A rough few days.

[rslh10]

I'm having a really rough few days.

We received our Molly Bear this week, so that was pretty rough. Feeling Kenley's weight in my arms brought me to many many tears. It felt so good, and wrong all at the same time. I don't want to be holding a bear, I want to be holding my daughter.

We went into Kenley's nursery for the first time in almost 5 months. That was very sad. We went through some of her things and put them in her hope chest. We went through her diaper bag, and I was able to look at her footprints, the hat she wore, and the clothes she wore for the first time.

Then, yesterday was 38+4- the length of time she was alive.

Today is 38+5- she has officially been gone longer than she's been alive. I cannot wrap my head around it. It all feels like a dream, but I hate to even think of it that way. I just really miss her.

**pregnancy mentioned**

I am almost 13 weeks pregnant with Kenley's little sister and knowing eventually I need to make progress on the nursery is giving me all kinds of feels. I want to make the nursery completely different because I fear if I keep it the same-ish I will have a very hard time walking in there with a new baby.

*end mention*

I am just having a rough day. Needed to vent.

Thanks ladies

[sandj918]

I am so sorry. I can imagine going into Kenley's room and going through her things was beyond difficult. I wish there were words someone could say to make all of this right.

[angelsnight]

***rainbow mentioned***






I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I got pregnant with my rainbow a few months after we lost Kayla. We hadn't made any real progress on her nursery yet, so I didn't have to deal with that. But we were the same way, we wanted a completely different theme from what we had picked out for Kayla. Even now, 3.5 years later, I sit in Emily's room and think about how different everything would be if Kayla had lived. Hugs to you mama.

[littleowl913]

hugs rslh10 . I'm glad you received your molly bear.

*******rainbow mentioned*********

We didn't get that far along with Ronin's nursery but we decided to change the theme for his little brother, E. I had already purchased one of those vinyl sticker trees for Ronin and decided to put it up for E. It had an owl (which is for Ronin) and a monkey (B/c E was jumping and flipping in my tummy) so we felt like it fit. It's up on the wall where E's crib as if Ronin is there looking and watching over E.

[peaseblossom55]

We didn't get far along with Anne.liese's nursery. Even though we decided on the same crib in some ways it feels wrong because it feel like Anne.liese's crib. I'm trying not to think of it that way, but it's hard.

Sending you so many hugs, getting my Molly bear was so emotional it felt good and sad at the same time. I am so glad it came quickly for you. As always lots of love to you

[shandorfml2]

Thinking of you rslh10, so, so hard. I remember those days. Not easy at all.

[wrenofthesea]

I am sorry that you are having a time lately. Dealing with the nursery is so difficult and just... really hard. Whatever you decide to do with the nursery will be the right thing for you and your family. I know some people from IRL support group that decided to have everything be new and different for their subsequent children, others use everything they were going to use before, and some do a mix.


***Subsequent child mention***

For Lillian's little sister, Iggs, we used all the furniture we had for Lillian as we had bought them with the hopes of having a sibling for her someday. So, already they were supposed to be hand me downs at some point and that made it a little easier. We moved shortly after I got pregnant with Iggs so we had to set up the nursery anew and it was good for us to be able to paint the room a different color and just set things up differently. A few of the art pieces were put up again but some not. We used much of the clothes and toys we had for Lillian for Iggs, a lot of it was already hand me down from family and friends so it was like just handing down to another child. Some though were saved away special just for Lillian. Deciding to set up the nursery and go through with washing and prepping everything again was incredibly hard. I ended up getting through it by thinking of how much love and care we put into buying things and setting up for Lillian and that H and I never regretted any minute of it even though she never came home. So, I decided Iggs deserved that same love and care her sister got. That was just us though.

Lots of hugs

[bananas22]

I'm so sorry it's been rough. I don't really have much to add to what everyone else has said. My boys were going to share a room so we hadn't set anything up yet. But I did want to say you've been in my thoughts.

[heartpresidents]

Hi rslh10, just wanted to say hello and I'm so sorry you're having a rough time!


*****rainbow mentioned



Setting up the nursery for our second was so, so hard. We reused nearly everything because it was important to me that Lincoln's little brother have his hand me downs, but it was tough. We painted the walls, painted the dresser, rearranged the furniture, little things to make it different enough.
But I did get some great advice from another loss mom and it really helped me so I wanted to share. She suggested including a lot of monogramming/personalization in the new room. Our second has his name on the wall and lots of little things like a pillow and blanket with his name on it. That allowed me to start going into the room and practicing for it to be a different baby there. We also called it "the boys' room" instead of "Harrison's room" for a long time because we had a hard time transitioning. So we didn't force it, we just did whatever worked for us.

Good luck! I hope this week is better than last!