Don't want to breastfeed

[izzy0927]

Hey guys, I havent posted much since having Dominic on the 8th, but we are so in love. I'm sitting here feeling really frustrated tonight. In the hospital, he was doing amazingly well, breastfeeding every 3 hours, sleeping fully between- it was great. yeatwesay was our first night home and there was drama because he wouldn't latch, and he wasn't peeing enough. We ended up calling the pediatrician and supplemented with formula at their recommendation (poor baby guzzled it down in no time at all- he was clearly so hungry and dehydrated.) Anyway, this morning my milk came in, and he was rigjt back to feeding perfectly. Tonight he's been on my boob pretty much every hour. How is he hungry?!! I suspect he's just using me for comfort , and I can't keep up with it.

Anyway, all this to say, I really don't want to breastfeed. I dread to think about the next feeding... I just don't want to do this. It's causing me SO much anxiety and worry and I think I'd be a lot happier if we switched to formula. But everyone is saying "don't give up! It'll get easier! It's the best gift you can give to your baby!" And I feel terrible. I just want someone to says "make the switch! It'll be fine!"

Has anyone here given up breastfeeding for totally selfish reasons?

[allonsy221b]

I didn't give up breastfeeding but I never thought I'd accomplish it. That being said, there is nothing wrong with switching to formula if it's better for you, or even pumping and giving him a bottle instead.

It's a personal choice and everyone responds to it differently. Also he could be having a growth spurt already, it's hard to keep up! Breastfeeding has amazing benefits but if it saves your sanity I'm all for supplementing or switching to formula. I'm sorry it's giving you anxiety, you need to take care of you also. No guilt in that!

[unconventionalatbest]

I was unable to breastfeed both of my babies so far. I might not be able to this time either. It created a lot of guilt, but eventually I came to the realization that I was still feeding them, even if it was formula. And that's what matters. And for the record, both of my boys are healthy, strong, smart, and have great immune systems. Also, a nice phrase to remember is "happy mom, happy baby." You have to keep your sanity to give your baby the best. If that means formula, then do it.

[kcrosem]

I get it. This breast feeding thing is really hard. My first was in the NICU for 3 weeks and they told me not to pump at night so I fed him about half of what he was getting. This LO, I nicknamed baby piranha. So much harder. You could try both for a while or give him what you can. DH likes that we are supplementing a bit for weight gain as he likes to be able to feed him. I went to a pacifier for the comfort sucking. Mine was born on the 5th and it really has gotten easier the last few days. I am going to see a lactation specialist this week. All my disjointed rambling is really to say do what you need to and I empathize!

[xoxolicia]

I'm probably the last person that should be giving advice since I'm a FTM. If you don't want to do it, you don't HAVE to do it. Your baby will be just fine either way. BFing isn't for everyone and frankly ,if it's causing stress, let it go. There are tons of moms that EP or FF and their babies are perfectly healthy.

Don't let anyone talk you out of making the decision for you. Definitely don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it.

Good luck!

[lotsofdotts]

This is your child, so you can do what you think is best. You don't have to explain it to anyone. If formula is best, that is your choice. Don't feel guilty. I couldn't get the hang of BF my first, so he ended up on formula. With the second, she got the hang of BFing and all was good. I don't feel guilty that my first didn't get BF. He is just fine.

Don't fall into mommy guilt. If you are feeding your baby, you are fine.

[izzy0927]

I'm just having a hard time feeling like not wanting to is a good enough reason. I CAN do it. I can stick it out more and force myself if I had to, but I just don't want to. And if any of my friends said that to me, I'd totally 100% day girl, you gotta quit! But for some reason I won't hear it myself.

[mommadozer]

My LO was born early and we had no help in the hospital for breastfeeding. The nurses and consultant just flat out said your baby is preterm and is going to have latching problems. They would not provide a nipple shield and we're making me use a syringe to feed him. I was so frustrated after two days of being home. My friend that is a L&D nurse told me his latch was good but my nipple was flat. The Medela nipple shield has been a lifesaver! It's saving my boobs from bleeding and he easily latches on to feed.

Honestly, up to you about what you want to do. Not sure what your anxiety is coming from. Your milk doesn't fully come in for about a week or so. At first I was only pumping 2-3oz between both every 2-3 hours and now I'm getting 5oz every 2 hours. You really have to stay hydrated to keep your milk coming in. I can tell a huge difference in days where I don't drink enough fluids.

We could easily afford formula if necessary but, my milk is in and it's enough for the LO. Plus, it's one less expense. If the shear idea of your LO latching onto you is giving you anxiety, then you could pump and bottle feed. I alternate between breastfeeding and bottle feeding to give my nipples a break. It's not ruining his latch, as some books or people claim. Also, some of my mommy friends solely pump and bottle feed because it's more convenient for them.

Good luck!

[Mom2Ms]

If he is BF that much, it could be baby GIRD. DD had that and she fed like that. It took us a while to figure out thats why she was constantly BF'ing. Don't give up!

[firelizard8367]

I'm struggling with it too sometimes. He may be doing some cluster feedings to get back on track or be having a growth spurt. Try setting small goals (I will feed him through the night, or even just to get through the next feed). If your feelings of not wanting to continue persist, then go ahead and switch! No one here is going to judge you poorly for having made a decision that keeps you sane and is still perfectly safe/healthy for your baby!

[Rarity]

Don't beat yourself up. I'm going to tell you what I told a dear friend of mine. Yes, breast is best...but so is your sanity. If you switch to forumula, you're still doing what's best for your son, you are feeding him-period. Thousands of babies are formula fed and are perfect. Breastfeeding/formula feeding does not define your love, or you as a mother. You are giving him the best. You are giving him your love, protection, providing a roof over his head, and food.

Breastfeeding is no joke, especially as a FTM. And people are right, it really does get better and easier. With my first, it took 4 long weeks to breastfeed without any issues. With this one, it was about 3 days. My milk came in a lot sooner.

Whatever you decide to do, is best. I also want to give you hugs. Your son will be fine and love you just the same - whatever you decide to do.

[aggiebug]

So not feel guilty for your emotions and for feeling like quitting. You being a happy mom is also very important so if it doesn't improve and you want to change then do what is best for the 2 of you and make a change.

Have you thought about exclusively pumping? That could be a happy medium for you. Still providing breast milk but without the stress of breast feeding.

Hugs momma. I felt like that for a few days that it would just be easier for everyone if I just quit breast-feeding. For me it got better so here I am at 4am feeding my LO but it can still be daunting. No one else can feed her so it seems like a one man show in the middle of the night. H can sleep and I can't and it's a bummer.

[JEMandtheHolograms]

BF vs. FF is the first of many parenting decisions you will make for your child and your family. Do what you need to do to ENJOY the newborn experience. In a matter of moments you will have to decide when LO will sleep in a crib, if you will purchase or make baby food, what type of child care you will get, whether to wear the baby or put in a stroller while out in public, etc. etc.

I know anecdotal stories can be crap but I will say this. When I was pregnant with DD, I didn't know the BF vs. FF thing, was well, a thing. I never was really interested in BFing and I saw a lot of pros to FF. So after talking with my midwife, DD went straight to formula from the moment she was born. I was happy, she was happy and fed, and she and I had a nice little system going on. She is now a healthy, happy toddler who love zucchini, has never been sick and walked at 9 months. Is it because I gave her formula--nope. Would it have been any different if I BF--nope.

[mels823]

If it makes you feel any better I feel the exact same way. My daughter couldn't latch so I gave up on bf really fast. I worked with lactation consultants for every feeding for 4 days and nights in the hospital, and when I got home it was nonstop tears from me and screams from my daughter everytime we tried to feed. I decided to pump instead with formula supplementing for one feeding a day. It's been a month and I am SO sick of it. I constantly think about just switching to formula. I think I will continue pumping a bit more, but I feel like it really dictates my life. If we are leaving the house longer than 3 hours I cart it around with me, and I really hate that. My nipples are killing me and I leak through every pad I try to use! I cringe when I turn the power button on. I was so depressed for the first two weeks of being home because I felt like if I chose anything other than continuing to try to breastfeed everyone would judge me. My mom and inlaws were always on me about trying to continue, but I finally just said that it's not working for us, I'm going to pump for now, but she is getting fed no matter what so it's perfectly fine. No one gives me crap anymore.

My lactation consultant that taught the breastfeeding class started off her presentation saying "Breast is best... SOMETIMES. If it is making everyone miserable, there are better options for you and your baby and there is no shame in that". I just keep reminding myself of those words and I feel better. I think we will switch to formula in the near future and I'm starting to feel more and more ok about it.

Just remember, whatever you do, as long as you are feeding your baby you are making the right decision! There is no decision that is right for everyone, it's so much more important to keep your sanity and to keep yourself and your baby healthy and happy. No shame in formula feeding! Best of luck!

[mishka29]

My best friend had her first baby in decembelr and she chose not to BF bc she didn't want to. She knew she didn't want to and didn't try. Honestly, I don't really understand but I don't need to. You have to make the right choice for you and go with it. It doesnt matter what other people think. GL!

[miniwheat]

I have decided not to BF this LO.

With my first I had latch issues that no Dr or LC could help me get past despite their best efforts so I ended up pumping for a few months and I was miserable. I was connected to my pump more than I was connecting with my DD. Switching was the best for us. When DS was born last week the same issues arose and after a couple days of trying with shields and pumps I decided it wasn't right for us.

DS is fed, full and happy. And I am happy. And you should feel happy while feeding your baby too. What ever you decide will be the right choice. Hugs izzy!!

[JEMandtheHolograms]

Feb 12, 2015 10:00:23 GMT -5 @nolagal said:

If you don't want to BF, for any damn reason, then don't! I have a good friend who is disgusted by the thought of it. She FF, never even tried it. Parenting and newborns are hard enough as it is, make the decisions that are best for you and baby, and don't look back. I'm pro-feeding your baby.

I want to hug you...

[dreemkin]

With DD1 I had issues (flat nipples, latch issues, low supply even with pumping). I cried and struggled through it all for about a month. I tried everything to make it better. I also just felt sad while BF or EP. I think it was a hormonal thing.

This time I had same issues in the beginning and I didn't even try pumping. It's not for me. I feel guilty but I shouldn't (even the pediatricians said not to). I am feeding my baby and we are both a lot happier. ((Hugs))

[michelle142]

I'm in the camp of "as long as you're feeding your baby, that's all that truly matters"

Do not let Mommy-Guilt eat at you. If you don't want to BF, don't. No matter if you choose formula or breastmilk - baby is getting fed and that's what's important.

[dacora]

Thank you for this thread, I really needed to read all of this right now after my few attempts. I knew going in the idea didn't appeal to me and I was stressed about trying, and after actually trying I just can't keep at it. It stressed me out, was awkward with my already large chest, seemed like it was stressing her out... It's not for me. Besides, DH loves feeding her the bottle.

[izzy0927]

I just wanted to thank you guys for all your input. DH and I read over everyone's responses and talked about this a lot. We have another pediatrician appointment tomorrow to do a weight check, and we're going to ask for some unbiased feedback on switching to a combination of pumping and supplementing with formula. I tried to nurse him just now and then followed up with a half oz of pumped breast milk and he conked out- clearly more satisfied than he's been wth just the breast. I think he's just a lazy nurser so he's not getting satisfied enough.

Anyway, reading your experience and seeing this baby satisfied makes me feel a million times better about my decision. You guys talked me off the ledge and I'm feeling way more confident. Man, this hormone plunge and new mom insecurity is a SERIOUS battle!

[usmcwife89]

I had my LO on the 5th. Not even an hour after he was born I made the decision I wasn't going to BF. I had all intentions to try to do it. However once he was here and was very stubborn on latching and seemed lazy to bluntly put it.. I got overly stressed and told the nurse to give me formula. He does great and I'm not stressed about it. Babies can pick up on your stress so I don't feel guilty or regret my decision.

[cougarette]

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better now and that baby is satisfied.

FTM, so no real advice, but I wanted to reiterate that if you do decide to switch and your only reason is because you don't want to, then that's a valid reason. If anyone has a problem with your reason (not that it's anyone's business), then they can go fuck themselves. Parenting is hard enough.

With that said, if you decide you stick it out, we're here for you!

[angeldcf]

Feed the baby = you're an awesome mom.
Be sane and have peace with your decision. Like PP said, yes, breast is best but so is healthy/sane mama.

You could FF and give BM at times. Pumping could help lessen any anxiety/guilt as you're still giving LO some breastmilk (antibodies, etc). BF isn't easy so do what's best for you, baby, your family.

[flyster]

I'm all on board the breast feeding train for myself/baby, but really much of the crazy emphasis on it right now is backlash against formula companies who were being pretty predatory a number of years ago, trying to convince moms scientific formula was better, and getting hospitals to push it. Now they can only really do that in developing countries, where the difference between breast and formula actually is much starker...if you don't have good access clean water, formula can be really unsafe. Here in the states, the difference between formula fed and breast fed babies is super tiny, and correlates more to other things anyway rather then just the food difference.

So like the rest, do what seams more natural and less stressful for you and baby. And anyone IRL, friends, family, ect just ignore them, and change the subject. None of their business.

[mrszee]

I am a FTM still up the duff so I have no horse in this race yet but just wanted to offer support do what's best for you and your family.

[abseptember]

Breastfeeding with my first was a challenge. i switch to EP which was so much work and I grew to despise it. It really isn't going better this time and I am back to pumping to try to get my milk in while trying to feed twins and take care of a 2 yr old. I'm honestly thinking about quitting.

My opinion is to do whatever saves your sanity/makes you happy and gets your baby fed. Happy mom and happy/fed baby are most important.

[toadandbuggie]

I've not wanted to breastfeed as well and I haven't had too many issues. I'm a worry wart and so I really hate being responsible for the sole nutrition of my babe - what if I'm eating/drinking/being around something that I don't know is getting into my breast milk and potentially harming him or making him uncomfortable? That's why I also hated being pregnant. I want the freedom of my own body back.

It's also very tiring to be the only person that can feed him. But, my silver lining is it's not forever - I'm only planning on doing it for a max of 6 months.

So don't beat yourself up about it if you choose not to because plenty of women don't want to and that's a good enough reason to not do anything.