Dh is out goose hunting, and i had to throw N the crib so i could get out of bed. I had to pee so bad. He was fussing but is now quiet and I am stealing this moment to drink my coffee and catch up. In peace.
Last night was rough. I didn't get M back to sleep until midnight. We tried all sorts of things. Co-sleeping got me a kick in the nose that is still sore this morning. M woke up at 6:30 and even though obviously tired won't go back to sleep. I'm laying on the couch letting him play for a bit before I fix his breakfast.
I've been thinking about everything I accomplished over the past week. Mostly on the weekend. I put a bookshelf together, rearranged the kids room (family room) cleaned entire house twice, put fall decorations out, hung family photos, hung random decorations (that have been laying around since we moved a year and a half ago), shopped for picture day clothes, grocery shopped, and kept kids entertained and fed. Oh and cooked meals for this week. I did a lot and the house looks fantastic.
Some on this stuff H has been telling me he will do. Then feeds me a line of excuses to why he didn't. Kids. Work. Bills. Etc.
I am calling bullshit. I did it with 2 kids underfoot. This really makes me think hard about our relationship. I get busy. I don't get lazy and lies. I am curious to see his reaction to all that I've done. But honestly he probably won't say anything positive, just find something to knit pick.
I've been thinking about everything I accomplished over the past week. Mostly on the weekend. I put a bookshelf together, rearranged the kids room (family room) cleaned entire house twice, put fall decorations out, hung family photos, hung random decorations (that have been laying around since we moved a year and a half ago), shopped for picture day clothes, grocery shopped, and kept kids entertained and fed. Oh and cooked meals for this week. I did a lot and the house looks fantastic.
Some on this stuff H has been telling me he will do. Then feeds me a line of excuses to why he didn't. Kids. Work. Bills. Etc.
I am calling bullshit. I did it with 2 kids underfoot. This really makes me think hard about our relationship. I get busy. I don't get lazy and lies. I am curious to see his reaction to all that I've done. But honestly he probably won't say anything positive, just find something to knit pick.
Vent over.
Likes for all your hardwork, hugs for vent. I find this post very inspiring, i have curtains that i have been waiting for him to hang for me, i am putting them on my todo.
Laverne, I was single for a long time, living by myself. I was always very handy. Painting interiors, decorating, putting furniture together. Since marriage I don't do any of it and I finally said f it, I can do this!. It felt great to see that i still had it in me.
Going out to breakfast this morning. It will not be healthy but it will be delicious! My goal is to be reasonable about portion sizes and eat healthy the rest of the day.
After that we're taking the kids to a kids museum/play place. So many cool things to do there!
@janetheconquerer You have been amazingly productive while he's been gone. To be fair though, it sounds like more than many people could accomplish while working and taking care of 2 kids by themselves. I know when my H is away I basically serve leftovers and eat off paper plates. Very little cleaning gets done. It's all about survival and the essentials.
If he feels like it's a competition of who does more he may get defensive. Bottom line is you need him to help and you need him to do what he says he'll do, even if it isn't always totally equal. I hope you guys can have a productive conversation about it.
And by the way, you've been a rock star this week!
Post by redandblue on Sept 25, 2016 8:37:58 GMT -5
Hey aydee and ampaints I'm here. Been so so busy since being back to work. My job is super busy so no real time to come play here, and then I'm finding nights to be busy and exhausting. DH took M to a hockey game on Friday by himself. I absolutely hate hockey so did not want to go. M did great and I guess entertained those around them! M has been cutting 4 teeth over the past couple of weeks, so I'm assuming that's causing some crankiness, but overall he is doing great! Having big issues with DS1 again. DH and I are heading to counseling this week to get some guidance and perspective. Hardest thing I have ever been through is parenting him over the past year. My heart breaks so often over his choices and then my reactions. Sigh. Hopefully it will continue to get better (he has actually had a couple of good days, so we will see) .
Today DH let me sleep in, so I'm slowly getting up and going to make coffee. We did all the cleaning yesterday, so will be a nice relaxing day.
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
Glad to hear most everything is going well redandblue! Your situation with ds1 sounds frustrating. I'm sorry he's giving you all such a hard time. I hope counseling helps!!
aydee, yes I've done a ton and that's only because I was sick of asking for it to be done. But H doesn't watch the kids, they are in day care full time. And he works about 4 hours a day. Soo, even though it's not a competition, he has the time to do it. He just finds other things to occupy his time.
It is what it is and all major things are done now. I will continue to just do it myself moving forward, this way it gets done
Post by redandblue on Sept 25, 2016 9:44:11 GMT -5
@janetheconquerer, that is hard when you don't feel the division of labour is equal. I hope he notices when he gets home and appreciates what you do. Hugs.
Also this situation with DS1 has moved beyond frustrating and is just heart breaking. I honestly feel there is nothing worse then feeling disappointment in someone you love so much. Hard to describe. I don't wish it on anyone. I have so many feels about it and they seem to be a on a revolving door internally. I'm hoping this counseling will help, if nothing else I need strategies to learn how to deal with my reactions and emotions. Taking it all personally is so hard.
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
redandblue hugs and I hope things get better with DS1.
Thanks. I'm hoping this counseling will help.
I also hope M starts feeling better. Those kind of nights are horrible! M had that last week, he woke up at 4:30 and did not go back to sleep. He just wanted to lay on me, but was so fidgety. All the coffee for you!
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
Going out to breakfast this morning. It will not be healthy but it will be delicious! My goal is to be reasonable about portion sizes and eat healthy the rest of the day.
After that we're taking the kids to a kids museum/play place. So many cool things to do there!
Sounds like a perfect day planned! I'm also jealous of your breakfast! I want delicious unhealthy breakfast too!
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
Post by mommabakes on Sept 25, 2016 10:07:48 GMT -5
Woke up with a headache today :/ Planning on going to a nature park nearby once DS wakes up from his nap. I'm taking camera, and hopefully I'll get some good pictures! I want to be a better photographer, and am trying to get in lots of practice, so I can justify buying a new lens for my camera
I need to meal plan at some point. So much harder when I'm trying to be healthy. Ugh.
I bought a daily planner, hoping to get myself organized and more productive! If you use a planner, what all do you write in it?
redandblue, I know you keep most of what ds1 does private but I feel I should let you know, I feel like I was him for my parents. I was not a good daughter from 16 to 20 yo. I was horrible. Seriously. From smoking pot to trying other drugs, skipping school, running away, sneaking out, it's amazing I never was arrested or ended up dead.
I managed to hold down 2 jobs and be involved in after school activities, graduated and went to college. I turned out alright, in my opinion. But that time, I was truly struggling emotionally. So I acted out. I look back and think my poor mom. Who btw, I am now extremely close with. She's my rock and I don't know what I'd do without her.
I hope this is just a finding himself stage and figuring it all out for him. Stay strong and hang in there. And stay true to your convictions. In time (even if a few years down the road) things will be better!!! Don't give up on him.
redandblue, I'm so glad you are getting a therapist involved. Is this person just for you and H or is it family treatment for all 3 of you? You don't have to answer if I'm prying. Either way, I hope that involving a professional will help and will help you to feel more empowered and better able to help your son.
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