TTCAL 9.20.16

[akraus2015]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.


Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.


**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**




How are you doing?


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):


Diagnosis (if applicable):


Updates/questions:


Debbie downer (a place to vent):


QOTW: What is your very favorite part about your job?

[akraus2015]

How are you doing? I'm doing well. Woke up today and for the very first time in months I wasn't completely exhausted. It was nice to have some time in the morning. Did some yoga, had a breakfast smoothie, and was on time for work. Score! Now to figure out how to KEEP this normal level of energy...

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, WTO on cycle 23 (10 AL #2)

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR, Unrelated RPL, Secondary IF

Updates/questions: None really. Heading in for my mid-cycle scan on Friday, then we'll proceed to IUI #2. I wasn't great about taking my Letrizole this round...I forgot completely one day, and forgot one of the doses another day. I hope that doesn't make a difference.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Going to a wedding this weekend with all my pregnant friends. That should be fun.

QOTW: What is your very favorite part about your job? Especially because I'm not teaching anymore, random kiddo hugs are my favorite. Their excitement and joy for life is contagious. When they catch me in the hall and just HAVE to give me a huge hug, it makes my day.

[ironbaby]

How are you doing? actually okay

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - IUI #3

Diagnosis (if applicable): CP

Updates/questions: I guess I am starting to realize that my focus has shifted from the loss to the everyday drudgery of living with IF and all that entails. It's getting easier to forget that it happened, and I don't know how I feel about that. It's a relief that it's not ever-present, though.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I have been pretty overwhelmed by an OPP situation I vented about on 3T. Let's leave it at that.

QOTW: What is your very favorite part about your job?
I get to take lots of numbers and make them make sense.

[Rama]

How are you doing? Apathetic

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): T?TC/NTNA/whole lotta shrugs

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP, anovulation

Updates/questions: Nothing. Sucks.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My whole life is a Debbie Downer right now. Nothing satisfies me, so I'm bored and unhappy with everything.

QOTW: What is your very favorite part about your job? I have pretty good benefits. Gov't + union.

[akraus2015]

Sept 20, 2016 13:31:20 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

How are you doing? actually okay

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - IUI #3

Diagnosis (if applicable): CP

Updates/questions: I guess I am starting to realize that my focus has shifted from the loss to the everyday drudgery of living with IF and all that entails. It's getting easier to forget that it happened, and I don't know how I feel about that. It's a relief that it's not ever-present, though.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I have been pretty overwhelmed by an OPP situation I vented about on 3T. Let's leave it at that.

QOTW: What is your very favorite part about your job?
I get to take lots of numbers and make them make sense.

This is where I am right now.  I can't say one is easier to deal with than the other.  They're both awful in their own ways.  The hardest part about moving on to struggling with IF is that my hope is slowly diminishing.  I used to feel at least hopeful that I could get pregnant and maybe there would be something the doctors could do to keep me pregnant.  Now I can't even GET there...

[rosey06]

How are you doing? I'm ok


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): benched

Diagnosis (if applicable): spontaneous miscarriage


Updates/questions: got my hcg tested again today. Hoping it's back down to negative.


Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm just waiting around here. I'm around day 17, about when I'd be ovulating if this was a normal cycle. Pretty curious how this will go. I just want this benched cycle after the loss over and move on.


QOTW: What is your very favorite part about your job? The fact that I'll be working from home full time in just 2 wks... Finally. It's been a long time coming!

[rosey06]

Sending hugs Rama

[ironbaby]

Rama, I wish so hard I could wave a magic wand and bring you joy. I'm here and I care about you.

rosey06, FX for negative betas. I hope this TTA cycle passes quickly for you.

akraus2015, it's so comforting to know someone else understands those thoughts. I hope your monitoring goes well Friday.

[akraus2015]

Rama , I'm sorry you're feeling down. Sending you all these things...

[honda13]

I'm mobile so I'll tag you ladies later. Hugs to all who need them!

How are you doing? Stressed
Status: TTC
Updates: Currently in my 2ww. This is our first cycle trying after our loss. I keep trying not to stress but work+Ttc+loss=me being crazy.
Debbie downer: Got the mail and got another $100+ bill from the miscarriage. It's just a kick in the gut every fucking time I open a bill. Especially the ultrasound ones. Idk it just hurts.
Gtky: I love money so I guess that makes my job a good fit. I get to deal with a lot of cash.

[honda13]

@rama sorry darling. Hugs!

[Rama]

Sept 20, 2016 16:17:17 GMT -5 honda13 said:

got another $100+ bill from the miscarriage. It's just a kick in the gut every fucking time I open a bill. Especially the ultrasound ones. Idk it just hurts.

I hated this so, so, so much. It really is rubbing salt in a wound. I'm sorry it's happening to you, too. *hugs*

[honda13]

Sept 20, 2016 16:25:53 GMT -5 Rama said:

Sept 20, 2016 16:17:17 GMT -5 honda13 said:

got another $100+ bill from the miscarriage. It's just a kick in the gut every fucking time I open a bill. Especially the ultrasound ones. Idk it just hurts.

I hated this so, so, so much. It really is rubbing salt in a wound. I'm sorry it's happening to you, too. *hugs*

Thank you! I get they can't just forgive the bill, but there has to be a better way. Although, I don't have an answer. I really thought I was done seeing those damn things and BAM another.

[akraus2015]

honda13 , I'm so sorry you have to deal with getting those bills. That was the part that sticks out the most to me of those few months after losing Emmett as being the toughest to handle...coming home and getting those bills.

Trigger Warning...Not a pretty story.

SPOILER: Click to show

Two days before Emmett's funeral, H and I hadn't left the house in almost a week. We decided we needed to just get out for awhile. That somehow ended up the two of us sitting at a shady bar with my best friend, slamming shots of tequila and talking about how unfair the whole thing was.

Fast forward a few hours and I'm stumbling into the house after getting angrier and angrier on the ride home. I grabbed the mail on my way in and the first thing I opened was a doctor's bill from one of my previous appointments. I set it down on the table next to the folder containing Emmett's funeral plans, and just lost my mind. While H was letting LouDog out, I threw a vase of flowers at the wall, knocked over the kitchen table and chairs, and accidentally put a hole in the wall with a chair. H came in to me sitting in a pile of glass, furniture, and flower water and just screaming.

Getting mail was hard for months after that. I didn't break anything else, but the anger was definitely still there every time I opened a bill from my D&C or the anesthesiologist or one of 50 other bills that kept coming.

TL;DR- I've been there, and I know how bad it sucks. I wish there was something I could say to make it suck less, but its just damn unfair. Is your H willing to get the mail for awhile so you don't have to see them??

[rosey06]

honda13 mine haven't started rolling in yet but I'm waiting. My plan is a 90/10 coverage... Which will not be fun with any pregnancy. But I've said that id happily do it with a smile on my face if there was a happy ending that came with it. But these bills will just suck. Hugs to you!

[honda13]

Sept 20, 2016 16:47:12 GMT -5 akraus2015 said:

honda13 , I'm so sorry you have to deal with getting those bills. That was the part that sticks out the most to me of those few months after losing Emmett as being the toughest to handle...coming home and getting those bills.

Trigger Warning...Not a pretty story.

SPOILER: Click to show

Two days before Emmett's funeral, H and I hadn't left the house in almost a week. We decided we needed to just get out for awhile. That somehow ended up the two of us sitting at a shady bar with my best friend, slamming shots of tequila and talking about how unfair the whole thing was.

Fast forward a few hours and I'm stumbling into the house after getting angrier and angrier on the ride home. I grabbed the mail on my way in and the first thing I opened was a doctor's bill from one of my previous appointments. I set it down on the table next to the folder containing Emmett's funeral plans, and just lost my mind. While H was letting LouDog out, I threw a vase of flowers at the wall, knocked over the kitchen table and chairs, and accidentally put a hole in the wall with a chair. H came in to me sitting in a pile of glass, furniture, and flower water and just screaming.

Getting mail was hard for months after that. I didn't break anything else, but the anger was definitely still there every time I opened a bill from my D&C or the anesthesiologist or one of 50 other bills that kept coming.

TL;DR- I've been there, and I know how bad it sucks. I wish there was something I could say to make it suck less, but its just damn unfair. Is your H willing to get the mail for awhile so you don't have to see them??

I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry we all find ourselves here. Sucks! Thank you for the kind words. Dh could get the bills, but he knows zero about our finances, etc. So I would end up taking care of it regardless. *Sigh*. You ladies are a great support system for me.

[honda13]

Sept 20, 2016 16:52:39 GMT -5 rosey06 said:

honda13 mine haven't started rolling in yet but I'm waiting. My plan is a 90/10 coverage... Which will not be fun with any pregnancy. But I've said that id happily do it with a smile on my face if there was a happy ending that came with it. But these bills will just suck. Hugs to you!

I haven't met my deductible yet. Ugh! Insurance just sucksss im general. Thanks.

[akraus2015]

Sept 20, 2016 16:53:15 GMT -5 honda13 said:

Sept 20, 2016 16:47:12 GMT -5 akraus2015 said:

I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry we all find ourselves here. Sucks! Thank you for the kind words. Dh could get the bills, but he knows zero about our finances, etc. So I would end up taking care of it regardless. *Sigh*. You ladies are a great support system for me.

Rats.  Well in that case my next suggestion is to open your bills with a glass of wine.  Which, now that I think about it, should probably apply to all bill-paying situations...

[honda13]

Sept 20, 2016 16:55:07 GMT -5 akraus2015 said:

Sept 20, 2016 16:53:15 GMT -5 honda13 said:

I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry we all find ourselves here. Sucks! Thank you for the kind words. Dh could get the bills, but he knows zero about our finances, etc. So I would end up taking care of it regardless. *Sigh*. You ladies are a great support system for me.

Rats.  Well in that case my next suggestion is to open your bills with a glass of wine.  Which, now that I think about it, should probably apply to all bill-paying situations...

I do have an Angry Orchard in the fridge....

[wannabmama]

Hi everyone! I'm exhausted by life and trying to keep my head above water so I'm being a bad poster...but I'm reading and sending you all major love. Hopefully I'll be back in a few days able to post and catch up!

[honda13]

akraus2015, Good luck with your upcoming IUI.

ironbaby hugs to you, my friend.

rosey06, FX for good blood draw results. The waiting was so hard.

[doodler]

How are you doing? I'm ok. Just floating along in my TWW at the moment.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, 6dpo

Diagnosis (if applicable): Old, Unicorn Uterus, RPL

Updates/questions: Nothing really. I have another baby shower this weekend(one of 4 in a two month time span). I didn't go to the last one but this one is way less triggery so I'm going to give it a shot.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): One of my best friends is currently fighting the miscarriage/infertility double whammy and my heart is breaking for her. I can't personally relate to what you guys have been discussing, but watching her suffer is so freaking hard.

QOTW: What is your very favorite part about your job? I am a special ed teacher so it is obviously the kids. Sometimes it takes our kids 6-7 years to graduate high school and it is beyond amazing to see how far they can come in that time.

[rosey06]

Hcg check from yesterday just got posted. It's <1. woohoo! That dropped nicely. Now come on tsh and you drop back down now also and come on ovulation and let's get this benched cycle over with!