IRL Baby Loss Support group & rainbows - how would you feel?
Feb 11, 2015 11:53:30 GMT -5
Post by manada on Feb 11, 2015 11:53:30 GMT -5
We are lucky that there are a few pregnancy and infant loss support groups in our area that we have attended semi-regularly since we lost the girls. In these groups we have met and formed friendships with a few local families who also lost babies and who don't have other children in 2014.
One of these couples is currently pregnant with their rainbow and is due in the summer and I just heard from her that they have been asked/encouraged not to attend the pregnancy and infant loss group anymore because of their current pregnancy. The wife in the group has already been kicked out of one support group just for women who have lost babies, and she and her partner have been a consistent force in building up the other group for couples to attend.
I have a lot of feelings about this and am wondering how you guys would feel:
1. This couple does not take up a lot of "space" in the group, or any some weeks, talking about their pregnancy. They tend to sit quietly, greet new people, talk about their feelings about their baby loss (which was less than a year ago), and only briefly mention the pregnancy to acknowledge it. They do not center their discussion around it, and generally wait to speak until after all the other people in the group have had their time. They have already said that they would choose to stop attending the group when the pregnancy became very noticeable because they were aware that huge pregnant bellies could be a trigger.
2. The group has never, in its stated policies, mentioned that it is not a place for families who are pregnant after their loss to attend. It talks a lot about being a welcome and open space for everyone and creating a culture of respect.
3. I think it's a shitty thing to ask a bereaved parent to not attend a support group, period - end of story. I feel SO badly for this couple (BOTH of whom have been asked not to attend), and I feel afraid for myself and my partner as well. Are we going to get kicked off the island too? That whole thing makes me feel crappy.
What do you guys think?
One of these couples is currently pregnant with their rainbow and is due in the summer and I just heard from her that they have been asked/encouraged not to attend the pregnancy and infant loss group anymore because of their current pregnancy. The wife in the group has already been kicked out of one support group just for women who have lost babies, and she and her partner have been a consistent force in building up the other group for couples to attend.
I have a lot of feelings about this and am wondering how you guys would feel:
1. This couple does not take up a lot of "space" in the group, or any some weeks, talking about their pregnancy. They tend to sit quietly, greet new people, talk about their feelings about their baby loss (which was less than a year ago), and only briefly mention the pregnancy to acknowledge it. They do not center their discussion around it, and generally wait to speak until after all the other people in the group have had their time. They have already said that they would choose to stop attending the group when the pregnancy became very noticeable because they were aware that huge pregnant bellies could be a trigger.
2. The group has never, in its stated policies, mentioned that it is not a place for families who are pregnant after their loss to attend. It talks a lot about being a welcome and open space for everyone and creating a culture of respect.
3. I think it's a shitty thing to ask a bereaved parent to not attend a support group, period - end of story. I feel SO badly for this couple (BOTH of whom have been asked not to attend), and I feel afraid for myself and my partner as well. Are we going to get kicked off the island too? That whole thing makes me feel crappy.
What do you guys think?
