As hard as it is, push her out of your mind. Those thoughts will only weigh you down and you don't need anything from her. So many ((hugs)) for you and your family.
You're completely right. Unnecessary anger. She's the one who has to live with sucking as a person. Released.
Cher I hate this. I have lived this. My heart is breaking for you. I totally understand. People don't think and are so sensitive. Those extra punches while your going through this make me rage. It's incredible how many in the medical field and just people in general need compassion training.
I'm thankful your H is with you now. Huge each other, be honest and talk, be pissed the fuck off. All of it's ok.
I am literally crying for you right now. I'm sorry if that's weird from a stranger. How old is your son again? I don't even know. My kids didn't know I was pregnant when I had a loss so i never had to say anything. Maybe just something about the baby wasn't able to stay and then follow his lead with whatever questions he has? Has he ever experienced a loss of a family member or anything? Not sure if you're religious but maybe going with the whole heaven thing if you believe in that. I'm so sorry.
This breaks my heart to think about. You can't say anything wrong, keep that in mind. You will approach it with thought and love, I know that.
Personally I'd say something like, "we won't get to meet your baby brother like we thought. But we love him and miss him so much. It's okay to be sad, mommy and daddy are very sad too."
I think what @sterling said is perfect. You can tell him mommy and daddy might be sad sometimes but that you are ok. It's probably good he knows you are ok but might be sad sometimes. You can tell him it's ok to be sad and to miss things and people.
Post by Cherhorowitz on Sept 21, 2016 10:48:04 GMT -5
@irish he will be 3 this month. He knows the baby's name. He knows he's coming. He asks for a baby every time we go to the toy store and he practices changing the diaper and he tells me he's going to get the wipes when he has a brother.
Post by lucilleaustero on Sept 21, 2016 10:48:40 GMT -5
Screw that receptionist, she should know better.
As for your son, there is no right or wrong. Not the same, but my DD was close to my grandmother and was 2.5 when she passed. We kept it simple and said that Grandma Alice is not here anymore and is in the sky. She accepted that. She was a little sad, but she did not have the understanding.
Can your H tell your son? If so I would have him talk to him and then when you're ready you can answer questions he might have as best you can in a way that matches your family's beliefs.
This is what we did. DH told my SD because I knew I would have been too emotional and didn't want to upset her more.
Cherhorowitz, my mom had a loss when I was about your son's age. I was also very excited for my sibling. I don't remember my parents' exact words, but I remember how comforting they were, and that they held me and let me know it was okay to be sad. That comfort is what your son will remember, and I know you'll be able to give him that, regardless of the exact words.
@irish he will be 3 this month. He knows the baby's name. He knows he's coming. He asks for a baby every time we go to the toy store and he practices changing the diaper and he tells me he's going to get the wipes when he has a brother.
I'm sorry. I think what @sterling suggested will be good. And then just follow his lead with questions he might have. Whatever you say will be right, he knows you love him and and just letting him know it's ok to be sad is what he needs. Sending love.
My friend had a very late term loss last year and a kid about the same as yours. She basically tried to be as honest as possible without too much emotion. I think she told him that the baby was not going to be coming to live with them but instead was going to live in heaven with their grandpa. They are not religious at all but the heaven concept was the easiest for her to explain.
She said one of the things that really helped was telling the older kid that they could send the baby a balloon in heaven to say hello whenever they wanted. She said she let about 100 balloons go into the sky in the last year and the helps the older kid with a sort of understanding and also helped her heal.
Like everyone else said, there is no right or wrong way to handle this. Personally I'd probably focus on a brief, age appropriate explanation and then as much distraction as possible, maybe really telling myself he is to young to really understand.
Cher, I'm so so sorry to see this, my heart sank when I saw the thread. Life is so GD unfair sometimes. Praying for you, your H, DS and your sweet angel boy. Much love to you all
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