc during these times. If all of DS's basic needs were met and we knew he wasn't sick, we would look at the wonder weeks and 9 times out of 10 he was going through a leap. It's easier to deal with an unhappy baby when you know he or she is learning something new.

[suelou18]

We took classes at the hospital for child birth, breastfeeding, and child care. I thought they were all helpful because they were a set amount of time to focus on those areas. I don't remember everything from them, but they were great starting discussion points.

We got a book at the child care one that was authored by the AAP that I really liked and referenced throughout DD's first year. I googled and it was called "Your Baby's First Year". I also read an AAP book on sleep when it was closer in time for us to sleep train DD.

I did download the Wonder Weeks app and read it from time to time, but didn't feel like it was all that useful.

Even if formula feeding is not in your plans, I think it's still good to educate yourself about. It wasn't in my plans and then the universe had other plans. Then I realized that I knew all this information about breastfeeding, but nothing about formula feeding.

I, of course, have to add the people on these boards are super useful.

[amacbaby]

The only book we kept (and plan to read before this baby is born) is 12 Hours of Sleep by 12 weeks. We followed it roughly from the beginning and while they didn't sleep "12 hours," they slept most the night until 5 months without having to "sleep train." For anybody wondering, it is not CIO at all. We actually purposefully kept an early morning feeding until 6 months and had to eventually sleep train (ie CIO) for them to drop that waking. Also, we both breastfed the twins straight from the tap and it still worked great for us (but with the caveat that we did not have any supply issues) even though the book does concentrate on bottle feeding BM/formula.

Also, I found "bringing up bebe" (which is NOT a parenting/how-to book) a pretty interesting/entertaining read. I feel that in some communities in the US, being a martyr makes you a "good mother" and this gives another perspective.

I second that not all babies like the "must-haves" likes swings/bouncers. We made sure to have something to put the babies down in but didn't feel like we needed anything special.

[kristhegirl]

I'd hold off (or keep receipts for) any and all swings/bouncers etc. If your kid doesn't need it, why make them used to it? Sometimes they are a godsend, totally necessary; make sure it's actually necessary, because they are often a very difficult habit to break.

Same with lovies/pacifiers, etc. Some kids don't need them. Don't push them if they don't! There's no requirement for a baby to "need" a comfort object. If your kid does, obviously let them have it, but basically go in with the least amount of external props, and see what you actually need.

I have nothing against any of these items. I just want to save you heartache down the road when your too-big-for-the-rock-n-play-now baby is pissed because they were never allowed to sleep on a flat surface, but now they must. If your baby won't sleep without it, do what you have to do! Just don't go in assuming you have to have all of these things.

[Deleted]

I'm also on team "don't start habits you don't want to break". If your kid needs something to sleep give it to them but don't push it.

My son NEEDED a paci, he just was a big comfort sucker. He didn't really care about the swing, lovies, bouncy seat or what have you.

For some stuff that surprised me that was no big deal.

It's totally normal for a baby boy to have witches milk come out of their chest. It's just leftover hormones.

Little newborn boys get pee boners. I had no idea.

I'll come back if I think of something else...

[mosdub]

@priss08 I've heard of the boner but not the witches milk. Nature can be so weird.

[Deleted]

Sept 12, 2016 16:57:36 GMT -5 mosdub said:

@priss08 I've heard of the boner but not the witches milk. Nature can be so weird.

RIGHT?! When I noticed it I kinda freaked but my mom(three boys of her own) said it's a normal thing. Weird, but just leftover hormones from mom.

Apparently newborn girls can have a "period" because of mom's leftover hormones as well. Crazy.

[jnow]

Listen to other people's advice, but trust your gut. You will know your kid the best.

[bookish]

My random thoughts:
-Carriers: All my friends and all the websites have differing opinions on the "best" carrier. It is super dependent on your body type and preferences. Figure out if there is a babywearing group near you. Many let you try a bunch of carriers at meetings and have a lending library so you can try before you buy. DH and I each have separate carriers to avoid having to re-adjust back and forth.

Breastfeeding: If you plan to breastfeed, research lactation consultants before you give birth. If you end up needing help, it's one less thing to Google while sleep deprived. Also, try to borrow a Boppy and a MyBreastFriend from a friend to see which one is more comfortable for you and baby.

The advice nurse at the pediatrician's office will (probably) not judge you for calling. I was so afraid to call in the beginning, but now realize that they are there to answer your questions!

[mosdub]

Sept 12, 2016 17:06:59 GMT -5 @priss08 said:

Sept 12, 2016 16:57:36 GMT -5 mosdub said:

@priss08 I've heard of the boner but not the witches milk. Nature can be so weird.

RIGHT?! When I noticed it I kinda freaked but my mom(three boys of her own) said it's a normal thing. Weird, but just leftover hormones from mom.

Apparently newborn girls can have a "period" because of mom's leftover hormones as well. Crazy.

OMG. 

[cosmicav]

Re post partum healing:

If you have a vaginal birth...

Invest in Tucks pads and Dermaplast spray. You will also need a lot of kotex pads because you'll be bleeding for 6+ weeks (and get heavy duty ones). You can find that all at CVS/Walmart. The hospital will probably give you a little peri bottle to spray water onto your vag for a few weeks because you won't be able to wipe. Spray the Dermaplast on your vag for almost instant pain/itch relief. I'll be stocking up this time around. Also, put a Tucks pad onto your kotex pad, it kind of helps sooth the swollen feeling. If you store the Tucks pads in the fridge for storage, it is even better soothing. The nurses made me this amazing ice pack diaper when I was one day post partum, and it was amazing and I loved them forever. I'll be researching out how to do that lol.

[chickpea]

Off the top of my head : the baby book by dr Sears. I found myself referring to it quite frequently especially the first year. Also I highly recommend taking a Bradley class. So worth it.

[britab]

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is a good sleep book. We did pacifier and rock n play and DD had no problem giving up either.

Lucie's list had great emails for the first few months.

Kellymom is a good source for breastfeeding info. I wish I had the pump all ready and some quality nursing tanks before DD was born. Baby led weaning was good to start thinking about solids at 6 months.

I thought Baby Bargains was a waste of $$. Amazon reviews work just fine.

Buy clearance holiday outfits now for next year. I have so many cute things for DD I got 90% off right after the holiday.

The hospital gave me lots of hoo ha stuff, so I didn't need to buy anything but pads that I froze. I also just used prescription strength Advil for pain. I don't like how pain drugs make me feel.

Buy some newborns clothes and diapers. No one does at the shower. They all give you 3 month outfits.

[Deleted]

Sept 12, 2016 20:22:56 GMT -5 chickpea said:

Off the top of my head : the baby book by dr Sears. I found myself referring to it quite frequently especially the first year. Also I highly recommend taking a Bradley class. So worth it.

Yes to Bradley! Pretty sure that's the reason I had a successful pain med free birth.

[callmeKD]

+1 to what cosmicav said about after birth. One of my yoga instructors makes this post partum healing bath mix that is amazing. She also made me a bunch of frozen maxi pads to sit on.

[daisylola11]

Best advice off the top of my head;

Pee before you tend to baby (as long as they're safe of course) you don't know how long a feeding will be or how long you'll tend to them.

Every baby/mom combo is different!! As in you and your baby will do things your way, if someone else had your baby or you had someone else's baby it would be totally different!!
(I hope that makes sense)

I was always told horror stories of everything (nursing, sleeping, colic, growth spurts, teething, etc), but once it was me, some I was prepared to handle but others I had to figure out myself because others advice wasn't working even though their baby "did the same thing"

That was long. I'm sure as it gets closer we'll go through more lol

[elsmom]

I agree with what everyone else has said about being flexible. If you're prepared to go with the flow it will keep you sane/happy. I also planned to breastfeed but had to start supplementing on our first day home from the hospital. I really beat myself up about not being able to nurse and looking back on it I would've been much happier if I had just gone with what worked for us much sooner.
I liked the eat sleep app because I could keep track of when/how much she'd eaten and wet diapers at first (this may just be because of our feeding issues).
For us the rock n play was huge. We also had a cosleeper bassinet that worked really well for us. When she was really little most nights started in the cosleeper and ended in the rock n play when she was a little more fidgety. Again - weird, but it worked for us.
Oh! A huge one for me while nursing was to always have straws on hand. Breastfeeding is way more involved than you might initially imagine, and I never had a free hand but was always dying of thirst (especially since at first it feels like they're always eating). Having a water cup with a straw nearby was a lifesaver.

[kristhegirl]

I have to recommend the Always Infinity pads. The absorb a ton without getting bulky, and they did not bother my stitched up lady bits.

For the love of everything lovable, GET UP AND MOVE after giving birth. C or V, I don't care. Move. Even if all you can do at first is shuffle around your hospital room and to the bathroom, do it. (Of course medical advice overrides this.) You'll feel so much better and more human. When you get home, walk around, too. Walking around your house, then your block, etc. Just get up, at least for a few minutes a day. If you can't get sun (because March is still winter in some places) at least get movement.

[callmeKD]

Oh and save some of your favorite shows (or series) on Netflix, Hulu etc to watch on maternity leave. It's super easy to binge watch while you feed and hold a baby.

[meggypoo1]

Agreed to what everyone else said.
Also, it is ok to cry and feel like you do not know what to do in those first couple of weeks. You will be more tired than you have ever been in your entire life plus PP hormones are a bitch. You will do just fine! Also, let the baby cry if you need a minute - it isn't going to hurt them.

[obi]

I cant think of anything to add that hasnt been said aside from this.
It is ok to put your crying infant down somewhere safe so you can go to another room and scream into a pillow.
It is better to take a minute to breathe and release it than it is to keep them stuck to you while you get worked up and up and up.

Just remember, this too shall pass. You will have moments that feel like they will never end. Your baby just wont fall asleep? They will eventually. Wont stop crying? They will eventually.

Oh and my number 1 piece of advice is to speak to your doctor if you arent feeling "yourself" after 4 weeks. Depression and anxiety are normal, but you shouldnt be drowning in it. It took me nearly a year to talk yo my doctor and as soon as I started Celexa it was like the veil had been lifted. You dont need to suffer. There is help.

[erinshelley21]

Sept 12, 2016 16:16:47 GMT -5 kristhegirl said:

I'd hold off (or keep receipts for) any and all swings/bouncers etc. If your kid doesn't need it, why make them used to it? Sometimes they are a godsend, totally necessary; make sure it's actually necessary, because they are often a very difficult habit to break.

Same with lovies/pacifiers, etc. Some kids don't need them. Don't push them if they don't! There's no requirement for a baby to "need" a comfort object. If your kid does, obviously let them have it, but basically go in with the least amount of external props, and see what you actually need.

I have nothing against any of these items. I just want to save you heartache down the road when your too-big-for-the-rock-n-play-now baby is pissed because they were never allowed to sleep on a flat surface, but now they must. If your baby won't sleep without it, do what you have to do! Just don't go in assuming you have to have all of these things.

They make crib wedges so that the baby doesn't have to sleep on a flat surface for those that do have babies that love their rock n play. We got one when we transitioned ds from that to his crib and he used it from 4 months until 11 months.

I'll probably cry if this baby doesn't like the rock n play.

[kristhegirl]

Sept 13, 2016 9:09:34 GMT -5 ugaqueencity said:

A question about the Rock and plays, I've heard that they can cause issues with babies developing flat head because they're so soft and baby doesn't move around much. Have y'all heard anything to support this or is it just another damned if you do, damned if you don't type situations?

It's "kid containers" in general - watch how much time your baby spends in a car seat, bouncer, rock n play, etc. Anything where they are propped and not able to freely move. The aggregate time can cause flat head - NOT them laying on their backs. They can move their heads when they are just laying on their backs!

So if your kid needs a rock n play to sleep, minimize their time in other kid containers when they're awake.

[kristhegirl]

erinshelley21 this one might be totally fine sleeping in a bassinet/crib/whatever! You never know.

[erinshelley21]

Sept 13, 2016 9:09:34 GMT -5 ugaqueencity said:

A question about the Rock and plays, I've heard that they can cause issues with babies developing flat head because they're so soft and baby doesn't move around much. Have y'all heard anything to support this or is it just another damned if you do, damned if you don't type situations?

I haven't heard that but I also don't get too caught up in researching baby products. DS never had a flat head and he slept in it for 4 months.

[kaits8]

Another vote for the Wonder Weeks app! Definitely worth the $1.99 or whatever!

- For L&D, have an idea of what you do/don't want, but know it probably won't go as planned and plan only on doing what needs to be done to have a healthy take home baby.
- Try not to read the horror stories about L&D, BFing, terrible sleepers, etc...unless you end up with a terrible sleeper, then read those if they make you feel better My L&D (including pitocin and an epidural) was ridiculously easy, and I had almost no pain/soreness/bleeding even immediately after and during recovery. I'm sure #2 won't be as easy for me, but here's hoping b/c I would do it 100 times if you could promise it'd go the same way! So it can go smoothly!
- Take advice, but then form your own opinions and ways of doing things. There isn't only 1 right way to do any of this, and as long as you're doing your best to keep your kid alive and healthy, you're doing a good job.
- DD never took a pacifier, preferred boob over bottle, and hated the mamaroo ($$$ out the window for me!). I know babies who were completely the opposite. It's all a crap shoot until baby is here and you get to know them.
- On the above note, if you have friends w/ baby things you can borrow before spending the $, do that. We own every sort of swing/bouncy seat/etc out there and only used 1 or 2 of them.
- And finally...all babies sleep through the night eventually. It may happen at 8 weeks, 8 months, or not until after a year. But it happens eventually, and you quickly forget much of those sleepless nights. I promise!

[meggypoo1]

Sept 13, 2016 9:22:43 GMT -5 kristhegirl said:

Sept 13, 2016 9:09:34 GMT -5 ugaqueencity said:

A question about the Rock and plays, I've heard that they can cause issues with babies developing flat head because they're so soft and baby doesn't move around much. Have y'all heard anything to support this or is it just another damned if you do, damned if you don't type situations?

It's "kid containers" in general - watch how much time your baby spends in a car seat, bouncer, rock n play, etc. Anything where they are propped and not able to freely move. The aggregate time can cause flat head - NOT them laying on their backs. They can move their heads when they are just laying on their backs!

So if your kid needs a rock n play to sleep, minimize their time in other kid containers when they're awake.

This. They need to sleep on there back. I have never heard of the rock and play doing that