TTMA First Birthdays

[iheartbroccoli]

Hi everyone.

Theo's first birthday is coming up in just over 2 months.

And I think I want to do a birthday party fundraiser for him.

I worry though that I won't be up for it. I wish I could know how I'll be feeling that day. I don't want to plan a party and then not be up for going. Everyone we would invite to the party are our biggest supporters, so I'm not worried about having a bad day in front of them, I just don't know if I'll be up for seeing people. I know they'll support me doing whatever I want.

What did you do for the first birthday after your child died? How did you feel and is there anything you would do differently?

Thank you. ❤️

[angelsnight]

*****rainbow mentioned*****







First of all, I'll be thinking of you in the coming months. The days and weeks approaching an angelversary are often harder than the day itself. So that being said, is it possible to plan it for maybe a week after? That way when you might be feeling your worst, you won't be dreading this party coming up?

My rainbow was 5 days old on Kayla's first angelversary. I felt it the moment I woke up, this heaviness in my chest. I cried the entire time I got E ready for the day, we were going to her first doctor appt. Having E made it better, I was so thankful to have my rainbow and that she arrived safely, but in a way it was harder, because of all the postpartum hormones and just finally having concrete proof of what I missed with Kayla.

We had a low key day, we went to the doctor, then we picked up a cake and some balloons, and released the balloons at the cemetery. Then we lit a candle and blew it out on the cake and just hung out for the day, just the three of us. I wouldn't have changed a thing. The summer before, we had a big balloon release with all of our family on what would have been Kayla's due date, and then had everyone over for a BBQ, but it was nice celebrating her angelversary with just us and our rainbow.

[wrenofthesea]

For Lillian's first birthday we planted a tree and spent time at the beach. My parents came over for the tree planting and we all wrote some notes to her and hung them on the tree along with some other decorations. We also put some of her ashes in with the tree. At the beach we picked up some special shells and rocks to bring back for her tree, wrote her name in shells, lit some candles at sunset, and MIL had made a wreath from herbs and plants in her garden that we floated out on the water. It was pretty simple but special for us.

As far as how I felt, the days leading up were very hard. In fact I had wanted to plan and prepare a few more things but I just couldn't bring myself to do them before the day. I sort of regret that but then again I can't be too hard on myself, a week before her angelversary is her due date and that day is hard on me. The day of was rough. I ended up getting really angry and annoyed at everyone and everything, I eventually realized it was because in truth I was angry because what I really wanted for her birthday was a smiling living little girl eating birthday cake and opening presents. I also got upset about the wreath MIL made. It was beautiful and wonderful but she told us to float it on the water and I was upset about her telling us what to do and that she wasn't there. I have issues with her not being there after Lillian came or staying for the little memorial and viewing we had. So, I guess I wish that I would have just said- nope, not doing what you want, just doing what I want and since you aren't here to celebrate too bad. I suppose that is my advice to you, do what you want, not what others think you should be doing or what they want to do. It is your day just as much as Theo's so make sure to honor yourself too.

It is hard to know how you will be that day, whether you want a lot of people or only close family. Whether you will want lots of activity or simplicity and time for reflecting. I like the suggestion angelsnight made of maybe planning the party for the week or weekend after- but it is whatever you decide and if you want a party on his birthday and to celebrate with people then that is great and you should do it. Maybe someone can help you with planning if it starts to seem overwhelming, or if you feel you need to step out for awhile or are too emotional to do stuff that day that there is another host that will still be there that can take over and help out.

[iheartbroccoli]

Thank you both so much! You both have really helped me and it helps me a lot in planning his birthday.

I really like the idea of planning it for a week or so later, and I feel so silly for not thinking of that. I rarely had my birthday party on my actual birthday, and yet that never occurred to me. Lol.

[shandorfml2]

The day before was the worst for me. We had a small dinner with friends, those who had attended her funeral. We had cupcakes with chocolate butterflies on them. We did a balloon release, brought a first birthday balloon to her grave, and cried a lot.

[peaseblossom55]

For Anne.liese's first birthday that was just over a month ago we did a few things to honor her. We didn't throw a party and just kept it between H & I. I baked a cake for her, I enjoy baking so it was an excuse. I got a 1 candle as well and wrote out Happy birthday Anne.liese on the cake. It didn't look the greatest but it was so yummy.

Then H & I did a balloon release with a note attached. After those events which took place late morning to mid afternoon, it became a regular day. I didn't want to dwell in sadness but I did want to honor her. I was happy with what we did for the most part. I would have loved to have gone to the beach but the week had been a crazy one. Perhaps next year.