Post by mommabakes on Sept 14, 2016 17:00:10 GMT -5
What did you consider when deciding to have a(nother) baby?
DH and I both want another, but we're not sure if we can afford one. We can afford the basics, it's just the extras-vacations, classes, etc that we may not be able to swing. I SAH, and plan on going back to work part time once our youngest is in K. Obviously that's at least 4 years away. But, at that point, I think we'll be able to do the extras. DHs job has lots of room for advancement.
Post by tuscanlatte on Sept 14, 2016 18:10:11 GMT -5
We considered the cost of daycare and then activities, mainly hockey /sports. Also babysitting since we don't really have family close and all of our nights out involve paying someone.
With daycare I didn't really know how we would do it. But we knew we wanted 2 and our family timing was right. It turns out you just make do. We've cut down in other areas, but only having two in full time daycare for one year was pretty important for us.
Post by RandomName on Sept 14, 2016 18:18:04 GMT -5
This is a tough one bc what I considered may not be helpful for you. Also, I'm in Canada so the cost to have a baby (dr appointments and delivery) isn't a factor.
Mostly we just wanted another. We pictured life with at least two and went for it.
Once we were pregnant we considered: How could we afford to give #2 all we wanted without taking from #1 - swim lessons, one other activity (sport/class), daycare, Chrismtas and birthday gifts
Vehicle space (more an issue of how close to have kids)
Would I qualify for another maternity leave.
Daycare costs
Mentally tried to prepare for the lack of sleep again.
If I'm completely honest, my considerations were mostly selfish.
Finances wouldn't be a huge consideration for us, but my sanity was. My husband is basically gone 2 weeks a month for work - he's days 7 on, 7 off for 12 hours a day minimum. Usually more. I do not want to solo parent 3 kids literally half the time.
Logistics - now that the kids are starting activities, I'm finding it really difficult to schedule things knowing I'm solo parenting every other weekend.
My second pregnancy wasn't nearly as pleasant as my first, largely because I could never rest when I was chasing a toddler the whole time. I don't want to chase 2 kids while pregnant, even though it would be for a short time.
I really don't want another c section, and that's my only option.
My husband can sleep through anything. All the late nights would be on me again, and I don't want to do that. Again, even though I know it's temporary. I really started to resent my husband, and don't want to go there again.
My husband would love to have another, but I'm feeling like our family is done, mostly because I'm done.
I think finances are a legitimate concern. But if you guys really want a third I'd be more inclined to say you can probably figure the finances out. Will the extras be limited forever or just until you go back to work? Will you regret not being able to take vacations until your oldest is much older?
We thought we would want another right away but for 1) I'm not ready for the recovery/newborn stage and 2) the less time two are in daycare full-time the better.
I know we can make cuts in our spending to afford #2 but I want a little more saved up first.
I can definitely relate to this. I had initially thought I would be TTC right about now, but I'm not ready for another newborn (or the idea of a newborn) yet, and I also really want my body back completely before its not my own again.
And $ is also a real issue with childcare costs. So waiting. But I also know that waiting for me, especially given that I'm already 35, means that it's very possible that P will be an only and that's ok with me too.
Post by tmclawchick on Sept 14, 2016 20:43:02 GMT -5
We both wanted to start trying again once DH had settled into a solid job (we had DS in law school and struggled a good bit...ok, a lot.) and we had finally gotten married. Daycare costs were considered as well, but I think because DS was a bit of a surprise and because we sort of made it through so much, we knew we were in a much better position to have a child than we were 5 years prior.
Cost is definitely a big one for us, but we had additional considerations due to IF obviously.
Others are more selfish. Cycling was really tough on me physically. Even though it would be less than a full cycle, I'm hesitant because of how terrible I felt. I also want to go to grad school next fall and that will require me to change my work situation drastically. Added cost of another baby would most likely mean I would have to push grad school off.
H and I both came from families of divorce with a parent that struggled. We want to give M experiences we were unable to have, so for us one makes more sense.
Lastly M has been such a good baby, a part of me worries that a second would be a more difficult baby.
The biggest thing we considered was what we wanted our family to look like years from now as we sat around the table during the holidays. That's how we knew that having a third was the right choice for us. We talked about lots of other factors, but this was by far the most important one to us.
Finances were also a consideration. We knew things would be much tighter with 3 kids, but we felt that whatever we would need to sacrifice to make things work would be well worth it for the joys of having another child. We also knew that money won't always be this tight. Things will be better when we're no longer paying for day care and I'm back to working full-time instead of part-time like I am when our kids are little.
For me, I also really longed to have the experience of having 1 child at a time. Things are so different when you have twins. I was so grateful just to have the kids I did, I'm not complaining at all, just that I always wondered what it would be like to be dealing with only one baby. I wanted to be able to snuggle a baby to sleep, to nurse without having to tend to another baby, and so many, many other experiences I hadn't had.
mommabakes, I don't know how much the extras really matter when kids are young. Yes, the kids enjoy that stuff, but it's not like they would be deprived without it or know that they were missing out, if that makes sense. I never had any of the extras when I was little, and I'm not any worse off because of it. If you feel like you'll be able to have the lifestyle you want when the kids are a little older, I wouldn't let the short-term limitations stand in the way of growing your family if that's what feels right in your heart.
We thought we would want another right away but for 1) I'm not ready for the recovery/newborn stage and 2) the less time two are in daycare full-time the better.
I know we can make cuts in our spending to afford #2 but I want a little more saved up first.
I can definitely relate to this. I had initially thought I would be TTC right about now, but I'm not ready for another newborn (or the idea of a newborn) yet, and I also really want my body back completely before its not my own again.
And $ is also a real issue with childcare costs. So waiting. But I also know that waiting for me, especially given that I'm already 35, means that it's very possible that P will be an only and that's ok with me too.
Turning 35 isn't the end y'all! I conceived Abigail spontaneously at age 38 after years of fertility problems and recurrent loss. Waiting doesn't have to mean that Poppy will be an only. TTC may take a little longer, but it's not like the likelihood plummets to near zero!
Age, m43 h52. The idea of having to manage toddler and newborn is very frightening even if i had a tardis, i am not sure i would've had the patience at 33 for that shit.
mommabakes , I don't know how much the extras really matter when kids are young. Yes, the kids enjoy that stuff, but it's not like they would be deprived without it or know that they were missing out, if that makes sense. I never had any of the extras when I was little, and I'm not any worse off because of it. If you feel like you'll be able to have the lifestyle you want when the kids are a little older, I wouldn't let the short-term limitations stand in the way of growing your family if that's what feels right in your heart.
I agree with all of this, but especially the bolded
Honestly? My first though was "do I want to do this again (sleepless nights, infant, nursing, etc) years down the line after we've already gotten used to sleep, more freedom, and independence of an older child?"
No, no I did not. So we had DS 2 years and 2 weeks (to the day) after DD was born.
Obviously next thought was finances and where we would be living.
Only in the 35ers club for another 2 weeks. Which is another reason I told my husband we should be done.
+1 for Club 35!
We will probably start trying at the end of the year. Age was a consideration for us, and we also wanted kids fairly close in age to each other.
I'm from a large family (6 kids) and have always wanted a big family myself. I told H when we got married that I wanted at least 3 kids, but I think our family will be complete with 2.
TBH, I'm not sure how the work/maternity leave situation will work out next time as my work situation has changed, but figure we can make it work.
Post by hopefulreturn on Sept 16, 2016 5:53:49 GMT -5
So glad I popped back in and saw this thread. I do not feel that our family is complete. But we're struggling much more financially than I anticipated, even though we're both working our butts off. Daycare expenses, feeding a toddler with many food allergies, and life surprises are depleting our savings. I just turned 35 and want to have my body to myself after the past 8 months of exclusive pumping. Then I'm nervous cause it took 4 years TTC our baby. I'm all over the place on this one! We decided to reassess next summer.
Post by skinandbones on Sept 16, 2016 12:24:40 GMT -5
It basically boils down to finances. There is no way we can afford 3 in day care. And if we waited until DS1 was in school I'll be 37ish. I do not want to be close to 40 and starting over again.
But I still can't wrap my head around being done either.
It basically boils down to finances. There is no way we can afford 3 in day care. And if we waited until DS1 was in school I'll be 37ish. I do not want to be close to 40 and starting over again.
But I still can't wrap my head around being done either.
Bahaha, I started over at 37 (just turning 38) when M was born, after 16 years! Lol! It's doable! Just saying if you don't feel done, don't let age stop you! It's just a number! Lol
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
It basically boils down to finances. There is no way we can afford 3 in day care. And if we waited until DS1 was in school I'll be 37ish. I do not want to be close to 40 and starting over again.
But I still can't wrap my head around being done either.
Bahaha, I started over at 37 (just turning 38) when M was born, after 16 years! Lol! It's doable! Just saying if you don't feel done, don't let age stop you! It's just a number! Lol
We thought we would want another right away but for 1) I'm not ready for the recovery/newborn stage and 2) the less time two are in daycare full-time the better.
I know we can make cuts in our spending to afford #2 but I want a little more saved up first.
I can definitely relate to this. I had initially thought I would be TTC right about now, but I'm not ready for another newborn (or the idea of a newborn) yet, and I also really want my body back completely before its not my own again.
And $ is also a real issue with childcare costs. So waiting. But I also know that waiting for me, especially given that I'm already 35, means that it's very possible that P will be an only and that's ok with me too.
I am here as well. When I was pregnant I was thinking about ntnp at 6 months. Lol. I still don't feel like I'm ready to have a newborn or be pregnant again. I just started a new job and I haven't had a pp period anyway. But...I'm 39 so I know that waiting may mean that DS is an only child. My amh was good for my age when TTC so we have that going for us.
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