HE I love the age appropriate sentiment of a balloon. This helps the parent know when the child is remembering their sibling. Giving them something they can do will also help. It's in a way the same as visiting a grave. I feel closest to my daughter there. It gave my H and I somewhere to go when we were having hard days or wanted to "do" something for her.
Post by icaughtfire on Sept 21, 2016 11:04:18 GMT -5
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You & your family are in my thoughts. And fuck that receptionist, I am sorry she was so insensitive. Sending strength your way as you grieve.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
Oh my god, Cher. My heart is broken for you. I am crying in my office. I am so sorry. I am praying for you and your boys.
Also, I know you're releasing it, but fuck that stupid fucking receptionist. I'm shocked and horrified, and you of all people deserve so much better than that.
You are amazing human being and I am just so deeply sorry for your loss and that your family has to go through this pain.
Post by rocksforludo on Sept 21, 2016 11:08:11 GMT -5
I think like what others have said, make sure he knows that it's okay to be sad or whatever other feelings he has. You and DH are there for him and love him no matter what.
I wish I could walk in front of you the next few months and absorb some of the blows. It's going to be hard. It is okay for you to have any feelings that you have too. We are here for you and love you no matter what.
Cherhorowitz , my mom had a loss when I was about your son's age. I was also very excited for my sibling. I don't remember my parents' exact words, but I remember how comforting they were, and that they held me and let me know it was okay to be sad. That comfort is what your son will remember, and I know you'll be able to give him that, regardless of the exact words.
This is such an important point -- that your holding and comforting him are the things that will stick with him. Keep it simple, let him know it's ok to be sad, but know there are ultimately no right or wrong words. I know it's going to be an incredibly difficult conversation to have with him, but please be easy on yourself and know that it's not possible to do it wrong, if that makes sense.
Post by beenandgone on Sept 21, 2016 11:10:18 GMT -5
DD1 was 5 when I had my last loss, so a little older, but she was super excited for a little brother or sister, too. We are religious, so we told her that our baby was going to be in Heaven with Jesus, and would always be watching over her.
She cried for quite a while, and now 4 years later, still talks about our lost baby. When her cousin and grandfather passed away, she said she was happy to know that our baby was already in Heaven so that cousin and grandpa wouldn't be alone and scared. I think this is her comfort idea?
You can't say anything wrong. Is your son really upset if he sees mommy or daddy cry? If so, maybe tell him (probably repeatedly as it happens) that mommy and daddy are sad and miss baby brother, and it's okay to cry. He's confused and wants to make sure he didn't do anything wrong.
So many hugs and all the prayers for peace and comfort coming to you.
As hard as it is, push her out of your mind. Those thoughts will only weigh you down and you don't need anything from her. So many ((hugs)) for you and your family.
You're completely right. Unnecessary anger. She's the one who has to live with sucking as a person. Released.
I just want to hug you and rock you and pat your back/ hair. Probably all of things you'd hate.
I'm crying as I write this because I know how awful it is and there's not much that can be done to make your hurt go away. But we'll try. Sending all the love and PM if you think of something that could help.
Post by Cherhorowitz on Sept 21, 2016 11:18:37 GMT -5
I am taking all of your suggestions seriously. We will figure out a way to make our words work for our son. We handle things weird. We are making jokes as I cry, which probably isn't appropriate but it's how I handle things. I will def incorporate all of your suggestions because serious feelings are not my forte.
And hey, Cher, because I needed to hear this after my losses: you did nothing wrong. This is not your fault. This is a horrible, unpreventable tragedy. Be kind to yourself.
Post by bunnyfungo on Sept 21, 2016 11:23:16 GMT -5
Joking and laughing while dealing with grief is totally a coping mechanism. You are not weird. You are perfect and normal. I wish I lived near you, I'd take your son for you.
We're at the hospital. Couldn't get a hold of my ILs so my son is with us. Probably a bad move.
Maybe they have a social worker or extra nurse who can be with him while YH goes with you? I'm not sure. I hope so. There's nothing you could have or should have done differently. This is a terrible day and you're coping with it as best as you can. Fuck logistics right now. Just get through. Hugs to the whole Horowitz fam.
so much this. Just do what you have to to get through. We're here for you.
Cher, I'm sending all my prayers to you and YH right now. Please ask a nurse for help with DS. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed or feel like you're being high maintenance in asking for access to resources that are there to help you.
Please hear us when we say there's no right way to do these things. I don't rem her bring much in the hospital. It really sunk in during the weeks later as I was recovering. Do whatever you need to get through this. If jokes are what you need don't feel bad about that.
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