WUW - 9/29/2016

[4furrypaws]

Sorry I haven't checked in for a while!

We have decided to move forward with a DEgg cycle locally. Our nurse apt is 10/10. I'll have some tests to redo (meh) and a mock cycle (meh). Hopefully the donor we both like will still have frostie eggies available when it's time to do the shit!

I'm feeling less anxious now that we have pulled the trigger and made a decision. But I find myself being extra emotional with all the things. Stahp it!!! I'm crying at all the things. Bah.

QOTW: GoT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


edit; typing too fast and fucking up words

[cali]

Hi all!

4furrypaws, I'm so excited for you!

AFM, not much to say here, in the TWW from our letrozole TI cycle. Trying not to ride the crazy train. That's about it.

QOTW: TWD!

[MissSally]

4furrypaws Yay! I'm excited for you!!!!

cali FX for you in your TWW.

AFM...

I'm two days into my Letrozol cycle. So far it is just making me really queasy. But I'll take it... clomid made me psycho. I gotta get to the store and pick up some OPKs and see if this shit works.

QOTW: Criminal Minds, Quantico, Blacklist... Oh and I want to start that new one called Notorious. We shall see.

[MissSally]

Sept 29, 2016 15:08:30 GMT -5 @eliida said:

MissSally Rereading your post, is your RE doing midcycle monitoring for you? OPKs and letrozole don't always play nice together. Letrozole can cause false positives and negatives.

Oh they actually told me I don't need to do the OPKs but I was going to just for my own sanity. They didn't mention that! Maybe I should temp. They're just doing bloodwork in CD21 I think.

[elliecat17]

HI guys sorry I'm late to the party!

CALR: not much happening. Tracking this cycle with OPKs but otherwise not doing much else. It's a little hard to do TI with someone else in the house, so H and I are still pretty much NTNP. Maybe we will do another medicated cycle around christmas.

NCALR: We met with CSS this week to talk about fostering and adoption. It was interesting, and we have a lot of work to do now! H is in the process of starting up his own business, so that's making it harder for me to say let's go for it! School has been crazy, and i feel like I don't have time to catch up on anything let alone be ahead! I'm also still working so that adds in a whole other level of crazy.

QOTW: Librarians, Grimm, and Greys.

[muscari]

Ahh sorry I'm late to the party! Thanks for the check-in @eliida.

4furrypaws, I hope the appointment on the 10th will go well, and they can answer the questions you have! So odd they want to redo so much testing, and the mock cycle and all. Won't they let you reserve the donor of your choice already, so you know for sure there'll be frosties available once you're ready for your dFET cycle?

cali, you're closing in on the end of your TWW right? I hope you were able to sidetrack yourself some, I know this last cycle before moving on to IVF is a mindf*ck. Will you be testing or do you have to go in for BW or such? I guess you have to do one thing or another since you have to know whether to stop P4?

MissSally, sorry the letrozole is making you feel queesy Hopefully the side effect wears off soon!

elliecat17, Ahh so exciting you met with CSS and it was good and interesting. FX things will align for you and YH (with school, his new business, etc) soon and you can move forward!

[cali]

muscari, I'm just going to test at home. Probably tomorrow. Ugh.

[muscari]

AFM, CD1 was on Saturday, we picked up my meds yesterday so IVF#2 will be in progress as per CD19.. that's two weeks from now y'all! I wish I could say I was like really excited, but in all honesty.. I'm not. I mean, it's slowly creeping in now that things are starting to get real but with all the nonTTC/IF related crap that's going on here I'm just stretched too thin right now and just don't have a lot of mental space available to ponder about our next cycle I guess? Which in a way concerns me but at the same time I know that once things are in full progress it will be okay and fine. And, before that we will be on holiday so hopefully I'll feel much more relaxed

[muscari]

Oct 4, 2016 8:53:21 GMT -5 cali said:

muscari , I'm just going to test at home. Probably tomorrow. Ugh.

Aww keeping everything crossed for you C! We're here for you!

[muscari]

Oct 4, 2016 22:17:45 GMT -5 @eliida said:

Oct 4, 2016 8:59:40 GMT -5 muscari said:

AFM, CD1 was on Saturday, we picked up my meds yesterday so IVF#2 will be in progress as per CD19.. that's two weeks from now y'all! I wish I could say I was like really excited, but in all honesty.. I'm not. I mean, it's slowly creeping in now that things are starting to get real but with all the nonTTC/IF related crap that's going on here I'm just stretched too thin right now and just don't have a lot of mental space available to ponder about our next cycle I guess? Which in a way concerns me but at the same time I know that once things are in full progress it will be okay and fine. And, before that we will be on holiday so hopefully I'll feel much more relaxed

Totally get this. I've been feeling guilty about my lack of excitement for ivf#2 as well. There's just so much happening, it's almost hard to focus on it. (Or, perhaps, that's a preemptive subconscious protection measure.) So glad to hear that you guys are able to get away.

Yes, there's just so much happening (and none of it unfortunately is positive, so tis all very stressful in our life atm), I just can't focus. On top of that I'm also pretty sure it's a subconscious protection measure. And this all together just makes it almost impossible to feel anything about our upcoming cycle. I hate it And in all honesty, I'm actually contemplating postponing cycling by a month of two. It feels like too much? I don't want to postpone for the wrong reasons but whan do I know what a good or wrong reason is??

[cali]

muscari, as we approach the time we may be starting IVF I have the urge to postpone too (and the same feeling happened the first time we were supposed to cycle). I think it's just because I'm so scared it won't work and instead of dealing with that possibility I want to just put it off. But I've come to the conclusion that I just have to do it. I won't be any less scared in a month or two and life will always be throwing curveballs it seems. Just how you were saying in another thread that you regret waiting so long to see an RE, I feel like I may really regret waiting to cycle and look back and question whether I would have had a different outcome if I started sooner. So I guess, I'm just saying for me, I just know I have to push forward. I'm not saying that is necessarily the right choice for you too, but just something to think about.

[muscari]

Oct 5, 2016 6:04:15 GMT -5 cali said:

muscari , as we approach the time we may be starting IVF I have the urge to postpone too (and the same feeling happened the first time we were supposed to cycle). I think it's just because I'm so scared it won't work and instead of dealing with that possibility I want to just put it off. But I've come to the conclusion that I just have to do it. I won't be any less scared in a month or two and life will always be throwing curveballs it seems. Just how you were saying in another thread that you regret waiting so long to see an RE, I feel like I may really regret waiting to cycle and look back and question whether I would have had a different outcome if I started sooner. So I guess, I'm just saying for me, I just know I have to push forward. I'm not saying that is necessarily the right choice for you too, but just something to think about.

I recognize feeling the urge to postpone starting IVF, I felt the same before our first cycle. I too was scared about all the things that could go wrong (like not responding to the meds/getting cancelled, having 0 fertilization) and for it failing, having nothing after putting everything into it. I too just pushed through, and am glad I did. Sure, in the end it didn't work for us, but still.

This time around the thoughts of postponing don't stem from being scared though, but mostly from being just too overwhelmed with life. Without going into to much details, there's just so much stress and pressure and uncertainty about so many aspects of our future, and it feels as if cycling (and all the emotional and physical strain of it) on top of all that will just be too much and I'm scared I'll crack or something.. So it's not as much about the IVF itself as about everything else?

Though I have to admit there's times where I wonder whether I'm doing the right thing, putting myself/us through another cycle while the chance of success is sooo small (they've given us less then 5% of it working, due to the dx - though I'm not sure what to think of that, also considering all I've learned from the ladies hre and on 3T). My heart feels so broken already, and it's hard to piece it back together every time. Ever since getting the POF/DOR dx this Spring I've been working on the emotional part of the prospect of living CLNBC. First mostly in the background, since we had hopes for IVF#1, but with that failing (the BFN but also my crappy response, the sucky fertilization rate and none to freeze etc).. When do I know whether I've reached my breaking point? When is enough enough? This of course is a question none can answer for me but I myself as this is highly personal.

Though, when I think in these terms, I mostly feel just really upset that the OTHER crap in our live is making me feel I can't handle IF on top of that.. and I don't think that I should deny myself something that is thís important and will change the rest of our lives one way or the other, just because other important aspects of our life currently suck balls and do my head in (but should get better again in time)!? I guess it just sucks I don't have the luxury of sitting out this suckyness then move on with IVF.. time's ticking. Maybe I'm hoping that by giving ourselves a couple more months to recoup and regroup will give me júst that bit of extra emotional headspace that would make things a tiny bit more doable?

Ahh sorry for the novel! I've tried to talk about this with MH but mainly his response is that he will respect any decision I make, and that just doesn't feel too helpful atm

[cali]

muscari, you're totally right. Only you can decide what is right for you. I know you have a lot going on outside of IF right now, so if you feel like it's all too much then definitely take the time you need. You know yourself best. I know this all sucks so badly, but from what I hear you saying it sounds like you already kind of decided at least that you want to give IVF one more shot, for your own peace of mind and it's just a matter of when you feel ready to do that. I know it's all of this is so tough and that feeling of the clock ticking just adds even more pressure. So many ((hugs)).
If you do decide to go forward this cycle it looks like we could be cycle buddies. BFN for me this morning, so we're moving forward with IVF. I emailed my nurse this morning to get things started. Once AF comes I'll be starting BCPs.

[muscari]

Oct 5, 2016 6:50:22 GMT -5 cali said:

muscari , you're totally right. Only you can decide what is right for you. I know you have a lot going on outside of IF right now, so if you feel like it's all too much then definitely take the time you need. You know yourself best. I know this all sucks so badly, but from what I hear you saying it sounds like you already kind of decided at least that you want to give IVF one more shot, for your own peace of mind and it's just a matter of when you feel ready to do that. I know it's all of this is so tough and that feeling of the clock ticking just adds even more pressure. So many ((hugs)).
If you do decide to go forward this cycle it looks like we could be cycle buddies. BFN for me this morning, so we're moving forward with IVF. I emailed my nurse this morning to get things started. Once AF comes I'll be starting BCPs.

Oh C, I'm sorry about the BFN. *hugs* I know that (for me at least) having a plan helped a bit but man I did have a hard time with that last BFN prior to IVF. How long will you be on BCP for in prep for IVF? And you best tell your oves to not come up with that cyst crap again! It would be sweet to be cycle buddies:)

And yes you read that right; I do want to give IVF another shot! Even if I am scared it still won't work I would regret it always if we didn't. And since we will be doing ICSI this time I do have hopes for slightly better results in # of embryos. Whether or not one will stick is another matter altogether of course heh but that aside.
I just don't feel 100% sure that the timing is right to cycle right now? I had thought that the time in between the decision late August and actually cycling would be enough to be ready again, and it would have been hadn't it been for the additional stressfactors (mainly MHs work situation which didn't resolve but only got worse, and our financial stability is directly linked to that so yeah.. it's stress- and anxietyinducing like F). Sure, there's always something so in itself that's not a good reason to postpone either but...ugh! I'm just not sure I can handle it all at once. Though thinking out loud and talking about it some helps! So thank you for that.

[elliecat17]

muscari (hugs) I'm so sorry lady. I hope you figure this all out soon and that things relax for you at home in the near future.

[muscari]

Thank you ladies cali , @eliida , elliecat17 , for your responses. These same thoughts have circled through my head for some time now, and it drives me crazy sometimes! I brought up the idea of postponing to MH last night and now was able to share with you, and I'm feeling somewhat less smothered. Still not quite sure what to do but that's okay for now.

[cali]

muscari, well, you still have a bit of time to figure it out. I'm sure you'll make the best decision for yourself. I'm glad you were able to have a conversation with YH about it.